The Peppermint Girl's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar] The Peppermint Girl [ website | Coming Up For Air ] [ userinfo | blurty userinfo ] [ calendar | blurty calendar ]

GLOBAL_HEAD<= *sigh* [05 Jun 2003|09:04pm] [ mood | gloomy ] [ music | Tabitha's Decret - "Forever December" ] Carl confuses me so much. One day, I'll think he likes me, and the next I think he wants nothing to do with me. It drives me nuts. Absolutely nuts. I know I shouldn't have feelings for him. I don't think I do too much, he's just a sandbag. I mean, it won't hurt as much when Dan leaves if I'm hooking up with him. But.. I dunno. I'm scared. I know this is going to end up biting me in the ass. It's so weird. 2 weeks ago I wanted Dan to call, and Carl calls. Now I want Carl to call and Dan calls. ugh! Bloody hell! Speaking of confusing things, something happened with Dan's GPA and he may not go to New Paltz. I want him to be happy, and I know CSI is not making him happy. GRR! I'm so utterly confused. I seriously don't even feel like writing. What the hell's the point? All I want is some normalcy in my life. Something that's not messed up. ::looks at stomach:: Please God, don't let me be pregnant. ((1 Pill))|((Trip Like I Do))

GLOBAL_HEAD<= I bet you couldn't care less what I think about the situation.... [28 May 2003|05:15pm] [ mood | horny ] [ music | John Mayer - "Love Soon" ] I want to read Catcher In The Rye. That book makes me want to have sex. Then again, a lot of things make me want to have sex. Like Barry White, John Mayer, hot sauce, thunder & lightening, sexy voices, candles...and the list could go on. It's such a wet day out. I like being wet. Ok...as you can see my mind is on sex right now. Once in awhile I get like this. Maybe I need some. hahaha Ugh.. ok no more sex talk. Yes, more sex talk. I think I've said the word "sex" more times in this entry than all of them combined. ;) sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex. Ahh the miracle of masturbation. Maybe later...O lord. I'm sick...Im crazy ...hehe So what, guys can admit to it, why can't I? Does that make me a bad person? "O" well.. hey boys look at this....lololol Heavens above -- you are an absolute goddess in bed! Your feminine charms and deep sensuality drive men crazy with desire. Hestia, the goddess of family and peace, is your inner deity and she guides your every move. took a quiz for fun ok enough sex talk...im out ((4 Pills))|((Trip Like I Do))

GLOBAL_HEAD<= haha [27 May 2003|10:49pm] I am the Star Daily life is harsh, and most of us constantly seek escape from it in fantasies and dreams. Stars feed on this weakness; standing out from others through a distincitve and appealing type, they make us want to watch them. At the same time, they are vague and ethereal, keeping their distance, and letting us imagine more than is there. Their dreamlike quality works on our unconscious. Learn to become an object of fascination by projecting the glittering but elusive presence of the star. Symbol: The Idol. A piece of stone carved into the shape of a god, perhaps glittering with gold and jewels. The eyes of the worshippers fill the stone with life, imagining it to have real powers. Its shape allows them to see what they want to see - a god - but it actually just a piece of stone. The god lives in their imaginations. What Type of Seducer are You? created by polite_society ((Trip Like I Do))

GLOBAL_HEAD<= Lack of Sleep = Sucks [25 May 2003|03:28pm] [ mood | groggy ] [ music | Tom Waits - "Midnight Lullabye" ] Yesterday will now be historically known as the "Mindy-Jessie Walking Day". We took the train to Eltingville and got some Burger King (but no burgers for me!). Then we walked to the Grind and got some tea. Yea so that kinda sucked and we took the train to Clifton where we tried to walk to the Muddy Cup, but ended up getting lost. That was pretty funny. So we made it back to Dock's without getting shot! Woohoo! The show was fun. Adam & Carl rocked ::wink:: They were both very pretty. I almost had an orgasm in the audience..lol. Some other bands played but I wasn't really paying attention. I was confused and thinking and kinda lost in my own world for awhile. I guess it's kinda stupid to be confused just yet. Buy "O" well, I'm stupid. I don't think the whole Dan thing was that awkward, thank god. I guess it could have been a lot worse, but I played cool...lol. Hmm..tonight I'll probably end up at the grind. Like always. I'm such a boring person. Now I'm sitting online staring at my buddy list. ::slaps hand:: stop it! lol So Dan drove Mindy & I home and it was nice. Now today I'm basically doing nothing until tonight. Tomorrow is a nothing day. Probably work on my englsih project. Tuesday I'm gunna hang out with Dan. That should be interesting. And the rest of the week I'll play by ear, if anyone wants to hang out, gimmie a call. So that's about it. No novel today. Maybe next time. PeAcE ((1 Pill))|((Trip Like I Do))

