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[12 Oct 2003|11:38pm]
this is about nothing. i am just not going to write in this anymore. i need a change. ill update to tell you my new journal name. :).
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autumn is great [30 Sep 2003|03:57pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | none ]

today i wore my first sweater of the season. it was great. i got a lot of compliments today too. 8 people told me i look pretty/cute today. yay.

i missed blair. school really does suck with out her. i missed her at lunch and in math. and after school. *tear* for real.

then i went to the rock wall twice. the first time i watched jordan do it. she was awesome.

me and jordan are friends and its awesome we talk in history mostly and some in chemistry. she is so funny
and sweet. i love her.

brennan got pissed at me cause i look at some of his drawings from along time ago. they werent that bad but he was ashamed of them and didnt want me to see. now he wont hug me. im sad.

its too pretty to be inside. im gonna go for a walk to williams.

i love life. and autumn its beautiful.

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its been awhile. [27 Sep 2003|09:27am]
[ mood | awake ]
[ music | none ]

long time no....... write?

that was gay.

so yeah. alot as happened. not really but its been awhile so i would like to think it has.

yesterday was a totally awful horrible day. i felt nothing i could do was right and everything sucked. so after school when my clarient went flying and was lieing in a million pieces on the ground, i had to go and throw up. so that was a wonderful way to end a wonderful day. sitting on the bathroom floor at the school crying and puking into the toilet. b-e-a-utiful.

but last night was fun. went to the game. met the little ickle eighth graders. william brought me a jones soda to cheer me up. <3. dance around. saw mike. and then proceeded not to mess up at all in the show. hehe.

then rileys. crowded. but cool. brennan was is a very strange boy.

me and balir fell asleep watching a walk to remember.

i love you guys.

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i feel good about myself. [20 Sep 2003|10:18pm]
i mean really good.

tonight i felt pretty and cool and generally happy.

last night the football game was awesome. we had a 8 minute ESPN battle with the other band and we won. it was so much fun. then on the ride back me and william were all comfortable. it was great. i fell asleep like six times. i love that boy so much.

then today i got up and watch survivor with my mommy which was fun because i miss my mom.

i went to the film festival with william. blair riley brennan meredith and suzanne were there. it was fun. i enjoyed it very much so.


you are the best boyfriend ever. i love you.

tonight i went to the factory and saw lasting value i think was the name of them and white routine and main at last. everybody was there and it was fun. i wish william and riley could have come. yeah. jason wanted me to put make up on him so i did and it looked awesome. then suzanne wiped it off. poo on her.

yeah today was pretty awesome.

you know how everyone is always like "i love you" and everything. well is it the same thing when you say it to your boyfriend or girlfriend. i hope it doesnt. cause sometimes i say it to william and i think he thinks i mean it like that.

but then again i dont know if its too early to say that i love him like that or if i am gonna scare him. or what....

oh well overanalysizing sucks.
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candles are uplifting. [17 Sep 2003|07:20pm]
[ mood | girly ]
[ music | brand new ]

last night i went up stairs to do my homework and i decided that i need to light some candles. so i did.

all my candles are right below my name poster thing and i put in the beautiful mix that nick made for kate and the only three songs that it will play are 10, 11, and 12 which are by far the prettiest songs in the whole world.

so i sat there and had one of the long philosophical nights where you think about everything and anything that comes into your head.

i thought about my dad, my mom, my future, friends, william and me, school, etc. everything. it was the most amazing thing ever. i cried. alot. not over anything. and over everything. it was awesome.


brennan i hope your balls feel better. you too william.

i take a bath cause i feel girly. and maybe eat some chocolate.

i love all of you. so very much.

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phew, [16 Sep 2003|09:03pm]
[ mood | drained ]
[ music | beautiful mix. (this mix is beautiful just like kate) ]

i am tired.

this weekend was awesome. thank you to everyone that made it that way, especially riley, william, and blair.

i went to kate yesterday night and everybody was there working on math. i had forgotton how fun it is hanging out with suzanne. she is so funny. hehe.

tonight was band practice and i think that this years show is really cool. i think we are gonna win alot of competitions if we can get the details right.

william said was i a controlling girl friend. he said he was kidding and i believe him, but what if i am? i am gonna try so freaking hard to not be.

meredith doesnt feel good. i hope she feels better. i love you death.

i got my dress this weekend. it is sooooooooooo cute. its black adn its got tool at the bottom that makes it stick out and its got velvet cris-crosses on it that sparkle adn then its got a dark red ribbon that ties around the wast.
kate wanted it too and i felt so bad that i took it from her. but she is gonna find an even cuter one than that.

i miss william. ugh.

i am gonna go do my homework. ha. enthusiam.

sweet dreams my dears.

