Lucy's Blurty
 
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Below are the 9 most recent journal entries recorded in Lucy's Blurty:

    Thursday, October 16th, 2003
    1:08 am
    god help me
    so 2day i went to the mentalist that came to our retarted school. yea it was dumb and i can say a complete waste of my no good time. yea thats what i said a waste of my no good time. i studied until 3 in the morn for my 8 oclock class midterm. then i took a nap and then the alarm went off oh i am so sorry i mean the fire alarm which woke me up. And now here i sit 1 in the morning typing. interesting i know control ur excitement over my overwelming story of my lack of sleep that has developed since i have planted myself in this place. funny how i made all the decisions about college and my future and i am so unhappy. Its weird too how i cant even label my thoughts as anything because i dont know what they are. so i sit once again confused and lost in my new world in which i have created for myself. fabulous. well bye for now! to tired to write anymore.
    Sunday, October 12th, 2003
    11:35 pm
    still tired
    so where was i o right so i go to work and work until 6 not 3 but 6 why b/c i am a loser. anyway i miss the last bus and have to take a taxi home and had to spend $12 bucks to get back to fucken hell school worth my god damn dollars. well i realize that i lost my keys which allows me to get into the building and into my sweet room. great if my day could get any better. so i leave them at work and my good friend kristen goes and gets them 4 me and then her and joe and jenn went w me so i could eat dinner. yummy. so i sit here now tired out of my god damn mind writing b/c i am once again a loser. oh my god do u know what i hate when u see a guy u think is cute holding another girls hand when u thought that maybe just maybe he might like you. so not only do i sit here a loser i sit a single and alone loser at that. great life is great so fucken great. But then i wonder why is it that i always feel alone i have freinds all that i love and think are so cool and i want to hang out with them all the time. so y do i feel alone why is it that i guy can make me feel one way in which a guy friend cant why do i always feel the urge to be with someone or just to have some one to care about me and make me feel important. i dont know i found out that my first got married to a 16 i am not sure if i believe it though sarah wouldnt wait for him after he came out of the marines but as much as i hate him for all the lies he had fed to me i wish that just once i could see his face and talk to him i think thats my prob though i think that everything could be solved through talking but it turns out to be lies anyway so never mind why bother. and so i talked to james and that was a was a waste of my time. he didnt even remember any thing he said to me why b/c it was all a lie i cant stand it so i give up but i dont know i cant live like this! well bye 4 for i am tired so tired ever so tired. i love you guys and thanks for listening to my crap Lanna, kris, jenn, katie
    10:27 pm
    tired
    my legs hurt so much!!! well ill imform my fellow readers of my weekend. first i went home friday and took jen w/ me. we went to a football game and saw a whole lot of my friends at once ( oh so very cool) then on sat i went to my little brothers game and watched seven year olds run for a ball. i was overwelmed with excitement!!! right so then i came home last night and entertained chris and dave and then i went to bed. then when i woke up that is when my weekend fell to pieces. first i wake the crack of fucken dawn to catch a bus for work but instead it does not come until and hour later and then i when i got on the fucken bus he says oh i dont go to the palisades its only on the fucken schedule that u do dumbass. so then i have to call a taxi and spend ten bucks but luckily i found jeryy and katie and katie and laura who were heading that way but it gets worse but i must go so i will continue another time
    by e for now
    Thursday, October 9th, 2003
    3:32 pm
    i need of a vacation....from life
    so i need a break. i cant handle this anymore. i just got up and left one of my classes because i thought i was going to scream or go completely out of my mind. i hate where i am but i love my friends i hate what i do but i love who i am whatever i am!! my mom gets me so ticked off. she wants me to tell her where ever i go with my frinds. i am too old for this crap!! i was trying to tell her that i was unhappy with college and was thinking about transfering but she got all retarded like usual. My friend ally has turned into a complete bitch since she went away. i cant stand her any more and it sucks because i love her like family we go way back into middle school years and now she is too good for me but whatever bc it seems every time i meet people they seem to go away or forget i fucken still alive. damn she gets me mad and i still came to no conclusion on guys. when u meet them they are so cool in the begining like i could out with them all the time and they seem to get sick of me or they become so anal retentive. whatever i dont care i dont know what i am doing. well until next time bye
    Wednesday, October 1st, 2003
    8:02 pm
    confused once again
