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It's been 2 weeks into Hari Raya. Visiting relatives, relatives visiting, Mom and Aunts comparing their children, relatives asking me So sec what? and basically, I reply Oh, I'm in JC. Yep. *nervous smile* Well you get the drift. I am ashamed to admit this because I'm a Muslim but really, in some ways, I hate Hari Raya. I don't know alot of my relatives and I hate it when they visit. They ask me the same old questions every single time they visit. And when they leave, I ask my Mom the same old bloody question: Erm who was that? And my Mom would answer either a) He/She is your granddad's nephew b) He/She is your great grandfather's blah blah blah c) He/She is your relative from Johore/Malacca/some other state in Malaysia d) He's just your Dad's friend or e) None of the above
Well, you see, I don't make an effort to get to know my relatives. I mean I have a lot and it's just mad to know them all. I'm just glad and grateful for the few close cousins, aunts and uncles I have. And they are The Good. I feel at ease around them. I feel happy. Plus my closest cousins are crazy crazy people. Well, actually there are only two of them. But oh wells. But sometimes The Good can become The Bad. For instance, last week, Mom came home from one of my aunt's Hari Raya openhouse, sort of like a family gathering - I didn't go as I had really bad cramps. Once she came home, she went straight to my room and told me what an Aunt of mine told her. That particular Aunt of mine has a daughter - who, if I'm not wrong, took her A levels last year. Apparently, according to my Mom, that cousin of mine stopped being involved in her CCA(s) at the end of JC1. And devoted all her time to mugging/studying/revising/being cooped up in her room/having no life for the whole of JC2 till she completed her A levels. Well. Firstly, story's rather ambiguous. I was like OH REAAALLLLLY? She must be really strong-willed/determined or simply mad. Mom was saying how universities don't give a piss about your CCAs. All they care about is your academic performance. I tried to rebut but I couldn't say much cos I really don't know much about uni admissions and stuff like that. But pls enlighten me if you do. Well I don't like it when my Mom tells me what to do. I hate it. I don't like being governed especially by a Mom. Then she continued to tell me another story that Aunt told her. An RJC student currently in JC1 (which means he is from my batch) has stopped going for his CCA. Again I went OH REAAALLLLLY? I didn't stop there though. I added another dimension by saying, So what's his name???? and gave my Mom that look - digust plus stop-bullshitting-me-please plus STFU. As her grand finale, she announced that she would love to see me stop going for touch rugby trainings. To exclude myself from my CCA. But how can????? It's easier said than done. I can't be touch rugby-less! The Bad has influenced my Mom. The Bad has narrow thinking. My Mom has even narrower thinking.
Which brings to my next point. I know I am generalizing but I feel that most Malay parents are too traditional. Hmm. Maybe that's not the right word. Conservative? Well I'm not sure but really Malay parents are one of a kind. Malay GRANDPARENTS are worse. But at least they don't govern my measly sad life. There might be one exception though in my cluster of The Good, The Bad & The Fugly relatives. My Auntie Bibi. She's different. I'm not particularly close to her, her kids, or anything but I like her. A lot. She's not really Malay. I can't remember what she said exactly but something along the lines of Hindustani. Well basically she doesn't look Malay. She speaks English to me. Her kids are cool. Cool kids. Well they're no longer kids actually. Her daughter's getting married soon! And her daughter's one cool cat. Last weekend, I met her at another aunt's place (YES I HAVE TONS OF AUNTS AND UNCLES, many many truckloads) for Hari Raya. Talked to me about school. What subjects I'm taking - well the normal topics The Good and The Bad talk about too. But she's an exception cause she asked me what I wanna be. I said some half truths about my ambitions cos I haven't really thought about it. It's amazing how a question can stump you. But before I went home that night, she said to me Be happy in doing something that you like, something you want. Gave me a hug and kissed me on my cheeks. I said my goodbyes and went off with Mom and Grandma. I hope my Mom heard what Auntie Bibi said to me. I hope Mom would could understand. And Dad too, for that matter.
Within a span of one month, I was asked that question 4 times. By Mr Leong, James, Auntie Bibi and lastly, by myself. And for all 4 incidences, I was stumped. Especially the first one. I just bullshitted to Mr Leong (I didn't mean to but - and of course no disrespect to him but) about social sciences. But really, I don't have a clue. I don't have a fucking clue. I know I'm deviating from the topic of relatives here, but when I was in primary school, I wanted to be a teacher. For 6 whole years, I wanted to be a teacher. Then came secondary school. Many phases - a zookeeper, a chef, a restaurant manager, a sports coach, a graphic designer (I had contemplated with the idea of going to La Salle - but money and PARENTS were an issue). An once suggested that I be a clown in a circus. (And she wanted to be a professional cheerleader in some American state HAHA) Anyway, now in JC, I just wanna be a PE teacher. I have no big ambitions. Since small, I wasn't used to thinking big. I didn't care maybe. But now, it's really got me thinking. They say life's too short - but if it's really that short, why do I have to make such difficult choices pertaining to my future? Life is short - I shouldn't look back or forward. Somehow I'm the kind of person who takes things at a time. I think about NOW. I don't really think about what's gonna happen 20, 10 years down the road. Or even 2 years for that matter. I don't know whether I wanna go to a university. But I must be crazy if I don't - cos people will say what wasted education in RG and RJC. Well I wanna say screw them but it's true. I can't waste education. Well I've deviated enough (pun not intended) - I just need God to show me the way.
And now to The Fugly. Family feuds are ugly ugly stuff. I don't know whether this is serious, really. And I don't really wanna talk about this. Well nuff said I guess. To end off this special entry on Relatives: The Good, The Bad & The Fugly, I just wanna admit that in some ways, relatives are an integral part of my life, but in other ways, they don't really matter to me. And I have a feeling the feeling's mutual.
Oh anyway, Happy Birthday Yanyi :D Love you V. Capt!
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