Sunday, December 14th, 2003
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8:29 am - afew days and i already forgot about this thing
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it takes alot to write in these damned things, i always forget.
first big snow last night, ya thats great. i like snow if i dont have to go outside in it. if i could just sit in my nice warm house and look at the snow, i would be happy. but not today, i get to go to work and sit there, without windows and hope that my car isnt iced over when i get out at 2am. speaking of work i should be going. i dont know how bad the roads really are.
current mood:  awake
current music: switchblade symphony- rain
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Wednesday, December 10th, 2003
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11:50 pm
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i guess i will take up smoking again
current mood:  stressed
current music: blood pounding in my temples
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11:01 pm - 70% by volume
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so i havent been on here in forever and i wonder why i ever quit..its very soothing posting all your problems for the world and your friends to see. here i am again! read what i have to say! i am now important!
im sure that this time around there will lots of bitching about pointless shit. wait, i feel it coming..here it is!
so recently(in the past few months) i have found how pointless it is to tell someone something 'personal' about yourself or someone else..because it ALWAYS comes back to you. its hard to find 'trust' anymore, even in the people you'd never question. this simple fact makes me bitter..as the years pass im more 'shut-in' and quite because of this. ive seem many friendships and relationships fucked up because someone couldnt keep their mouth shut about something. this something could be small to you but it could effect some other person for the rest of their life. please from now on, dont tell 'secrets' around me or about me...im not saying any name im saying everyone who reads this!!! ya enough about that
so nate and i got our marriage license today, weee! i dont know when we'll get married or if we ever will! first, some things must change...as ive said before. as i projected, everything has stayed the same...and it makes me sad. and he has no excuse. look how sad i am :( he better get his shit fixed or i wont marry him! (awww, shes sooo mean!) hey, ive told him for 3 years to clean and shit...im done. im not a mother and i dont expect to be one for sometime. if he doesnt want to or he doesnt try..its not my fult now is it. obviously, to him im not worth picking up after himself. i know, he'll try for about an hour, but his trying isnt enough. i told him for two weeks to call the trash people...he just did it yesterday..again..look how sad i am :(
i know im mean..but its not very hard. i fucking went to school full time, worked 35 hours a week and still cleaned the motherfucking house..not only after myself but after nate too! man, wont nate be pissed if he has a $850 house payment all to himself! this is the only other way i can think of..i guess its blackmail but its more of a choice for him.
again, im not saying this to be mean and anyone who knows me, knows im not fucking around...ive fucked around too goddamn long and im done. nate knows this. sad sad sad... :(
i hoped that me posting the last bitch fest journal entry(plus me telling him to his face) would make him see. again, i was wrong.
im very upset now and my tummy hurts... :(
current mood:  crushed
current music: digital underground-humpty dance
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11:01 pm - 70% by volume
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so i havent been on here in forever and i wonder why i ever quit..its very soothing posting all your problems for the world and your friends to see. here i am again! read what i have to say! i am now important!
im sure that this time around there will lots of bitching about pointless shit. wait, i feel it coming..here it is!
so recently(in the past few months) i have found how pointless it is to tell someone something 'personal' about yourself or someone else..because it ALWAYS comes back to you. its hard to find 'trust' anymore, even in the people you'd never question. this simple fact makes me bitter..as the years pass im more 'shut-in' and quite because of this. ive seem many friendships and relationships fucked up because someone couldnt keep their mouth shut about something. this something could be small to you but it could effect some other person for the rest of their life. please from now on, dont tell 'secrets' around me or about me...im not saying any name im saying everyone who reads this!!! ya enough about that
so nate and i got our marriage license today, weee! i dont know when we'll get married or if we ever will! first, some things must change...as ive said before. as i projected, everything has stayed the same...and it makes me sad. and he has no excuse. look how sad i am :( he better get his shit fixed or i wont marry him! (awww, shes sooo mean!) hey, ive told him for 3 years to clean and shit...im done. im not a mother and i dont expect to be one for sometime. if he doesnt want to or he doesnt try..its not my fult now is it. obviously, to him im not worth picking up after himself. i know, he'll try for about an hour, but his trying isnt enough. i told him for two weeks to call the trash people...he just did it yesterday..again..look how sad i am :(
i know im mean..but its not very hard. i fucking went to school full time, worked 35 hours a week and still cleaned the motherfucking house..not only after myself but after nate too! man, wont nate be pissed if he has a $850 house payment all to himself! this is the only other way i can think of..i guess its blackmail but its more of a choice for him.