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im at blairs. [13 Sep 2003|01:43am]
[ mood | tired yet joyful. joyful. ]
[ music | brand new. ]

me and blair just got done playin with the b'loonies. fun stuff. but now we are dizzy and light heading and my nose is stopped up.

the game tonight was so great. i danced the whole time. phew i was tired. thats alot of making a fool out of myself and you know how tiring that is. i know blair knows. hehe. i screwed up the whole show. i was out of step the whole time. o well. i think it was okay for the first time. ya.

we all went to rileys and hung out. we watched the video of riley playin with the guns when he was little it was awesome.

some people were not in a good mood and i think they did it for attention.

william is mean and hates me.

tomorrow is chalk full of social events and i am looking forward to them all.

just like i am looking forward to my dreams tonight. i hope you are too, cause thats cool.

ill see you there.

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william, william, william. [10 Sep 2003|09:40pm]
is it sad that i already miss william from band?

i think i am sad that i cant see him.

i know i am.

i love that boy so much. its crazy.

.i hope he is as crazy about me as i am about him.
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blessed is the day. [08 Sep 2003|04:06pm]
[ mood | listless ]
[ music | the ataris ]

i dont know what that means in relation to what i am going to write in this entry.

maybe i wrote it because today was an awesome fun day. despite the fact that i got a 0 on the quiz i took in mr. hurry's class and the fact that people are still sitting at another table, it turned out to be a very pleasant way to spend 7 and a half hours. i mean there are other things i would rather be doing but it was good none the less.

i miss riley. i havent talked to him in forever it feels like. i might just call him tonight. maybe.

i finished most of my homework during school and i only have latin and chemistry to do. my mom let me drive home and to the grocery store.

i am having one of those fun fights with my brother where you just joke around and stuff but you really are saying some mean stuff. i just got done trying to kick him in the head while we were both standing up. i got him on the shoulder but i am wearing a skirt so i could go higher.

he is almost as tall as i am. its weird.

hopefully i can spend the night with blairee this friday cause then i can hang out. i miss hanging out with blair. her not being in band sure makes it hard to see her. gee whiz. good golly. holy moly that angers me. hehe.

i am really hyper and happy and great. yay.

and for a less fun note, just so everyone knows, and stops asking me, me and suzanne are not in a fight. we are just simply not talking to one another. she started it and i am keeping it going. thats all.

hehehehehehehehe. my mommy got me a twix at the grocery store thats why i am so hyper. hehehe. i ate both of them. two for me none for you.

william told me i looked pretty today. it made me smile. lots of things he does make me smile. :). ;). :>).


kidz bop is the coolest mix ever.

and i will pretend
that i am doing all i can,
and in hopes some day
that you'll find in your heart,
to understand why i'm not around
forgive me for not being in your life.

i believe in heaven on earth.

i am gonna find it.

come with me.

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i see a wedding in my future. [05 Sep 2003|11:43pm]
[ mood | tired and happy ]
[ music | while you were out in the background ]

that would be funny if william had just read the subject insead of the entry. that would of scared him good. hehe.

tomorrow i am going to my grandparents again to my aunts wedding. it should be fun. and tiring. i have to cut cake for 200 hundred people. i cant cut cake for me. its gonna be funny.

me and meredith are completely better. i am so happy about it. i love you sooooooooooooooooooo freakin much death. you rock. she even remember to bring me the straightner except it was the crimper but its the thought that counts. yay.

some people suck. yep.

william is so sweet. he let me borrow his jacket so i could smell it all weekend. his jacket smells so good. its great. i should of given him mine, except it probably doesnt smell as good.


