The Silent Assassin

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You are viewing the most recent 25 entries.

31st July 2003

2:48pm: So, I'm still a pathetic loser..
but whats new. I'm so sorry to Trisha and Heather, I ruined part of there lives and mine, and I think I'm just going to kill myself now. not that anyone cares. They ruined my melo too, I wish I had 1/100 of one of thier brains, they are just so smart and everything. I wish I could be them, but I'm stuck here, being a pathetic loser.
Current Mood: loserish.
Current Music: the music of a pathetic loser.. Kotton mouth kings of course

4th June 2003

7:57pm: Fuck You All
Melo is down, again. And I have to resort to Blurty, again. I am mad. I don't have anything to say, but, I needed to type something... It should be my report. Fuck.
-Derek
Current Mood: cranky
Current Music: D-12 feat. 50 Cent "Rap Game"

19th May 2003

5:50pm: I'm Back... Go Ahead, Rub It In
Well, Melodramatic.com is down right now. God damn it. So since I need to write/type I will use trusty #2. I know a bunch of you just want to rub it in my face like crazy about how Blurty never crashes and shit. I definitely understand if you want to, so just leave a gspot I mean a comment saying a bunch of mean, and nasty things. Haha, I totally expect it. Have fun.
Anyway, yesterday I went to a Manntis show. Kick-ass right? No! They didn't get to play. I waited through 5 shitty bands to see Manntis and they didn't get to play. They got to play two songs: "Tragedy" and "Broken Thoughts" and in the middle of "Challenge To You" they fucking blew a circuit!!! I couldn't believe it. It was the shittiest sound system I have ever seen. They got it fixed though. So they started "Challenge To You" over again... Then they blew it again!!! Right after the power went off the lead singer, Marco (My hero) said, "Fuck this shit", dropped his mic and walked off stage; along with the rest of the band. Haha, except Clint [Bassist (My other hero)] He said to the electronics guy, "God fucking damn it... Fix your shitty-ass equipment so we can fucking jam!!! Piece of shit!!" At the top of his lungs. I had never laughed so hard in my life. It was an okay compensation for not getting to see the best band in the world.
I have trouble with girls. A lot of trouble. My (love) for Alison has grown larger... and, worse for that matter. Worse because she doesn't have any interest in me. I found myself just looking at her, imagining how fucking fantastic it would be if we were together. Three girls.. Scratch that: Three fucking beautiful, amazing, smart girls in the past 4 months I have met... That I, now, have absolutely no chance with. It fucking kills me. Everytime I see any of them, I just melt. It really hurts that I can't have any of the three. I am just not sexy enough. :(
Don't forget to leave comment talking shit. Thanks.

-Derek

17th May 2003

1:17am: Motha fucka!
Motherfuck Blurty! Everyone who reads this, go to Melodramatic.com!!!
Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: Manntis "Tragedy"

21st April 2003

10:13pm: So Long, Blurty
Well, I have realized that Melodramatic is way cooler than Blurty. Thus, this will be my final entry at Blurty. If you want to check out my Melo..
http://www.Melodramatic.com/users/godsmacked
Goodbye Blurty. Mrs. Jones, read my melo now, thank you.
Current Mood: sad
Current Music: KMK "Crucial"

20th April 2003

1:51pm: 4:20
What's up smokers? I hope you all are having a fucking awesome time right now...Just don't smoke weed for too long like I did. Well, I was doing the "Easter" thing today..Not the "Pothead" thing. I had to stay home all day, with my grandma and grandpa. They are cool, but think about it, the whole day with your grandparents. Trisha had to do the same thing, except she had to go to her grandparent's house. I wanted to go with her, but I couldn't. Damn. I love music. Anyone who doesn't love music is a piece of shit. Music is the best thing in this world...Especially my music. Haha. If you don't like at least two of these next ten bands, you are not my friend, and I'm going to kill you.
Blink 182
The Used
Kottonmouth Kings
The Ataris
Manntis
Incubus
Korn
Godsmack
Metallica
Hatebreed

Seriously, you must like two. Especially the Kottonmouth Kings and Manntis...You must love them. So, I am probably going to go to Josh's house right now...But, my dirtbike has a flat tire, and there is something wrong with my friends Go-Ped...It sucks so bad. I'm very upset. I want to go back to school...We don't have school tomorrow, do we? Damn, I better do something cool tomorrow. Dude! I am so going to Trisha's house! Sweet!
-Derek
Current Mood: apathetic
Current Music: Finch "What It Is To Burn"

