| 3:11p |
Ok so today I sucked it up and made up for yesterdays lack of work. In the course of a six hour work-day I have completed yesterday's and today's work and will be receiving 8 hours pay for both days. I'm not salary, just a liar. You see if I finish my days work early they will give me more stops. What's wrong with that? Well nothing except for that they will give me work I would have done later in the month. So at the end of the month I will have no work and be forced either an unpaid day off or take a vacation day. These days are usually middle of the week and of no vacational use. So... I lie and say the stops took much longer than they did.
I know yesterday I sounded dire about getting my work done but I got a great nights sleep and when I awoke I was energized and in high spirits. I actually had went to bed the same time as yesterday and awoke roughly the same time however, last night's sleep was much better. I believe it was the marijauna's influence. Though, I don't believe one should become acustomed to such a form of sleep. I have found if I was to do this every night that I become even more lethargic and depressed over time than I was when I began. No, I believe drugs should be used more like a reset button. As a minor aid in re-aligning the psyche.
I was also in such a great mood today that soon after I got home I proceeded to clean my entire kitchen a task most daunting since I had moved in. Let's just say the guy I live/rent with/from isn't the cleanest of guys in fact he's not the most sober of guys either.
Ah Nate, (my fore mentioned room-mate) he is one of the most intriguing persons I have ever met. Most of the time he staggers around drunk, drooling and munching on some absolutely vile representation of supper however, at the most oppertune times he will make the most absolutely, insightfully, clever jokes I have ever heard. I would love to give an example yet, I wouldn't be able to convey the "Ha Ha" because of the very specific references to the players within our circle of friends. But trust me. It's sad really because it's proof that underneath the alcahol induced jaundice skin and slurred speach is an intelligent, witty person hiding away.
Most people I hang out with are insecure and self medicating in dangerous ways. In my circle do the most intelligent people I know exist. Yet we are all self-doubting, self-subdoing. I believe this is product of the "A wiseman knows he knows nothing at all" logic. While I truly agree with the afore-mentioned quote it's a dangerous notion. The very reason why religions exist actually. Not knowing your place in life is the scariest thing of all. I took that from the movie "Unbreakable" but it is positively the most profound statement that could sum up the root of all people's depression and suffering. Thus, if someone could present a book of knowledge and wisdom to determine everyones place in the world with a relatively high standard of believability they will be deified and worshipped or at least their ideas will be. Hence Jesus, Sidhartha, Muhamad and many others. I also believe that people such as myself who do not believe in any religion should never try and sway those who do believe. You would only be taking there sense of placement in the world and that would crush them.
Enough babbling. I will begin my art exercises now. A process I may explain at a later date. But I will tell you this: I believe these exercises (along with this journal) will lead to me finding my place in this world. |