Tito's Journal

Tuesday, November 18, 2003

2:18PM - hehe

18 more periods left to go before I am so outta school. I don't know how many hours that will be but that's okay. Argh my minions, I have so much to do this week... I bought .hack\\Infection. I haven't played it yet though.
let's play the friends analysis game

Keith: Hey kid, I am mad at you... but I love you anyway. I miss you terribly. Argh it is terrible. you have had such a big influence on my life and have made me the person I am. Think about the things I love... Metal Gear Solid, Kill Bill and the Soviet Union. Thankyou my comrad, PDIGGY and friend

Shawn: I can't say enough. You and I have much to talk about. perhaps one day we will be able to. I took a test to see what level of hell I will be in based on Dante's Inferno, the results didn't come out but I will prolly be in level 7 or 8 out of 9. Heh, see you there.

Lee Ann: call me damn it! I love you, you are so awesome and weird. You are one of my best female friends to date and I look forward to the time when we can once again play starwars with the beanie babies. "What do you think Nosepickey?"

Corey: I miss you. It's weird we have become close since I left Fl. Interesting. I hope your life is good right now, you deserve happiness.

Hannah: glad you joined Blurty. I am very glad I met you. Our movie will pwn!

see you in your nightmares- Nez

Current mood: anxious
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Saturday, November 1, 2003

10:54AM - PYRO

Yeah so... my house almost burned down. Well, not ALMOST but it could have. We had to be evacuated on Wednesday because there was a wild fire a mile and a half from our house and there were 60 mile an hour winds. All's well though because we got much-needed snow on Thursday. I had a math test on Friday and I think I did pretty well, but I can't say anything yet. Life overall is pretty damn good. My friend Alex is coming over soon and we are gonna play MGS and RPG all night and all day. I am so happy that Alex likes MGS now. I needed another fan out here. Hannah is cool, Our Kung Fu movie is called 'Two Feet of Death" and it is about a girl named Sophie (obviously inspired by Tarantino) and a guy named Chao, Chao Mein that is...hahah duking it out to achieve the title of smuggler-in-chief... or the equivalent of endangered monkey smuggling from japan. Very stupid...very lucrative (the business). Anyway, it's mostly about revenge and mercy or the lack there of. for example. Chao spares Sophie's life and leaves her in a puddle of blood thinking she will die on her own but hoping that he will get to fight her again. Sophie's best friend, Elle, falls in love with Chao, and forsakes her loyalty to Sophie resulting in her brutal death. And then there is a twist... but we shan't say it shall we, precious? Anyway, it is more complicated than that but as of now I am either going to be Sophie or Elle. I think Hannah wants to be Sophie and she also wants to do everything else so we will see. Plus I am writing the script along with her, and Elle is gonna be the hard ass and Sophie is gonna be the proud one. We have some other characters that can be paralelled to those of FFVII. It will be good, I hope. And you shall know I am the Lord when I bring my wrath and vengeance down upon you.

Current mood: cold
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Tuesday, October 28, 2003

3:41AM - My wicked life (only Keith will get it)

I AM FINALLY... happy *gasp*. Actually, relatively. I met this wonderful lad named Hannah, as you might have guessed she is not a lad at all but a girl (eewww girls). We are making a Kung fu movie inspired by our dearest and most highly regarded, Quentin Tarantino called "Two Feet of Death". I will send you a copy when it is completed. I love Kill Bill, and I am becoming increasingly more obsessed with Metal Gear Solid daily. I am doing pretty well and focusing on getting a good run on the tanker chapter first. I have it pretty much memorized which always helps. Over the weekend I went and saw Mike and Justin, which always amuses me greatly. My paintball gun needs fixing so I left it with them *sigh*, but I finally played a little Final Fantasy 10. I love that game, but the voice actors suck ass. Moving on: Square Enix IS remaking FFVII for playstation 2. I read it today in Game Informer. It says that they plan to rerelease the psone title on ps2. Anyway, my life is fairly in order, I even have time for... what's that word (oh yeah).... FUN again. Not much, but some. I am so stoked about the movies I will be co-directing/producing/ acting in and I am also excited about November. The Matrix comes out on the 5th, a Thursday, me and my cousin and my mom are going to wait outside the theatre on the 4th and go to the midnight showing. I have just recieved notice that I have 4 A's and 2 B's. I will be getting an A in english, I have the highest grade in both of her classes and it is an 89 ( gaahh she is fucking insane!) but my math grade will remain a B prolly until semester. Yes, I will be recieving my first B, aren't you proud? I have done it... or rather not done it. On another note, school is no longer my life, thank Ace. My mom made me see a therapist and a few weeks ago we did some relaxation techniques. She said something like "find your room of solitude" but it was really the bullshit "find your happy place". HAH to think we are paying her 100 dollars an hour (which is 2/3 what she is normally paid)! Anyway I listened to her for half an hour and I found my happy place. I realized my whole mind was one huge plant chapter like in MGS2. The cut scene after E.E. dies with the sunset is my happy room bit. She told me to take a sovenir (sp?) from that room and put it in my pocket. Well Snake smokes so I took his cigarettes.... that one needed explaining. The ironic thing is that this sovenir was supposed to relax me every time I thought about it, heh need I say more? If you don't get it then don't ask! Anyway, I am a complete and total loser, but finally a happy one. I still hate school, hate work and hate XBOX, but I am beginning to once again love life. See you in your nightmares - Nez

