| when life hands you lemons |
[22 Jun 2006|10:32am] |
As Richard would say, "We dance, we break plates, we're clumsy!"
SCENE: Last day of school. The air is alight with anticipation, sweat, hormones, and a feeling of power. But that's probably the electric waves they send through us from these alien lights which have been roasting our insides for four years.
What can I say, as Mr Nelson burns my DVD which doesn't even have all of my projects from my time here in it? I'm not very upset. I'm Gmailing 'til the end. I'm thinking about new technology and the faces I will probably miss once I'm gone, even if I hate to see them now. I'm thinking about the shorts I'm gonna buy at Rue 21 after school for Kennywood tomorrow and how much fun that's gonna be. I'm thinking about how excited I am that I get to dress down tomorrow - that's really all I wanted. And I can't stop thinking, "Scrod's makin' a comeback."
Richard, my husband. The Invisible Circus. Wade the Cat. Rico Fata. What else? I can't even think at this point. Remind me of all these things! Why can't I remember? And everything that's happened, all of the fights, concerts, parties, blah blah blah. I'm in the s-h-o-c-k. I keep thinking about Richard. Why does he symbolize my youth? And Mates Of State and Ani DiFranco and HOCKEY, the greatest gift of all! MST and SVU and NO CSI. I hope I start remembering soon; it feels like I only just started.
"let's show them how it's done
let's do it all imperfectly"
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[21 Jun 2006|09:42am] |
YAHOOOOO!!!!! Done with Zinga for a lifetime or more! That's all I feel like saying. It is a happy, happy day today!
"The monsters are all missing and the nightmares can't be found
And in their place there seems to be good feeling all around!
Instead of screams I swear I can hear music in the air;
The smell of cakes and pies is absolutely everywherrrrre.
The sights, the sounds!
They're everywhere and all around!
I've never felt so good - before!
This empty place inside of me is filling up
I simply cannot get enough
I want it, oh I want it!
Oh I want it for my own!
I've got to know, I've got to know
What is this place that I have found?
What
Is
THIS?!"
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| you're a god and i am not |
[19 Jun 2006|06:54pm] |
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music |
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"You're A God" vertical horizon |
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I've never seen all of Bruce Almighty. I keep seeing the part at the end where he's in the news station and they announce that the Sabres have won the Stanley Cup and on after that. It's the cutest thing in the world that they play "You're A God" by Vertical Horizon for most of the ending. That song is adore and I happen to have bought the CD back in good ol' 1999.
I no longer have the energy to dick around. I can't get over it - I woke up early. It took me three tries to get my hair right. I decided to wear my new shirt instead of saving it for Kennywood. I don't even want to go to Kennywood anymore. I was all buppy and perky when I left the house, right on time, and then it pours on me and I get soaked. My hair looks ridiculous by the time I get to school. I wanted to say to everyone, "No, this isn't it. It can look better." I wanted to come to school with a GOOD haircut instead of a LAME one. I wanted to do that ONE LAST THING before school ended. I wanted to look cute, or at least feel confident that I looked alright, something I tried to achieve by getting my hair cut. Impossible. Imposible! That is now obvies.
I half-assed that game for Wilds - we shouldn't have to MAKE a GAME, for fuck's sake, we just wrote a 5-page paper for her stupid ass - so it's going to bring my grade down. Then! By sitting in Zinga's room because I was in a 'crying zone' and I knew I couldn't take Wilds being a cunt and shooting off her mouth for TEN MORE SECONDS OF MY LIFE, I missed something else that will bring my grade down even MORE! YEEEAAHHH! YEEEEAAHHHH YOU GO YOU FUCKING CUNT, YOU RULE MY FUCKING WORLD!
I don't have the energy to do "this" anymore. I want to go to sleep forever. And I did sleep, for a long time, after I got home, and even though I woke up tired as ever it felt good. I watched the X-Files episode about William again and cried even harder - Scully at the end is too much for me - then finished the series off. Closure! I don't know what the hell Mulder was talking about at the end. Well yeah, I do, but it didn't seem right. I'm gonna miss that show. I'm gonna Netflix it.
