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i own everything on you. [083103//0254:A] [ mood | busy ] [ music | nothingface * ether ] let's see. yes ive been pritty emo. but happy. is that possible? yes!i dunno its mad confusing tho, and i want it over with.i hate being all hyper and shit and happy and the next crying.it seems like my smiles and tears keep battling eachother lately. school = hell. yeah it starts on the 4th?thursday?wutever date that is, who gives a fuck. ive been scared all summer but now im not as scared.i cant explain y im scared. i mean so many people i know have to go to new school...ie=moved,switched,freshman,kicked out, etc.but me..i cant explain.im scared to go back to a place that i hate, cuz i cant stand the people there.its like me verus the whole school.i have my few lovely friends that i love with my heart there, but its not the same. ive met so many people thruout freshman year that i wont see or be around this yr. it sucks.that place should die. summer = kick ass.over rall, i give my summer a 9.9. it would have been a 10 if i didnt cry so much in the past 2 weeks. but i knew since about may that august would be a bad month.i had so much fun= shows, mall, vacations,swiming, alcohol, love, more shows,late nights at my house,running from cops, making fun of cops, long walks,laughing at all the people with nice cars, and of course the sex. = ) but wow it went by way tooo fast.i hope wherever everyone is, that theyre summer was great and had a great time.cuz i learned alot this summer, about friends, love, and wow yeah..life. as corny as that sounds. hopefully this year will be the same, even tho i highly doubt it. this year will suck. enemies

i love everything about u! [081603//1044:P] [ mood | amused ] [ music | HIM * heartache every moment ] ill never 4get wednesday 8-13. it wuz amazing. i love u anthony<3 and friday too...4 times in one week. whoa...ima miss u so much =) anywhoo PA in 2days.blah maybe beach soon.and stuff. fuck this. enemies

blah blah update! [081003//1122:P] [ mood | silly ] [ music | yellowcard * finish line ] poison the well - pieces of you in me And you never And you never understand When you always When you always act the same Oh beautiful your lips taste of red And copper And copper always excited me And you never And you never understand When you always When you always act the same I need to hear your laugh When I'm dying on the other line You perform better when I'm not near you When I'm not near you And it cracks The world spins away I'm flying again I can't believe I can't believe that this is over again I can't believe I can't believe Pieces will carry Away pieces of you in me Oh beautiful your lips taste of red And copper And copper always excited me and now... warped tour was fucking amazing. but not as amazing as last yr, i think cuz we really didnt meet bands this year. in my opinion i dont care that we didnt meet anyone, i just wanted to have a great time and enjoy the music and just to be there.but damn it kicked major ass. allright so when we finally get to randalls island...omg the line wuz so fucking long. it wuz at least 2x's longer then last yr. we didnt get into the actual field untill maybe 12:30. umm from wut i remember we saw brand new first. they didnt sound that bad.and then we saw about 4 songs of thrice. and then poison the well! they were good i thought. i liked the way they played. thrice wasnt that bad either, they were pritty kick ass. and umm yeah i dont remember the rest of the order i saw the bands but ill try to remember which bands i did see lol. ok the used wuz fucking awesome. they were really good in my opinion, bert really gets into the audience and the crowd and pits were great. he even jumped into the crowd and surfed. rancid was whoa. i couldnt wait to see them and of course i got split up from everyone lol. yeah pritty much every mosh i got seperated from my peoples. rancid was mad good tho. lets see..glassjaw sounded pritty good. omg TBS wuz there! they werent suppose to but they were! and i saw them from a distance cuz i didnt really wanna see them and they didnt sound that good. maybe they were having a bad day or sum shit like that. less than jake kicked alot of major booty. their fans r so fucking loyal and into their music it wuz crazy. i wuz moshing and skanking and the crowd and moshs were crazy. ahhhh lol. the ataris were the shit. i wanted them to play i dont wanna spend another night alone and san dimas..and guess wut--they did! i got so fucking happy and i threw my soda bottle into the crowd and shit and whoa. the all american rejects were pritty good too. actually they werent that bad. oh yeah the ataris were really good! lol. who else did we see...eww the starting line was there. i kinda heard them but they annoyed me. but psh i met kenny last yr and saw them. so i spent a total of $22. woo hoo! i wanted a warped tour shirt but of course they sold out or had only xxs or xxl. so i got a vans shirt for $10 and a free warped 03 hat with it. then i bought the motion city soundtrack cd. o ya i kinda heard like 2 songs by them too at the end...i dunno they didnt suck but i couldnt tell if they were good. so um yeah and i bought like 2 drinks and nachos. and yeah so i have like $53 left! woot! and i got major stickers and sum other free cds. its amazing!i took about 10 pix. i didnt give a fuck about pix this yr i dunno. didnt care. but amelia took mad pix so ill post them here. so now that im dead and have bruises and mad munchies. oh yeah speaking of mad munchies. nonstop thruout the day i smelled weed. its not even funny. so fucking much. i actually wanted to smoke up durring rancid i think. it wuz crazy i wuz like only breathing in weed all day. today wuznt that hot and it wuznt that windy. there wuz sum breezes and we had good weather. tho it rained..or drizzled lol but only durring the good bands! lol it kicked ass cuz i wore my bathing suit top. EVERYONE STARRED AT ME = ( oh yeah i looked like a porn star in one pic. and oh yeah umm the day wuz kinda hazy so i got sum weird ass sunburn on my nose and cheecks a little. saras mean friends ditched her booty durring ltj so my momma gave her a ride home. it wuz major coolness. warped tour kicked major ass. 4 + enemies