19th April 2003

12:26pm: Quitting For Good
Hello. So, I quit smoking yesterday. I'm so glad that I did. You know, because of the whole "Trisha and Heather hate me for it" thing...But the main reason I am qutting is because I smoked some weed yesterday that was laced with PCP. I got unbelievably stoned! I couldn't even sit up straight. It was very scary, I thought I was going to die...Either from the drugs, or because I had to ride a fucking Go-Ped!! Hahaha. Whoa, it was freaky. Yep, I'm done. I have been smoking for way too long anyway. (3 years)
For the record Trisha...I hadn't smoked for a year when I swore to you that I didn't smoke...So I didn't lie.
Yesterday, at school, was gay. Nothing cool happened. But, after school I smoked that PCP weed, that was a fucking rush...It reminded me of the time I did shrooms. That will never fucking happen again...No more drugs! I'm a drug-free kid now. I'm still going to smoke-outs though, because I want to make fun of my friends when they're faded. I always got that from Corey..Anyway, today is Saturday, I just got back from fucking Saturday school (So fucking boring) I need something to do...I want to go to Trisha's house. I'm going to call her. Stay away from drugs, kids.
Derek Olsen
Current Mood: Very Very Bored!!!
Current Music: Kottonmouth Kings "Misunderstood"

17th April 2003

5:41pm: I'm Back
Hey. Well, the reason I haven't updated in a while is because my phone line wasn't working. Some fucking idiot from the power company cut a wire on a telephone pole on my street; my whole street didn't have a phone line for 3 days. What kind of moron cuts a fucking wire on a phone pole? Anyway, today is Thursday. Hmm, first period is going to be a lot cooler from now on. We are playing football for a couple weeks. Yay! Second period was alright. We had a big test though. I got 46 out of 50. That's not good...I was expecting better. I'm dumb. Fourth period was dumb, we did math; in math. Fifth period was fucking cool! I made a new wallpaper for my school computer! Fuck yeah! It's the KMK tip in the middle of a black screen. So fucking bad ass!!! I worked for about 45 minutes to get it perfectly in the middle of the screen...It was worth it. It looks awesome. Seventh period was cool. After school I went to Pizza Time with Heather and Trisha. Whoa, it was weird. Trisha and I are so weird...It's unbelievably hard to explain, so I won't try. But, just know that it is hard on both of us. I am so bored...My friend left his Go-Ped at my house the other day..Hahaha. Yes! I'm taking full advantage of his mistake. See yeah.

"Emergency, emergency 911
America's sound. There's no compassion
It's never too late. Nowhere to run.
Emergency, emergency 911.
"
-Kottonmouth Kings
Derek Olsen
Current Mood: confused
Current Music: Kottonmouth Kings "Crucial"

14th April 2003

9:03pm: Fuck King
You know what? I fucking hate King High School. I can't stand it. I hate so many teachers there...Mrs. Jones is getting fired...And, I just got switched out of my seventh period class!!! I have math seventh now, and Lit. fourth. I am fucking pissed. I hate fourth period Lit...Mrs. Jones's fourth period, that is. I hate King. Today was cool. I realized that school isn't that bad. First period was dumb. Second period was gay. Third period was long, and boring. Fourth was fucking horrible. Fifth was okay...It went by so quick. I made a wallpaper in paint for my computer at school. It's got a bunch of KMK shit on it. It's fucking sick! Sixth period was dumb. Seventh was fucking gay. After school I went to my friend Josh's house and hung out for a while. I think you know what we did next...Good job. Then we went to Daniel's and jammed for 2 hours. Our band hasn't practiced in forever. Then we watched Monster Garage. Then I went home. I talked to Trisha tonight...Fuck me! I was going to try and hold out as long as I could to not talk to her. But, I failed, miserably. Apparently she can hold out longer than I can this time. She still hates me. Damn. But, when you think about it...Why the fuck do we fight so much. Fuckin' A!!!! I've got it!!! I will just get her smoking!! That's it! That would stop the fighting completely. Hahaha. Perfect.

"How would life be if the world smoked weed? Guaranteed there would be peace not greed. You see? It's hell. Living in a cell. Legalize the plant, only time will tell"
-Kottonmouth Kings

Derek Olsen
Current Mood: crappy
Current Music: Kottonmouth Kings "We The People"

