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Who cares whats behind.. [24 Apr 2003|08:08pm] [ mood | cold ] [ music | Deftones // Passenger ] I have a public Blurty journal now, so you guys dont have to read about me and my pitiful actions. Go to the new public one and add it to your friends list.. Username: toxicherry Thanks. : ) :xx: post comment

Cough..Cough.. [14 Apr 2003|12:19am] [ mood | horny ] [ music | Ramstein // Du Hast ] I cant stop coughing. Everytime I open my mouth I have to cough. Is that bad? Im smoking lights now guys :) I've been laying around all day. Annie was supposed to stay with me last night, but she ditched me to go drink with some other friends. Hmm.. Today I watched all my CKY videos, I have forgoten how much I really do love Bam and Raab. I wanna boink them soooo bad :devious look: I was supposed to go over to Theo's today. He thinks were still friends. I replied, have you even asked me, meaning Im still pissed..but I have no clue what goes through his puney little mind. I wish he would just show some emotions once in a while. Fuck him. Im going over there tomarrow. Tonight Hannah ran away. She came to my house. It was very strange. I didnt think she had enough balls to run away. I went to look for her, but she said she took all the side roads and that when she came I wasnt here, I told her I was out looking for her. She went home and now all is well. Well that was it. More later. Here are some pics I took tonight as well. Enjoy. ( Read more... ) AsaultWithIntent: did u like the pic AsaultWithIntent: hahaha xR0tt3n d0lli3x: hahaha who is it? AsaultWithIntent: me AsaultWithIntent: waht u think id take a pic of another dudes dick AsaultWithIntent: FUCK THAT xR0tt3n d0lli3x: haha no xR0tt3n d0lli3x: but i didnt think yourd actually do it. xR0tt3n d0lli3x: who else did you send it to? AsaultWithIntent: u xR0tt3n d0lli3x: thats it? AsaultWithIntent: ya AsaultWithIntent: are u impressed AsaultWithIntent: haha R0tt3n d0lli3x: yea post comment

Eyes of a tragedy.. [13 Apr 2003|04:24am] [ mood | blank ] [ music | A Perfect Circle // 3 Libras ] Im eating some Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Delish :) So I wrote this letter to Theo and gave it to him tonight. We got in quite a few fights, and Im just giving up on the kid. We obviously dont mesh well together, and Im tired of trying to make it work when there is no way we are compatible. Impossible.. [Letter] To Theo: I dont really know who you think I am , really why do you play with me like this? Why do you like to get my hopes all up and then go and lie to me. Telling me my feelings are gay, and telling me the stuff I wanna talk about is shit. You not only make me feel worthless, you say it. Not straight forward, but the way you treat me says it all. What do you think, that im always gunna be your little "back-up" always there for you, when you treat me like shit . I know how you are. You think your a sly one. That you can get away with anything, and if you get caught, you just "sweet talk" me into another trap. I hate the way you've made me! I can do so much better then you, but I didnt want to cause, I truely liked you. You're the one who really made me realize im worthless and used. Thanks. Enough of him. Iam through. So Last night I stayed with Kelli. We called Rachael and the skank Hanna was with her so she had to come over too. Blah on my part, I hate the bitch. We went to the Kum-n-Go with Jason and then I talked him into going for a drive so we could smoke up and I would smoke him up. So we did. Then we went back to his house, and chilled. It was coo coo yo. He's really nice, but I was being rude. Not on purpose, I was tweaking :\ But yeah.. we came back to Kelli's and went outside on the trampoline forever. I was trippin so bad, it was coo coo. We woke up today..Hanna left..stupid bitch, and good ridance too..then we smoked up again and watched Austin Powers cause her brother brought it home from Stevie's. Well it should be said that, I kinda have a little crush on Nick, Kelli's 17 year old brother. MWA, hes a cutie. Then when I was sitting on the couch, trying to get myself noticed ;) He pops up from his sleeping and smiles, winks and tells me to come here. I would've if Ben wasnt in there. But he was making jestures like "Suck my dick" haha. -xo Then I came home tonight hoping to get togehter with Annie. She says shes getting a ride over at 12. 12 passes then 12:30, then 1 and 1:30. Then comes 2 and she gets here with 3 other people. She was supposed to stay over and she invite like fucking 3 other people. Then trys to get me to say "Yes" to them all drinking in my basement. Im like nawh nawh, cause my sis is coming home at 3 and she'll tell on me. Yea, sis pulls around the corner in her white Ford Focus, and there out in the front lawn with 3 six-packs. We'll see how this turns out tomarrow, but for now I should try and go to sleep. Goodnight. 7 more days till 4-20..Hell Yesh Yo! (Im going over to Kelli's ;]) Much love. Peace yo. :xx: post comment