Current mood: devious
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Sunday, October 12, 2003

4:35AM - Yeah

Hey all, how goes it? Life is hell as usual but that's okay. I am adjusting better these days though I still have NO time to do anything but homework and all the other stuff I do... hehe by this I mean acting and jujitsu, if I had time to write blurty's and go online- I would. I got a math tutor so I don't fail math, heh, I have B's in pretty much all my classes. High B's I might add, but still B's. What is my problem? Anyway, grades don't matter to me anymore because they can't make me happy, so I have decided that I won't let them make me sad either. Lee Ann and Corey might come down this winter maybe Shawn and Keith should too, that would own. I have so much to do this weekend but it feels nice to have a little free time. I finally beat Dark Alliance, I have owned it for years and never beaten it though it is VERY short, just in time for the sequel coincidently. I started playing Devil May Cry and can see what all the hype was about 3 years ago when it came out, hehe. And I have started playing MGS and Final Fantasy 9. I need to build LIFE into my schedule, that is the one thing I am lacking here. LIFE to me includes calling my friends in Florida, going online, playing paintball and Metal Gear Solid, and reading books other than those required. I am getting better, but this anti-life still gets me down. Because nothing makes me happy anymore except the memories of last year, I feel like I am drifting through life still. Maybe this will improve, I hate to cry. In any case, my number is (303) 444-1490. If I don't call you then please call me, I need for you guys to interupt this antilife and help me get mine back. I won't have time to call you, so please call me. Argh, I am sorry I have become such a lame-o. I mean honestly, I feel like such a loser all the time. Just don't let me become one of your internet friends, or a friend that moved away and that you hardly speak to now and only comes up in conversations about freshman year. You haven't been replaced, no way, no way in hell. Don't forget it. I miss you all and love you too... sorry for the sap but I am one fucked up emo kid. I'll grow up and get over it. Eventually.

Current mood: sleepy
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Sunday, September 14, 2003

2:01PM - Here

I am so miserable and I have no time for frequent blurtys anymore... but it might get better. yeah, life sucks... I feel like shooting myself or someone else most of the time. I am sad that I missed the party Lee Ann had yesterday. That's okay I called and chitchatted with all those losers that went. I am glad you guys are having fun over in the forsaken lands. Let me see what I can say about my week:

I got a C on my math test, a D on an english essay, and I failed a spanish quiz. Things got worse as the week went on but eventually leveled out. I think I have B's in most of my classes. I am trying really hard so it's sorta depressing but that's okay... B's heh. I am such a loser, I have like 4 friends and they aren't like you guys. They aren't my best friends in the whole universe. Alex is a really good friend but I never see her during the week, I only have one class with her and that is first period. It's good, I am just complaining. It will get better... it kinda can't get worse at this point. I really like my English teacher even though she's so fucking hard. She has a beautiful mind as it were. I like most of my teachers and I am forcing them to like me. The freshman are still mean to me, they think I am an idiot for being in a class with them when I am a 10th grader... well it's an AP class and they didn't offer it at Pedro is how I explain it to them but NOOO I think they like the idea that they have a class with someone in a higher grade. It makes them feel smart I guess, even more if they think I am stupid. Oh well, the freshman here bug me. Ah well I have a lot of homework to do still so I better go. I'll try to go online more this week, I just need to get my time managed and my priorities straight.