again, im not saying this to be mean and anyone who knows me, knows im not fucking around...ive fucked around too goddamn long and im done. nate knows this. sad sad sad... :(
i hoped that me posting the last bitch fest journal entry(plus me telling him to his face) would make him see. again, i was wrong.
im very upset now and my tummy hurts... :(
current mood: crushed
current music: digital underground-humpty dance
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Tuesday, October 28th, 2003
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7:36 pm - This one goes out to my 2 readers
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im sorry i havent had any time to do this journal thingy. but here i am
i guess i miss putting my feelings and thoughts on the net. so i will try to get them up every now and then.
so nate and i closed on our house yesterday! but we dont get to move in until the end of this month. it kinda sucks but well get by. ive been packing my eyes out lately(and i think im going to go pack somemore when im done on here!) and that is why i have no time.
right now im hell bend on finding a great dane. i have to have one...i dont care how i get it! ive been on the net looking for like 3 hours now and i just cant find one. ya i could go to the pet store in the mall and get one..but more than likely it will have come from a puppy mill and i dont want that. but ill let you guys know if i do find one. ive wanted a great dane ever since i can remember and now that i have the space and the yard i can have one!!
nate got his new job and he likes it alot! weee!
*** i cant type anymore because im tired!!***
well ya
current mood:  horny
current music: van halen- dumb song on the radio
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Wednesday, October 8th, 2003
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9:53 pm - #1 stunna
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long time no see! i havent been on here in so long because im busy plus that god bless it game animal crossing has all my fuckin time! anyways dropping in to say hello...maybe ill find somemore time later to write more...
there will be a change on my journal..no more fun facts...how about some words of the day!! weee! i suck
***exhort
Pronunciation: /ig-ZORT/
v : to urge to do something, often with great emotion and real or feigned logic***
im sure ill go back to the facts soon
current mood:  satisfied
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Saturday, October 4th, 2003
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11:53 am - ho-hum
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saturday and nates at work :( ashley and krusty are out of town..and im going crazy! ive done everything i could think of, cleaned the house, cleaned nates car out, painted,played gamecube, made muffins, and now im going mad!
im still excited about the house. and if it were closer to the end of this month id be packing right now!
so sam(nates aunt) got married yesterday. i couldnt be there because of work. i guess it was fun nate said. shes having a party on nates birthday for all the people that couldnt attend the wedding. so josh if your reading this and you know your not doing anything on oct. the 12th(its a sunday) let us know because sam would like you to be there also!
as far as work, its going swell. i mean im making great money but i think i might have to get another job to make up for the house payments which are not the big i would just like to have lots of money!
there is a new girl at work named Ivy and last night she was all over fronz(i think thats how he spells it). she was going on and on about how hot he is and how much she wanted to fuck him! so i started fucking with her telling her that hes my man and she was getting pissed. i always go up front when hes up there, so i can talk to him and last night everytime i went up there she had to be right there with me! WTF?! hehe and i got her phone number, so im going to give it to him on sunday! heheh
well im going to go..i think im going to make peanutbutter cups for nate!
***The speed of a raindrop varies with drop size and wind speed. A typical raindrop falls an average of 600 feet per minute, or 7 miles per hour.***
current mood:  creative
current music: genesis- in too deep
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Wednesday, October 1st, 2003
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7:27 pm - ya ya ya
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ok here it is about canada...it was fun and exciting to go there but there really isnt much to do(thats why we didnt stay all that long). so we get there around 1am and we go gamble..that was fun. i drank two screw drivers there and we spent some cash...we left to go find a hotel and we got one and went to a strip club. it was at the strip club where i drank 3 more screw drivers! i was wasted! and im tippin girls and they touch you..it was sweet because this one chick was fuckin hot! but im wasted and nate wanted to go to sleep because by then it was like 3am so we go back to the hotel and the rest is for me and nate! ;)
in the morning we got up and relized that we still had lots of tokens. so we went back and gambled somemore and nate won about $50 and i got about $40...then we relized there was nothing else to do so we went home.
