Passionfruit Jones' Journal

Saturday, December 27, 2003

5:16PM - Negative thoughts for the Holidays...

I am so damn bored... My babycakes is out of town until Jan. 3rd... I've gotta get a frickin life! Man, there's gotta be something to do for free... or at least something fun that won't make me spend more than $5. Plus gas... I HATE L.A.!!! Really though, I wish I was in DC with my mother, or on my way to VA to see my family... this would be the perfect time to pack my bags and roll out to LAX. Damn, I've gotta start singin so that I can start making money and get the freak outta here....

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Tuesday, August 26, 2003

11:04AM - Love is in the Air...

So, that night, we got a LOT out in the open. She didn't realize that she said that she hadn't forgiven me, because she had. She just didn't trust me. So, which is worse? Not sure, but its no big deal. I told her exactly where my mind was, and was firm and authoritative in my stand that I love her and only want to build from this point on. I told her that all the wishy-washy days were gone, as I'd decided to make my life what I want it to be. That includes healthy relationships all-around. I'm on my shit. She told me that she was so mad at me, as started crying. I was kinda happy, because at least she was releasing some of her hostility. Then, we got drunk...
... and I mean ON THE FLOOR drunk! Our dumb asses, in the name of stress and boredom, took three shots of rum to the head, chased it with Cola, and instantly became intoxicated. I threw up, a first for my baby to witness. But we both handled ourselves well given the level of severe drunkenness. During that time, we both expressed some truths to each other about our lives and our emotions. We made some music, which I still haven't heard, and we just cracked up at how dumb we felt being THAT drunk. Then, we passed out.
When we got up, Marie decided that she wanted to cook some Soul Food. This is a first for me, as we've both been on strict diets all summer long. But not that day.....
... we had Steak, Fried Chicken, Macaroni and Cheese, Collard Greens, Cornbread, and Kool-Aid. UMMMMM UMMMMM UMMMMMM!!!! I almost threw something at that woman. She can COOOOOOOOK!!!! Oh my GOD! WHOOO!!! Its called Soul Food for a REASON. Shit!
Anybody who knows me knows that the way to my heart is through my stomach. I'm so real about that. Its really true. But I'm gonna have to learn how to cook like that because you can straight up control a person if you know how to cook like that. For real.
While we were at the grocery store, I bought her three cards. One was a sex card, one was a feelings card, and one was a motivational card for her studies. She really felt those gestures. I'm glad, because I love this girl. I know I messed up in the beginning, but I want to BUILD. For real. Fuck the petty shit - we're BOTH worthy of a healthy relationship. By slighting this relationship, I'd be slighting myself. She's wonderful. I couldn't ask for more.
I went to my first BALL on Sunday night! When I say ball, I mean BALL. The Ballroom, honey. If you're not familiar, this is where the black gay community comes together to show their stuff. I came with the Omni House, who represented well. One of their members won "Best Face - Caramel," "Best Vogue in Pink, Cunt," and "Best Vogue in a Skirt." Those boys weren't playing games! They WORKED! I want to join Omni and learn how to Vogue better and compete in other states with other women. They say that there aren't women voguers in Los Angeles. I think its because the Ballroom is fairly new to L.A. But I'll help poineer it. I think its a tribute to all the Black Gay and Bisexual Men who have died of AIDS and HIV. Plus, its just FUN and NATURAL for me to do. Its more natural than African Dance in my eyes. At least, that's how I see it. So, I'm gonna probably go out more often with some of the boys and learn how to vogue better. This time next year, I want to REPRESENT! There was this beautiful man named Iman who is one of the main Omni members. He was so sweet and beautiful. He shared his blunt with me and told me I was very pretty. Part of me wonders if they thought I was a man who'd had a sex change. lol... A couple of them looked at me like that. I'm not sure. I think they can tell real "fish" from fake. lol. Oh, the lingo. ;)

Current mood: awake
Current music: Rupaul's "Supermodel"
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Saturday, August 23, 2003

1:09PM - No More 3rd Person...

