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Amber

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*yesterday...love was just a simple game to play...* [08 Apr 2003|05:53am]
[ mood | energetic ]
[ music | Sunny 95 -- Santana ]

I went over to Justin's last night. He let me do some work on his computer, then we went outside and played basketball. He fixed me dinner then we played cards and went outside again. It was like 7:30 so I figured I should go home. Tanner absolutely LOVED his shirt. I can't say his girlfriend did though. Somebody ripped one of the M's off though! So now it says "My girlfriend says I' clingy...can I have your number?" and that pisses me off, loll. Sam ripped it off too. Oh well. Maybe he can iron it back on. That's it. Much love and eskimo kisses.

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*yawn* [06 Apr 2003|06:50pm]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | If you're gone.... ]

I got a haircut today. Well, actually just a trim. Nothing drastic, lol. Then went to Meijers to get Tanner's shirt. And then Michael's to get the letters to iron onto Tanner's shirt, lol. Justin T got a new tattoo! It's so sweet. He won't tell me who it's for for some reason though. Spring Forward today. Blah. I'm just gonna stop, lol. Much love and eskimo kisses.

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*...lonely days...lonely nights...* [05 Apr 2003|08:14pm]
[ mood | sore ]
[ music | Usher ]

Went out to dinner with Justin, Tyler, Troy and Andrea tonight. We went to Spaghetti's. It was nice not having them with their girlfriends for once. They're so much more open when they're by themselves. Which I guess I understand. Rehearsal was today too. For like 6 hours. Then I came home and got a shower. Blah. I guess I'm just gonna go lay on the couch with Travis and watch TV or read for a little while. Much love and eskimo kisses.

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*muah* [05 Apr 2003|12:16am]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | Sunny 95 -- Complicated ]

I absolutely love my friends. I'm not feeling completely better but well enough to have Alicia, Tanner and Tyler over. We all went out and played basketball. Well, 21. Of course Tyler thought he was better than everybody. ;-) But that's all right. LOL me and him were gonna wrestle. He's flippin strong it's not even funny. He rolled over on the ground tried to take my legs out but instead, his knee went right into my throat. I'm pretty sure it's bruised on the inside. At first I was laughing but then suddenly reflexes kicked in and I started crying. Even though it was hilarious. He felt bad which was sweet. I can barely talk and it hurts to swallow. Tanner's so cute and him and Alicia do go good together. I know Tyler wanted his girlfriend (Sam) over but she had to do a horse showing. Apparently Justin told Sam that Tyler said she was square and he was just using her. WHAT A LIE. Justin just likes her and regrets losing her. He blew his chance three times so he'll just have to get over it. Sarah's not coming here this weekend. :-( But she said she'd be here the next two weekends. :-) So hopefully I'll see her sometime. Travis is good. He's laughed a lot more and sleeps through most of the night. But that could be because I brought him back into my bed, lol. I can't help it! He wants to stay there. I hate seeing him cry. Oh my gosh. Today Austin was opening the door and it hit him right in the forehead. He had a big gash. It was funny but sad at the same time. The other day me and Justin like...erased our skin. It hurt so bad. He's got a giant one but I have two decent sized marks on each hand. I wonder who showed up to Sara's party (which I wasn't invited to, of course). Probably nobody. HAHA. She thinks everybody likes her. NEWSFLASH. Look around you. It's just the way she acts. She's a different person with each person. Does that make sense? Oh well. GRR. My throat kills! I got a bath earlier so I don't feel like taking a shower tonight even though I played basketball quite a bit. I'll take one in the morning. Adam let me know that he'll be checking out the college tomorrow, well today actually. It lasts from 6 am to 9 pm. Poor thing. He'll be so tired. I'm reading the book Holes because I wanna see the movie. It's probably like a middle-school book or something but it's interesting. It's about a kid named Stanley who is accused of a crime and has to go to this camp. The camp has a huge "lake" which isn't filled with water at all. It hasn't rained in ages. Each day, every kid there had to dig a whole five feet deep and five feet wide to build character. I don't know. It's interesting. But I'd rather see Shia Labeuoff (sp?) any day. LOL j/k.

What I learned today:
*~*Never judge somebody before examining their whole package and what they have to offer. Never judge somebody, period.*~*

Much love and eskimo kisses.

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*blah de blah blah blah* [03 Apr 2003|05:53pm]
[ mood | groggy ]
[ music | 97.9 -- Nothing At All ]

Ugh. I'm so sick. I haven't been able to go into work. I miss my buddies. :( Justin's stopped by every chance he gets. He might stay again tonight so he can help me out. Thank goodness. He says I should go to the doctor but I'm sure I'll be fine. I hate doctors. *cringe* They freak me out. I'll be all right though. Brant and Alyss might break up. He told me that last night they almost did. He went somewhere and there were a bunch of girls and of course she turned on to jealous mode. He had to go in and get an MRI today. There's a chance he could have a brain tumor. *crosses fingers* I hope to God he doesn't. That just wouldn't be fair. He's such a great person and he doesn't deserve that. I don't feel that great so I'm just ending this now. Much love and Eskimo kisses.