13th April 2003

9:36pm: Back To School...Oh, Back To School
Hey hey! What's up everyone out there in, um, Blurty land. I am so glad that I get to go back to school. I had a fucking awesome Spring Break, but I want to go back to school. I hung out with, like, 50 people over Spring Break...That's probably why it was so damn fun! Okay, to all the stoners out there, that I know, and that read my journal remember this phrase: "Don't ever give Derek a keaf bowl" You can't give me a keaf bowl, or I will die. Thank you. I wonder where Mrs. Jones has been this whole Spring Break...Hmm. Anyway, I had to go to church today. It was gay. It actually wnet by quite fast. Then I watch The Ring faded. It sucked. My friend Josh and I noticed something so weird about watching movies when you're high. They suck! We always pick a part the movie we watch. Like, we will find all the bad acting, and corny shit...It's so cool. Oh boy. Drugs are bad for me though...Anyway, I need to take a fucking shower, I smell like ass. Sorry. I thought I had something important to say, but I don't.
Current Mood: hungry
Current Music: Kottonmouth Kings "Crucial"

11th April 2003

9:13am: Another Quiz
Hello everyone...God, I say "Hello everyone" like I am actually talking to an audiance. How lame. Anyway, this is yet another quiz for fun. Haha. I stole it from Heather. What the hell is going on? Heather doesn't hate me! Why not!? She should, I am a fucking prick! Here it goes.

Current mood: Bored. It's 9:20 in the morning.
Current music: Radford "Sweet Summer"
Current taste: Air.
Current hair: Bobby Sherman
Current annoyance: When my "pothead" friends say that weed is not a drug.
Current smell: Curve
Current thing I ought to be doing: I don't know. Homework.
Current windows open: AOL. Kazaa. Windows Media Player.
Current desktop picture: Family Computer: Jenny McCarthy picture. My Computer: Pepperdine Crest.
Current favorite band: 3- The Used. Blink 182. Kottonmouth Kings.
Current book: Against The Odds.
Current cds in stereo: Blink 182-Dude Ranch. Kottonmouth Kings-High Society. Kottonmouth Kings-Hidden Stash II. Kottonmouth Kings-Rollin' Stoned. The Used-Something To Burn. Blink 182-Chesire Cat.
Current favorite celeb: Johnny Richter
Current hate: Myself. For what I did to Trisha, and Heather.

The Last Time...

Last book you read: The Perks Of Being a Wallflower.
Last movie you saw: Phone Booth.
Last thing you had to drink: Water
Last time you showered: Yesterday
Last thing you ate: Del Taco
Last person you talked to on the phone: Daniel.

Do You...

Smoke?: Not cigarettes.
Do drugs?: Yes.
Have sex?: No
Given oral sex?: Yeah.
Have a dream that keeps coming back?: Yes.
Play an instrument?: Guitar...Fender Strat.
Believe there is life on other planets?: Definitily not.
Remember your first love?: Yes.
Still love him/her?: No
Read the newspaper?: Only Sports Page.
Have any gay or lesbian friends?: Yes.
Believe in miracles?: Sure.
Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: Yes.
Consider yourself tolerant of others?: Nope.
Consider love a mistake?: Sometimes.
Like the taste of alcohol?: God no! I could pound Smirnoff XXX all day though.
Have a favorite candy?: Sour Belts.
Believe in magic?: In a sense.
Believe in god?: Yes
Do well in school?: Yes. I have to...Pepperdine.
Wear hats?: Sometimes.
Have any piercings?: I had my ears pierced...I wish I still did.
Have any tattoos?: No.
Hate yourself?: As of now.
Have a secret crush?: No. I'm alergic to woman now.
Collect anything?: Nah, not really.
Have a best friend?: Raymond, Josh, Daniel.
Wish on stars?: Shooting stars.

Love Life...

First crush: Jillian Jolley. 1st grade.
First kiss: Jillian Jolley. 1st grade.
Single or attached?: Single.
Ever been in love?: I don't know what love is...
Do you believe in love at first sight?: No.
Do you believe in "the one?": Hell yeah.

Juicy Stuff...

Favorite place to be kissed?: Lips.
Have you ever been caught "doing something?": No.
Are you a tease?: No.
Shy to make the first move?: No. Depends on the situation.
Well that's it. Fuck the Mariners!!! Peace.
Derek Olsen
Current Mood: bored
Current Music: Kottonmouth Kings "Good As Gold"

10th April 2003

9:50am: Why?
Okay. Hey everyone. Today is Thursday. I had the craziest dream last night. I dreamt that it was a normal day after school. I was with Trisha. We were doing our normal thing. Like, hugging, holding hands, and stuff like that. We always did that until our rides came. It was so great. Then my ride came and I woke up...That was the whole dream. I felt so bad in the morning. I know now, that I will never be able to kiss her, hug her, touch her, or talk to her ever again. It makes me so uncontrollably sad. There is something about her, where, even when I am mad at her, I can't stop thinking about how great she is. When we aren't mad at each other we have the best time. Always. I don't think she feels the same about me, that's what sucks. Everytime I think about her, I think about the good times we spent. When we are sitting alone, being silent, I could stay there forever. No joke. She amazes me. I can't fucking stand how I treat her. I am a fucking dick to her. For god's sake, I fucking cheated on her!!! If anyone cares. I haven't stopped crying for about an hour. I don't know what it is. But I am so crazy about her. I know now, though, that I can never hold her again. Ever. I screwed up too many times to expect to ever SEE her again...Let alone hold her. I don't understand how I could have done that to her. For all the times I hurt her. I look back, and I just don't understand how I could have said some of those things I said before.
I ruined a great thing. I am addicted to this girl.
Derek Olsen
Current Mood: indescribable
Current Music: Lifehouse "Hanging By A Moment"

