you know i just love being blamed for something I didn't do.....I know who did do it and you know they don't feel the least bit sorry for what they did or the fact that I get all the shit for it..wtf!! ugh man you I fucking hate shit..and this person who is basically getting me in shit is like mad at me now...wtf! ugh this person won't even have a decent convo with me ....ew I don't friggin get it man.....ugh..this shit makes me so mad.....she's been like this since Sunday! and now she's camping and I swear she better come back with a new attitude...maybe she will when she realizes i gave up on my/her crush so she could admire him from afar....not that Im really complaining cuz I was making out with someone else the other day but still she she still hold that other shit against me when I gave him up for her wtf! w/e man I don't give a shit anymore.....Im starting to feel like my cousin...all her friends turned out to be jerks too!
ok so wow I am so confused like one minute I want Kyle and the other I want Mike...I mean i gotta stop listening to ppl and listen to my own heart......i dunno MIssy is always telling me Kyle Kyle Kyle you know..but I don't think I can see myself with him..i dunno i mean no one's pudhing me to Mike I think Im pushing myself to him cuz he's like the forbidden fruit and he's so much more than that tho ugh I can really see myself with Mike really I can.....i dunno I have to talk to someone and I don't really want to talk to him...and ugh I dunno what I want I am so torn...
wooo finally got rid of that other journal! man reading other peoples journals got me into a lot of trouble lol ugh but w/e now they don't have this one so they can't read it. lol i think it's great cuz more than likely if they try to look for it they won't find it cuz the info ain't right ha!!! but ok so mad crap went down. but reconciled..forgave and forgot with somebody that I really needed to do so with..and Im thinking of like not even trying for this guy that I have been trying for cuz Im getting bored and i don't want to wait anymore. ugh w/e i feel so much better that I now have ajournal that no one knows of ..so my thoughts are my own and no one hopefully will comment...but for future warning for any one who reads this if you find your name just read the whole thing and try to get my drift ok!
ok so this is for me only i don't expect anybody to say anything on it cuz im not giving it to them....so i can spell the way I want to and say what I want to w/o ppl gettin on my case. ok so first entry here goes
ok sowhile I was on my big trip the last night i was making out with this guy right...well i stopped because i realized that my best friend (who was on the trip with me) told me that she likes this guy...so now i have to tell her (if she doesn't know already) but ok i tell her and she doesn't talk to me till we just about get home (it wasn't that long but you know) so i told this guy that it couldn't go any further than that night so that was that it's over. now im looking back and thinking why i gave him up like that......well she's my best friend and she comes before any guy......but ya see the thing is ....she'll never make a move on him...she'll never even tell him that she likes him....she's just gonna like him from afar and she's happy with that...i mean there is this other guy who she likes and may like her but i still can't have this guy(the make-out guy) because she still likes him, so i gave up the chance to be with this really great guy so she can go after someone else......that i just don't see...i don't get it...yes i understand as a friend she comes first but what the fuck i can only handle so much.........course then again im trying to go out with this other guy....but lord knows if I would had "permission" from my friend to go out with the make-out guy then I would be....ugh.....anyways im probably just talking out of my ass and it's probably just hormones making me do it but that's how I feel right now...i don't know why we have been home for weeks now and i still feel like this....maybe it's because like everyone now knows we were making out but i really don't care about that....maybe it's because my best friend still teases me about the fact that I owe her for hanging out with a guy who invited me to the sqaure (different guy) and for making out with a guy that she only has a "lil" crush on....yea that's it ......maybe it's the guilt I felt when I told her...or when I told him nothing could happen between us and the look on his face...yea that's it right there....
ok now im gonne complain some...you know sometimes my best friend reminds me of someone I hate...my ex-best friend ok watch this best friend = susie, ex-best firend=darlene ok! ok so darlene is mad conceited she always thinks that guys are looking at her and cars are honking at her when we are walking with two other girls who are thing with great curves and are absolutely gorgeous... id on't get it...she is not even that pretty...but now susie is like that too ok she thought on the way home from the trip that the "make-out" guy was starring at her when i had just been making out with him! right !!!! ok but w/e i don't give a shit anymore why should I be happy when she is that's all that matters right...........yea..right