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*off to beddy-by* [01 Apr 2003|10:24pm]
[ mood | sick ]
[ music | Christina -- Beautiful ]

::*you are so beautiful...to me...you are so beautiful...to me...you are so beautiful...to me...can't you see...you're everything I hoped for...you're everything I need...you are so beautiful...to me...*::

*giggles* I was singing that to my baby and Justin surprised me! I didn't know he was coming over. He's so sweet. He said when he had been talking to me online just a little while before I seemed so sad and lonely, he thought he'd stop by and help me for the night. And then of course I go and get sick right in front of him. I'm such an idiot. Not like I'm trying to impress him of course. He's just my buddy. Right now he's rocking Travis back and forth, trying to get him to go to sleep. He told me I should be laying down but oh well.

I really don't feel good. I hope I don't get sick like last time. The last thing I need is a shitload of hospital bills to deal with. Justin and Tyler told me if I needed to, I could move in with them. But there's no way I would ever ask them to do that for me. I'm supposed to be able to take care of myself. I'm 21 years old. I have a son. I should be able to provide for myself...right?

I just have to say this. Andy, I know this is just a little online thing right now, but I can't say that I've connected (no pun intended, haha) with anybody as much as I have with you the past couple of days. You're son is your pride and joy, as is mine. You seem like such a gentle and caring guy. Unlike most of the dicks I've encountered. Thank you for offering your support and shoulder to lean on. It means more than the world to me. *muah*

I never did understand why people feel they have to blame somebody for everything. Not everything is somebody's fault. I wish people would get that. Yes, I admit it. I did call her a bitch. I won't sit here and deny that. And yes, I did kiss her boyfriend. LAST YEAR. My gosh. Just get over it already. She acts like such a kid. And just because he told her he wants it to end, doesn't mean it's my fault. People change. Feelings change. Relationships grow apart. If she hasn't learned that by now, I don't think she ever will.

I need a boyfriend. Hmph. lol. Just somebody who loves me. Somebody who will give me a hug when I cry. Somebody who will be there to let me know I'm doing just fine and in the end, everything I've gone through will be worth it. *looks at watch* Eh. I still have time, I guess.

May 23rd -- I get to see Justin! Not this Justin, the other Justin. It's been so long. I know he misses Travis. He's matured quite a lot. I must say, I'm very proud of him. The countdown begins.

Today I learned...
Not everybody can be superwoman or superman. Take each day as it comes. Don't worry about the past or the future. Become entrapped in the present.

Much love and eskimo kisses.

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*never again* [01 Apr 2003|07:55pm]
[ mood | worried ]
[ music | Delilah ]

Would have given up my life, for you
Guess it's true what they say about love
It's blind
Girl you lied straight to my face
Lookin in my eyes
And I believed you cause I loved you more than life
And all you had to do
Was apologize
You didn't say you're sorry
I don't understand
You don't care that you hurt me
And now I'm half the man
That I used to be when it was you and me
You didn't love me enough
My heart may never mend
And you'll never get to love me
Again
Sadness has me at the end of the line
Hopeless watched you break this heart of mine
And loneliness only wants you back here with me
But common sense knows that you're not good enough for me
And all you had to do
Was apologize
And mean it
But you didn't say you're sorry
I don't understand
You don't care that you hurt me
And now I'm half the man
That I used to be when it was you and me
You didn't love me enough
My heart may never mend
And you'll never get to love me
Wish like I hell I could go back in time
Maybe then I could see how
Forgiveness says that I should give you one more chance
But it's too late
It's over now
You didn't say you're sorry
I don't understand
You don't care that you hurt me
And now I'm half the man
That I used to be when it was you and me
You didn't love me enough
My heart may never mend
And you'll never get to love me
Again

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*oo i wanna dance with somebody...* [01 Apr 2003|03:22pm]
[ mood | drained ]
[ music | country -- 92.3 ]

Stressful day. I was at work and then I get a call that Sam can't get Travis to stop crying. I told her to just do what she normally does, but she couldn't. So I had to run home, make sure he was okay, then go all the way back. I'm glad I got off at 2:45 instead of 4. Justin and Tanner said I didn't look that great so I should go home. Maybe I was just worried or something. Who knows. So I got home, changed into my sweats, and here I am...talkin to Andy through his phone, lol. He'll probably read this but oh well...he's an extremely sweet guy who I hope I can become very close with. ;-) I got new pictures of me! They're not the greatest but they'll have to do. I also scanned some more of Travis. For the rest of the night...who knows what I'll do. Probably just hang out at home. Justin doesn't want me to come in for the late shift tonight. He says I need my rest. Much love and eskimo kisses.

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*happy happy joy joy* [31 Mar 2003|10:53pm]
[ mood | peaceful ]
[ music | None ]

Good day.

Good day.

It has been a very good day.

Love? No. Yes. Who knows? Lol, it's been a day. A good day.

Much love and eskimo kisses.

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*heart melts* [31 Mar 2003|07:31pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]
[ music | Oo baby baby come on ]

lol, I met a guy. A new guy.