- your ever faithful Queen of the Liches and ruler of the underlings, Nez

Current mood: calm
Current music: Enya...and I am calm... what the fuck has happened to me?
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Saturday, September 6, 2003

9:41PM - Life, or something like it

Hello all, sorry my entries have been so infrequent I will try harder... part of it is the complete incompetence of my computer... it makes it hard to do anything on. Another reason is school is really time consuming. I have a lot of homework each night and have been really stressed out lately. here's an update... I will try harder...

I like all my teachers except Senora espinoza.... evil nazi woman when it comes to listening comp. I am doing poorly in all my classes because of all the stress... I am used to having 4 classes now I have 6... which I shouldn't complain about anyway. Social life is improving but I don't have any time for friends anyway and I am stupid. That is all I have to say for now.

Your lichly queen- Nez

Current mood: pensive
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Tuesday, August 19, 2003

11:34PM - I got a dollar

actually I am flat broke... among other things. I went to a weird al concert sunday night and it was fucking awesome. I had so much fun being the dork that I am... good times... good times. I am no longer mad about this whole e-dating bit... in fact I am over it. I have decided to fuck dating of all types till I can think about doing purposeful dating... by this I mean finding a mate. Monogamous as we humans are this perhaps I will consider later on. I am going to have to agree with Shawn and Keith on this one and say that dating in highschool is ridiculous and pointless and the intentions are not always what they seem. So at this point me and Chris just have a lot in common and I like talking to him. That's it. I don't expect to meet anyone worth dating at my highschool anyway so whatever... I don't need a male to be happy with myself. Most males that I meet and enjoy the company of are strictly my friends and that seems to be how it works. I am completly fine with this too... I would rather have these guys as friends because that will last and can't just be dropped and left to rot unless some strange twist of fate yanks us apart... ewww my inner lip is all cut and bleeding from my braces... only 8 more years till they come off!! haha more like 4 months... that's what they say... but my othrodontist is nicknamed Dr. Jaws because Markowitz wouldn't fit on the plack or something... I am not kidding. *shakes head* You never can trust them... alas another ramble completed! I must retire now...
that's all folks, Nez

Current mood: content
Current music: the voices
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Monday, August 18, 2003

11:53PM - I don't feel inclined

alright I just wrote a really long blurty but I deleted it. That's all I can say about the way I am feeling.God I feel like I am a evangelical christian minister's daughter trying to marry a jew or something... oh well good thing I have friends here... oh yeah.... I don't.

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Monday, August 11, 2003


Alas, poor york... we knew him well. I have officially crossed into the world of e-dating. Say what you will *holds up hands* but do not barrade me with insults. Spare your dignity for a later date! The person whom I have the pleasure of expressing non-plutonic emotions towards is a wonderful human being named Chris. He always a gentleman and friend... though funny as hell and laid back as uncle sal. We share interest in the 4 basica things that make me tick: Weird Al, MGS, Ace Ventura, and Doctor Pepper. What could be better? Besides this life has improved... I found my playstation games but the trade deal is off... piece of monkey shit. I don't want to sell my games for peanuts. Anyway, school starts next friday and I am not looking forward to it. My speakers are out of batteries again so I have no sound. And I will try to keep up my blurty more. I miss you all very much and hope life is treating you fairly. Call me at (303) 444-1490 or email me at nezaroth@comcast.net. Good bye my pretties... *tips hat*


*jumps on nimbus2000*

*flies away*
- Nez

Current mood: crazy
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Tuesday, August 5, 2003

6:04PM - Pissed

Argh, I can't find my fucking memory cards or my PSone games anywhere. That's 80 bucks in trade down the fucking drain and I am fucking pissed. Plus that means I have no saved data anywhere. Jesus Christ I hate moving I always lose or leave things even when I am sure I packed it all. Maybe it's my luck. GOD DAMN IT! Sorry I haven't written in such a while but right now I don't care. I am so fucking pissed nothing ever just goes right... only the IMPORTANT things get fucked up. Why can't it just WORK THE FUCK OUT? Everything is fucked right now... my computer, my house, my games, I have so much to do for school, nothing ever WORKS, my fucking paintball gun is broken too... I just remembered! Jesus Christ I am on the verge of killing someone. Honestly! And what's more... XBOX has 2 good games now that prolly won't be ports. Maybe I need to consult Mr. Gates... FUCK. I just feel like shit... goodie...