    i got my psy test back and i got a 70!!! so pissed off i fuckn studied for it and that is what i have to show for it. my prof said if we studied for a certain # of hours we would def get a good grade. fuck it. i cant deal. i got into a fight w. a friend from back home last night i felt bad but i just got so pissed off for no real reason at all. its hard not seeing her everyday like i use 2. we do different things now and it sux but i adjusted to where i am now. i told kristen that it feels like i have known her for a long time and guess what? never u r a computer anyway i may go w/ kristen to the dave chappel show next tues. sooo excited! she rocks. we have so much fun....all of us. its so cool we think of doing the weirdest shit i swear. so i still have yet to come up w/ a conclusion on guys so i will work on that. oh my god joes rommates threw a chicken sandwich at kristen and lana yesterday. i swear to god i hate those guys. they get me so ticked off. and joe was acting like an ass towards kristen today and then got mad at me b/c i didn't answer fast enough. sorry we didn't want to go to ur room and watch u sleep. that kid confusesme sometimes but u gotta love him (and wonder) at the same time. i love my friends here they are way awesome. we have so many good times yesterday kris and jenn held me down and typed to me friends writing wierd shit to them. i have so many marks on me from kris well bye bye 4 now
    \
    7:39 pm
    confused once again
    i got my psy test back and i got a 70!!! so pissed off i fuckn studied for it and that is what i have to show for it. my prof said if we studied for a certain # of hours we would def get a good grade. fuck it. i cant deal. i got into a fight w. a friend from back home last night i felt bad but i just got so pissed off for no real reason at all. its hard not seeing her everyday like i use 2. we do different things now and it sux but i adjusted to where i am now. i told kristen that it feels like i have known her for a long time and guess what? never u r a computer anyway i may go w/ kristen to the dave chappel show next tues. sooo excited! she rocks. we have so much fun....all of us. its so cool we think of doing the weirdest shit i swear. so i still have yet to come up w/ a conclusion on guys so i will work on that. oh my god joes rommates threw a chicken sandwich at kristen and lana yesterday. i swear to god i hate those guys. they get me so ticked off. and joe was acting like an ass towards kristen today and then got mad at me b/c i didn't answer fast enough. sorry we didn't want to go to ur room and watch u sleep. that kid confusesme sometimes but u gotta love him (and wonder) at the same time. i love my friends here they are way awesome. we have so many good times yesterday kris and jenn held me down and typed to me friends writing wierd shit to them. i have so many marks on me from kris well bye bye 4 now
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    Monday, September 29th, 2003
    3:53 pm
    Tired
    i fell asleep in my college writing and research class today. sometimes i dream that i am falling in my sleep that it makes my body jolt which wakes me up but then i look like a loser almost jumping out of my chair durinf class...um like today but i don't really. i saw james and he didn't say a word to me not a word. i said hi so technically when he responded w/ a hi back he did say a word but that was it. it wasn't even like i was the one who wanted to see him all the time or told him that i loved him it was all him i thought that he really did like me and meant all the things he said but he didn' t well i think i can mark this down as number two for the guys that i let make my life a living hell (well i got over it but still) sometimes i feel alone even before i went to school and with james i likes having him around and wanting to see me. i know this may sound dumb but just someone to hold umm whatever i am a loser. i have made a promise to myself and i plan to stick to it. damn it!! it all started w/ andy i wish i never met him. made my senior year crazy!!!!! i swear i need to get my life together. i am always confused and not knowing what to do. since i have been at college i have sat in my room and cried for no reason what so ever about 7 times well one goes to james. and i couldn't even figure out why i guess i just felt alone and i am not talking about "i have no friends" bullshit its just...see i don't even know enough to explain it. im tired of everything!! i wish i could start college over i swear i would. within the first week i did something that i dont regret but knew that i am a lot smarter than what i did. but i get reminded everyday one way or another. well its been crazy!!!!!!!
    Friday, September 26th, 2003
    1:55 pm
    still here
    hey so let me tell you that my throat is killing me and its b/c i shared gum with kristen. So thats how it goes. last night me and lana were watching movies until 5 am but anyway we saw these guys waking outside with tvs and dvds and shit and we were like oh how weird only b/c everyone outside were drunk so anything that was going on outside that was wierd was like being normal. well whatever a girl down the hall was robbed!!!! so they went through her god damn window and stole her shit and we saw them and didn't think anything of it. Weird. so yeah pretty weird.
    1:45 pm
    ya mon
    So here i am. tired as all hell but whatever. this is my first journal entry so i am not really sure how it's gonna turn out. just trying to pick an icon and and figure out shit. needing a nap right now though is sounding like a good idea for me.
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