9th April 2003

2:03pm: Cooling Off
Well, today is Wednesday. I argued with my parents until they didn't make me go to the church thing. My mom said, "if you don't want to go, I won't force you" So I said, "Okay, I'm going to Josh's" But they stopped me. Anyway, long story short I don't have to go. My last entry was...Whew...I kinda flipped out there. But, hey. You all saw her entry. That's fucked. But, I still feel bad. I even left a comment to myself on that entry. For that reason; also because nobody comments on my journals anymore.
Anyway, I am about to go to Josh's to hang out. My damn dirt bike has another flat tire! First the back one went out. So I got a new tube, and tire! Then the fucking front one goes out. Fuck! I have been riding on a flat tire for about 3 days now. I need to get some Fix-A-Flat or something. Pretty soon I will be riding on my rim! I don't have anything else important to share with you people. Sorry. I burned two new CD's today. Yay! First I burned a KottonMouth Kings CD, with songs from all their CD's. Then I burned another "rock" one. Well, it's not exactly rock, but, most of it is. I mostly burned a new one because I wanted to put "Pantomime" on a CD. By Engine Down. Anyway, hopefully I do something exciting today. Porbably not. I should write an entry when I'm faded. That would be interesting. But, then again, I don't want to be held accountable for the things I say when I'm high. Fuck that. Peace.
Derek Olsen
Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Manntis "White Water"

8th April 2003

10:48am: So Many Things
Oh god. Is everybody ready for this shit? Another fight with Trisha. Shocking! Haha. This is what she put in her journal.


Thank you so much, Derek, for completely destroying my otherwise wonderful day.
I'm too angry to talk about what I did today. I'll do it tomorrow.

I just want to say this. Cos it won't leave my mind and I have nothing better to do than rant. First, sorry for writing about you in my journal, Derek. God forbid someone writes about what they're feeling in their journal. What a fucking mess that would cause.
How fucking silly of me.
Second, you have no idea how fucking stupid you are to me. I know very well that I'm no Einstein, but you're really not one to insult me. All you fucking write about or talk about is how you're "going to see your dealer" and how fucking hard it is to put up with me. I'm terribly fucking sorry, this must be taking such a toll on you. It really shows.
Apathy should be your fucking middle name.
Third, I hate you.
I want nothing to do with you from here on. No more fight-make up-fight anymore. You're nothing. I'm already too troubled to have to deal with the damage you cause.
Feel fucking special, it's not easy to get to me.

Oh boy. I have one thing to say, "Yoooouuurrr'ee Done" Haha. What she is talking about is this fight we had last night. She fucking started the fight. She brought up something that I said about 3 weeks ago. She just said it, out of fucking nowhere. So that's what started it. What kind of fucking loser wants to start a fight just because? Trisha, that's what kind. I guess the problem is that I win all the fights. Either, she gets proven wrong, or she just says, "I'm tired of argueing. Don't talk to me" Hahahaha. They are so great. Oh yeah, then she brings up the "talking shit on her journal thing". I haven't said anything about that lately. I really don't care anymore, she can write what she wants. If she has nothing better to do than write bad about me, then so be it. Have fun, Trisha. Oh yeah, and the "going to my dealer" thing. Shut the fuck up! You are so fucking dumb. I said that, what? Twice? Get a mother fucking life! And the only reason I say how hard it is to put up with you is because I am writing what I am FEELING in my JOURNAL. Hahahaha. God forbid right? You know what, Trisha? It's not taking a toll on me, I don't really care about all this anymore. Why in the world do you think I avoid you even when we aren't fighting? Huh? Because I don't need you, and I don't care anymore. Apathy should be my middle name huh? It would go well. Good one you big meanie. Oh, you hate me now? You used the "H" word? Well, I hate you too then. Fuck off. I don't care about being your friend. I don't want to sound arrogant, but I will, no matter what. I have enough friends. I don't need another. Especially one with so many mother fucking problems attached. You also want nothing to do with me, like you're just brushing me off. Whatever. Have a nice life. And, I'm nothing!!!? My middle name should be apathy, yours should be nothing! God, you are such an asshole. I do feel special. Thanks. Well, that's it Blurty kids. That's what is going on. Isn't this fun? It's, metaphorically, a boxing match. I think I'm winning. I have to go see my dealer now, and Trisha is hard to deal with. Hahahahahahahahaha. See ya.
Derek Olsen
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Kottonmouth Kings "Discombobulated"