Ive been, denied all the best, ULTRA SEX! [03 Apr 2003|11:37pm] [ mood | ecstatic ] [ music | MSI // Faggot ] xbleedingdolliex: yea you dildo x420vayne: penis x420vayne: thats you x420vayne: your a peins xbleedingdolliex: no im not xbleedingdolliex: im a vagina x420vayne: not yet Haha. I love that kid so much! I swear. Im talking to him right now. I asked him to talk to me about anything thats on his mind, and he wants to talk about all the small things between us, and what may be..::sighs:: what a babe. Since were not through talking I cant tell you all the details tonight but Im sure to tomarrow. Most def :) :xx: Oh heres some pics I took, if you even care. Have a dark day : ) ( Read more... ) 1 comment|post comment

Break it down. Break it down. Dont you know, It makes no difference to me.. [02 Apr 2003|10:58pm] [ mood | numb ] [ music | Hot Rod Circut // Weak Warm ] x420vayne: im sorry i signed off last night x420vayne: it wasnt my fault x420vayne: so will you let me come over or what xbleedingdolliex: prolly xbleedingdolliex: idk i dont feel good right now. x420vayne: i hope you feel better x420vayne: nighty night xbleedingdolliex: bye -xo x420vayne: later kaylena Man, I hate these feelings going through me. I love him so much, yet i hate him at the same time. He makes me feel loved, and hated at the same time. I hate to say it, and I think its true, but I think Im a better person with him, and I need him..I know thats pathetic, but I dont know how to feel. Im numb..and I hate it. 1 comment|post comment

Your tounge is twisted, with words half spoken` [01 Apr 2003|02:22am] [ mood | content ] [ music | Grateful Dead // Box of Rain ] xbleedingdolliex: should i die my hair red and blue, i mean like chunks, cause i have red and blue die sitting in front of me..and im thinkin about it x420vayne: will you not do it till i come over x420vayne: so we can both do it xbleedingdolliex: what die my hair? x420vayne: yea i wanna do it to xbleedingdolliex: but my mom is all into hair and shit liek that she cuts it and does make up so we have a shit load of diff colors xbleedingdolliex: like right now her hair is light brown with white shireks, shes a crazy bitch..haha xbleedingdolliex: so we always have color around the house x420vayne: haha x420vayne: what all colors do you have x420vayne: do you have like bleach blond xbleedingdolliex: red blue black blonde white and i think we have a little purple xbleedingdolliex: ask anyone like every month i have a new hair-do or hair color haha x420vayne: i wanna do white xbleedingdolliex: bleach yea, but your scalp is gunna hurt for a few days, i had mine blonde in 7th grade x420vayne: i dont care x420vayne: it will be worth it xbleedingdolliex: heh ok x420vayne: and we can have a little fun too, you know that xbleedingdolliex: haha Oh, how I do love a good monthly hair dying : ) Whats life without hair dye, eh? More-later post comment