"You're a god and I am not." What's it gonna take to sit through the next four days? Can I please HAVE IT? For fuck's sake. Why am I so jumpy right at the end? Why can't I suck it up? I need to find a way to take a deep breath and clear my head, because there's so much negativity crushing me right now that it's hurting me bad. My head is going in circles.
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| ba da da boo oooh wah da da da da |
[18 Jun 2006|01:53pm] |
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mood |
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 crappy |
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"I Was Never Young" of montreal |
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Hey!
Do yourself a favor. Read it and weep.
Does this shock you? "Last month, 'Inner Housewife' Caitlin Flanagan told comedian Stephen Colbert that the world that feminism created was so bad that she'd be glad to return to the days when any housewife who didn't want to have sex with her husband could be lobotomized." Mrs Flanagan wrote the book that Lizz was reading before. I'm not surprised. A lobotomy includes cutting the prefrontal cortex from the brain and is the theoretically the equivalent of making someone completely submissive. Mmmmm, HUMAN RIGHTS. Stone-cold fucking bitches.
In other news, my hair's been butchered. The fe-male who cut it had better not step into Penn Hills ever in her LIFE. Yesterday when I got home it was alright, but I washed it this morning and it's a fucking bitch to deal with. Here's me:
Yes ma'am, it is that bad.
You know what? When I was sitting in the chair watching this massacre take place, hoping to whatever God I believe in that it would look better when I stood up and shook it around, I kept thinking, "I'm not paying you to make me look like a 30-year-old Richard Belzer." If I did my hair right, I would. Good Lord.
Whatever.
Edmonton won marvelously last night, 4-0, it was awesome, this series was great, it's gonna be a good one tomorrow night. I'm trying to do Mz Wilds' STUPID ASS STONE COLD BITCH PIECE OF SHIT game and not rip my own head off my fricking shoulders. I bought a cute dress that I just realized I look like a whore in for graduation (not a total whore, but I'm PAST CARING) and cute silver shoes. I feel like raising as much hell as I can the last few days, because our teachers deserve nothing less. See yas!!!!!! Ugh.
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[16 Jun 2006|12:49pm] |
I'm taking a break before I even begin working!
I hope you guys all have a fuckin' fantastic time at the prom. Hope the drama is minimal and the dancing is fly, and I know all the ladies and all the fellas is gonna look good. Clear your head - it's not that big of a deal - soon everything will be over and done with.
I love my freakin coworker Clara from Colombia! She calls me a flower. "How eez thee byoo-t-full girl dooing to-day?"
York emailed me to tell me I was guaranteed residence and I'm getting my room assignment in a week! And last night I completed this loan counseling thing for the Stafford so my loans should be coming through soon and then I can get my study permit! AHHHH I'M GOING TO CANADA! I'm gonna stay there! You should come visit! Cross the border, one and all!
Oh my God. Ben told me that Mr Gettens knows Michael Keaton. If Michael Keaton is actually at prom, it is YOU GUYS'S responsibilities to tell him that I fuckin' LOVE HIM! I will be HEATED if he's there! Why would he be there? I don't know. But I'll kick your asses if he IS there!
Michael Keaton has a connection to Richard. He acted WITH Richard! In Night Shift! Jesus. You guys. Don't make me angry.
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[15 Jun 2006|07:00pm] |
My dearest Ani,
You break my heart.