7th April 2003

8:29pm: That's Why I Like This Guy
Well, today I woke up at 7:00 in the morning. I had to get in the car for 3 hours. My sister Shara took me home from Ventura. When I got home I took a shower. (I hadn't showered in 2 days). After the shower I called up Daniel. I went to his house on my dirt bike, and when I got there we went to Tyler's to get a sack. We both put in five on a ten sack. Then we went into the orange groves and smoked. We smoked all of the ten sack. My fucking lungs hurt. Daniel swore that he could out-hit me, so we were taking huge KMK rips. He endd up losing, badly. I don't hink he will challenge me again. I take pride in that. After we were done I was fucking trippin' like a rookie. Daniel and I went and played fucking commando. Like, fucking second graders. It was fun, but, think about it. It's gay. The title is "That's Why I Like This Guy" because that is what Daniel and I say when we realize that we are having a lot of fun together. Smoking weed is weird. There are so many cool things about connections with your friends that you learn over time. Like, when smoking weed you always have a "buddy". It's a two person thing: Josh and Brennan. Corey and Fat Chop. Andrew and Eric. Me and Daniel. Ian and David. It's so cool. Those two people are like a "smoking team" if you will. Anyway, after Daniel and I played commando we watched TV until he had to leave. Then I went and played fucking solitare for 2 hours! I was so bored, but I was coming down so it wasn't so bad. The daydreaming fazes kept my mind occupied. Then I went to Joey's and hung out for an hour. Oh my mother fucking god! I can't believe it. I am so fucking irate. Raymond, my best friend in the whole world smokes weed now. He said that he tried it last night, and that he liked it...A lot. I can't blame him, but he is not supposed to smoke weed! He is supposed to be the cooler friend, that just watches and laughs at us as we have fun looking at plants. He's the one that is a "straight Edje" and I like Straight Edjes. I don't know why I am mad considering that I have .4 grams of Cloc chronicin my pocket. But, I just don't want him to smoke. And so on, here I am, ready to smoke another bowl. Gotta go, bye.
D-Rock Olsen
Current Mood: Stoned
Current Music: Kottonmouth Kings "Positive Vibes"

6th April 2003

5:10pm: Ventura
Hello people. I'm still with my brother in Ventura. It's Sunday. There's really nothing to do right now. My brother has to do some yard work, and I don't really feel like helping. So I decided to update my journal. Okay, updates:
Currently, Trisha and I are back to the "Friends" thing. God, we suck. We always fight, and make up. Fight, and make up. Fight and make up. Fight and make up. That's how it works with us. It has seriously happened about 12 times, during the periods of our friendship, and relationship. I haven't seen her for a while, I miss her. I miss Heather. I miss all my friends. Josh, Raymond, Daniel, Ian...Especially Daniel. Ever since he went to Poly I haven't talked to him once, let alone seen him or hung out with him. Anyway, Ventura is a pretty boring city. Matt and I might go to fucking Six Flags!!! Hell yeah! Six Flags rules. I just went there, like, a month ago; but I want to ride Goliath 30 times. Hey, no one has comment on my last two entrys...I feel so alone. Mrs. Jones, where are you? I usually get comments from: Mrs. Jones, Trisha, and Justin. Not lately. Bastards. God, I have to go to a lame church thing the day after I get home from my brother's. I have to live with some other morman family, and I actually have to act morman in the process. Fuck that! I am bringing 1/2 8th of Hydro Chronic. So it's all good. I will be faded the whole time. You know, everytime I say the phrase "faded" I think of this one time Trisha and I were fighting, and she said "just leave me alone" and some shit that was telling me to stop talking to her. I was about to sign off, but, before I could she types this shit, "Go get faded" Hahahahaha. I couldn't stop laughing. She says stupid ass shit like that when we are fighting...Just to say it though, not to make a point, just to say it. Anyway, we are friends now. All's well that ends well. I don't even get that quote..Or maybe I don't want to. Gotta go.
Derek Olsen
Current Mood: Very, very bored
Current Music: Blink 182 "Going Away To College"

