stepping through the looking glass' journal

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Tuesday, July 29th, 2003
5:13 pm - It's grrrrrrrrrrreat
The past 2 days have been absolutely fantastic. First off, yesterday I started out kind of bummed. I had my summer class, boring. Then I spent so much time cleaning my room that I didn't have time to workout. But I worked from 6-2am and came home with 100 bucks. I almost cried I was so happy. The night was slow, but the people were tipping me like 10's for bringing them drinks. That saved me because today I had to pay off some bills and I was freakin out about how I could afford it. But last night totally saved me.

Today a close friend from highschool came up to visit. Jessica is transfering here in the fall and she wanted me to show her around. So I took out on the town, showed her where her classes are, and she filled out an application at the bar. I also heard from Luis, he's a really close friend who graduated this past spring. He moved back to Chicago so I don't get to see him much. It good was to hear from him. Tonight, I'm going to visit my friend Dakota. She just got a kitten and she wants me to see. I love cats so I'm excited. We are also going to study for our final coming up. Summer school is almost up and fall classes will be starting soon. I actually am lookin forward to it. I get to start working in the elementary schools.

Today is also great because I went to the rec, worked out, and all I have had to eat was a turkey sub from Subway with a diet coke. I don't have to work tonight, so other than study, I will get to relax. YEAH

current mood: ecstatic

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Monday, July 28th, 2003
12:05 am - Blah
Blah, that pretty much sums my mood. Everything started out great. I got up early, exercised and went home to visit my folks. My ma wanted to go to the mall, so we went out. I actually did not buy anything, yay for me. I really have to penny pinch at the moment. But afterwards she wanted me to eat lunch and with her, there is no way one can tell her no. So I ended up having a huge calorie fest. Then I go over to my best friend's (Raven)house. We have been like sisters since kindergarten. Unfortunately, an old friend of ours wanted to come over and they ended up getting into a huge fight,. I was put in the middle and it was just a bad situation. I decide that it was time to leave and come home. But when I get here, Ken calls and wants to come voer. At first everything was fine, we were talking, laughing, but we were getting kind of bored and I don't have cable or many movies. So we go to rent something, he started bitching about everything, but didn't want to put in his 2 cents on what movie he actually wanted to see. We end up picking out the first thing we see and come back to my place. The movie was horrible and after he just got up, said adios and ran out the door.

Now I'm cranky. I just want to sit, watch my seasons of Buffy on DVD (yes I am a freak about that show), and be alone. Instead, I have people who are constantly interupting me. Somebody has been prank calling, my nieghbors knocking either wanting to borrow something or talk or whatever, and this annoying boy who will not stop im'ing me. Oh well, I'll get over it. I have class tomorrow, grrrr. So I am going to disconnect my phone, ignore the door and everything else and just veg infront of my tv. Mmmmmmm, David Boreanez looks yummy.

current mood: cranky

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Sunday, July 27th, 2003
3:38 am - Insomniac
AHHHHHH!!!! Work was crazy. The bar wasn't crowded but people were drinking like the liquer was going to run out. I'm exhausted but I can't get to sleep. I skipped an after hours party to go to bed because I have to be up early tomorrow. Yet here I am wide awake. I'm playing "My Beautiful" by Lennon Murphy, great song. Speaking of music, there was a band that played tonight at the bar. They were pretty good, bunch of college kids. They sang a lot of stuff like Taproot, System of a Down, Disturbed, etc. The drunks kids were going fucking insane, dancing, jumping off of the bar, trying to smash each other with bottles. But I made money to pay my bills, WHOO WHO!

Another highlight of the day, I'm proud of myself. I managed to get my lazy ass out and do my exercise video as well as a little hour jog around the park. I count the 5 hrs running around at work as exercise too, considering how freakin tired I feel afterward. I was also did a good job at sticking to my diet. I had an apple and half a cup of cranberry juice with a half cup of water for breakfast, diet soda and low cal/low fat yogurt for lunch, and half a cup of chicken noodle soup with a big cup of plain green tea for dinner. I feel super!

God I have got to go to sleep! I have to visit the fam and an old friend is coming home tomorrow. I have to be home by 10 am and it's a 30 min drive there. I'm going to be sleepy hehe.

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Saturday, July 26th, 2003
3:49 pm - First Day Here
Well, this is my first day here. Hopefully this journal will help me stay focused and serve as an emotional outlet. Juggling my compulsive need for perfection in dieting, exercise, and classes (I'm a junior in college) along with the wonderful world of dating ( I'm recently single) and my partime job waitressing at a local bar is complicated.

To clarify things, I'll give a little back ground info. First off, yes I would be considered anorexic, not that I look it. But I try to severly restrict my caloric intake while exercising enough to burn around 500 cals a day. I have been like this since junior high.

I'm now entering my junior year of college. I'm majoring in elementry ed with a minor in psychology. I have a passion for psych and I'm looking forward to my brain & behavior class this fall. I also love literature and will probably teach middle/high school English/lLit. I live on campus in this shitty rooming house. In August I will get to move in to an apartment, thank god. The only downside is that I will be living with 2 of my closest friends. They are not aware of my "special" eating and exercise habits. It will interesting to see how that pans out.

My boyfriend and I broke up back in the last week of April. We were together for nearly 2 yrs. We still talk and spend time together. I love him and we will get back together. I just hate waiting. I'm really going to try dating other guys. Part of the problem we discussed was the fact that we are young, each other's first real love, and neither of us had really dated much in the past. The theory that "how can you know if it's real with out experience" was brought up. Se we decided to cool down and see what else is out there. But I'm finding the supply of datable men here to be severely limited. Ken and I had an amazing intimacy and chemistry in ALL areas. Grrrrrrr, I seriously crave sex, all the time, my boyfriend was fantastic when it came to obliging that need. I do not believe in giving in to it though unless I'm in a serious relationship, so I will be very frustrated for awhile. Well that's enough for one entry.

current mood: hopeful

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