partypunk5's Journal
20 most recent posts

Date:2006-01-11 20:21
Subject:holla
Security:Public

wow. i keep coming back to blurty. its like a bad habit. there's thinspo here...people that understand. well I'm back up to about 94. what a scary number compared to what i used to be. but not for much longer. this saturday i'm going back to college and it's going to come back off....in a week. i will reach my first goal of 88 in one week. i'll need your help as you'll need mine. if anyone wants to partner...add me on aim. LilCrzyGrl2. ihave my pair of jeans ready to be tried on every day...and watching them fit better. i almost wish i had someone on my floor that was like me. so we could lock ourselves in a room without food and just stay there. anyone happen to attend UW Madison?! keep up the work ladies and hit me up for support!

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Date:2005-12-15 19:59
Subject:
Security:Public

I'm back because I want to lose weight before I go home. Which is a little over a week. so far this week i've eaten less than 500 cals a day and I've made a consious effort to go to the gym every night for about an hour. I'm also studying for my finals so it's easy to go to the library and watch the hours fly by that I'm not eating. Micah...I MISS YOU DARLING!!! everyone, i need thinspo....but it has to be you, not pictures of peopel taht get paid to lose weight. so add me as a friend and we'll get this done :)

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Date:2005-10-18 01:38
Subject:
Security:Public

wow wtf just happened to my life. today went excellent eating wise until everything fell apart. (not regarding food) my roommate is dating that guy I mentioned before. and college feels nothing more than high school. I am NO happier (besides being away from my family). the scenery has just changed. I have nooo where to turn except back to when I get about 2 hours of sleep a night (one less than now) and completely stop eating, which by tomorrow should be no problem, start hurting myself again, and sufficiently isolate myself from the world. I will be transferring out of this room to get away from this bitch, but have no idea where to. micah, if only you went to school here. btw, it's christine, not chris. <3 ya anyway. i think im going to weigh in on wednesday. i dont know if i mentioned this earlier this year but ,the only reason i agreed not to kill myself and end this bullshit was because I was going to college and things would be different, and I might even be happy.well I'm not, no where close. I'm starting to purge more often and have starting staring at sharp things...and just at walls and ceilings.why is happiness so hard to achieve? i just dont understand half the time..
Micah thanks for everything....you give me so much support!!
want support? LilCrzyGrl2 add me I'm better at helping others than myself (i think)

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Date:2005-10-13 00:56
Subject:
Security:Public

ahh what a shitty ass day...bad quiz, woke up late, early lab tomorrow (today technically)....and a severe binge. god damnit! i felt like i was doing so well too....well I purged-icky public toilets- but i dont feel AS bad about it. whats neat is i'm starting to see my ribs in my chest. now im just waiting for my cheekbones but those are hard cuz i have relatively chubby cheeks to begin with (childhood nickname: sweetcheeks) aghhhh...but they WILL come whether i have to carve them out or not. i neeeeeeed a scale i think i'll walk to a gym or something tomorrow after lunch with my mom so then i'll feel worse than i should. I'll definitately be needing the support from micah. i luv you girl!! thanks for everything. I really hope i'm taking weight off, if not, this is so useless I might as well be eating my heart out, being disgusting like the way i look. ickkkkk

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Date:2005-10-11 11:28
Subject:nervous
Security:Public

Today's calorie count: (since we're basing this off of restriction, not fasting)
1 Gala Apple : 80
Hot chocolate (fat free) : 120
Gushers: 90
2 bites of Chicken Parm. sandwich : ??? nooo clue

this is all I plan on eating for the night so my total is 290 +chix parm.
wow that seems like a big number. idk..tomorrow i'll try to keep it below 200cals. Hope everyone is doing well!! So, I have this total blind date with this really cute guy tonight and I"m sooo nervous! keeping my fingers crossed. feedback anyone??

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Date:2005-10-11 00:48
Subject:
Security:Public

So the first day of the fast went pretty well....all liquids except for fried rice with my dad tonight. there was no getting out of that one. so tomorrow should be great considering Ihave all day to let the liquids go through my system. :) that makes me soo excited again. I felt the beginning of it today before I left with my dad cuz my hands were really cold thin and I was going to the bathroom frequently. Tomorrow's only going to get better. 5 lbs will be easy...should I set a higher goal?? Hope my fasting buddy is doing well as well! I know just knowing that someone out there has a certain expectation of me, besides myself, helps sooo much! Thank you! (you know who u are)

God damn my fucking roommate...had the guy over while i was gone today... BITCH any ideas what I should do

