:: for you id bleed myself dry ::'s Journal

it didnt matter in the end how old they had been, or that they were girls, but only that we had loved them, and that they hadnt heard us calling, still do not hear us, calling them out of those rooms where they went to be alone for all time, alone in suicide , which is deeper than death, and where we will never find the pieces to put them back together.

~ the virgin suicides by jeffery eugenides

thank you for coming, dont forget to tip the cows, er, your waitress ;)

So I look in your direction,
But you pay me no attention, do you.
I know you don't listen to me.
'cause you say you see straight through me, don't you.

On and on from the moment I wake,
To the moment I sleep,
I'll be there by your side,
Just you try and stop me,
I'll be waiting in line,
Just to see if you care.

Did you want me to change?
well I change for good.
And I want you to know.
that you'll always get your way,
I wanted to say,

Don't you Shiver? Shiver, Shiver

I'll always be waiting for you,
So you know how much I need ya,
But you never even see me, do you?

And this is my final chance of getting you.

On and on from the moment I wake....
Did you want me to change?...

Sing it loud and clear.
I'll always be waiting for you.
Yeah I'll always be waiting for you.
And it's you I see, but you don't see me.
And it's you I hear, so loud and clear.
I sing it loud and clear.
And I'll always be waiting for you,.
So I look in your direction,
But you pay me no attention,
And you know how much I need you,
But you've never even seen me.

'shiver' by coldplay

1.THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME:
01 | love
02 | hate
03 | clowns
THREE THINGS I LOVE:
01 | music
02 | movies
03 | honesty
THREE THINGS I HATE:
01 | thinking too much
02 | addictions
03 | school
THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND:
01 | love
02 |close mindedness
03 |why its so hard to be honest
THREE THINGS ON MY DESK:
01 | my cell phone
02 | green flowers
03 | my wallet and lighter
THREE THINGS I'M DOING RIGHT NOW:
01 | thinking
02 | listening to sad coldplay music
03 | scratching my head
THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE:
01 | travel somewhere other than iowa, wisconsin, and alabama
02 |be able to put my love into words so that person knows exactly how I feel
03 |make sure my children are grown up and able to survive on their own...that my parents are in good hands and that im sorry for letting them down
THREE THINGS I CAN DO:
01 | sing
02 | play a lot of different musical intstruments
03 | cry *though not in public*
THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY:
01 | loving
02 | full of change
03 | megan
THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY LOOKS:
01 | kinda pudgy
02 | emo
03 | dyke-ish
THREE THINGS I CAN'T DO:
01 | live up to my dads expectations
02 | cry in front of others
03 | go against my personal beliefs
THREE THINGS I THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO:
01 | tegan and sara
02 | your counselor
03 | me, silly
THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST:
01 | bloop!
02 | ptthht
03 | how YOU doin
THREE OF YOUR ABSOLUTE FAVORITE FOODS:
01 | adolfs enchiladas no tomato
02 | the school's ham and scalloped potatoes *don't ask, I don't know either*
03 | deli sandwitches and stuffs
THREE THINGS I WORRY ABOUT:
01 | losing people
02 | forgetting people
03 | my family *in particular my parents*
THREE THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO LEARN:
01 | how to successfully manage my money
02 | patience
03 | to live without reassurance..rather, without needing to have it
THREE BEVERAGES YOU DRINK REGULARLY:
01 | soda
02 | milk
03 | juice
THREE SHOWS YOU WATCHED WHEN YOU WERE A KID:
01I fred panner *or however you spell it*
02 | golden girls
03 | designing women
Five details about you...
[x] I think way too much
[x] I fall in love quickly
[x] I cant live without music
[x] I have a thing with smells...
[x] I could die happily if I were poor and abandoned and all that good shit, so long as the people I love were happy and doing well.
Five details about your appearance right now...
[x] still in target uniform *red shirt and khakis baby*
[x] my hair is rather greasy..I havent washed it in a while
[x] slouched
[x] hair is in my eyes
[x] my glasses keep slipping down
Five things you did today...
[x] went to school
[x] acted stoned
[x] went to work
[x] missed tami
[x] felt like I was starting to be sick and throw up
Five memorable things you did in the last year...
[x] fell in love for the first time
[x] saw tegan and sara perform live
[x] met sara, of tegan and sara, formerly of the david letterman hates tegan and sara band
[x] went to a good friends funeral
[x] got tattooed and pierced...many times
Five favorite groups...(as of right now..in no particular order)[x] tegan and sara
[x] sarah bettens
[x] ataris
[x] taking back sunday
[x] barzin
Five favorite movies...
[x] american beauty
[x] playing by heart
[x] love and other catastrophes
[x] high art
[x] better than chocolate
Five things that make you happy...
[x] tami
[x] knowing im almost out of high school
[x] music
[x] being told ?I love you' or ?I heart you'
[x] showers
Five people who mean a lot to you... (in no order)
[x] mom
[x] dad
[x] my grandparents
[x] tami
[x] chime
Five things that disgust you...
[x] onions
[x] mayo
[x] boys bands
[x] public bathrooms.
[x] war
Five things that impress you...
[x] peoples determination
[x] my moms strength
[x] people who do their own thing, don't follow the crowd
[x] my dads never wanting to give up on me
[x] love
Five things that don't impress you...
[x] ?im sorry'...if it isnt sincere
[x] ?I love you' if it isnt sincere
[x] people who complain
[x] our president
[x] my own stupidity and insecurity
Five things you cant live without...
[x] love
[x] excitement
[x] relationships
[x] space
[x] my parents and dads parents
Five things you'll do when you complete this...
[x] debate on posting it now or saving it for later
[x] change into my pyjamas
[x] think [x] cry
[x] think some more
Five things you feel right now...
[x] sad/ lonely
[x] curious
[x] sick
[x] scared
[x] tired