Current mood: fucking pissed
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Monday, July 28, 2003

10:28AM - More welts

GAAAHHH!!!! I had a terrible paint ball day the other day. Utterly TERRIBLE. I sucked so fucking much and bad I wanted to shoot myself in the foot! I just was off... oh well. Anyway, I had an excellent time at Mike and Justin's as usual. People keep telling me that most of the guys I play paintball with like me. hehe... I just laugh. poor souls. I am porbably the only girl they communicate with (even if it is shooting or getting shot by) besides their mothers. I just hope they don't spare me. I would hate that. I don't need their PITY!! In any case... all is fine by me here. Summer is drawing to an end for you all in the south... haha. I am getting nervous about what I still have to accomplish these days but I am doing alright. I miss you all and love you too. I have nothing else to say... fair thee well...

- Nez

P.S.- Isuspect vin Diesel of being an Alien. Or a Communist. perhaps both.... damn Communist UFO's!!!
or as Lee Ann puts it- damn you FO's!

Current mood: calm
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Wednesday, July 23, 2003

10:06PM - Hullo all

I have offically recieved my first of- no doubt- many paintball welts. Actually I have two. One is on my right cheek... and I don't mean my face... we have masks for those cheeks. the other is on my hip. I got nailed as I was being an excellent sentry and looking in the wrong direction... hehe... I had a blast as usual up at the Watts' house but now I am back to reality and I still suck at monopoly. I have tons of shit to do and I am upset because I never have a good balance of work and play. It's either all work or all play. I am bored out of my mind right now but I don't feel like reading about Globalization. I am stuck in Jack and Daxter and I just beat Dehuai in Shadow Hearts. I haven't heard from Shawn in ages and I am an elephant (think hard Keith... you may understand what I mean) I didn't want to tell you. Atleast I am not a sloth. There, now you will get it. Anyway. Time for another long ramble about nothing important. No one is listening I can tell you that... but they will. When they do I will be thousands of miles away and physical harm will be out of the question. Alright... now even I am confused. At night, I get really strange. If I am tired I willl start ranting in this really strange voice. Once I had a fight with Nicole at 3 am about the Beatles. I heard this song by Alan Sherman about how he hates the Beatles 'cause they make his daughter...errr.... excited. hehe... I almost cried. I miss Nicole. and I miss Keith and Lee Ann and Shawn and Corey. I miss them all but I can't DO anything about it.... ah well suxxx. You know, I lose everything important... like I have lost Kingdom Hearts, SSX, MGS:SOL (luis has it), and Crash Bandicoot the Wrath of Cortex. AH DAMN! I also lost my school ID when I was here for Spring Break... the ONE thing I needed to get back to Florida without an adult... honestly the only thing I haven't lost yet is my virginity... but knowing me I will probably lose that and not notice or know it until years later... haha think about THAT when you are in the shower... whoa REALLY random. random: go to china. CHINA! COMMUNIST SCUM! I think Roderdam... Amsterdam is gonna fight Bill soon... I better go. Much love my brothers! We will be the SONS OF LIBERTY!

"I never trust a frenchman"- well said Ocelot, well said

Current mood: weird
Current music: the voice of Satan. He saith "Ventura"
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Saturday, July 19, 2003

7:54PM - good evening minions

How are all of you? I am doing very well myself. I finally beat that damn game (MGS2S). I will omit the rest of the information just for your own sakes... you'd prolly be jealous (oh yeah *wink wink*). Well anyways. It relates a lot to the book I am reading on Globalization for my upcoming AP Human Geography class... I am planning to ask Mr. Aiken (teacher) if he has ever heard of or played the game and see what he says! HEHE. the summer is flying by for me even though I am bored most of my days. I miss all of you and wish you were online more, but I'd rather you be off having lives... I finally got my PAINTBALL GUN!!! HEYSOOS BAILETAP CHRIST!! It is so wicked awesome. I carry it around just to get used to the feeling of it in my hand... hehe... sanity is SO overated. My book is coming along nicely also. I am up to 53 pages and I have just introduced a new bad guy... or girl rather. I haven't left my house in 2 days and that was for one hour.... before that I had not left my house in 4 days. *shakes head* I am thinking about hijacking an elephant from the zoo in Denver just for amusment and payback... payback for WHAT do you ask?... that detail is unimportant! Alas, I am out of breath.... I think I am going to go play Splinter Cell and see how much crappier it can be than out dear Metal Gear... haha instant poetry! Hehe..

until we meet again- Nez, your lich queen

P.S. damn the communists!!