but us customs got a hair up their ass when they found out we were just there over night and they made us pull the car over and they ransacked it..they pulled everything out of the trunk went and looked at everything in the car. we sat there for like 30mins...then they let us go.
so that was our trip..it was worth it just to go.
now im all excited that we got this house! weee! i cant wait to pack!
current mood:  bouncy
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8:17 am - canada sucks
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so it sucked. well it was ok but customs were a bitch. anyways, ill talk about that later..
nate and are going to buy this house!!! the people wanted our offer and were so excited! we get to move in around mid november. nate and his dad are going to get the loan today. were going to trick nates dad into co-signing on the loan with nate(because i dont have proof of income because im a stripper) were going to say that we dont know if we could get the loan because nate doesnt have his GFS wearhouse job yet!! hehehe i think hell buy it. plus ill be at work and there will be no way that i can sign anyways!
i couldnt sleep last night because of it! im really excited. well nates dad said he pays around $900 a month and his house was very close to $200,000 and ours is only $106,000. so i think ours will be lower.(i hope)
but im going to get another job once we move up there..ill work at showcase and get free movies! no i might work at k-mart or jacks..something fun were i only have to work like 3 days a week so i can keep my stripper job!
ya well i have to go now..i gots to go to work!
*** canada is very fun to get drunk at!***
current mood:  excited
current music: fat boy slim-weapon of choice
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Saturday, September 27th, 2003
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9:07 am - one armed scissor
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oh my god im sooo sick!! i feel like shit. i dont know what the deal is...i hope im dying.
tonight nate josh and i are going to see once apond a time in mexico. ive heard its super good. hehehe i cant wait.
nate and i found a house we like. were going to go look at the middle at 1 today. the house is really cute. it has a huge back fenced yard, 3bedrooms,bath and a half and all that jazz.
after looking at the house nate and i have to get our passports so we can go to canada sunday. im so excited!
but for now im going to go back to sleep because im soo sick! :(
***A 3-week-old embryo is no larger than a sesame seed. A 1-month-old fetus’s body is no heavier than an envelope and a sheet of paper. Its hand is no larger than a teardrop.***
current mood: hopeful
current music: at the drive in- one armed scissor
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Monday, September 22nd, 2003
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9:19 pm - it doesnt hurt to force a smile does it?
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some things will never ever make sence to me...ever! sometimes i cannot understand people and the way the work for the life of me! and it makes me soo fuckin stressed!!! GRRR!
sometimes i wonder why i ever quit smoking(sigh)i guess the i will never know.
ive told nate time after time again, if he doesnt help me clean(that doesnt mean just make the bed and load the dishwasher once in awhlie, it means fuckin clean right!! and cleaning doesnt mean push everything in a pile on the floor in a diffrent room! that drives me crazy.)then im not going to marry him...im starting to think he doesnt belive me and its pissing me off! im trying to put my fuckin foot down and no one even sees me. i cant say im not used to being treated this way...no one ever hears or cares what i say!
i know that he was never told to clean(right) or he was never shown but he needs to learn...weve lived together almost 2 years and nothing has changed...i love him more than anything but if he cant even try then im not going to..its only fair. its so simple.....but even if he did clean, hes never been one for details..i dont know!! it stresses me out so bad and he knows it..still nothing changes.
i tell him over and over and over again and ill end up doing it until im blue in the fuckin face and nothing will happen. he always says he'll clean, he'll help me clean...i have yet to see him clean anything...not here not at his dads!
and im not wrighting this here in hope that he finds this(i dont even think he reads this) he fuckin knows how i feel. this should be no shock at all and if it is then he must not hear a word i tell him.
im only giving him so much longer(and he should know it)after that i will not marry him. if my warnings and pleas mean nothing then i cant even begin to think how being married to him would be like. like i said, i love him more then anything, i think it should be likewise...and yet this simple task bothers the shit out of me! GGGGGGRRRRRRRR!
on a lighter note...i think ill take up smoking again!
***When under extreme stress, such as when held in captivity, some octopuses will eat their own arms, which grow back. ***
i should be happy im not a octopuss
current mood: stressed
current music: pretty gilrs make graves-ifyouhateyourfriendsyournotalone
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9:19 pm - it doesnt hurt to force a smile does it?