"Garden Of Simple" Ani DiFranco
some crazy fucker carved a sculpture out of butter
and propped it up in the middle of the bonanza breakfast bar
and i am stuffing toast and sausage into my pockets
under a sign that says 'grand opening'
while my dog is waiting in the car
i wake up, i check out
i fill the tank and wash the windshield clean
and then i'm back out on the highway
and BANG that's when i remember my dream:
we were standing in a garden
and i had a machine that made silence
it just sucked up the whole opinionated din
and there were no people on the payroll
and there were no monkeys on our backs
and i said baby, show me what you look like
without skin
science chases money
and money chases its tail
and the best minds of my generation
can't make bail
but the bacteria are coming to take us down
that's my prediction
it's the answer to this culture
of the quick fix prescription
but in the garden of simple
where all of us are nameless
you were never anything but beautiful to me
and you know they never really owned you
you just carried them around you
and then one day you put 'em down
and found your hands were free
so now it's early in the morning
at the longitude of memphis
and the sun is setting sweetly on hong kong
and the big plan is just to keep spinning
cuz the big bang is only just beginning
and sometimes it's all that we can do just to hang on
and what i mean to say is muah
which means i'm thinking of ya
which means i've been thinking of you
all along
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[15 Jun 2006|12:26pm] |
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music |
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"Folsom Prison Blues" johnny cash |
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"I hear the train a-comin'
It's rollin' 'round the bend
And I ain't seen the sunshine since I don't know when
I'm stuck in Folsom Prison and time keeps draggin' on
But that train keeps a-rollin' on down to San Antone"
I'm as mosey as that song right now. I'm just moseyin' along. Sleep sleep sleepy. I gotta organize my weekend.
Friday: Work
Saturday: Go to Hillman (with someone), Rosanne Cash/game depending. Philip Pelusi.
Now Mz Wilds is gonna come out here.
Morozov, Penguins could be rematch More on that later, but it's the best news I've heard for dayyyyys! Suck on it, haters.
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[14 Jun 2006|02:23pm] |
Oh, YEAH!
The Stanley Cup may very well be won tonight. May the best team win, though the conspiracy theorist in me knows that rarely ever happens.
Not that conspiracy theorist! Ah ha! Ha ha ha. Ha!
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[12 Jun 2006|08:48pm] |
Don't get me wrong - I'm watching game 4. It's first intermission. Haul your ass to a TV - if the Oilers can pull themselves together, it's gonna be a goodun. Until then - don't beat yourself up. I'm sure it'll all be fine because it's got no place else to go.
"Fat And Skinny Asses" Piebald
We're calling all allies down because we're so sick of waiting around
Watching you simply destroy yourself, cosmetics and all
Trying to not find your plans, like combing the beach with more sand
I'm light of foot and you're light of heart
So watch where you step and I'll watch where I stab
The end of our rope is a couch and it's hanging us ever so slightly
Tilt your head so we don't have to move a muscle at all
Sitting ourselves to a death, not painful or quick in the least
Do we have plans at all?
This long weekend's been too much for me
Too long and difficult to swallow down
What have I got to say for myself?
Well, I really got that dishwasher good
Long day, longer than most I am sure
Heat wave, hotter than most I am sure
Fan's on, but I am not feeling so cool
Next to you, I still am not feeling so cool
Yeah, well
I can't stand that look on your face
Because I know you put it there
Fun is how you make it, not where you make it, so take it
Why don't you get your running start, it fears you like I do
I know you're tired, I know, but what if this was the last day on earth?
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[12 Jun 2006|10:04am] |
The montage that MTV did for Jim Carrey was adore. I almost cried. What the hell is the song they used at the end? It was gorgeous!
"I'm Bruce Nolan for Eyewitness News. Back to you, fuckers!"
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[11 Jun 2006|12:48pm] |
Society sucking more ass: (for the purposes of this entry I'll stop spelling 'wemyn' and put 'woman' because these women ARE wo-men)
Women on leashes? Don't you see what that's doing? Symbolizing? Doesn't that symbolize anything to you?
The new energy drink for women, because being a woman is hard. The commercial shows that women need this energy drink to get the energy for more domination through sex (again, a farce), "defying gravity" by pushing their boobs up and into small tight dresses, and accessorizing by walking tiny dogs wearing outfits that match theirs.
Being a woman is soooo complicated. Sooooo hard!