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Date:2005-10-09 23:09
Subject:
Security:Public

so im soooo excited!! tomorrow i'm starting my first buddy fast!!! all liquids (hot chocolate and water) for 7 days..... i absolutely love the feeling of fluids going right through my system.makes me feel so skinny! too bad i'm not yet..but i will be soon! reach for the stars with your eyes open so you can see what you accomplish on the way there

how flippin corny was that. honestly. anyway shout out to my fasting bud! this week will rock

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Date:2005-10-09 19:07
Subject:irate
Security:Public

holy shit...what a bad weekend! first of all, i ate like a fucking pig today but we'll get back to that. so whats pissing me off the most is my fucking roommate. geezus... so I like this guy from back home, which just so happens to go here too, and she fucking spent thenight at his dorm last night..and its not like she didnt know I had feelings for him. GODDAMNIT she didnt get back until like 3 this afternoon. so i guess this could be a cause of my binge today. I started out eating a third of a waffle, then some laffy taffy, then *plug your ears* au gratin potatoes and ...oh dear god, chicken pilaf. WHAT THE HELL! i'm so lost in my priorities. I was just starting to get back to normal!! So this week, there will be less than 200 cals a day and if I break this, so help me god, i will severely punish myself. or i'll kill my roommate -but that would make me happy so nvm. If anyone else here goes to UW Madison give me a shout!!

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Date:2005-10-08 17:51
Subject:
Security:Public

I slept until 4:00pm today. That got me out of two meals in a row without even thinking about it. hell yeah! Unfortunately I just got back from dinner and I ate a salad with small chicken chunks and a gala apple. Since I'm still extrememly hooked on chocolate that is all I shall be having for the rest of the evening. Hopefully I can walk the majority of my dinner off on the way to the hockey game tonight. I'm so close to being back on track all I need is a little more motivation. I can do it..drink lots of water! makes your skin pretty.

If you want it bad enough....you'll find a way.

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Date:2005-10-07 16:26
Subject:Hello once again...
Security:Public

Well, well, well...what do we have here? Something I once devoted my life to. I once found solitude and ispiration here. That is, until everyone stopped being supportive and minded to their own. I want to return here and post every day and keep up my journal again...so I've decided I'm going to give this place one more chance. The purpose of a community is to help one another and not to just watch out for yourself...you could do that with just a mirror. So after a rough summer and stressful beginning of college here are my current stats:
Current weight: ? somewhere around 90lbs.
Short term goal: 85
Long term goal: 75
Lowest weight: 77
Highest weight: 95

I started out well this week....mostly because I'v been so distracted with school work and midterm exams. Now that I've got the ball rolling...I MUST keep it going. Hope everyone is doing well....msg me with your success stories or if you need support!

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Date:2005-07-18 01:10
Subject:yay?
Security:Public

well, I did fairly well today...I spent the entire day looking for laptops with my family and managed to only eat a few pieces of pineapple...which could technically be a negative calorie food. however, I'm losing strength. I've started giving up on everything else. pushing those close to me away once again. here we go...not sleeping. I'm going to be spending the following week out of town so I wont be able to get my dosage of thinspiration although when I shower, that should be plenty...

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Date:2005-07-13 20:11
Subject:going strong
Security:Public

I had an appointment today and weighed in at 87lbs. seems so heavy compared to what I used to be. luckily I dont have to see the nutritionist (im 18) anymore-she'd probably be pissed. Does anyone know anything about negative calorie foods and are they for real? I've been doing alot of reading about them but it could just be diet hype. let me know. I'm trying to reduce the purging but I still average at least once a day. Today it was after a bowl of cereal...which just so happens to be my favorite binge and purge food. I love the feeling of power. What really sucks is my depression is roaring its ugly head again and my stupid psychologist won't prescribe anything. What's there for OTC besides drugs. The bad thing is, you get high...you get the munchies and aren't aware of how much you shove into your face until someone tells you the following day. How ridiculous.stay away from drugs...unless of course you can resist munchies.I cant wait until cold weather when I can hide under sweaters and jackets all the time. ah-fuck the world. Keep going strong

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Date:2005-07-12 23:46
Subject:I'm back!!!!
Security:Public

Hello Ladies! Some of you may not remember me, but I was an avid blurty user. Unfortunately, I was placed in inpatient for awhile due to my weight loss and was forced to gain quite a bit back before I was released. The good news is....I'm back and ready to go again! My current stats: 90lbs short term goal: 80lbs long term goal: 70lbs (but I'll have to be more careful this time) I'll be going to college this fall so then I wont have everyone watching me all the time. Totally looking forward to that. So girls, let's get thin!!! Support and advice always welcome and given.