Take away my oxygen`` [30 Mar 2003|09:55pm] [ mood | gloomy ] [ music | Deftones // Pink Maggit ] I feel Im losing control. I have no self-esteem. Im crying. I have this song on repeat. Im chewing on my favorite gum, smoking a cig, and still..you make me feel like shit. Worthless. The word that discribes me best. I cant grasp onto something that isnt there. Nothing is here. I feel really cold, now Im warm. Im facing reality faster then I want to. I dont want to live in a world where no one loves me or cares. This world is full of sheep, and people who cant be trusted. I'll never learn to trust. People say love is such a strong word, I think trust is a stronger one. Love is trust. Trust is everything, but nothing I have. I feel im loosing myself, if i havent already. I dont know what to say, think, or do. Im lost. Im a heartless bitch, but so are you. I just looked at the computer screen and relized, you dont love me do you. You dont like me. You dont care. It hurts cause I trusted you. I wont anymore. You told me I could, and you let me slip. I hate you. Fuck you. I hope you turn pareplegic. I Want you to feel the pain I feel right now. Seriously..I dispise your name. It makes my want to beat the living fuck out of every human being alive. Anxitey, It's a bitch, so is life. So are you. Then again, so am I. Im a chump for believing any words that you spoke. Im a moron for listening. I hate myself more then you. I want you to know that..yes, you Theo. It's all to you.. :xx: More-later post comment

La La La CUMBIA! [30 Mar 2003|02:48am] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | Sonidero Cumbia Mix -- On repeat ] Hey. Just being bored in the middle of the night. Hannah sleeping on my bed. My headphones on full blast with cumbias running through my head..man I miss Mexico. The thought of my lover on my mind, and smoking a cigarette. Not much else you can do. I dont know what to think anymore. Im always depressed and thinking of the worst. I want it all to wash away, and be happy again. Like a kiddie. I miss those days so much. I remember growing up I always wanted to grow older faster, now I wish I was a kid again, atleast then there was someone to hold my hand, a shoulder to cry on, and someone to tell me it was gunna be alright. -xo xbleedingdolliex: hey babay! whud up babay? x420vayne: nothing sex machine xbleedingdolliex: hehe x420vayne: you naughty little one you xbleedingdolliex: haha yesh yesh thats me x420vayne: yea i bet x420vayne: your a dirty slut xbleedingdolliex: your a slut x420vayne: ill fucking get you pregnat so youll have twins x420vayne: i know jk xbleedingdolliex: haha x420vayne: you know that j/p xbleedingdolliex: id laugh if your that father of my babies xbleedingdolliex: hehe x420vayne: did you mean the xbleedingdolliex: i think i love you.. x420vayne: omg x420vayne: this again x420vayne: i didnt know you stoped xbleedingdolliex: haha xbleedingdolliex: no i didnt, i jsut thought id tell you again, cause i didnt know how you felt. xbleedingdolliex: talk to me baby x420vayne: im playing chess xbleedingdolliex: quit playin chess and tlak to me. im bored.. xbleedingdolliex: you dont like me xbleedingdolliex: or love me.. x420vayne: i like to talk to you x420vayne: what else is there xbleedingdolliex: idk xbleedingdolliex: just admit it theo, id rather you tell me you dont like me like that and have oral with you then think you like me alot and get my heratbroken' xbleedingdolliex: im just trying to figure you out.. x420vayne: i mean love is a strong word xbleedingdolliex: but i dont want you to lie about it. x420vayne: but love is such a strong word x420vayne: i like you xbleedingdolliex: ok x420vayne: and shit like that x420vayne: i do like you :xx: more-later 3 comments|post comment

All the times, that I've cried.. [29 Mar 2003|12:43am] [ mood | flirty ] [ music | Staind // Outside ] Iam tired. I jus awoke from a nap, and Iam about to go sleep yet again. I'm such a bum. Haha. Today, Oswaldo asked me out, I think. It might have been a scam, but I told him that I didnt want him to look through my notebook in Tech Ed, and he asked me why, I told him that it said "I Love Oswaldo" all over it, and he gave me a sexy look. Haha. So Im not really sure. I've never teased him about me liking him before, but I think Im going to start, cause If thats what I got to do to let him know how much I really do love him, and think hes such a babe, then thats what Im gunna do : ) I really do love that kid, he gets my panites in a twist, teehee. x420vayne: well i care about you x420vayne: you can trust me x420vayne: you know that What the hell is wrong with me hXc fallin' here..Im not sure I wanna either : \ more-later post comment