Current mood: naughty
Current music: MGS theme song.. hehe...
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Friday, July 11, 2003

12:32PM - A true MGS fan...

I was really urked last night. I went online and as usual no one was on. Then I started talking to my friend Chris who has just then acquired his position as a friend of mine... hehe thanks Q. He runs a MGS website and all this... well anyways. I was talking to him when he invited me into a chat with some other MGS fans. For the first hour it was all bolderdash but then they started getting into quotes. It was a game. Who ever guessed the quote of MGS1 and 2 made up the next one. I have decided that I am a different type of fan of MGS. Not only because I don't know the quotes but because I like it for the game play, plot, characters, graphics, and just it's overall incredibility (is that a word?). Well, I found it very stupid to play into these games of proving you were a better MGS fan due to the fact that you've played it so many times you had the damn thing memorized, or you just do it to show off. I mean to a certain extent that is cool but then it exceeds the boundaries of the game. I didn't participate in the quote game for a number of reasons one being I didn't want to the other, that I didn't know any! I would love to play these games with keith and admire all aspects of MGS as a true fan but I do not feel the need to prove to a bunch of competitive, drunk, random fans of MGS that I am a better or bigger fan and that I know more than them about it. Which I must say I do not. I am not being patronizing in the least to the other fans of MGS, but I have to say I find that a fan is much like those they idolize. An actor can either serve the art of acting and action, and be a sort of martyr for the cause, or can choose the path of their own personal gains. Now, don't go setting yourself on fire just yet kids. All I mean to say is this-a true fan of anything admires the facts and bottom lines of what they are a fan of. They don't play MGS so they can say they've beaten it in an hour... or know all the quotes because they want to impress people in chat rooms. I know Keith is a real fan... and I am sure Chris is. I mean I honestly would piss in my frilly little panties if I met in person someone like David Hayter or Quinton Flynn... or Christopher Randolph (happy Keith?? ; ))!!! HEYSOOS... anyways. This entry was dedicated to those true fans of MGS... I would have to say I am one... because I don't lie and say I am good. Or say I have beaten it... or that I know everything about it... a wise man once asked me "You can talk the talk but can you walk the walk? I think not!" Though he was referring to me shoving my foot up his ass... it holds true here.

oo.... just for the sake of irony... "Everybody feels sick the first time they kill someone. Unfortunately, killing is one of those things that gets easier the more you do it."-Solid Snake, MGS1

Current mood: hungry
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Tuesday, July 8, 2003

8:05PM - oh GOD

I might die... literally of boredom or sadness. I came back from Mike and Justin's today missing all my friends in florida horribly... I really wanted to talk to you guys. I especially miss Keith for some reason... anyways... i haven't talked to Quinton, Shawn, Keith, Lee Ann, or Corey in ages and i miss it. The internet is addicting and i'm on withdrawl. I mean honestly. You are the only people I talk to in Florida...and California if you count Quinton. I mean, I love Mike and Justin and i am going camping with them this weekend but I am sad. I want to mope around and cry and send keith bombs in the mail. The reality that I am never going to see you guys for more than a week again in my life is heartbreaking. Me and Lee Ann may work together in the future or go to college together or something but I dunno it won't be the same. I hate it! Noone is on. Everyone has better things to do and I don't. And I would rather talk to you that anything in the world! Hmm... its all I think about. How things seem so good and then they go rotten or something. I MISS YOU! I am crazy about all of you. I could not ask for better friends and all i feel is sadness. Of course this is selfish of me. Why wouldn't you have better things to do anyway? But I dunno. I am falling apart. I am never gonna be there with you all again. I am going to be here while you are there having fun together. So the place isn't so great there. But I miss the people a lot... much to my surprise. I just want to give Lee Ann and hug and keith and shawn and even corey. GOD! All my life... I have wanted friends like you and now that I have them... I never get to show it or express it. Maybe I'll write letters or some shit. Anyway I am going to stop bitching... the communists are coming the communists are coming!