Are you excited to grow up and become a REAL WOMAN? 'CAUSE I SURE AS HELL AM!
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[09 Jun 2006|09:18pm] |
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Allie + iPod + Myths + Busting + Looking at myths + Thinking + Goats + Science Content + "With profit and machinery we will make the iPod!" + Gingers = Mythbusting / Love = Recipe for success!
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[09 Jun 2006|09:49am] |
This is a must-read. It's about the Duke scandal. And it's really messed up. Especially the last page. Just because something is true doesn't make it right or mean that you should leave it alone.
And, also, if Ann Coulter's a Christian, I'll be damned. I looooove this. It's very rare that I ever read anything about the goodness of the past of the Christians! And how much ass Ann Coulter sucks. Of all the comeuppance to be handed out, she's getting the brunt of it. Stupid fucking racist cow. Embarrassment to femails.
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[08 Jun 2006|01:18pm] |
I'm not gonna miss SHIT about this school! Not a goddamn thing! (Not to be mean to Tammy. I'm just saying. There are some of us who will shit all over this school's memory. And have already started.)
Hilary and I were going to make a film about how gay-assed our school is. And, like everything else that people plan to do to expose this school's fuckedness, we got the energy sucked out of us! Indirectly, it may have happened, because we are pretty lazy. All of us! But it's not like we're stimulated! The same thing would have happened at Woodland Hills or Penn Hills. Now, we've got a shitty-ass project that's so fucking dumb, it's a bunch of people talking or the woods in the back of my house. That's gay as FUCK! We could have made SUCH a good video in film class because we both love it, but instead, our final project is going to suck ASS.
So, there's this whole thing where the school says "Your dress reflects you well towards others." True.
"Your dress has a long-term effect on your learning." FALSE.
"Research Class is important." False. Maybe weekly Research Skill Learning HOUR. To teach retards how to use pluses (+).
Favoritism! There's a shitload of favoritism! There's so much static between us and the teachers because we've been 69ing for four years! I've been here for three years and I KNOW that EVERYONE WHO WORKS HERE IS A JERK. May I reiterate,
Everyone
Who Works Here
Is A Jerk.
Graduation requirements were changed so that more people could graduate. Did I mention that? No, no, the surveys are not in full confidence, because I saw one of the older surveys about Cult Lit because Zinga accessed it and could see the answers. I don't know if they could see who said what, but they could sure as fuck see the answers! And they don't give a fuck what we think! No! They don't! As long as they get their charter, NOTHING that ANYONE SAYS makes a shit of a difference. Nothing! And, because this is a FUCKED-UP COUNTRY (Saying that oil is part of the American way doesn't automatically replenish it, YOU FUCKING RETARD POLITICIANS) and because millions of Americans will die because they let a bunch of white fucks run this country who DON'T care about you or what you think, same as this school, the charter will be renewed. Because life is FUCKED UP. This is such a dangerous time to live. I give 15 years for the shit to hit the fan, maybe less than that.
OR! MAYBE! I'm looking at a different reality. Because no one else is flipping out about this shit!
But the charter will be renewed because the Nazi spirit runs this school, runs this country, and runs this world! I honestly don't know how I'm going to live in it. I wish I were schizophrenic so I could be committed and live out the end of the world in an institution not knowing what was what. But I've got a sound mind. As far as I know!
I'm gonna end this. Because. I'm pissed off. I hate the dress code. I hate the food. I hate the people. I hate the school. The only good things are the friends.
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[08 Jun 2006|09:14am] |
"Access denied? We'll see about that."
"You find that you have peace of mind and can enjoy yourself, get more sleep and rest when you know that it was a one hundred percent effort that you gave - win or lose."
Don't worrrrry, Edmonton.
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| hey man, i'm on to you |
[07 Jun 2006|09:53am] |
Sometimes I leave my phone on all night, sometimes I turn it off but I always think, "I shouldn't turn it off." Well I turned it off early last night, like 9:30, and this morning I turn it on and Nikkitta texted me asking me to tape SVU for forensics. It would have been my pleasure! But I hit the sack around 10:30 for a change.