You cant be something your not. Be yourself.. [28 Mar 2003|12:58am] [ mood | uncomfortable ] [ music | Pantera // Respect ] Sorry I havent updated in quite some time. Well lemme tell you about my day. Boring, went to school, had lunch with the dad, and then drove back to school. Oh yesh, so much fun fun fun! Ive been really depressed lately. I need to snap out of it. Two more things to add to my list of depression is that Rachael, this skank witch I cant stand, I only bum rides off of her when I need um, anyways..shes now all of the sudden talking to Doug. YESH! MY DOUGIE! How fucked in the ass is that. I wanted to slap the bitch today, and I would've if I wasnt in the car, with her mom sittin there in the drivers seat. I got all worked up over that, and I must talk to Doug about this. It's driving me insane, and hes barely ever on anymore, unless hes at his dad's :( Also to add to the list is Theo. I know, I know..Theo Theo Theo, thats all thats ever on my mind anymore. His name is secretly covering pages of my planner and notebooks. I tell him I like him..like him alot, and he thinks Iam teasing him. How ignorant. Then I came back with an equally smartass remark stating that he only wanted me for sex, and he denies it. Typical guy for ya, eh? Thought so.. Oh, I got new Gelly Rolls tonight, there mad rad, they glow in the darklight -muhaha. Im a hippie : ( Haha. Im getting a orange VW van in a month, yeyea..go me! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! [every time you drop the bomb..] I support the soilders, but not the war Well, that is all for this entry tonight. I must get to bed. Iam too tired and depressed to deal with lack of sleep. See-ya bitches! I think Iam serisouly falling hardcore in love.. more-later post comment

Tu y Yo..son, joto-putos y chinga madres!! :x [25 Mar 2003|12:23am] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | Duelo // Que Hubiera Sido? ] Today, I passed my test for driving. Yay, go me. I got it on my 3rd try. I drove home from OT, right after we got Fazoli's, yumm..It was good. My Picture looks awful on my permit. I look exactly like my dad, only lighter skin, longer hair, and more cracked out. Ha. I really didnt do shit today. I went to school, boring. Went to take my test, passed. Drove home (I like the sound of that) drank some coffee, took a nap, and now I cant get to sleep. Blah. Oh well. I always go to school tired. It's a vicious cycle. I cant wait to go to Texas and Mexico. Iam so missing all my family, and friends down there. I want to see them, and now that I can drive I will fo sho (haha) be going down there more often. ::Sniffles:: I miss mi primas y primos y amigas y amigos.. : ( I talk to Theo tonight as well. Alway brief and useless convos now-a-days. Oh well. I screamed his name last night ; ) Hehe. Permit Pic ( Read more... ) more-later post comment

What is it worth`` [23 Mar 2003|11:54pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | Kittie feat. SOAD // Feel Good ] Today was okay. I went to Hannah's last night, and same shit goes down everytime I'm there. We never have fun, like we used to in the old days. We used to wonder the streets and actually get up off our asses and do shit. She told me to bring over movies, so I did. We watched movies, and fucked with Brain on the computer. Thats about it..yah, I said the same thing, ha. I had alot of deep coversation with Doug last night, also with Theo. I can't really say how I feel about either one of them. Doug is devine. I love him ever so much, and always will. He cares : ) Saturday, I woke up at about 9am and went to try and get my permit, witch I failed at once again. I'm getting better though, I only missed 11 this time, last time it was 14 : \..you can only miss 7 anyways. Pft. I'm going tomarrow to try again, and if I fail again, then Saturday again for me. I have to learn to drive, and get my permit before summer time, not only cause I can do shit, but I have to drive to Texas and Mexico this summer. It'll be a blast. Well, I must be off. I have school tomarrow, plaaaa : P I hate school. Till tomarrow.. The sky is falling, and I dont care. I just want to feel good. more-later Doug pt.I ( Read more... ) Doug pt.2 ( Read more... ) Theo ( Read more... ) post comment