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me....so won't you kill me? so i die happy

thank you for coming, dont forget to tip your waitress on the way out

You are the perfect customer! You get your food, go
to your movie, then move on with your life.

What kinda movie theatre customer are you?
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YOu use you LEFT side of the brain. Intellectual,
boring mathimatical school work and bad stuff
is all in there. Careful!

Which part of your brain reacts faster and better?
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HASH(0x86dd59c)

I'm sorry to break the news, but everything's
falling apart. Or maybe that's how your
relationship has always been.

Will you guys last?
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Your motto is, "Go away." No one is worth
your time. You don't like to talk or be talked
to. So I'll be quiet now...

What is your motto?
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You're Lip Smackers.
The first...just a flavored balm, you're sweet but
a little boring.

Which Bonne Bell Lip Gloss are you?
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gumby

You are GUMBY! Always saving the day, being the
hero, you little goody-good. Sir Goody-tooshoes
knows that whenever someone or sometihng is in
the slightest trouble, he MUST be the hero.

***Which GUMBY Character Are YOU?***
brought to you by Quizilla

People are happy when they're around you, glad
they've found happiness in this bright world
while you're left mummbling about how jacked
and lackluster it is. You wouldn't say you're
looking foward to death, but it's pretty much
implied by every pathetic phrase you utter.

Why your life sucks
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Jude Law: you like them romantic and British with
beauiful green eyes.

Which guy are you destined to have sex with?
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The Elitist Prick. So consumed with being on top of indie trends and posing, the Elitist has completely forgotten how to enjoy his once-hipster status. It's probably too late for him.

You are the Elitist Prick. You're so consumed with
being on top of indie trends that you've
completely forgotten how to enjoy your once-
hipster status. It may be too late for you.

What Kind of Hipster Are You?
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IAmAWhiteKitten

I am a romantic White kitten

What color of kitten would you be?
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hippies

You are a Hippie. Wow.

What kind of Sixties Person are you?
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U might look like this!

Erik is your perfect date! Erik is taller, emo, and
very very funny. Sure he lacks in the looks and
the social ability, but hey...he makes up for
it by being himself and being madly in love
with kayti. And yeah...Erik is such a
sweetheart.

Who should you go out with?
brought to you by Quizilla

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Moderate

Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test

If you go away on this summer's day,
Then you might as well take the sun away
All the birds that flew in the summer sky
When our love was new and our hearts were high
When the day was young and the nights were long
And the moon stood still for the night bird's song
If you go away, if you go away, if you go away.

But if you stay, I'll make you a day
Like no day has been, or will be again
We'll sail on the sun, we'll ride on the rain
And talk to the trees and worship the wind
But if you go, I'll understand
Leave me just enough love to fill up my hand
If you go away, if you go away, if you go away.

If you go away, as I know you will
You must tell the world to stop turning
Till you return again, if you ever do,
For what good is love without loving you?
Can I tell you now, as you turn to go
I'll be dying slowly till the next hello
If you go away, if you go away, if you go away.

But if you stay, I'll make you a night
Like no night has been, or will be again
I'll sail on your smile, I'll ride on your touch
I'll talk to your eyes that I love so much
But if you go, I won't cry
Though the good is gone from the word goodbye
If you go away, if you go away, if you go away.