today at lunch everyone sat at another table. it seriously hurt my feelings. i felt like they didnt even care that they werent sitting with me. i dont see why they would do that. so what samantha sits there. all of your other friends do too. it doesnt matter though, right? i mean who cares about sitting with me.

o well.

i am gonna go to sleep. yawn.
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my apologies..... and defense. [02 Sep 2003|04:16pm]
[ mood | apathetic ]
[ music | the ataris ]

you know whats crazy. i come home from a relaxing weekend at my grandparents house with out a care in the world and i get on and this is how my loyal, loving, caring, sweet, compassionate "friends" treat me. i know that everyone of you have an opinion on me and william going out, but you know what...........

its not up to you what me and him do. we can hug and hold hands and flirt and kiss and do whatever it is that we want because we are going out. thats what you do.

to meredith )

to suzanne )

i dont think that anybody realizes how much i like william. i like him alot.


. and i cant tell you how freakin much i like this boy and i wish you all could be happy for me. please try.

thank you to those you have said words to support me. i know that you dont have to. i love you for it. i thank you for staying neutral. the least people hating me the better.

anonymous people are cowards. get over it and stop saying mean things to people you dont know.

i love all of you. i have said all i can and thats all i can do. please forgive me. i cant take this much longer.

see ya later,
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tonight was lovely. [29 Aug 2003|11:37pm]
[ mood | utterlyindescribiblybeautiful ]
[ music | ben folds five. the best song ever. ]

ill say it again because that is how great i feel. tonight was lovely.

today at school was good because i ended up getting all my homework done even though when i got to school i had only done english. it was awesome and weird because william had just said something about that happening to him before.

i am so happy right now. i am not trying to rub it in anyones face because i have the feeling someone is gonna feel that way after reading this, not naming any names though.

meredith was being really mean tonight. i have an idea why but it seemed really unusual. i tried to talk to her and she just gave me mean looks and yelled at me. i know that i hurt her by going out with william but..... thats just uncalled for the way she was treating me.

how can i be completely


with so many people being mad at me? i really dont know how i am doing it.

I don't get many things right the first time.
In fact, I am told that a lot.
Now I know all the wrong turns and stumbles and falls brought me here.
And where was I before the day
that I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it every day.
And I know
that I am, I am,
I am the luckiest.

What if I'd been born fifty years before you
in a house on a street where you lived?
Maybe I'd be outside as you passed on your bike,
would I know?
And in a wide sea of eyes,
I see one pair that I recognize.
And I know
that I am, I am,
I am the luckiest

I love you more than I have
ever found a way to say to you.

Next door there's an old man who lived to his nineties
and one day passed away in his sleep.
And his wife, she stayed for a couple of days
and passed away.
I'm sorry, I know that's a
strange way to tell you that I know we belong,
that I know that I am, I am
I am the luckiest.

i love you so much.

i wish all your dreams be sweet and all of your night to be peaceful.

close your eyes.


i hope your are asleep before your head hits the pillow.

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everything is.... [28 Aug 2003|07:03pm]
[ mood | indifferent ]
[ music | i am color blind, coffee black and egg white. ]

good but bad. nice but displaced. im happy but distressed.

so me and william are going out now. i am so happy. so happy. i think it might be better this time. hopefully.

the drawback. the fly in my chardinay. i have hurt two of my favorite people in the world. i am so sorry. i dont want you to be hurting. i dont want you to be unhappy. it makes me want to cry. i need you guys to forgive me.

everybody got on bus 3. yay. the clarinets got there t-shirts today. they are super smooth. i love it. i have to go get my secret pal gift.

it really hard to breath right now. i need to call suzanne. she wont talk to me. i cant help that i am happy, right? she should be happy for me, right?

i am so selfish.

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there are no words. [25 Aug 2003|10:02pm]
[ mood | every feeling i can think of ]
[ music | switchfoot ]

i bet you never thought you would see that as a subject to a journal entry. its crazy.

so yeah......

tonight was really crazy and interesting and sad and happy and exhausting and fun and.....

tonight was everything.

i just finished my name poster. i must say its the best thing i have ever made, including the double chocolate cheese cake i made in the eighth grade that was literally indescribible.

the poster makes me want to cry. me and blair have deciding we arent leaving and going to college. ever. it will be too hard.

my head is buzzing with so many thoughts. i am definitly not going to sleep tonight..... but in a good way.

i love everyone. and everything. and everyplace. basically all the nouns. but i hate to not include adjectives and adverbs. and verbs and pronouns and....

well you get it.

sweet dreams world. i know mine are.