Trippin' on coke and rum.. [21 Mar 2003|03:55am] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | R Kelly // Ignition (remix) ] Well tonight Iam at home. I went to Joe's tonight, a whole lotta people were there. Shorty, bird, Flagger, Beede, Nik, Wig, Leah, Maria, Allie, Hanna, and I. Hanna left early, I really dont know what was up with that, but oh well. We did, ya know..and had a good time. I haven't seen those dudes in such a long time. I used to be such good friends with all of um, and Bird especially, but tonight was like old days, I loved it. Bird was talking about something, and then outta no where he looks at me and goes, "Where the fuck have you been." He still thinks i was in rehab, even though I told him, "Hell no." It was a great time. Must do it again sometime soon. Tomarrow night I wanna go see Oswaldo though, hehe. Iam pathetic. Well Theo basiclly told me that the only way to make our relationship go some where, is if I sleep with him, witch now I dont even want to. Pathetic scum..ugh! x420vayne: i think we should fuck x420vayne: real hard too xbleedingdolliex: whys that? x420vayne: it would make us more x420vayne: like..idk x420vayne: but it would xbleedingdolliex: mak us more what? x420vayne: idk xbleedingdolliex: yea you do, say it x420vayne: i dont know how to explain it xbleedingdolliex: try.. xbleedingdolliex: i wanna hear this x420vayne: closer x420vayne: hows that xbleedingdolliex: reallllly? x420vayne: yea xbleedingdolliex: whys that? x420vayne: idk x420vayne: just will x420vayne: i think anyway x420vayne: bc we fucked x420vayne: idk xbleedingdolliex: so fucking is the only way to move forward in a relationship..to you? x420vayne: idk xbleedingdolliex: hmm.. x420vayne: yea xbleedingdolliex: well..idk what to say? x420vayne: neither do i Men are scum, until they say your name.. x420vayne: night kaylena more-later post comment

go shortay, it's yo birfday-- [20 Mar 2003|01:06am] [ mood | awake ] [ music | 50 Cent // In Da Club ] I'm at Hanna's.. So tonight was a blast. I got together with Hanna and Rachael. Hanna's fun, I really cant tell why I stopped hanging out with her. We talked about it when we were walking tonight, and nither of us can come up with a good reason, but I think we will be hanging out alot more now. She's nice and fun to be with, why not, eh? Anways, tonight started out well. Rachael came and picked me up and her mom took me and her to Hanna's to spend the night. First we went out to the garage, to..ya know. Anywho, we did that and then we called Tyler to see if he wanted to hang out with us, and he did. So we walked all the way up 14th St. to meet him and Jake. We were gunna, ya know, in Oswaldo's garage too, but we didnt. Me, Hanna, and Oswaldo were gangin' up on Rachael cause she was hanging all over Tyler and Hanna likes him. But then Rachael and Hanna caught up with each other, and tears were shead, and now I guess there okay. Meanwhile, Rachael's fucking pyshco mother kept calling everyone's house bitchen at where Rachael was, cause Rachael had told her mom that she was going to the mall cause shes not allowed to hang out with guys, and her mom called my mom, when Rachael's mom called looken for her, her mom was mad, and told Rachael that my mom was pissed at me, witch was a lie, cause I called my mom, and she wanted to know why the fucking psyhco was callen her, and I betcha anything Rachael put all the make on me and Hanna, she's such a cunt, I wanna kick her ass so bad. Maybe I just might. Well back to the rest of the night. Me and Hanna got a ride home from Tyler's mom. After we got back to his house, from being everywhere. We were all wet cause we were walking the streets when it was raining and stuff. We had a good time. I did anyways. I was with Oswaldo. Man I think that I love him. The first thing he did when I was sitting in his porch, he attacked me! He litterly got on top of me. It was so sexy, haha..But then I kept hitting him in the head, and was like, "Get off me, Huto!" and then he got off, and broke his toe, haha. Now he cant play soccer, he has to hang out with me all tomarrow : ) Well my arm is getting tired form writting all this, I didnt talk to Theo much today, and as for Doug, I didnt call him back when I woke up. I just came here instead, but were supposed to get together tomarrow and do stuff. Ill probably end up being here all day, and crashing here tomarrow as well. Well im out niggas, haha. PEACE YO! :xx: more-later post comment

