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Why ; Avril Lavigne |
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This morning I woke up at 6:30am. Bathed and decided to make breakfast for myself. For some weird reason, I was craving for instant noodles so I took out a packet of Asam Laksa flavoured Maggi from the cupboard. And an egg from the fridge. My grandma keeps eggs in the fridge cos apparently, according to her, they last longer like that. Well, I like to add an egg to my Maggi. But unfortunately, I dropped the egg. I've never dropped an egg before, ever. It just slipped from my hand. The egg cracked upon contact with the floor and I liked the sound it made, for some unknown reason. It's been a long time since I broke something but it felt good, just seeing the mess on the floor.
( See it? )
On the bus on my way to school today, I saw a rainbow. It wasn't the most beautiful of rainbows,
but somehow it made me smile. It was faded, yet pretty - against the clear blue sky.
I had Chem revision test 2 in school. I scored 6/40. Didn't study for it. Oh wells. And then, had some sort of physics QnA with Mr Sze, Nadz, James and BL. Initially I refused to go for it cos I haven't started on my physics revision. In fact, I haven't started on any revision for any subject so far. I was scared that Mr Sze would scold me. I didn't want him to know that I'm an irresponsible student. I didn't want him to know that I just don't bother. But I went eventually after much coaxing from my classmates. Plus, I didn't want to pangseh Nadz and Mr Sze again. So I went. Well it wasn't that bad. I didn't ask any questions eventhough it was a QnA session - I just sat there and listened. My mind was blank. BL, Nadz and James were asking smart questions. And they were using foreign terms which I couldn't comprehend. Escape velocity. Centripetal force. Yadayadayada. All these wouldn't be so foreign if I had just listened attentively during lectures. :(
Mr Sze asked me whether I was confident of passing. I lied "Of course!" I'm not even confident of sitting through the whole paper when the day comes. I always tell myself - to not let my teachers and parents down. But somehow, I'm just too stubborn and fucking lazy to do anything for my good and for the good of others. Sometimes I wish life could be harsher for people like me. So that I am drilled to do what's best and not just be a lazy ass and goodfornothing. I think I've asked God to help me, too many times. I keep asking God to make things better, to make me a better person, to make everything ok. But things will never improve if I myself don't initiate the change I want to see. It's just pathetic - cos if others can sit down and revise their schoolwork, do their homework and still have a lot of time to do leisure activities, why can't I? Cos I don't have DISCIPLINE. WTH.
Nobody dreams of being a failure.
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