5th April 2003

12:11pm: Saturday
Hey everyone. Well, yesterday was pretty dumb. I ended up not ditching sixth period. I didn't have anyone to go with. I hate to ditch alone, especially for a class that is 100 minutes long. After school I waited for my brother to come pick me up. I expected him at around 5:00. But, he got stuck in traffic, he didn't get there until 7:30. He was driving from Ventura to Riverside on a Friday night...What do you expect? Anyway, when he got there we left. We stopped at our sister's house in Rancho Cucamunga to pick up some money that she owed my brother, and to say hi. We ended up getting too tired, so we stayed the night there. It was cool. We woke up the next morning early. Like, at fucking 9:00. So we decided to make the best of it by going to McDonalds breakfast. Sausage McMuffins are fucking delicous!!! Then we drove to my Dad'd house. And, here I am, at my Dad's house in Miraloma bored as fuck. We should be leaving for Ventura in about an hour or so. Then I have to be in the car for 2 and a half hours. Fuck, it will suck really bad. Luckly, my brother has a $750 system in his car. I get to bump Kottonmouth Kings the whole way. Anyway, I'll write again from my brother's house. Stay away from drugs.
Derek Olsen
Current Mood: bored
Current Music: Kottonmouth Kings "Paid Vacation"

3rd April 2003

6:34pm: Tomorrow Will Suck
Hey kids. Today was pretty dumb. First period was gay. We had to run two miles in 20 minutes! God it was hard. I made it with 15 seconds to spare. Second period was pretty cool. We had to take a test though. After the test, we watched "A Beautiful Mind" I like that movie. Fourth was pretty gay. Fifth period was pretty cool. We had a test in that class too. I did good on it, I think. Seventh was dumb. Trisha said that she wasn't going to talk to me until I gave her book back. She acts like I have it at my house, and I just dont want to give it back. We had a fight last night, so I really don't give a motherfuck if she talks to me or not. I am going to buy her a new one though, because even if she was my enemy I would give it back, if I lost it. I was supposed to go play basketball a J.F.K. today, but plans fell through...I didn't feel much like playing anyway. Tomorrow will suck because I will be waiting for Spring Break the whole time. I am definitely going to ditch sixth period. I really can't deal with that class right now. Tomorrow, after school, I am going to get a half eighth, so my Spring Break will be ultimite! Good news!!! My dealer had a break through, he can re-up tonight!!! Yes!!! Anyway, Trisha is being so gay right now. Our fights are so funny. She says this derogatory shit, that is very stupid, and uneeded, so I laugh. What does she say? "I'm glad your entertained" Like I am supposed to feel bad. I'm fucking done with her shit. I asked her why she talks so much shit on me, on her journal. And she says "If you don't like it, don't read it" Fuck her! God, I fucking hate her right now. Anyway, Spring Break will rule. I went to Cancoon the last two years, expecting fun, but it sucked. This Spring Break will not!! I am burning, like, 5 CDs right now...It's fun.

"How would life be if the world smoked weed? I guarantee there would be peace not greed. You see? It's hell, livin' in a cell...Leagalize the plant, only time will tell" -Kottonmouth Kings
Derek Olsen
Current Mood: Optimistic...Weird
Current Music: Kottonmouth Kings "4:20"

2nd April 2003

7:47pm: A Month!? (Spring Break Is Coming)
My last entry was just spec. Sorry if I scared anyone. I was very upset that day. Spring Break is going to be so mother fucking awesome!!! I am going to be with my brother the whole time!!! Yes! Anyway, today was all-in-all dumb. First period was cool, we played basketball. Third period was gay. I had to watch a bunch of performances. Okay, I want to tell everyone my paper conversation with Heather. I fucking hate when people do this to me!
Heather: Hey, are we still friends?
Derek: Haha, yeah. Why do you ask that?
Heather: I don't know.
Derek: That thought didn't just come out of nowhere...
H: I don't know. Something is just...Different.
D: Like what?
H: I don't know.
Then the bell rang. Fuck!! To all the people that know me: don't EVER do that to me. I will go crazy. Anyway, fourth period was cool. I am going to end the quarter with a B in geometry. Score!! I am going to end with an A in Lit. Double score!! I think I am failing my other classes though. Fuck!!! I slacked off too much this semester. Yeah, Pepperdine here I come. God damn it! Anyway, sixth period was mother fucking horrible. I absolutely dread going to that class!!! That class seriously makes me want to scream out loud. Seventh was okay. My parents just left to go to my Dad's softball game, and they won't be back for 2 hours. Good thing, right? I went to my dealer to get some..Um..Merchandise, but he was fucking out. Mother fuck!!! He also said that he can't
re-up in, like, a month. Fuck me!! I have to go to my number 2 guy now. His is like half as good as Terry's (Number 1) Oh well. I just have to deal. Hahaha, maybe it's a sign, haha. Later.
Derek Olsen
Current Mood: frustrated
Current Music: Engine Down "Pantomime"