GLOBAL_HEAD<= ::cries:: [21 May 2003|05:58pm] [ mood | touched ] [ music | Buddy Holly - Everyday ] I just finished watching Love Story. C'mon, you know the whole "Love means never having to say you're sorry"..hehe Mindy and I cried like little emo babies at the end. She said it reminded her of an older me & Dan. Owno..that's something I don't wanna think about. I talked to Justine about it today and what she said really made sense that the way things are is best because I would have just been hurt. She also says I need to hook up. That is very true. Seeing him on Saturday is going to be weird though. I won't know what to do. Whatever, I'm gunna have a good time! I'm kinda feelin this song right now..so bear with me. picked you out Of a crowd to talk to you Said I liked your shoes You said thanks can I follow you? So it's up the stairs And out of view No prying eyes I poured some wine I asked your name you asked the time Well it's two o'clock Yeah the club is closed we're up the block Your hands on me Pressing hard against your jeans Your tongue in my mouth Trying to keep the words from coming out You didn't care to know Who else may have been here before I want a lover I don't have to love I want a girl who's to sad to give a fuck Where's the kid with the chemicals? I thought he said he'd meet us here but I'm not sure I got the money if you got the time He said it feels good I said I'll give it a try Then my mind went dark We both forgot where your car was parked Let's just take the train I'll meet up with the band in the morning Bad actors with bad habits Some sad singers They just play tragic Now the phone's ringing And the band's leaving Let's just keep touching Let's just keep keep singing I want a lover I don't have to love I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk Where's the kid with the chemicals I got a hunger and I can't seem to get full I need some meaning I can memorize The kind I have always seems to slip my mind But you but you You write such pretty words But life's no story book Love is an excuse to get hurt And to hurt Do you like to hurt? 'Cause I do I do I do, then hurt me Kinda wanna be in that situation one day, don't know why. God that movie...made me think ((3 Pills))|((Trip Like I Do))

GLOBAL_HEAD<= ..true [18 May 2003|04:14pm] Hiding. You deal with your depression by wearing a mask. No one ever knows your depressed, so no one can ever pity you. On the outside you're calm and collected. Inside, your blood boils... But that's ok, as long as everyone thinks you're normal. How do you deal with your depression? brought to you by Quizilla ((Trip Like I Do))

GLOBAL_HEAD<= A miracle... [16 May 2003|09:50pm] [ mood | jealous ] [ music | Howard Finster ] My fortune was that today I would have a miracle. I spent the whole day looking for it in other people..when I realized. It was in myself. After school Dan came over. He called and said he would be late which was weird for him. He smiled and came in and we messed around a lot. We went to the mall and then ate and ....messed around a lot. Then we went to he show. Laura didn't say a word to me. Then she said something about her going on the camping trip with Dan. I had my back turned and started to cry. He didn't even invite me. That was like shoving knives into my heart. So I actually talked to him about it. I think he realized I was upset Ugh...............I hate seing them together. I wanna puke. But, everything was ok, because I have to take control of my life. I kissed him goodbye and now must wait until next friday to see him........sucks ((Trip Like I Do))