We can both dip our fingers, in acid.. [19 Mar 2003|01:50am] [ mood | discontent ] [ music | Index Case // Glass ] Well I just talked to Doug, and well I think we might be getting together tomarrow, to have a little fun. I take it he got his car fixed since the breaks were out last time I talked to him. I think this shall be great fun. I cant wait to see him, to talk to him, and whatever else might happen ; ) I always have a good time with that kid. I'm supposed to call him when I get up. Yes, yes..cant wait. Hannah asked me to go over to her house later tomarrow night, so we can take some photos and just goof around. I think I will only go over there as a last resort to being extreamly bored out of my mind, but then again, who knows. I might just be nice, and go over. Maybe I can talk her into going to Oswaldos, or Cody's, or Tyler's and actually have a fun time, haha. Yes, I presume I might try that as an idea on her. As of yesterday..I got cold feet when I was supposed to visit Theo. I don't know why either. I used to be so wild and free around him. Now its almost like I'm intimidated by him, or scared of him..who knows. Hpm. I do think Iam falling hard for him though. I dont really want to, because I know how he is. Iam his good friend, and I know, for me atleast..sleeping with him or just playing around, would make it a tad bit weird. God knows I dont want that to happen. I love that kid with as much as I can. Also tonight, I sent Theo my cutting pictures. I didnt want to, but he asked me and I felt the urge to. I really want to become clean with him if were going to have any kind of relationship beyond friendship. I couldnt believe I had actually sent them after I did. His first remark was, "Wow." Hmm. He's one out of two people that have ever seen those pics. Him and Justin. Justin, I confide in him alot. I think alot about Justin when I need insperation to write for school, or just for myself, and he's so understanding and supportive of me. I love that. Theo is becoming that Justin I never had. Justin and me are just really good friends, Theo is a different story. I feel we're becoming more, and that kinda scares me. Iam so confused right now. I miss Ted, I want Theo, I love Justin and Doug..I have cold feet. Im depressed, I love you, I hate you, Blah..Blah..Blah. x420vayne: naner naner boo boo xbleedingdolliex: yep xbleedingdolliex: hahahahahaha x420vayne: stick your head in doo doo xbleedingdolliex: i cant believe you jsut said that! x420vayne: haha x420vayne: poo poo head xbleedingdolliex: haha xbleedingdolliex: shut your pie hole dick fart, haha -xo ------- x420vayne: im going to bed xbleedingdolliex: alright. x420vayne: get sum sleep x420vayne: nighty xoxo xbleedingdolliex: alright. xbleedingdolliex: g'night -xo :xx: glitterwhore more-later post comment

I've waited here for you..everlong-- [18 Mar 2003|12:20am] [ mood | dorky ] [ music | Foo Fighters // Everlong ] xbleedingdolliex: Lilpimpinme1644: do you and theo have a thing? sixfeetunder590: WHAT DID YOU SAY xbleedingdolliex: xbleedingdolliex: i guess idk.. xbleedingdolliex: cause i dont really know whats going on between us. xbleedingdolliex: were just flirting, what do you think? sixfeetunder590: YEA A LOT xbleedingdolliex: heh yea alot. xbleedingdolliex: but seriously, what do you think. xbleedingdolliex: i mean if someone asked you that question, what would you say?.. sixfeetunder590: ABOUT YOU sixfeetunder590: I DONNO xbleedingdolliex: yea.. sixfeetunder590: MAYBE xbleedingdolliex: what would you say, seriously.. sixfeetunder590: MAYBE xbleedingdolliex: hmm.. sixfeetunder590: ITS GETTIN TO A YES :Shieks:: EEEEEEKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!! : D (See how big my smile is!!) :xx: --My love for you is growing by the moment, every time we speak, everytime you breathe, my heart pushes a little more, to get to know you..to be apart of you.. post comment