31st March 2003

5:40pm: I Can't Go On
I hate to say "my life sucks" because, really, it doesn't. But, as of now, it does. First of all, I hate my school, I hate 6 out of my 7 teachers, and, one of very good friends just transfered to fucking Poly. I need someone to talk to. I really do. I don't usually talk to someone about my problems, but now I really can't deal with it all anymore. Living a pessimistic life is just fine with me, but when I say something is going to suck, and it really does that is bullshit. Nothing really good has happened to me in the past 4 weeks. My life is so gay right now. I don't like hanging out with my friends anymore, but I hate to be alone. I hate a lot more people than I like. I can't stop listening to depressing songs right now. Oh my mother fucking god!!! I cheated on Trisha. I did. I can't fucking believe it!!! I told her so many times how much I cared about her, then cheated on her...With her best friend mind you. I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror anymore. Everytime I do, I literally get sick over the sight of myself. I really can't take this anymore. I don't know what I am going to do. I really want to end it all, right now. I am home alone...I could pull it off. It's not like I can say "I dont have anything to live for" because I do. I have more friends than I have rude comments, I have a family that loves me, I am smart, funny, athletic. But, that wouldn't be the reason I would do it. The reason would be because of all the bad things in my life right now. Most people would tell me to look at the good things, not the bad...But, the good things are transparent right now, and the bad things are still shining bright. I need someone to talk to. Trisha didnt say she hated me. She fucking said, "As of now, I dont even know you, Derek" I am nothing to her, and I am nothing to everybody else. She really is my best friend, I really do love her. I am really considering going through with this. I wonder how people would react. I have come to some conclusions:
Trisha-Would not cry. Would not mourn.
Hather-Would cry. Would get over it soon.
Raymond-Would cry. Wouldn't get over it.
Josh-Would cry. Would get over it in about a year.
Daniel-Would cry.
My mom-Would never get over it.

The rest of my friends would be sad for the loss. I don't know what to do. But, if people don't see me at school tomorrow, it's not because I am ditching, or sick. Somebody needs to call me. I don't care who. I need to talk to someone. This might happen. I don't like the person I have become. I am a cheating, lying, rude, pessimistic, racist asshole. I don't think I could do this to my mother though. She wouldn't be able to handle it. I can't stop crying right now. I have never comtemplated suicide before; I understand why. I need to talk to somebody, and soon. I don't care who you are, I don't care if you're a stranger. My number is 780-4394. I need to talk to someone. I wish I had a good, profound, thing to say before I die, but I don't. I leave you all with a quote.
"Somebody kill me, or I'll do it myself"
Derek Olsen
Current Mood: scared
Current Music: Lifehouse "Hanging By a Moment"

30th March 2003

10:36am: Kottonmouth Kings "Daydreamin' Fazes"
This is one of my favorite songs ever. And, my all time number 1 rap/hip-hop song. I mght not have every word right. But, what can I say, it's a rap song.
Kottonmouth Kings "Daydreamin Fazes"

Daydreamin' fazes, time goes by
That's what happens when you get high
Head's always cloudy, words is lies
Daydreamin' fazes, I yes I

Daydreamin' fazes, life elevated
Chillin' in the back of the bus gettin faded
I blaze all hell with my dogs all day
Feelin' the rage with the blood on stage

Too many knuckle heads fuckin' with my business
Soakin' up my 'fluence can I get a witness
Seven days deep in a smoked out haze
D-Loc rolled the T, Daddy X is in a daze

Smoke don't fight it, I watch your eyes
Surrounded by abuse and our boy is getting high
Presidential lies, keep on wondering why
We got the sound that you can't deny

Daydreamin' fazes, time goes by
That's what happens when you get high
Head's always cloudy, words is lies
Daydreamin' fazes, I yes I

Lost in the world of distrust and greed, there's no time to blink,
So we plant our seeds, got no time to think
Always do what's real, speak what we feel, and pass the shill
You know, shit still ain't changed, Richter got game
Need to try and contain from the truth and refrain
If you don't know I'ma let it be known, I be in the penetration zone
That's some whole other shit, and I hold my own
D-Loc's the kinda kid with the bomb homegrown

Daydreamin' fazes, time goes by
That's what happens when you get high
Head's always cloudy, words is lies
Daydreamin' fazes, I yes I

What a long strange trip it's been
Sippin' life from a 40 ounce bottle of sin
Daydreamin' fazes walls caving in
What a long strange trip it's been

Life goes fast, like a blunt it don't last
Like flash to the past on the porch outside
Thinkin' of old times, sittin' around gettin' high
Daydreamin' fazes, time goes by

Anything you got we gonna put it to the test
Any strain, it's all the same
Call me the deep cess profess,
In the truck high as fuck, amazing blacklights, and rope
D-Loc and Johhny Richter straight BSO!