GLOBAL_HEAD<= Tale as old as time... [14 May 2003|03:08pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | Nine Inch Nails - "Something I can Never Have" ] Beast and Belle, clasic and stunning, you are the most romantic. You are always willing to work things out and you have a strong relationship. You love a night of dinner and dancing as long as you have somone you love with you. A beatiful couple and a tale as old as time. What Disney Romance are you? brought to you by Quizilla Last night Dan & I were walking down the street holding hands and we came upon the topic of him going away to college. I wanted to get on my knees right there and beg for him to stay. Or at least stay with me while he is gone. But, no. We are going to break up. In 2 months. I spent that night crying on my bed listening to Bright Eyes. Plus, Laura is mad at me. Why? Why does everything get ruined. I'm sorry I'm crazy sometimes. I'm sorry.... God, I don't know what else to say. I feel so inadequite. So unloved. People tell me that if he really did love me, he'd want to try. I know I want to, but it can't be a one-sided thing. *sigh* I just want to be with him. Whatever, I can't think about it now. On a happy note, tonight is the last episode of Dawson's creek. Im excited. I'm gunna cry, I know it. I cried during last week's. Ok, I'm peacin. Bye ((2 Pills))|((Trip Like I Do))

GLOBAL_HEAD<= Today was a....day? Happy mother's day! [11 May 2003|07:30pm] [ mood | nostalgic ] [ music | Bright Eyes - "Lover I don't have to love" ] Yes, so today was a shitty day outside. But, apparently a nice one inside. Mom caught me smoking. It was going to happen sooner or later. She wasn't even mad. That's good, I guess. This whole day has been "blah", did some spanish homework, read a little, cleaned my room a little, watched some TV, some online time. I should do some math homework. But, that can always be done later. From what I can recall, it was raining last mother's day too. Weird, eh? Today I was just sitting on bench overlooking some disguting lake, as probably-rabid squirrels ran bye..and for some reason, it was beautiful. I was thinking a lot about my past, and this past year and everything that could have gone wrong did, but I am happy. Like, I have grown up so much. I'm less outgoing and a lot smarter than I was. Maybe some of the things I do aren't smart (like smoking) but mentally I feel so much healthier and happier. Hah...I could say so much more, but I don't think I feel like it. Or maybe I do. I feel like writing a whole novel about myself and my life and my experiences and my happenings. I feel like building a bridge to the past and walking over checking things out and then burning it. Sometimes I don't know when I was happier. With Mike or Dan. The more I think about it, the more I know it's Dan. He is my whole life. My heart and soul and everything in between. We're like peanut butter and jelly (without the crust). I love seeing him pull up in his car, or answer the door, or I love seeing him standing outside of my door like a little puppy in the rain before i let him in. Ya know what I really wanna do? I want to write a book about all the shit I've been through. I want to subtley pass advice on to other girls so they can handle things right. Then again, what determines right? Ughh..my brain is hurting now. No more, no more! I'm listening to Liz Phair now. She reminds me about how I used to be. Especially the song Fuck & Run. Especially reminds me of Ben. Don't know why. He sounds like the guy Liz is talking about in the song. oo speaking of her, my mom said she heard a song by Liz on the radio today. Now I must listen all the time. Hehehe Ok, this looks like it's getting long. Maybe that's a good thing?? Who knows? Who cares? ok, Im outty. Peace...........No I lied. There is so much more I wanna talk about. Laura and her boyfriend have finally hit the "love stage" of their relationship. She asked me if he "I Love yous" get boring afterwhile. Honestly I think they get better everytime. I feel like I love him more everytime I say it or he says it. Blah, I can't wait until Tuesday. It seems like such a long time from now. I guess I really am losing it. ::slaps self:: hehe wanna be "covered in rain" as John Mayer would say..lol. Well, I also want to shout out to Mindy 'cuz her & Matt seem to be floating on cloud 9 right now. That's great. I knew she was freaking out for no reason. Ok, now I really gotta go. Lots of work to do. Blah. ((Trip Like I Do))