That's all I'm gonna say.

*skips off to take care of my baby boy*

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*pleasantville* [31 Mar 2003|05:36pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]
[ music | *NSYNC -- Celebrity ]

Good day! Me and Brant ran together 3 times. 3 TIMES! lol, I sound like such a teeny. It really was great though. He smiled at me. And then before that, since my friend asked me to make up a poem right quick for her, I said something then he finished it and it was just sooo funny! His face got all red. It was the cutest thing ever. It sucks so much though. I think I should give up. Lately I've been starting to see the good in Justin. But I know he would never EVER go with somebody like me. He thinks Sam is fat. How shallow is that? She's like the skinniest thing ever! But anyway, back to Brant, lol. When I was coming out of the room Alyss asked me where Brant was. I told her he should be around. She flippin rolled her eyes at me! I turned around and said, "I was just trying to help bitch!" LOL Me, Justin, Allison, and Ben were discussing a way that we could sit to get Sara H away from us, lol. Then she jumped in the conversation and we just kinda ignored her. Not as much work today. I kinda got off my schedule though. I came home, ate an unhealthy snack and then fell asleep, lol. I'm so lazy. I did do a little bit of it right away though. In a little while I'll probably go exercise. I curled my hair but it doesn't look as good as it did last night. Oh well. Maybe it's just not meant to be. Mom's still at work. Dad called and he wouldn't stop asking questions. Kevin's over again. He's watching tv. Adam left with his girlfriend again. Alison's parents are getting a divorce. I feel so bad for her. She told me this morning and she started crying. I'm going to let her know tomorrow that if she EVER needs anything, a place to stay, an ear to listen, that I'll be here. Me and her past hasn't been exactly a fairy tale but I do still see her as one of my very, very good friends. I better get to work. Much love and eskimo kisses.

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*yawn* [31 Mar 2003|06:21am]
[ mood | nerdy ]
[ music | Sunny 95 -- Dino & Stacy ]

It's so early man. You know what happened? I curled my hair last night and it looked AWESOME! And I hair sprayed it and everything. I laid down in bed very careful. Doing my best not to move around too much. But when I woke up, it was FLAT! FLAT! FLAT! GRRRRR. I'm gonna do it again tonight and it BETTER work. I'm gonna have to see "Alab" today. Fun. Yeah right. That's it. Much love and eskimo kisses.

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*heart breaks* [30 Mar 2003|10:25pm]
[ mood | sad ]
[ music | Delilah -- Make The Magic Last ]

Stupid Delilah. Damn you. Damn you. Damn you. Stories of broken hearts and then she plays the saddest songs. *sigh* I don't know what else to say except...I love you Brant. Give me a chance.

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*blank* [30 Mar 2003|07:30pm]
[ mood | jealous ]
[ music | Sunny 95 -- John Mellencamp ]

I just blew dry my hair then came down and ate a burrito from Chippolti's. *I think* It was all right. Mom's upstairs watching "Disney's The Kid" lol. I admit, it was a good movie. Dad's, of course, on the computer. Kevin's on the computer. Adam's here somewhere with Emily because her jacket's here. And I am...here. Grr, I still have work to do. I did a tiny bit of it, lol. I was trying to clean my room up a little bit. It's only 7:25 though. Hopefully there's not as much as I think. Blah...I don't wanna go back tomorrow. But then again I do, lol. I'm hopin Brant and Alyss will break up SOMETIME SOON. God, I'm so tired of sitting off to the side just watching them. It hurts so bad. All my friends tell me "you'll get him, they won't last". But what if they do? What do I do then? Just move on? It isn't that easy. Nobody understands. He's so perfect. Perfect FOR ME. She doesn't even like him. "Oh my gosh, I'm sure he's 'the one'". Sweetie, hate to break it to ya, YOU DON'T DESERVE HIM. GRR. lol, okay. I'm done.


"In a little while I'll be thinkin about you. In a little while I'll still be here without you. You never gave me a reason to doubt you. In a little while I'll be thinkin about you baby."

Better get started. Much love and eskimo kisses.

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[30 Mar 2003|04:48pm]
[ mood | clean ]
[ music | Sunny 95 -- LeAnn Womack ]

Woo. Seems like it's been a long day. I just got out of the shower. aah...cleanliness, lol. I have so much work to do it's not even funny. It's already 4:45 too. It's Sarah's birthday today! She went to Chicago for Spring Break and I hope she has a wonderful time. Dad yelled at me about talking to people I don't know. Who cares? I wish he'd realize that I'm not stupid, I know what I'm doing and not all people are out to rape and murder me. And anyway, I think I'm old enough to decide who I should or shouldn't talk to. I miss Joey so much. :( I think he's in California right now. I haven't seen him on Yahoo in like 2 months. He's soooo friggin cute! I finished my room! Yay! There are still little spaces that I could fill but I'll do that later. I guess I better go back up to my room, do my work, and finish getting ready. I'm gonna curl my hair! lol, I haven't done that in years. Much love and eskimo kisses. *muah*

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