Daydreamin' fazes, time goes by
That's what happens when you get high
Head's always cloudy, words is lies
Daydreamin' fazes, I yes I
Current Mood: Great
Current Music: Dr. Dre & Snoop Dogg "Aint Nothin' But A G Thing"

27th March 2003

8:37pm: Regular Guy
I finished my song. I started writing a song like a week ago. I finished it today. What a loser.
Regular Guy
I'm the kinda guy, a girl takes home to mom
with ironed Dickie pants, and colon that's the bomb
I'll shake your dad's hand, an look him in the eye
and tell him straight up, im just a regular guy
I'm a regular, who stays out of trouble
a regular guy, that says "ma'am" on the double
i'm a regular, just like Dawson's Creek
a regular guy, just dont call me a geek
(Fuck you all)
Yes the "fuck you all" line is part of the song. Yeah, it's pretty gay, but fuck you all. Later.
Derek Olsen
Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: Nrvana "The Man That Sold The World"
7:17pm: Getting Ready For A Blast
Today was pretty dumb. But, it felt good to be back in school. I fucking hate my PE teacher!!! I'm not going to write what happened because it is way too fucking long. But, she will die at midnight. Second period was dumb. We just worked. Fourth was pretty dumb. Actually, the day went by pretty damn fast. Fifth period was gay as fuck. We took notes the whole mother fucking class period. God, I fucking hate that fucking class; fuck! I'm using the fucking "F" word so fucking much to emphasize my hate for that class. Seventh was pretty cool. After school I went to Josh's house because I had to get my dirt bike that I left there yesterday. When I got home I played basketball for a while. Then I went on the computer. Anyway, this weekend is going to be so fucking awesome. I swear to god I think I might die, it will be amazing. I am going to have so much fun. My parents, an sister, are going to Nevada. Hahahaha!!! I have to whole weekend to myself. Well, there might be a couple hundred people there. Hehe. Yeah!!! It's going to be great. Party. If you are reading this, I am dead. Haha. Later.
Derek Olsen
Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: Nirvana "Plateau"

26th March 2003

9:15pm: ...61...
Today was fucking gay. I had to stay home sick again. Except I felt better later in the day so I went dirt bike riding with Daniel. Then we went to his house and swam in his pool for a while. After that we went to my friend Josh's house. We went to the new school on Wood to play basketball. 19 assists; 21 points...We played a game to 80. It was fun. After the game we went back to Josh's house. I played his guitar the whole time. I tried to learn Until It Sleeps by Metallica. It's too fucking hard!!! I'll get it in time. I went home and played Need For Speed, and got on the computer...Like I always do. Mrs. Jones still hasn't commented on my journals. Bastard. Anyway, if people are wondering what the "...61..." is for it is because it has been 61 days since the last time I had sex or jerked off. It's the "40 days and 40 Nights" vow. Yeah, I am about to lose my mind though. It's fucking hard. The worst part about it is...I don't even have a fucking goal. I think I am going for 100 days. That would be nice. Later.
Derek Olsen
Current Mood: determined
Current Music: Kottonmouth Kings "Tangerine Sky"

25th March 2003

9:22pm: Sick...
Today was pretty fucking gay. I was sick. I didn't go to school. I fucking hate missing school. I have to stay home, and do nothing; I have to be miserable because I'm sick; and, I have to make up all my work for the day I missed. So, being sick has more flaws than you think. It's been 31 hours since Trisha and I broke up. Hahaha. I am not that depressed about it...But somewhere up there. I am glad we are friends. I really need to get her book back. Soon. So our friendship doesn't fade because of it...It was a damn good book. Anyway, today I did nothing. Until, I pleaded with my mom to take me to Block Buster to get a game. I got Need 4 Speed 2 Hot Pursuit. It's not that bad, actually it's pretty fun. I noticed, while I was playing the game, how much of a fucking bum I am when I play video games. I am seriously contemplating selling my XBOX. I need to ride my dirtbike more often. The only problem with that is I know every inch of riding land within 10 miles from where I live like the back of my ass...hmm. I want to get a Go-Ped. I also want to learn Moon Baby by Godsmack on my guitar. That song kicks ass. I am still sick as I type right now, hopefully I get better before tomorrow...I can't afford to miss another day. Mrs Jones!!!! Please comment on my journals!!! I'm going to cry.
Derek Olsen
Current Mood: sick
Current Music: Kottonmouth Kings "First Class"
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