GLOBAL_HEAD<= What a day... [10 May 2003|11:26pm] [ mood | sleepy ] [ music | George Carlin on TV ] So, today was relatively crazy. I woke up, still searching for my ciggarettes. I swear, I thought my Dad found them and took them from me. So I was kind of weird around him. He did take me to the mall and I got a bunch of clothes in Mandee & American Eagle. I also got my mom a mother's day present. Its a bracelet with the word "mom" engraved on it. Then I did all that crap like go to the store, and take a shower. Dan came at like 4:30 with some kid Matt that he had to drive home. We dropped him off and then went to the show at Van Duzer. We got there in time for Howard Finster. I saw PRA and he seemed mad at me because of Dan. "O" well. We watched the show and Dan had his arm around me, and the whole world was in place. Afterwards this band Scarlet Letter played. They spent most of the time lecturing us. It was pretty dumb but the music was good. We saw Hillary there. Jesus, I just wanted to take a bat to her head. There's something about seeing the girl your boyfriend left you once for that makes you wanna vomit. She looks pretty gross now, and Dan didn't hug her. That was very considerate of him. We left the show early and went to some diner to eat. The salad was drenched in dressing, but was ok. When we were walking out he even got me this 25 cent ring in those little machines. *aww*. He drove me home and said he had to go home and didn't wanna stay. But, he kissed me and said he loved me and made me feel all better. I got into a fight with the 'rents when I got home because I wanted to go to the grind tonight, but they wanted me to babysit billy. I did, of course. But I got stewie to get me stogez and Mindy came over. We went into my room and I made one list ditch effort to find that pack of newports. Surely enough, they were in my drawer! I figured my Dad put them there, so I called him to apologize for yelling at him, but he didn't pick up. We watched Kids with my brother and his friend Adam. I found out A LOT about my little 13 yr old brother that I did not want to know. At least I now he won't tell on me now, because turns out that HE foud my ciggarettes!!!!!!!!!!! He hid them from me. What a nice guy. So we watched the movie, I walked the dog, and talked to Mindy. All together, it was a pretty crazy day. And I can't wait until Tuesday so I can see Dan. Sheesh, I love him soo0o0o0o much. I kinda got over all those little temptations that were thrown at me along the way. I have all the love I need. And I know he feels the same about me. I still feel kinda weird about all the stuff I found out about my brother, but "O" well. Now I think I know why Daddy wanted me to stay with him. Wow, now some thing is on TV about being a pimp. Jesus, there is nothing but CRAP on TV. Itey, time to go beddy-bye. G'night. ((1 Pill))|((Trip Like I Do))

GLOBAL_HEAD<= He's The Brightest thing I got... [09 May 2003|10:46pm] [ mood | loved ] [ music | John Mayer - "Covered In Rain" ] Today was...amazing. Though I can't really say the whole day was. I got to school around 7:30 and Justine and I got all psyched up for the AP American test. God, it was sooooooo long. About 4 hours I sat in that room with only a 10 minute break. The multiple choice was OK. A lot of stuff on the 20th century, which we covered in about 10 minutes the day before the test. The DBQ essay was ok. But, the 2 thematic essays killed me. Everyone started getting really ansy during it. Like me & Phil doing the YMCA or Justin throwing Justine's pen out the window. Much fun I say, much fun. So afterwards we left and didn't have to go to any classes. I took the bus to Dan's house around 1. We hung out with his sister for awhile, then went down into his basement and...well...you know. Ugh, I just love laying with him and our clothes scattered everywhere and him just kissing me and holding me. He told me is dad told him tha I could sleep over if I wanted too..haha how funny is that? Well, after that we went to see "X-2". Ahhh...It was sooooooo good. I loved it! I almost cried during one part because it was just so sad. Well, after Dan & I both went to the bathroom and when I came out I waited for him, and waited. So turns out he went outside to look for me. Weirdo. Then he drove me home and we talked and made out during red lights. He is the brightest thing I got!!! I also finally got to take home my birthday present!! woo! Tomorrow we're going to a show at Van Duzer. Should be fun. When we got to my house he just gabbed me and gave me the most passionate kiss. I am in LOVE! hahha hahha Gotta go kiddies. Sorry my entries haven't been that long in awhile, but I am pretty busy. BUSY BUSY BUSY ((Trip Like I Do))