But I got all geeked out because I have tons of taped SVUs that I never watch, and actually using them would be a little bit of a vindication (not that I need any). I stopped taping like a year ago because I kinda stopped caring, except for Richard. But, if she's taping it to watch it in class, I thought, I have something better. SVU has so minimal forensics - it's like two scenes in the lab looking at DNA strands or how this guy punched through a wall. I do have the Marlee Matlin episodes because Richard was all over them and they look at bones and stuff in that, but I've got the X-Files at home and there's this one with entomology (sort of) and an entomologist. I think he was an entomologist. Anyway, I love to flaunt my favorite things, but I don't know what she wanted it for exactly.
Don't think I don't know it, but I am cocky. Not proud of it. But other things influence what I do.
I don't want to go to the rehearsal cuz it would take me years to get back home, but I'll bet you $500,000,000 that they count it as an absence if I don't. And they may make it not dress-down, as in, we'd have to come wearing our school clothes for AN HOUR. SUUUUUCK it!
CBS bought the rights to televise the end of days y'all! Check your local LISTINGS.
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[06 Jun 2006|06:33pm] |
I've been a fool! There's plenty to celebrate, like
THREE WEEKS OF BUSINESS CASUAL LEFT TO GO! Hot damn!
And MythBusters was renewed for the fall today by Discovery Channel. :score:
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[06 Jun 2006|01:00pm] |
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Ha ha! See? MythBusters! This womyn saw something on MB and now they're not letting these kids wear these costumes or something. You like how well I read?
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| "wow" |
[05 Jun 2006|12:53pm] |
BITCHES!
Suck me off, okay? That's it!
I have SHIT sitting next to me on a tray. SHIT for a lunch. I'VE GOT SHIT FOR LUNCH. And I go "This is disgusting, this is disgusting" in line, because it is. And then Julie tells me that, to my back, that stupid white trash whore of a lunch lady goes "Then don't eat it" WHAT THE FUCK ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO EAT, YOU DUMB BITCH? A SALAD? PUH-LEEZ! If I don't eat I'm passing out by the end of the day, so don't FUCKING give me that SHIT! YOU STUPID WHORE!
And I am goddamn FED UP with these bitches who wanna play INNOCENT ALL THE TIME. This and EVERYTHING ELSE compounds into one big old shitty thing. Fuck! Fuck! F BOMB F BOMB
F
BOMB.
Fuck the lunchlady, fuck doctors, fuck BERGIN, and FUCK Sara. That's right! Fuck the bitch! I'm sick and tired of her! She is EVERYTHING I hate in a person and I don't know WHAT the fuck I was doing before. She certainly did not pick a good time to have her shittyshittyshittyshittyshittyshittyshitty self come to light. It takes all hundred and three pounds of me to not rip my own face off and shove it down everyone's throats, I'm so on edge. Don't eat it, huh? DON'T EAT IT, HUH? FUCKIN' EAT THIS!!!!
Bad day! Bad. Effing. Day. Bad one. I've had a bad one. And it's ONE O'CLOCK. HOLE-Y GEEZ. I am GONE. Out of here. Ridick. And no I'm not FRIENDSLOCKING BECAUSE ONLY LOSERS FRIENDLOCK. AUUUGGGHH!!!
I'm sorry. This is directed towards no one, but, whatever! 'Cause I don't CARE! No - 100% all of you I love and adore, and thanks for putting up with me. Gosh. Sorry you have to read this stuff. But you don't! Geez! Just like when they pile crap on a plate and charge you $2.40 for it, you don't HAVE to eat it OR read it. Jeeeee-zus. It's just a rant. And I'm gonna stop.
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[05 Jun 2006|12:29pm] |
FUCK.
I ruined part of the X-Files finale for myself.
It was my fault. Fuuccckkk.
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