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some things will never ever make sence to me...ever! sometimes i cannot understand people and the way the work for the life of me! and it makes me soo fuckin stressed!!! GRRR!
sometimes i wonder why i ever quit smoking(sigh)i guess the i will never know.
ive told nate time after time again, if he doesnt help me clean(that doesnt mean just make the bed and load the dishwasher once in awhlie, it means fuckin clean right!! and cleaning doesnt mean push everything in a pile on the floor in a diffrent room! that drives me crazy.)then im not going to marry him...im starting to think he doesnt belive me and its pissing me off! im trying to put my fuckin foot down and no one even sees me. i cant say im not used to being treated this way...no one ever hears or cares what i say!
i know that he was never told to clean(right) or he was never shown but he needs to learn...weve lived together almost 2 years and nothing has changed...i love him more than anything but if he cant even try then im not going to..its only fair. its so simple.....but even if he did clean, hes never been one for details..i dont know!! it stresses me out so bad and he knows it..still nothing changes.
i tell him over and over and over again and ill end up doing it until im blue in the fuckin face and nothing will happen. he always says he'll clean, he'll help me clean...i have yet to see him clean anything...not here not at his dads!
and im not wrighting this here in hope that he finds this(i dont even think he reads this) he fuckin knows how i feel. this should be no shock at all and if it is then he must not hear a word i tell him.
im only giving him so much longer(and he should know it)after that i will not marry him. if my warnings and pleas mean nothing then i cant even begin to think how being married to him would be like. like i said, i love him more then anything, i think it should be likewise...and yet this simple task bothers the shit out of me! GGGGGGRRRRRRRR!
on a lighter note...i think ill take up smoking again!
***When under extreme stress, such as when held in captivity, some octopuses will eat their own arms, which grow back. ***
i should be happy im not a octopuss
current mood: stressed
current music: pretty gilrs make graves-ifyouhateyourfriendsyournotalone
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Friday, September 19th, 2003
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2:12 pm - oh one more thing!
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oh and not next week but the week after(the week of oct 5th) nate and i are going on a roadtrip! were going to go to Windsor Canada which is 3 hours and 36 mins away! so if anyone else wants to go your more than welcome just try and get off of work asap! we might stay the 5th, 6th 7th and 8th but i dont know yet. if anyone else wants to go well decide together.
oh and you can be 19 to get into a casino and gamble and drink! im excited! weee! ive never benn to another country before! nate went went he was younger but that was sooo long ago.
like i said if anyone else wants to go just let us know. more than likey we will leave sunday the 5th around 7pm(after work& showers) well get there around 11pm'ish(they are on the same time as us) get a hotel and go from there. i looked up what there is to do up there...umm lots of clubs and casinos but also someother fun stuff! but let me know yay or nay so we can make better plans!
current mood: excited
current music: ill nino-im loco
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12:23 pm - grrr matey!
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so joshie said it was talk like a pirate day today! i dont know if i can bring myself to talk like a pirate all day long without the help of johnny depp(sigh) in Pirates of the Caribbean! so i might go see that. well i cant tonight because i have to work until 2am and i dont know if they show movies that late..anyways..grrrr!
so nate and i are going to columbus to go to the huge mall there. then were going to the go-cart place. then were going to some festival. busy busy. ashley and krusty were going to go with us but some other more important plans came up! oh well. nate and i will still have fun!
ok so i cant think of what i should get nate for his birthday...i have afew ideas but nothing good...if anyone would like to help me PLEASE EMAIL ME..dont post it on here.
i gots to go buddies~
current mood: awake
current music: gordent light foot- sun down
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Thursday, September 18th, 2003
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8:48 am - september morn hehe
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this mother fuckin thing will never let me update i swear! everytime ive tried in the past wekk or two i end up writing a shit load and something always fucks up. i think ill get it this time!
so i had this weird dream about 15mins ago..it was me and ashley and we were like super big drug dealers but we didnt want anyone to find out about it. long story short, i end up leaving my weed on my grandmas couch and she smokes all of it and then she wants more! thats fucked up!
ok so nate and i went to target last night right before they closed and they have some of the best shirts there..but they are like $20 a pop! so im stuck because i want them all. nate thinks im crazy but these sweaters are so fuckin cute. just thinking about this makes me want to go shopping! but i need to save my money because nates birthday is comming up! i cannot belive hes going to be 22! thats soo fucked up!
what else what else...ummmm.
aww ya, nate got me long stem roses yesterday! it was soo cute. (sigh)
im going to go clean this house and paint my paint by number!
p.s. the new a perfect circle cd rocks my socks off!
current mood: artistic
current music: trevor-snoring so fuckin loud i thought it was nate!!