If you go away, as I know you must
There is nothing left in this world to trust
Just an empty room, full of empty space
Like the empty look I see on your face
I'd have been the shadow of your shadow
If you might have kept me by your side
If you go away, if you go away, if you go away.

rawk on! you are sara quin. you are thought of to
be more of a back up singer next to your sister
tegan. but its all good, because it IS because
you are cute...and besides, you dont watch or
participate in zebra porn,and your voice is
more innocent. oh yea, and dont take shit from
your sister, even if she is a few minutes older
than you..and you werent adopted, dont worry.

which quin twin are you, tegan or sara?
brought to you by Quizilla

I've been contemplating suicide,
but it really doesn't suit my style,
so I think I'll just act bored instead
who can take (alt: And Contain) the blood I would've shed?

She makes me feel so ugly (alt: so weary) (alt: so ill at ease)
my heart is really on it's knees
but I keep a poker face so well
that even mother couldn't tell

But my baby's so vain
she is almost a mirror
and the sound of her name
sends a permanent shiver down my
SPINE

I keep her photograph against my heart
for in my life she plays a starring part
all alcohol and cigarettes
there is no room for cheap regrets

But my baby's so vain
she is almost a mirror
and the sound of her name
sends a permanent shiver down my
SPINE

She makes me feel so ugly
my heart is really on it's knees
but I keep a poker face so well
that even mother couldn't tell

But my baby's so vain
she is almost a mirror
and the sound of her name
sends a perennial shiver down my
SPIII-YI-YIIII-YI-YIIII-YI-YIYIYI-INE

You are the Cuddly Ferret! You love spending time
with your owner more than the other ferrets.
You prefer a nice warm lap over a hammock.

Which ferret personality are you?
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You're a pathetic vampire. You're life is one big
dark room...enjoy your misery...

What Kind Of Vampire Are You?
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My freakiness score is: 177
Are you a freak?
Find out your freakiness level.

You are the prostitute that enjoys stalking small
children. You'll put them under your spell and
take off their clothes. You'll use your
mercenary-like-skills to obtain as much deniro
as you can. Penetration is the key.

What kind of hypnotist are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

shuddertothink34, from this day forward,

your Star Wars name shall be....

megba semol

click here to take some more great tests at internet junk

megan
from this day forward your superhero name will be:

The Speedy
Nerd

your special power is: Teleportation

talked myself into being blue
it seemed easier than
finding something new
and I broke them down
did it all for you
no need, no need for thank-yous
go ahead and change
go ahead and change
go ahead and change
talked myself into being strange
and take your very breath away
and I asked myself why love won't change
so I could take your very breath away
someone pray the waters will meet
and for you I will do the same
no one's very real today
no one's very real today
all I have to give this world is me
and that's it
and all I have to show this world is me
and that's it
and all I have to face this world is me
and that's it
just me, just me, just me and that's it
faced ourselves in the mirror last night
to learn who we are
so when we know we're right
it's a big competition to get to the top
common sense put us up
encouraging us not to stop
till ya get to the top
don't stop till the top
and someone say
don't you ever want to change
don't you ever want to change
don't you ever want to change
don't you ever want to change
all I have to give this world is me
and that's it
and all I have to show the world is me
and that's it
and all I have to face this world is me
and that's it
just me, just me, just me, just me
just me, just me, just me, just me
just me, just me, and that's it
and all I have to give this world is me
and that's it
and all I have to show the world is me
and that's it
and all I have to face this world is me
and that's it
and to the rest to avoid the mess
I won't stray, no not me and
all I have to give the world is me
and that's it
and all I have to show the world is me
and that's it
and all I have to face the world is me
and that's it
to the rest to avoid the mess
I won't stray, no not me, not me
not me, not me, not me, not me, not me
just me, just me, just me, and that's it

You came twice last year like a Sears catalog,
Cause your last boyfriend makes love like Boss Hogg,
Well now you're seeing me but soon I'll have you seeing God,
Cause girl I'll get you panting like you're Pavlov's dog,
Like a DC-10: guaranteed to go down,
But baby your black box is the one that I found,
I'll give you the gift that keeps on givin' it won't cost you any money,
Then she grabbed me by the ears and said kiss me where it smells funny.

So down I go like I'm 2000 Flushes,
I can tell I'm doing something right by the way that she blushes,
She's one that's speechless, I'm the one that's tongue tied,
She's thinking holy mackerel I'm thinking tuna on the side,
There must be something wrong with Al Pacino's nose,
Cause the scent of a woman is like rotten tomatoes,
Yeah I'm snorkeling for clams and it doesn't matter if I wanna be,
Don't come up for air until you kiss me where it smells funny.

Drop my face below her waist and stay on third base,
I can tell that the cherry's ripe by the way it tastes,
Yeah I could make a lot of wine with the yeast I find inside her panties,
And then drink it while eating out down at the Seafood Shanty,
Drop my face below her waist and stay on third base,
I can tell that the cherry's ripe by the way it tastes,
Yeah I could make a lot of wine with the yeast I find inside her panties,
And then drink it while eating out down at the Seafood Shanty.