[073003//0833:P] booya new layout! cky.....yum 5 + enemies

undecided - by me [072003//0221:A] the next chance i get im going to drink my life away and when i show up on ur doorstep hopefully you'll realize what you've done to me i love you for who you are but when you make me feel empty i just want to slap you, maybe some of your anger will fall out ild end that slap with my lips raping yours if only you werent this stubborn maybe you'll see that im hurting too im falling apart with all the love i have for you hopefiully you'll realize what you've done to me i miss you even though i can have you, im falling apart knowing your not happy 2 + enemies

[071603//0306:P] im confused,he confuses me. what does he want? and then you..omg you....ughhhh you. you, i just dont understand. 2 + enemies

[071103//1115:P] have u ever just wanted to hold someone..and cry in their arms...? or someone hold you and at least act like their listening to you spill your heart away? its those lonley days, when i feel empty that i just want to be held. by anyone, who will let me cry in their arms. because i hate being lonley, because i really need you. enemies

..hmmm....i wonder if this is true..[tho i know it isnt!] [071103//0532:P] 1. At least 2 people in this world love you so much they would die for you. 2. At least 15 people in this world love you in someway. 3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you. 4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you. 5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep. 6. You mean the world to someone. 7. If not for you, someone may not be living. 8. You are special and unique. 9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you. 10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it. 11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world. 12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later you will get it. 13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks. 14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know. enemies

[070503//0256:A] allright. im smiling and i dunno why. just love, yeah, its confusing but im controlling my thoughts. my thoughts are my own, and i hate how people keep thinking thigns to confuse me. but im notgoing into that. ive just been noticing how alot of people are dying. and how alot of people are attempting suicide these days. i know im not the one who should be bitching about this, but.. its always over love. people are getting too attached and that scares me =( thoughts like them are serious and shouldnt be over someone u just meant.. but i dunno im silly and dont know wut im talking about. but it just scarring me..cuz i would kill myself if someone said that they wanna die because of me. i dunno..ive become more weaker and sensitive on subjects like this. its kinda sad and immature but...yeah....i guess my thoughts and reaizations have paid off..you know>? well summer is good. i dont wanna predict or bitch about it or it will get ruined. ka-peach! enemies

[070403//0247:P] paranoid_love Magic Number 20 Job Serial Killer Personality I'd Quite Like One Temperament Unflappable Sexual Whatever, Whenever, Whoever Likely To Win A Place On The Bench (For The Reserves) Me - In A Word Chinny Colour Brought to you by MemeJack enemies