GLOBAL_HEAD<= By default, I am amazing. [08 May 2003|06:28pm] [ mood | worried ] [ music | Bright Eyes - "Jestabel Removes The Undesirables" ] My thoughts were true. I am feeling very "Claire-esque" today. All bubbly and pixie-like. But, I am soooooooo worried about this AP American test tomorrow. I just wanna get a "3" then I can get some college credit for it. Today was also super-duper 'cuz I got out of Latin to do the whole science fair thing. Sparge judged our project. The first thing he really said about our project was "A FROG! Can I eat it??!" That was um, interesting. I visted Laura to give her her birthday present. I figured it was the last time I was really going to talk to her. I have to cut those strings now. Some things just should be ended after awhile. I don't see this friendship going anwhere. I am also having a much more fun time hanging out with Mindy. She is an amazing friend. I'm so glad we started hanging out again. Blah... I'm so tired. I wanna get to bed early tonight. Wake up...and take that damn test. I'm so scared. I'll probably go through a pack of cigarettes before it. Afterwwards I'm going to Dan's. YAY! He makes me so happy. Big dilemma though. What do I get him for our 1 year anniversary?? I'm thinking maybe a watch. That seems kinda mundane though. I want to "wow" him and make him want to marry me..lol He'd be the perfect husband. We make such a great team, I can't even put it into words. Ugh I dont feel good....peace out girl scouts. ((1 Pill))|((Trip Like I Do))

GLOBAL_HEAD<= I feel the sun on my back, I smell the earth in my skin.. [07 May 2003|04:57pm] [ mood | optimistic ] [ music | Liz Phair - "What Makes you Happy" ] What an amazingly beautiful day it was today. I feel like dancing on sunshine. Ok, min, I re-read "Violet & Claire" and realized..you are Violet and I am Claire..hehe. Anyway, I came home from school and smoked and talked to people online and just relaxed for awhile. I'm happy. I got some grades ** = Projected Sociology - 98 Math - 80 Spanish - 96 AP American - 85-89** Physics - 70-85** English - 85-95** Latin - 85** That means I went up from last marking period. Thank God. I don't really have anything more to say, than I'm enjoying the day and I have to read Brave New World soon for sociology. I think I have a quiz tomorrow. And, oh yea, the AP test is soooo not gunna be fun. All I need is 3 to get college credit. I don't even think I can pull that off. Blah...Im gunna go. Peace out scouts. ((1 Pill))|((Trip Like I Do))

GLOBAL_HEAD<= hehehhe [07 May 2003|02:41pm] Your Ultimate Purity Score Is... Category Your Score Average Self-Lovin' 63.3% Explored the pleasures of the flesh 60.4% Shamelessness 69% It takes a couple of drinks 76% Sex Drive 52.6% A fool for love, but not always 74% Straightness 16.1% Knows the other body type like a map 38.8% Gayness 82.1% Repressed, are we? 78.1% Fucking Sick 87.6% Refreshingly normal 87.3% You are 62.15% pure Average Score: 68.5% Take The Ultimate Purity Test and see how you match up! ((Trip Like I Do))