HaHa, Shorty's Profile..Funnay! [17 Mar 2003|05:13pm] Eastside I don't sell greens. I just smoke greens, because you know I don't be rockin' dem Polo Jeans. I rock Wrangler's. Straight Levi's. Lemme get a square 'cause I aint got none guys. Steppin' on toes. Break a geekers nose. In Pleasant Hill, Bitch, anything goes. Breakin' fools off 'cause I'm a eastside ryda. NOT AL QUAEDA. I SWEAR TO GOD, MAN, IT WASNT ME, DAWG. THAT RAN INTO THE W.T.C., DAWG. I'm innocent. Now, do I look like a suspect? Is it 'cause I gots 2 teeth and a hole in my cheek? I don't tweak. I just got a real bad rash and I been scratchin' kinda hard because I ran outta cash. I'm from the Eastside. I don't really got an ecudation. I been outta school, on the run, and I'm on probation, but I don't give a fuck. I do whatever I want. Whenever I want. I could walk in my Mom's room and straight spark up a blunt, but I'm scared to, but it's all good. 'cause if my mom had some shit then you know I would. post comment

I'll go out of my way, I'll do anything [17 Mar 2003|04:51pm] [ mood | blank ] [ music | Fenix Tx // Threesome ] Well kids..today is boring. I had Hannah over last night, and it was boring as fuck, I actually wanted to be with Angela and Annie, or Theo, cause only god knows how much fun I would've had over there. I just got back from her house. B-O-R-I-N-G!!!..I was supposed to stay over, but she had softball practice, and there was no way in hell I would sit there and wait for her, I'd rather be at home talking to me Theo <3 Anyways. I don't know where the thing with me and Theo is going. I have a gut feeling he is using the shit outta me, and really doesn't give a fuck about me, but then on the other hand, I feel like he understands me and cares for me too. I know that I care for him. I told him that I didn't want to let him down. I told him that I still beileve that two people should be in love before they lose there virginity to other people, but I know he doesn't care..he just wants to lose it, so he can say, "No, I'm not a virgin." So in conclusion, I can really say I know where this relationship will take me, or even if there is a realstionship. He wants me to come over tonight. Should I?..idk. I'm pretty confused right now. You confuse me in so many ways I think I love you, I hate you every day. You confuse me with your way of speaking I wish I really knew what you were thinking. I'm falling head over heals and I know your not Thats whats killing me, is that your dont even notice me You say you do, but I know the truth.. The truth is you have no love, and even if you did it wouldnt be with me..and its killing me. -inside. :xx: more-later post comment