[063003//1109:P] i do miss someone. i told myself if she wanted to hang out with me at all, that she would call me this summer. cuz i would always have to call her to hang out. so yeah. she doesnt consider me a friend. today wuz ok. i hung out with carlos and his friend frido for a little. then roberto came and picked me up. so me, him, jarad, marko and jonas went to the mall. then we went to guitar center. wow.. lots of oragams for me. hehe. so umm yeah i saw laina at the mall. heh. and umm yeah we dropped jonas off. went to jarads for a little, marko just left. lol weird kid. then we went to robertos and hung out and then they drove me home. i came home and slept. trying not to be emo or anything..so i slept. 1 + enemies

you better bend before i go. [062203//0649:P] right now im happy. i wuz thinking alot today, i put off hanging out and just thought about things. lately ive been saying wutevers been on my mind and wutever i have in my mind. if im thinking of something ill do it. i dont care anymore. maybe thats why now-a-days im happy more than i am depressed..unlike i wuz 2 months ago. i realized that if i didnt do or say the things i wuz thinking of, then ild never be close with certain people or ill pass by my only one oppurtunity to do that thing. so now i just say wutever. if i see someone and think theyre hott, i say it to them. i dont care if they say im ugly and to get a life, ill just go for it. or if someone is there and i dont like them, ill just be like you fucking bitch, i dont care anymore. i feel good that i get things off my chest now. no matter wut it is. im still confuzed and theres still sum drama but i also realized that if im around people and im busy and hanging out and being 'social' that i wont get paranoid or depressed. i remember those days at net and the movies and hanging out, people ignored me. so then ild let my mind wonder and ild get depressed. cuz i remember shit from the past. the funny thing is, now that i realized this and now that im happy kinda--people r trying to ruin it and i dunno. im learning to ignore the negative people. i use to pay attention to so much negativity but that made me depressed.so now im just gonna try to love life and live it. a yr ago i wuz never like this, i never wanted to live life and accept its awards or benefits. but now i do, cuz from all the drama in the past...all my ex's..all my crushes.. all the people who treated me bad..just made my life bad, and i learned to not pay attention to that now. i learned that its easy to just forget those things and move on, it will take time but if i dwell on those negative things...then i wont be happy. that i wont enjoy life. and maybe its true, you should live life well cuz u only get once chance at it. (even though i always though i wuz cleopatra in my past life. hehe.) 2 + enemies

lyrics on my mind. [062003//1157:P] this band is fucking amazing live, so fucking sick its crazy. theyre gonna be really famous one day...i know it. heh. The Downside * Back-Stabber through it all you were never there... and in the end it turns out you never cared... and what do you do now that it's all gone? what do you do when you're always wrong? you made a mess that you can't clean up... you made this mess and now you're fucked.... i can't change... you're to blame... you made me this way.. you fucking back-stabber.... back-stabber........ so wear that mask that hides who you really are.... and live your life bearing those fucking scars, you gave up everything that made you anything... you gave up everything, and now you're nothing..... you're nothing, you're nothing... and now you're nothing..... i can't change, you're to blame... you made me this way you fucking back-stabber.... back-stabber......... you wanted me to change, you know that i won't... real friends stab eachoter in the front......... The Downside * Fiberglass trying with every ounce of energy to prevent this from getting away from me because everything i saw in you turned to shit that nite and everytime i think of the wrong, it out-weighs the right you're optimistic i'm pessimistic we both know how the story ends, so let's be realistic your mind is changing like the weather i hope you learned your lesson, never say forever. your delicate skin leaves open wounds bleeding myself on sunday after noon it amuses me to see how oblivious you are to this i'm getting lost in your eyes, it's getting f*cking tedeous i'm not failing, i'm giving up... your disturbed mind has turned my words into weapons although it's comforting those were'nt my intentions Mest * Shell of Myself the nightmares not over. the sky is still covered. the blood that we both spilled. that night we last shared. lately i've been a shell of myself can't you see? i can not hold back the feelings of fear within me. this nightmare has no end. the walls still black and red. this figures haunting me. this fears consuming me. lately i've been a shell of myself can't you see? i can not hold back the feelings of fear within me. enemies

wow..an update!!!! [061703//0744:A] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | sum shitty shit over the thing from school ] everythings better now. i think. im pritty happy but sad cuz alot of people r like graduating, switching schools, or leaving me. it sux. but this summer will deff. be the greatest. it HAS to be. my mom said i may be able to go to ozzfest if she gets the tickets. *yay*. yah iwanna go to DFP like real bad but i THINK i may b on vacation or im coming back the day of it. yeah..i saw some asshole yesterday...that wuz interesting. finals start tommorrow...im getting a B- in math. and even if i fail the final ill still get like a C- or C as a final grade for everything. which is awesome. =Pa enemies