GLOBAL_HEAD<= I think, It was better when I didn't know... [06 May 2003|08:24pm] [ mood | confused ] [ music | Bright Eyes - "You will..you will? You? Will?" ] I had an amazing day today. I mean, my parents went away for a couple of days, It was considerably warm out, poetry club, and Dan. Yet something is tugging at my heart strings. Um, so Laura found out I smoke. I guess I don't care too much, and am sorta happy the cat's outta the bag. She is kinda the last one to know. But...::shrug:: Ok, so after poetry club, Dan came to pick me up. He was about 15 minutes late, but that didn't bother me. He bought me 2 cupcakes that his sister baked because it was his Dad's birthday. They were yummy (hehe). Well, he drove me home and we went to lay down on my couch and watch anime. Ah, I love just curling up in his arms and feeling the love run through our blood. It was the most amazing feeling in the world. He told me about the camping trip he's going on soon, and I thought that was cool. His birthday present finally came in the mail (the 1978 version of "simon") and we took a walk to the store to get batteries for it. I love walking down the sreet with my hand in his. Its so...beautiful. So we hung out around my house a little more and actually didn't mess around for once. It was a nice change. Then we started talking about sex and stuff and listing the people we slept with. He had 3, I had 4. (Counting each other) What's weird is that he lied to me about sleeping with this girl Liz who was his first love. That kinda hurt and made me even more weird than I normally am when he talks about her. So I decided to bring up Mike (who was my first love). Anyway, I was ok and after a little he had to leave. I kissed him goodbye and whispered "I Love you" into his ear and now can't wait until Friday when I go over. Afterwards I went and smoked in the park and just thought a lot about my past and how there are some parts I wish I could erase, and others that were there to teach me a lesson. I don't want Dan to just be another lesson I learn, geez, I can picture spending the rest of my life with this kid. Anywhoot...did I ramble enough? Or would you like me to continue? Haha..well I feel like I'm doing shitty in school. I wanna do well and get Into Sarah Lawrence. But, that may never ever happen. *SIGH* "O" well, Im gunna go. Peace out. ((Trip Like I Do))

GLOBAL_HEAD<= hehe [04 May 2003|11:27am] You're D.J.! MAN! You are so cool. Sometimes you suffer from bouts of self doubt, but, you're a lot cooler than your friend, Kimmy. Which "Full House" Character Are You? brought to you by Quizilla ((1 Pill))|((Trip Like I Do))

GLOBAL_HEAD<= I hear wedding bells... [04 May 2003|10:25am] [ mood | excited ] [ music | Moulon Rouge - "Elephant Love Medely" ] So, it's Sunday. Woo? My cousin is getting married today. I want to go. I just wish Dan would have come. Yesterday he said something about going to his sister's boyfriend's sister's wedding. That drilled a hole right through my heart because he wouldn't even come to my cousin's. "O" well. He told me if he knew he only had to go to the reception, he would have come. Whaddya gunna do, eh? So, yeterday morning I took the SATs. The verbal part was so difficult for me, and that was suprising since I am amazing at that part. And, another suprise, the math was pretty easy. Which is weird 'cuz I usually suck at math. I'm hoping to get an 1100 at least. Afterwards I went to Justine's and we finished our sience project. It's coming out ok, for a 4th grader...lol Dan came over at like 4:30. We messed around a lot and kissed, and kissed, and kissed. Then I took him out to Applebee's. I seiously can't imagine being with anybody else in the world. I am happy. Thats never going to change. There's no one that will ever be better than Dan. I love, how when he says good by to me, he picks me up and swings me around, kisses me, and looks me in the eyes and tells me that he loves me. I don't think there is a better experience than that. So, after dinner, we got free ice cream from carvel (thx Justine..hehe) and then drove back to my house. There we proceeded to mess around a lot and just talk about different things. For 11 months, we have a plan to go to six flags. Woo-Hoo! Ahh, I love talking to him. After he left I called up Mindy amd asked her to hang out. After walking around for a couple of minutes we decided there was nothing to do but go to the Grind. On the train, this mexican dude was hitting on me. It was um...interesting. 3 seconds later Adam called. I told him I was on the train then my phone died. So we got to the Grind and Matt was there for Mindy and the beautiful boy who plays cool songs was there (he really is beautiful) and some other people. Both Adams ended up coming. Although I didn't get as much talking time to Emo Adam, that's ok though, I guess. It was an OK night. I wish Matt would start being more of a boyfriend to Mindy. She deserves it so much. OK, I'll probably update later. ((1 Pill))|((Trip Like I Do))