Your Stripper Name is Skylar Jade!

You're an experienced stripper at a typical club, with the stage name to prove it.

You haven't yet made it to the top end clubs in the big city...

But you certainly don't have to wipe down the mirror after you dance!
You're seasoned at pole tricks and could win a gold medal - if pole dancing were an Olympic sport.

You love doing private dances for customers - as long as there's no touching and big tipping!

You've got the future of a $2000 a night feature dancer, Jenna Jameson style!

What's *Your* Stripper Name?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

You Should Give Your Ex AIDS!

Wow, your ex must have really hurt you.

You loathe this guy extremely.

Give him AIDS and his immune system will soon get so weak that even a little cold can kill him.

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survey

Name: megan

B-Day: 07 07 1985

1.WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? whenever i wake up..depends on what i have going on as well

2. If YOU COULD EAT LUNCH WITH ONE FAMOUS PERSON, WHO
WOULD IT BE? tegan, sara, or clea duvall

3. GOLD OR SILVER? white gold or silver

4. WHAT IS THE LAST FILM YOU SAW AT THE CINEMA? daredevil with tami

5. WHAT DO YOU HAVE FOR BREAKFAST? i dont eat breakfast

6. WHO WOULD YOU HATE TO BE LOCKED IN A ROOM WITH? hm, so many people to chose from...

7. CAN YOU TOUCH YOUR NOSE WITH YOUR TONGUE? you bet yer bippy

8. WHO/WHAT INSPIRES YOU? love, reassurance

9. WHAT'S YOUR MIDDLE NAME? kate

10. BEACH, CITY, OR COUNTRY? prolly city

11. SUMMER OR WINTER? winter....cool weather, oh yeah

12. FAVORITE ICE CREAM? whatever's clever

13. BUTTERED, PLAIN OR SALTED POPCORN? butter and salt :) mm, i can taste the fat now...

14. FAVORITE CAR? i think purple plymouth prowlers are adorable, but i would like to own a 2 door black 1999 ford escort :)

15. FAVORITE SANDWICH FILLING? depends on my mood..general some type of meat and cheese

16. TRUE LOVE? what about it?

17. WHAT CHARACTERISTICS DO YOU DESPISE? inconsideration, stupidity

18. FAVORITE FLOWER? whatever's clever once again

19. IF YOU HAD A BIG WIN IN THE LOTTERY, HOW LONG WOULD YOU WAIT TO TELL PEOPLE? id tell my family and my *close* friends relatively soon im assuming

20. FIZZY OR STILL WATER AS A DRINK? still water, please

21. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHROOM? creamish..white...whatever

22. HOW MANY KEYS ON YOUR KEY RING? 4

23. WHERE WOULD YOU RETIRE? seattle perhaps...yay for gloomy weather! woot woot.

24. CAN YOU JUGGLE? sorta

25. RED OR WHITE WINE? dont drink really, but thank you

26. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY? um..*thinks* had sex. other than that, i dont remember. *that's horrible i know*

27. DO YOU CARRY A DONOR CARD? its on my license

30. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE? love and other catastrophes, high art, 13 conversations about 1 thing, playing by heart, american beauty, better than chocolate...dont ask for just one

31. FAVORITE MIXED DRINK? sprite and orange juice :)

32. BRACES? no

33. WHEN WERE YOU AT YOUR IDEAL WEIGHT? i dunno...i dont care about weight, i care about my stomach fat haha

34. A FRIEND YOU'VE KNOWN THE LONGEST AND HOW LONG? christina, 17 years

35. What is your favorite animal/pet? hehe, doggy

36. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT? um...i dont know

37. BELIEVE THERE IS NO GOD/PURPOSE/IMMORTALITY? i believe in something, im just not sure what

38. DO YOU HAVE AN INNIE OR AN OUTIE? innie *giggles* outties are adorable..they're fun to poke. but innies are sexier and funner to kiss :)

39.WHO IS SOMEONE YOU HAVE PUT ALL YOUR TRUST INTO AND THEY BROKE IT? nicole

40.DO YOU BELIEVE IN????????

Angels? Yes

Heaven and Hell? undecided

Love at first sight? undecided

Breaking Promises? um...ive broken them, but unintentionally. i never break my word though...my word is something i will never go back on.

Fighting? if its worth it, and if you believe in it

beth! erik tried to shoot me in the face with his LRT. i mean i think he was trying to use the laser thingy to scan me and blind me...then id have to sue his ass and be unemployed and it would be funny!

thank you for coming, dont forget to tip your waitress on the way out.