your like the lighter to my cigerette-- [17 Mar 2003|02:54am] [ mood | ecstatic ] [ music | SPM // Mexican Radio ] Man-o-Man, Im so happy right now, yet sad at the same time. Theo finally broke down a little bit and had the balls to come out and tell me that, he liked me. I feel so much better know it came out of his mouth, instead of going on my instinc. (spellcheck?) Yet, Iam depressed..yes, depressed once again, knowing that Ted..one of my good friends will not be moving back to Des Moines anytime soon, or ever. Iam crushed. I love that kid, with all my heart. -xo Mwa! I love you Ted. I will never forget you, Iam looking at your picture right now. :'( xbleedingdolliex: yea i know, im sayin when i used to be over there all the time..like if i made the first move, we probably wouldve already done it.. nugent590: yea, we would of already done it xbleedingdolliex: but you never made a move on me, so i didnt know.. nugent590: i didnt know you liked me xbleedingdolliex: and ted had a g/f and his g/f kept giving me shit cause she thought me and ted had a thing.. xbleedingdolliex: well i didnt know either, and i still dont.. nugent590: oh yes you do nugent590: do to xbleedingdolliex: so do you like me or not? or are you just messin with my head, like always.. nugent590: no im not nugent590: you know if i like you nugent590: why you ask that nugent590: i wanna fuck your brains out xbleedingdolliex: how do i know..you never tell me. nugent590: movin shit around in my room nugent590: i just did nugent590: now you do xbleedingdolliex: when?..i must have missed that one.. nugent590: you never tell me nugent590: aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh xbleedingdolliex: yea i have.. nugent590: fuck it xbleedingdolliex: fuck what? xbleedingdolliex: tell me theo, seriously.. nugent590: tell you what xbleedingdolliex: nothing.. xbleedingdolliex: forget it. nugent590: i like you nugent590: ok xbleedingdolliex: alright. i like you to -xo nugent590: talk baby nugent590: i wanna fuck you so bad xbleedingdolliex: aww, believe me so do i.. nugent590: i get hard just thinkin about it xbleedingdolliex: your making me horny again.. nugent590: i do nugent590: right now xbleedingdolliex:yea.. nugent590: yea xbleedingdolliex: its insane.. nugent590: i kno xbleedingdolliex: are you really getting hard? nugent590: yea xbleedingdolliex: whoa, nice.. nugent590: i kno nugent590: what you think bout that xbleedingdolliex: i think its really hot. nugent590: i bet you do xbleedingdolliex: yea. xbleedingdolliex: i do.. nugent590: mmm nugent590: im tired xbleedingdolliex: then go to bed. nugent590: with you nugent590: id love to xbleedingdolliex: heh i wish.. nugent590: ok nugent590: i will xbleedingdolliex: yea me to, id love that. I just hope, he doesn't break my heart. I mean we're not :involved: yet, but still..i really do like him : \ :xx: post comment

i got a fetish, for fuckin' you.. [16 Mar 2003|06:32pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | Ashanti feat. Ja Rule // Mesmorized ] MWA! I have a new journal. And this is one NOOOO ONE knows about. I have decided to write with the proper capitals and punctuations and what not. This journal is for me only. I want some privacy to myself. I miss not having a journal to write in that I can vent and write whatever I want without rude comments or people asking me if Im okay, like they care about me or something absurd like that. Last night I talked to Justin. I always have a good conversation with that dude, even if they're brief. He told me that he's going to make one of my poems about him, that I wrote, into a song for his band to play at there next show, and dedicate it to me. I actually wrote it when I was cutting, and really depressed. He said things that no one else had said to me, he actually cared for me and kept me alive..inside. I owe him a big part of my heart for that, no matter what he thinks. I feel really special to him, even if he doesn't come out and say it, his actions speak for themselves. I do know this, that kid, he is very..ultra special to me. -xo I've been talking to Theo alot lately, cause Ted has been in Keokuk, because of Steve. I never really talked to Theo on-line, I just used to go over there like everyday. I'd hang out with Ted more then Theo anyways. Well me and Theo have a better, growing relationship now, i guess..if thats what you want to call it. Well I'd boink him, and I know he's do the same to me..he told me so. teehee. ; ) Ooh! Ooh! My mom is always buying new beatuy crap, and worthless stuff she thinks works, she's such a pre-madonna..Well anywho, she bought this one peticure and manicure thingy, and well, I used it on my feet, and now they look so cute..she bought purple nail polish, and she did her nails purple, and I did my toesies purple, they're all ready for summer, yep yep. : D I had the bestest orgasim last night..woooooweeee! Lemme tell ya. HaChaCha! ; ) Well, thats all I have to say for now, believe me, this journal will probably get alot more use then my other two journals. :xx: post comment

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