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sharpies smell good. [24 Aug 2003|01:59pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]
[ music | none right now. ]

last night rock my face off. it was


i feel so much better about that last the entry. i have decided that i am fine with being me. if someone doesnt like me then i dont think i like them either. i know i am not perfect but i think that i am a cool person with some good traits. i am not going to beat myself up over it anymore. i have friends that love me and thats all i need. if you have a problem with me then you can kiss my ass.

i got new pants. yay.

i love all my friends. you guys are the best.

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why? [22 Aug 2003|11:01pm]
why does this always happen to me?

why cant i be like her? why cant she be less of an awesome person?

tell me that. please.

then maybe it would make it easier.
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i wont worry my life away. [19 Aug 2003|06:51am]
[ mood | crushed ]
[ music | remedy-jason mraz ]

so yeah last night was bad.

i got home from a beautiful day at school, with all the flattery and sweet words. then william called me at like 3:45. it was like right when i got home. it was funny. so we talked for a while and for some reason i got extremely depressed. for no reason at all. none. 0 reasons.

so then we talked for like an hour and my dad got home. he started calling my brother a worthless bastard and telling me and wade that all we do is hurt my mom. so yeah that sucked but what else is new.

then kate called and we went on a walk. we stopped and got caroline and then william. suzy-q was gonna come but she had to eat. so we went to edgewood and william was goofing off. it was great.

then i went home and called suzanne and she said she would call me back. but she didnt. then jason called. yay. we talked for maybe a half hour cause my brother had to get on the internet to do home work. yeah. jasons so cool.

i feel bad. i cried for two hours last night before i could go to sleep. i have no


idea why. none what so ever. i need to talk to people. blair or kate or merdith or suzanne. some of my girl buddies.

i love people. i hate william.
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[17 Aug 2003|09:46pm]
i saw this sign on the road the other night for a church and it said

stop, drop, and roll doesnt work in hell.

isnt that awful. i couldnt believe a church would say something like that. ugh it made me sick
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holy bejesus [17 Aug 2003|09:30pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | mxpx ]

i have been saying that a lot lately. its weird.

i wish i could have gone to rileys tonight. or furnace fest. either would have been fine.

me and william talked a lot today. we had some good converstions. i think he is one of my best friends now. he is really easy to talk to and i feel like i can tell him anything.

my dad sent me money today so i should get it soon and then i get to go shopping. yay.

this friday night the band has to play at that jamboree thing and i really dont want to go. its gonna suck ass. big rats ass.

i am gonna to bed now cause i am tired.

i love you guys. even william who thinks i am ugly and fat.

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ouch [16 Aug 2003|10:09pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]
[ music | none. ]

my stomach is killing me really bad. its cramps. it hurts so bad chocolate wont even help. but you can bring me some if you want.

so last night was fun. caroline couldnt come over but it was still okay. i hung out with rachel mcguire alot and she is a really awesome person. i think i am gonna hang out with her more. then i cried while i was eating sushi cause my mom wasnt going to let me go with bryant to furnace fest.

then at the last minute while bryant was walking out the door, my dad was like well if you want to go then go. i was like


when i got there i was jumping up and down and screaming and stuff cause i was so happy. i got to see hopesfall but not further seems forever cause i had to leave at 11. we got home late so me and bryants curfew got dock 30 minutes.

bryant argued with it so he couldnt go tonight.... meaning i couldnt go. it sucks ass. big rats ass.

so i had to go to this party thing for my uncle dale. i didnt know anybody there cause he is my stepuncle on the other side. there was this guy named shawn there that was cool. he had just turned 17 and we talked alot. he was really cute.

i talked to william on the phone today and it wasnt a bad conversation. he is such a cool guy. except he thinks i am ugly and he kicked me in the face.

i think i am gonna get to go some to furnace fest tomorrow. i cant wait till this weekend is over so then i dont have to be sad that everybody is at sloss and im not.

i gonna go put on some confortable pants and lay on my bed.
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