Alright, dammit. A friend of mine told me to STOP talking in the third person, so I'm going to stop calling myself Passionfruity when referring to, uh, myself. So, here's to ME, MYSELF, and I.
So, I've decided to become a doctor. Woo hoo!!! Actually, all jokes aside, I think that this is a positive move forward in my life. A little house cleaning is due, though. I have to tie up all loose ends, perhaps even my relationship.
Okay, so I'm really REALLY frustrated with my girlfriend right now. About a month ago, I told her that I was leaving Los Angeles and moving back to DC because of my lack of direction and feelings of instability and lack of motivation in general. She flipped. A friend said that maybe she'd fallen harder for me than I had for her. She must've, because although I deeply regretted saying that to her and took it back humbly, wholeheartedly, and with tears streaming down my face and snot dripping from my nose, she still hasn't forgiven me. So, its been a whirlwind for me because one minute she's cool, the next minute she's confused and frustrated, wondering what she's going to do. Meanwhile, I remain in limbo, wondering if she's going to make me pack my shit and bounce, or if she's gonna ask me to hold her. WHAT THE FUCK!?!?
Part of me is saying, FUCK THIS - you're a DOCTOR in the making! What would Dr. Passionfruit do? I mean, talk about holding a grudge! I'm just not like that. Probably because I've done that before and learned that it REALLY takes away from the beauty of the connection you can have with someone once you forgive them. Forgiveness is so essential to being healthy and happy. If you're busy holding onto peoples' wrongdoings, unintentional or intentional, how the hell are you going to be able to see their beauty? Its phony. And it ends up hurting the person and the grudgeful party (is grudgeful a word?).
So, why don't I just leave? Because, FUCK - I love her! DAMMIT! Why is she fucking with me? Shit! Why can't we just CHILL. Damn. I can MAKE my part of this WORK. I've already decided that. Treat me right, though. She doesn't even WANT to be different though. She's so satisfied with holding grudges. I guess she just can't relate to the fact that I know what unconditional love IS and ISN'T about. She's never met a group of people who love me unconditionally. She will soon, though. My two BEST friends are coming to town! For real, I'm glad that they're staying with us because it'll force her to see that muthafuckers ARE my friends, THROUGH thick and thin. Fuck BULLSHIT getting in the way of us loving each other! FUCK THAT. If she just wants to be alone, so be it. But don't act like that shit flies on my side of things.
I don't know. I talk so much shit, but then there's a big part of me that savors those moments when she's FINE. I mean, she's PERFECTLY FINE. I love when she's like that. I love when she cuddles up with me, when she asks me to hold her, when its just her and me - CHILLIN. Sometimes, its beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.
I need a drink.

Current mood: aggravated
Current music: Busta Rhymes "I Know What You Want"
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Monday, August 11, 2003

10:54PM - Passionfruit and her Marie Melon

Miss Marie Melon is her name, pleasing Passionfruit's pussy is her game. Miss Marie keeps fulfilling P more and more, directing her energies through PJ's clit to the seat of her soul. Mmmm... MM's got it going on! The gentleness, then the bedroom thug... that New Age Stud for that New Age Femme. Oh, what a feeling! She just continuously steps up the game, sticking her Melon into Passion's fruit like that is gonna cause something serious. Marie and Passionfruit Melon? It might be something to consider in a little while, if things keep going this way... Miss PJ has never felt this good in her life. The kind of good that makes Black women go natural. That true good news. That flowersjustbecause feeling.That guitarserenade feeling. That twistmylocks feeling. Miss Melon is sweeter than honey to Miss Passionfruit Jones' soul. The mysteries of her psyche continue to reveal themselves to PJ. And its as nourishing as breastmilk to a newborn.
Was that to feminine for you? -pj

Current mood: pleased
Current music: Miss Marie Melon's guitar serenade
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Sunday, August 10, 2003

1:06AM - PJ's Feeling Loved...