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Thursday, September 11th, 2003
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4:12 pm - well well
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i think things are working out for me and safe auto! today while i was trying to take a nap i couldnt stop thinking about how bad safe auto is fucking me over..so i make afew calls to some people and an hour later some lady calls me and says shes my new agent! weee! things are looking better. weee!
so my fuckin trunk is all rusted. i went to the car wash with some sandpaper and i took out my tire and i scraped out the rust and vaccumed it out..its still shitty but it will due right now. im going to redo the inside of my trunk with some shit that i got from jo-anns.
anyways, i have to go nates bitchin that im not kissing him!
*** Baby three-toed sloths are born with claws.***
awww
current mood: content
current music: nota
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Wednesday, September 10th, 2003
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8:36 pm - one eye open
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whats up bitches?! havent updated this in awhile.
so i got a huge tattoo on my right calf...it looks fuckin sweet! but at the same time it hurts to walk so i dont know which is better! but that guy(harry) did a super good job..and i tipped him $60! he always asked me if he should know me from somewhere..and i dont ever recall seeing him but i could have. i dont know. i think he was trying to make the moves on me! hehe. anyways tattoo is great...turned out wonderful and it took about 3 1/2- 4 hours. but im happy with it.(josh and ashley: ill show you guys when i see you next!)
so subway keeps calling nates dads house trying to make me work there and i think i might..i mean like two days a week or something. something small, just so i can get a pay check and feel like i have a real job! shit i put in my app. at subway waaaayy over a year ago...
i cant really think of anything else that has gone on lately...ok bye
***the bad guys horse in sleepy hollow was going to be put down but kind-hearted johnny depp took the horse home with him instead! awww so sweet.(sigh)***
current mood: touched
current music: from autumn to ashes new cd!!! it fuckin rocks!
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Tuesday, September 9th, 2003
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10:00 am
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i just wrote a shit load and the computer froze so it looks like ill write it later
current mood: angry
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Monday, September 8th, 2003
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11:30 am - its not the ribbons in your hair
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hello hello..i know im slacking on this thing but goddamn it, im busy! anyway..i guess ive done lots of fun things in between writing on here, i guess...umm saturday nate took me to cinci to some train stop with a bunch of shit in it..that was fun. ummm ashley and i ran around all night saturday trying to find a tattoo place that was open after 10! we didnt. but i am getting a huge tattoo tomorrow on my right calf..if you would like to know what the tattoo is, send me an email and ill send you a picture! ;) im really excited about that! well i should be, the shit costs $200!
i think thats about it for fun things ive done in the past few days. today should be fun...ashley is comming over to type her paper in abit and then we might get to hang out.
tomorrow joshies is comming over! maybe hell come with me to get my tattoo! i know ashley and nate are comming..anyone else is welcome!
so i guess nate got his job at the gfs wearhouse! im sooo excited! he goes in for the last interview on weds! im so excited!
oh and i get to buy the new From autumn to ashes cd! its like 8 bucks which makes it even better to buy! when i get ill be sure to let you all know how fuckin cool it is!
ok im done!
***The X-Files, the popular television show, is shown in France under the name Aux Frontieres' Du Reel — which translates to "At The Borders of Reality."***
my own fun fact: i have more than 75 pictures of johnny depp!
current mood: impressed
current music: the rocking horse winner-raspberry water
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Thursday, September 4th, 2003
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1:31 pm
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oh ya...if you dont like reading my journal, or if you think i suck because i cant spell...please feel free to go to this link, its made just for people like you and safe auto!
enjoy~ http://amishrakefight.org/gfy/index.shtml
current mood: amused
current music: master p- oooohh weee!
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