GLOBAL_HEAD<= I have to peeeeeeee [30 Apr 2003|05:48pm] [ mood | full ] [ music | Maroon 5 - "Harde To Breathe" ] Yea. LOL I have to pee. I'll go upstairs in a couple of minutes though. Today was a mildly amusing day. This morning after Sociology I got my "ultra-cool" class ring. Owno, my mom wanted me to get one. I'm not a big school-spirit person, but whaddya gunna do? Plus, there was free bagels & sunny delight..hehe. Anyway, the rest of the day was pretty boring. Lots of work in school. I'm really trying. I want to do well and eventually get into a good college. A SUNY will be fine, but Sarah Lawrence is what I want soo0o0o0 much. Ahh, ok....I'm much better now. Just ran upstairs..hehe. Thats gross, ok. Blah, I have cramps. They make me do this .. :( Yea. So.."O" yea, back to my day..I came home from school and walked the dog and went online and all that boring stuff. Then mom yelled at me for wanting to buy my computer now. She took like $2500 from me and I want it back. Its always "Wait a couple more months"..grr. This has been going on for about a year. So, she's all pissed off at my brother, and he is so horrible to her. Not only to her, but to my dad and myself also. I just wish he would grow up, but I know his teen years are going to be hell for my family. They let him walk all over them. He gets to do so many more things that even I don't get to do. Then when I complain they tell me to shut up or whatever. Only 427 more days until I graduate. I keep telling myself that. It's almost over. Ya know what I hate? Certain people who think they are all great on indie sites. argh...those people can be so self-centered sometimes. They make me wanna throw bricks. ::smites:: Dan should be calling in like 4 hours. heh..that is if he remembers. Sometimes he forgets things. Anyway, so he informed me that I could never pay him enough money to come to the prom with me, or after prom, or before prom. What a great boyfriend, eh? Now the search is on for potential dates. I'm pretty sure there are a few guys in shcool that would wanna go with me, but I don't like too many people in my school, which is why I may not even go. It seems like a big waste of money to me. I don't want to spend like $200 on a ticket, $200 on a dress, limos, hair, makeup..to sit in a room with people I don't like, music I don't like..and I don't dance. So what's the point? People say I HAVE to go because it's something I'll remember forever. But I really don't care too much. Blah Blah Blah, Im trying to think of what else to write. Eh, looking for potential jobs over the summer. That, along with drivers ED & Dan, should keep me busy this summer. Anyway, did you ever have the feeling of just wanting to be in someone's arms...like just anybody, as long as their arms are around you? I get that feeling sometimes. It's really weird. Maybe that's my problem. Is what I do even a problem? Or is it just human nature? Owno...guess I'll ponder these things over a cigarrette later. ((1 Pill))|((Trip Like I Do))

GLOBAL_HEAD<= *giggles* [28 Apr 2003|10:27pm] [ mood | loved ] [ music | Moulon Rouge - "Elephant Love Medley" ] This is my open apology. To everyone. For the people who I hurt directly and indirectly. For the lying, and the cheating and the leading on. I'm sorry.... Well, let's start off by saying that Dan called while I was in the shower to wish me a happy anniversary. Just talking to him made me smile a million smiles. As I talked I saw images of us sitting in his car, and talking. I remember a couple of months ago when we broke up and we were driving to the mall. He grabbed my hand and I felt my heart race like it was the first time. After 10 months, every kiss still feels like the first one. I guess I missed the feel of something brand new. Something different and exciting. I met someone who held all that for me, and I was drawn to it. ::shrug:: It's very confusing. Tomorrow he's going to pick me up from poetry club. And either come over on Friday, or I'll go over there. Wow, 10 months. I can't believe it. I remember exactly 1 year ago today we started hooking up, and we went to see "Panic Room" and made out through the whole thing. hah..good times, good times. But...a year ago yesterday the whole thing with Mike started. Thats a story on its own that I dont think this journal has room for. I miss him..I do. I can't lie. I wish he would come home. But, he's off being a brave guy. I'm so proud. Anyway, sleep now. ((3 Pills))|((Trip Like I Do))

GLOBAL_HEAD<= Happy Anniversary? [28 Apr 2003|05:41pm] [ mood | good ] [ music | Vannesa Carlton - "Ordinary Day" ] Wow..today is 10 months with Dan. Isn't that awesome? I wonder if he'll give me a call today. I highly doubt it. I swear, Id love to write a lot , but homework calls. And so does a letter to Mike. Peace out cub scouts! ((1 Pill))|((Trip Like I Do))

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ] [ go | earlier ]