Passionfruit Jones really loves her sisters. Blood, soul, play-play, all of that... PJ love them ladies! Her real sister is anxious to see her new blurty page, but is too young... even though PJ wonders what lil sis is doing up on the computer this late for. Passionfruit has received a warning from her soul sister, sistergirlfrombackhomewhoisdoingthedamnthingalldayeveryday (Dada for short), that when she and sistergirlfrombackhomewhoissweetaspieandwonthurtafly (Lala for short) get to LA for her birthday, Passionfruit Renee' Jones BETTER give them some quality time away from Miss Marie, PJ's sweetie-pie extraordinaire. As if Passionfruit Renee' would DARE play her friends or her girl... she doesn't carry things that way. P-to-tha-J loves everyone individually and collectively, and has made the mistake of neglecting to show a sister that she cared about spending time with her - and has recently (as in this weekend) had that same question enter her heart about two so-called SISTERGIRLS who will remain nameless (countrybballplayerwhowasPJslilsisatSpelmanbutfrontedoncomingthroughtothecriblastweekend and morenamamacitanumerounowhosinsandiegothisweekendandcantcallnobody). "Damn, Gina!" Why'd it have to be that way? Anyway, Passionfruit Jones isn't tripping. Nor is she gonna trip on showing love to her girls when they fly out to see her for her 24th birthday. Nor will she neglect her honeypot, Marie-rie Baby. PJ can multitask with the best of them.
On another tip... Passionfruit was smoking out with her girl Marie, and they began to trip in a good, giddy way. Recently, PJ has tripped out and tripped into a string of suppressed feelings about women in her past that she never kicked it to or with. One came to mind tonight while watching Golden Brooks on a late night talk show. Golden reminded her of an incident with a young woman, formerdallascowboycheerleaderwhoclaimedtobechristianatthetimebutstillwantedPJtosleepinherbedwithherinspiteoftheavailabilityofhercouchafterknowingPassionfruitforlessthanaweekbywayofamutualacquaintance (Dallas Dime for short). That night, Passionfruit Jones was picked up in Inglewood by Dallas Dime, and taken back to DD's house in Van Nuys so that Da Dime could drive P.Jo to the Making the Band 2 audition, which Dallas was too old to attend herself. This girl was fine as hell and Passionfruit was "Born Again" at the time, so she was suppressing the feelings in her clit as Dallas Dime, wearing her Adina Howard teeshirtandpanties ensemble, laid in her full-sized bed, waiting for Passion to get in the bed and sleep. Once PJ was in, she had a funny feeling... a feeling she started rebuking the devil over. She laid there, and laid there... hoping that the feeling would subside. But it wouldn't. So, Passionfruit Jones did what she thought she had to do - she took her pillow, asked for a blanket, and slept on the floor. PJ just said that she was having a back problem and needed the hardness of the floor for support. Ha! Passionfruit Renee' was horny, and the longer she laid in that bed, the worse it got. After all, this was Dallas Dime, a former black DALLAS COWBOY CHEERLEADER for crying out loud. Chocolate skin, luscious lips, long eyelashes, perfect breasts, slim, curvy body, and hell - there ain't too many curious black femmes out there who are able to resist Passionfruit's charm. Hell, she'd been charming fine ass women since she was 6. If she had played her cards right, perhaps she could've shown Dallas Dime what it was supposed to feel like to be a woman. Damn, another one bites the dust. Oh well, Passionfruit ain't trippin. She's got all the dime she needs in Marie, and then some. Marie charms PJ, and makes her feel more secure than anyone in Los Angeles. Definately any lover, ever. This is Passionfruit's first attempt at a real, loving, lasting relationship. Two months strong... Strong? Strong. Surprisingly, Passion Renee' is serious about someone who is serious about her. PJ's about to shout in 5...4....3....2.........THANK YA! HUH-HA! HEYYYYY! HA HA! OH SHO GO TO RO KYO! SHALAMAR SUMULUMAH! HA HA! HEYYYYY! HAHLELUH! HAH! LE! LU...(cartwheel down the aisle into an african dance and a drop to the floor).
Okay, so maybe not, but it would've been worthy of all that activity. Instead, Passionfruit Jones is gonna get in bed and spoon her booty into Marie's belly and go to sleep.
Goodnight. :)

Current mood: hyper
Current music: the sound of air conditioning in the valley...
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Saturday, August 9, 2003

4:22PM - looking around...

... the neighborhood looks promising... Neighbors are exciting, I think... hmm... PJ might like it here...

Current mood: excited
Current music: diana krall
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3:36PM - in the beginning...

...there was Passionfruit Jones (PJ for short).

Passionfruit was/is a 5'3 AND A HALF, black, bald headed, feminine, articulate, often-confused, loyal, erratic, passionate (hmm), sexaholic with a compulsion for trying new things. She's currently living with her girlfriend, Softstudfromnortherncaliwhoknowshowtolovepassionfruitandworkthemiddlewhileprovidingmentalstimulationandspiritualgratification (Marie for short), who she met a little over two months ago. PJ hates her job intensely, and will soon walk away from it and pursue her passion, once she decides what that is. Right now/then, it was/is music. It is/was also human service. It is/was also religion. It is/was also creative writing. It is/was also travel. It is/was also sexuality. It is/was also too much to deal with right then/now.

PJ has been sexually involved with over 20 people, men and women, for a variety of time lengths, mostly short-term. Marie is the first person that mutually wanted/wants to be in a stable, monogamous sexual relationship with Passionfruit Jones. The two may get married in Toronto some day and adopt little fruity children.

Miss Jones misses life on the East coast. She misses her family, some of whom she can only stand for a few days at a time in three month intervals. PJ does miss her close friends though, two of which will help her celebrate her 24th birthday on September 5th! The mid-20s, oh joy! Passionfruit has grown to be more and more sarcastic over the years. She believes that L.A. County is responsible for this.

Passionfruit is looking for her passion fruit - the fruit of the passion in her soul. She needs to find this before she loses her mind. Did she spell that right?

This is enough about Passionfruit Jones for now.

Current mood: jubilant
Current music: soft jazz on launch.com
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