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Date:2005-03-07 21:26
Subject:
Security:Public

things are still going slow. every purge is ultimate bliss...chocolate is still a major weakness since thats practically all i consume now. i run on caffeine. any hints of getting away from this? so weak...so tainted

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Date:2005-03-03 22:44
Subject:the evil mirror of disgust
Security:Public

so I went shopping today....for bathing suits for my trip to CA (spring break) BAD NEWS!!! bathing suits+mirrors=total bad news. So I'm setting a fresh goal. Weigh 82lbs in two weeks. With drama practice starting hardcore, it should be easier...especially since we'll be doing some dancing. (along with my usual exercise, which i've been major slacking on) I shouldnt be allowed in anything less than sweats and a hoodie. I havent stepped on a scale in about a week, and I'm soooo scared. I'll hyperventilate....so i'm prolonging that as much as possible. Which will probably be until tomorrow afternoon. hope everyone is doing better than me...

I almost got my period back today....OMG total freak out. like i got the warning signs, but then nothing-- IM SOOOO GROSS!

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Date:2005-03-02 18:21
Subject:two years later...
Security:Public

sorry I havent posted for awhile. More or less...I was turned in. I was forced to gain alot of weight back on....up to 88lbs. However....things are back to normal once again and I've returned to 84lbs. Everything's soo much harder now though. I'm kicking myself in the ass for not coming back here to let you know what's been going on. Maybe I wouldnt have gained all this weight back if I would have stayed in touch with my blurty. Well, that's about to change. IM BACK! And thanks for all the support lostinmysoul....hang in there!!

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Date:2005-01-30 21:03
Subject:oh boy
Security:Public

so today is the first day I kept a meal down. Lunch....3 pizza rolls and some fruit. It was complete and utter hell waiting for dinner to come. Felt like I was 8 months pregnant and carrying around twins. At least something stayed. I felt like I was panic attacking all day. After dinner when I went into the bathroom, it was ultimate bliss. Although i do believe I felt my heart flutter :S The rushing sensation of the knowledge of why I do what I do calmed me down and reminded that it's not worth carrying the "baby." Haha...thats a really ridiculous way to phrase that. I'M NOT PREGNANT FOR REAL. Anyway...remember how I wanted to gain weight? I actually lost weight in my failed attempt at gaining. THis is so hard. I feel absolutely sick all of the time. I kinda figured fuck it. I'll just lose until I can't possibly lose anymore. All the while, if I gain...woohooo nowillkillmyself. haha. HATE THE WORLD---lates current weight: 82 (after a bath) soo 81?

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Date:2005-01-25 22:11
Subject:
Security:Public

so these past few days have been utter hell. I cant stablize my weight. I'm trying so hard to keep it around 85 it makes me weak. I even went just a little over to make sure it stayed above. it's prolly around 86 right now. BUT ITS FUCKING TORTURE. I feel like a fat slob. I've thrown up 3 or 4 times already today. SInce I tried eating to gain the weight, i need food sooo much. So tonight for example I eat something, go throw up. Come back a little while later and eat somethign else, then throw up. THis way something stays, but mostly all goes. I FEEL SOOOOOOO FAT. i'm not even doing this for attention...please does anyone believe me? this makes holding on just that much harder. now excuse me while i throw up more of my pathetic life

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Date:2005-01-22 11:02
Subject:letter to the foreseen ghost
Security:Public

I'm done. I've been trying for too long. I'm worn out physcially, mentally, emotionally...there's no point in giving a shit about something/someone who doesnt give a shit about you. I'm done making others worry about me: therefore done complaining or showing a sign of weakness. Lizzy, you know you shouldnt be back here reading these sites regardless of the situation,, it's unhealthy for you. Like I said, there's no more need to worry. I'll sink into what others view: nothing. There's nothing you can do. The one person I trusted...the only person that walked the earth, betrayed me for someone he claimed he didn't care about although he really wanted to help me get better. hell, thats a whole different topic. I am officially walking around alone. school means nothing..maybe i'll even fail a class to make sure every ounce of disappointment and failure sinks into my being. yet here I am complaining to world wide web. how much more pathetic can I be? As for eating/weight..I weighed myself yesterday and i was 81lbs. Someone turned me into my fucking guidance counselor cuz they were "worried"....like they even fucking care. they're just upset cuz i can lose weight and they cant. so I made myself promise that i'd gain 4lbs so I'd 85 for about a week so they can shut the fuck up and give them the satisfaction that they did something. but after the week is up...i'm plunging into it until i land in the hospital...then i'll be that much closer to death. i have that stupid appt coming up with taht one doctor. I've decided I'm probably just going to lie and talk about school stuff idk. I'm just.....done. Don't worry, you'll leave too......

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Date:2005-01-16 03:27
Subject:
Security:Public

AAGGGGGGGGGHHH AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

someone take me out of this world I was never in....

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