Bianca Sourire's Journal

7:16PM - dead end

dead end.

8:03PM - Auf Wiedersehen Deutshland, Gruss Gott Amerika...

"You're going back to the States.Any preferance?"
"One more chance. Im in the middle of schooling and work.I cant just pick up and start a new life somewhere."
"We didnt decide this.You made us decided."
"Give me a couple months. Then I will disapear forever."
"We're not asking for that."
"I'm not saying you're asking."



On the brink of insaniosity
cigarettes smoked: ten million

12:16PM - It's so cold!But I'm definetly in Hell i tell you!

and so today i am honored enough to be able to serve the best customers in the world
couldnt sleep last night. kept thinking about when im actually going to get up and do something about the day.
i hate food and so therefor i shouldnt work with food.
right?
wrong
i still owe J $20.
and being happy doesnt pay



Cigarettes smoked: 0 (HOORAH)
Number of Bad Thoughts: 999,999,999,78789

is that even a real number.

choosy lieblins
bianca

9:28PM

"Come here often?"
"Yea..sometimes"
"Mind if I sit?"
"No....go right ahead.."
"So.......you like nachos?"

"....S. We are so bad at this role play shit.can we just fuck?"
"Yea.Let's go."


=]
ahhhhh
trueeeeeeeeeeee loveeeee found its way into my hungry hungry self.

9:08PM - 70 cigarettes later and a sore lower body

Contents of purse: deoderant, ear phones, S's belt, S's boxers, swiss army knife, flashlight, shower cap, 20 cents, I.D., red and gold cigarrettes.(long live the lung cancer ridden cowboy.yeehaw babyluv)

S's shower didnt work when i got over there.he handed me a loofah the first morning and pointed to the sink
back home.
i feel so gross and dirty.
in many ways.
I ended up staying longer at his house than i thought i would and didnt have a clean set of clothes.yuk.
why didnt i go home, you ask?
the house my parents so wisely chose is about a twenty minute drive from his house and its just feels like a ridiculous waste of time to go back and forth everyday.
plus.his bed is warmer than i remembered.
;]

love life aside, i found out C is actually getting married. what a fucking idiot i want to add.you see, she used to be my best friend. we did EVEERYTHING together. she lived three houses down and we'd spend days sometimes just lounging around watching cribs and eating ravioli, or out at the park sharing some nast gin and lemonade.
we did everything.
until
one day
she introduces me to S.i was dating Corey Shitfaced at the time, but it didnt matter. i fell for S. long story short.she claimed she loved him.he did not love her.i slept with him.so did she.but in her case he was drunk off a bottle of bad sangria from her fridge and slightly unconsious.
also shes bad in bed.i know.
so ME gets BOY.
weve been dating for eight months now and i havent talked to C since.
then i met her shitty airmen boyfriend.,he was such a dousche. telling me he joined the airforce because "it was easier work than army"
uh.
go patriot.
motherfucker gets her pregnant and now theyre married after two months.
had to let that out.its been bothering me.
other than still being addicted to cigarettes and being a total lightweight, all im doing tonight is studying up on my driving(i know.im old.but this country's driving course is strict.so im still goin at it)
and reading the lovely diaries provided to me here.
=]
au revoir mon amies.
S'later
Bianca.

Current mood: drained

12:42PM

im just gonna stay the night at S's house.i miss being able to spend all night with him so ill just take a damn taxi to his house
still bummed about the amsterdam cancellation.
if only they didnt have border patrol
wed be going through belgium and N said he would take the blame if anythign happened but still...
theres always that one person out of the 4000 that pass a day
so,
no amsterdam.
i wish people actually talked on this thing.i mean, i know its a journal but ive done the whole photography thing and nothing.....
hopefully going to Rocka's tonight.its corona night.

11:42AM - missing Maas ooOo

Current mood: flirty

11:35AM - Smuggling in Amsterdam

after much yelling and shrugging ive decided im not going to pay a 300 euro fine for bringing hash over the border.
weve done it before
weve made it happen
but theres always that one person u see in the newspaper that got caught with weed on the inside of their bumper.
=[

"wanna just come over and watch The Office and smoke cigarettes all day?"
"yea.and voddy.lots and lots of voddy, babyluv."

9:23PM - first curiosity:the fuck list

Raining
Watching Ugly Betty
Cigarettes Smoked: seventeen
contents on purse:change, celly, baby shoe, parking ticket, gualoises.




ive graduated.

i think the last time i had an online journal was back in 8th grade when i posted daily updates on a boy my friend and i practically worshppied.im surprised it did not get suspended due to the scary stalker-like persona i took on. im currently undergoing a severe modd swing period.ten minutes ago i was on myspace posting a bulletin about how useless and crap blogs were, and how nobody cares about them
but honestly
i secretly love blogs.
like
people eager for you to read what they have to say, to admire them, to critique them, to gain crushes, lovers....
from some entries you made about your flowing hair and lucious lips and cunning eyes.
um
yea i quoted that.ten bucks to anyone who can find THAT blog.its one interesting, incredibly narcisistic page

ive finally passed the driving test.
im sitting in my room trying to figure out how long i can possibly take this place,
im waiting for S to get his degree already.
so i decided to get a journal thing.i came across this by accident.accidentally clicked on some dumb girl's journal in the Yahoo results.her last enrty was in 2003
its a good thing she stopped though because im almost positive she made everything up.
you can not have sex with the same person and cum AT THE SAME TIME, EVERY SINGLE TIME you screw
really.
ive tried.
and if everyone else can.then maybe im just disoriented.
anyways.im mostly interested in what other people write about.so far ive only seen that girls page and some page called "the fuck list"..
im interested...
or maybe its just a little page of lonely horndogs eager for someone to have a real profile picture.im learning how to load mine.....teach me?
itll be worth it.
..

Current mood: bitchy

Current music: Robert Plant and that other chick cd.