[060303//0919:P] wow this thing is borring. i never really update it. my life is ok. im prity happy. nothing too big on my mind, just finals and such. which i hope ill pass. some people suck. they try to ruin my happiness. i like being single, this is the first time in my life that ive been single that i dont have regrets about being single. im happy with my life, i dont have worries. well i do, but nothing that ild regret. people r TRYING to change my mind about... me 'having to many men' and me 'leading people on' and also..'toying with people' and that 'i shouldnt be hooking up with 2 people'. wtf. its my life, if u look at my past--uld see how fucking depressing and miserable my love life has been. i kinda have one now, but im comfortable. i like just being able to hold people when i want too, i dont nessisserially..[fuck my blondeness is coming back..i cant spell]have a 'sexual love life'. im just comfortable and i wanna be able to hug and kiss and just be myself with whoever i want. i dont want people starring at me, bringing me down, laughign at me, or critizing me cuz of the person i like or wanna go out with or am going out with. call me a slut, a whore, a bitch, a player, etc...think wut u think but trust me...im fucking single and ill do wutever i want, im comfortable with my fucking body and i wanna be happy. so stop trying to ruin it. thank you. = ) 1 + enemies

update! [052803//0742:A] hey i should really update this thing. cuz its really cool. LOL. anyway. im happy. everything's going good with everyone. well, right now it is. im pritty good. nothing really happens. i just hang out with people and shit. i finally hung out with dave. that wuz cool. the show wuz fun. walking to ridgefield...yeah im guessing im gonna be doing that alot now. but i dont mind cuz its not that bad. but like... o well. blah i must go...bell is gonna ring. bye <3 ill update soon...i promise! 1 + enemies

[052003//0726:P] i know you dont care about me anymore. but y did u walk past me today? ughh...i said hi as loud as i could... r u truely that deaf? did u ignore me? or r u gonna use the excuse that ur deaf to cover up that u didnt hear me. ughh..sometimes i dont get you. 5 + enemies

[051103//0112:A] i realized alot of people truely do like me. and that the people at fucking lhs r assholes, i just want them dead. ill just keep ignoring them, all their nasty comments about me and wut not. fuck you, 10x's the amount of u..other people...well yeah 10x's u all do like me. and im happy for that. im ahppy people care, and maybe things that r OUT of my life...will make me have a happyer life. everything may be good now..cuz sum people arent a part of it or cuz i moved on..and got over them. maybe i just realized to not dwell on the past. wutever it is, it took me 15 yrs to find it..and i wanna keep it. <3dave...*sigh* ur just too cute...i cant wait to hold you... 5 + enemies

[051003//1115:P] it took like 3 hours to finally hang out, but i did. finally at like 3:30 i took the 158 to fortlee. started walking like crazy to get to leonia fast--but then the 756 came! so i got my ass on it, called amelia. we met up and went to gsp. it wuz fun.we got food and talked about sum shit. shes the only one that knows alot about my whole 'family' situation now. ehh. so then we got sum stuff at the store. the mall wuz actually packed, lol. i 'got' 5 pins. but i also bought sum bracelets and a afi patch. hehe and she bought a shirt. we got sum stabucks and makeup and met up with kellie, brian, guy, and mel. and then we just hung around and i met linda! she seems nice, and then we left like around 7 or sumthing. amelia and mel went home. and then we picked up tony and we drove around and got food and hung out and shit. it wuz cool. then we met up with sum people, got more chinese and then sadly i had to go home. i came home, and actually watched tv for like 1 hour. today wuz fun. enemies

[051003//0212:P] i miss you. i wish you were still mine =( enemies

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