Current mood: crappy
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Friday, July 4, 2003

12:24PM - ALAS

My days have been boring... noone to cuss out... noone to mock... noone to flick off.. noone to hug... noone to beat up...noone to annoy...that about covers it! Those damn ufo's are disturbing my sleep I have decided. They are trying to suck my brains out and use them as salad dressing. But they are not experts so they disturb my sleep while doing so. I think I will start wearing a tin foil helmet in order to hinder their suckage of my needed brain. Hmm... I think they already got some of the other world super powers. Like maybe Bush was intelligent once... hmmm... prolly not... but there could be others! I can't see them. I think they might have possessed my dog... that's how they are doing it. I would suspect my cats but they have always been evil. Clark is not evil... just suspicious. I used to have a newt. Maybe they are plotting with the communists. DEAR GOD! This is a conspiracy if I ever saw one. I should alert the men in blue! But if this is the classic cliche conspiracy they are already on the other side. THE WORLD IS AGAINST ME... I will have to deal with that. Where's the meat clever! I must revert to my early human instincts and don a loin cloth and a stick. I will dance for rain. And refuse to speak in complete sentences. INFIDELS I SAY! Damn the corruption of the planet. When you have UFO's conspiring with the communists and the popo are after your goldteeth you know you have a problem. The sun is shining! ARG... not for long after my rain dance... eeeeeehehhehehhehehe. Sanity is over rated! What can i say. DIE COMMUNIST SCUM... that will suffice... I wonder if I become a shade... then I could see the UFO's... I REFUSE TO BE A PAWN... or an alcolyte as it were...My hair is wet! I bet its something in the water. the wind blows! alas... breeze is uplifting. Ok... off to the linen closet!

Current mood: mischievous
Current music: I have a chant that goes with my rain dance...
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Thursday, July 3, 2003

1:23PM - Hmm... MGS and bitchy comments

Last night was certainly extraordinary in both good and bad ways. I went out to dinner with my parents, got in a fight about stealing, and drank some crappy ice tea. When i got home I was in a bitchy mood which I proceeded to take out on keith who was enjoying a chat with our hero (one of them)- Quinton Flynn (voice actor who does the voice of Raiden in Metal Gear). I was jealous and upset so i left and went outside and stared at the lights of the city. i convinced myself of many things and rushed back in to apologize to keith. After a while we began talking about the chat he was having with Quinton. I asked him if he was talking to him one on one and he said that Fynn didn't answer IM's. I asked him to try and he asked me. I began talking to him.... and to my surprise he talked back. in fact we were talking very late into the night and when I finally went to bed i couldn't sleep and started hallucinating I was talking to David Hayter and the voice actor of Otacon. I was very confused. it wasn't a dream mind you but an altered state of conciousness. Like in the beginning of a tale of two cities... if you've read it you'll understand. Well, i concluded that Quinton is a delightful character... very down to earth and funny despite his fame and the fact that he was talking to someone who very well could be a stalker or some crazed fan obsessed with Metal Gear Solid. Well I am some of those things but we had some good talks. I felt bad about bitching to and at Keith. But its all good. Until next time... the sleeper awakes... or awakens... hmmm

Current mood: crazy
Current music: I got new batteries for my speakers...
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Wednesday, July 2, 2003

10:07AM - I am pissed

I can't see the Matrix: Reloaded on IMAX tomorrow as i had hoped. It is not playing in the Denver theatre..grrr... yet. My rooms are still in a state of disorder and aren't completely painted. I got a list of assignments (summer) to do for my AP Human Geography class which look confusing but interesting. I finished Harry Potter yesterday.... I read 300 pages! I have no life so I sat at my dinner table all day munching on munchies and reading. It was good, but perdictable. Harry is an idiot if you ask me. Keith says that if they figured everything out right away it wouldn't be that interesting. I say Harry thinking to much of his power and always underminds adults and hermione who know better than he. I love the books yes, but Harry is just annoying sometimes. I agree with Snape a lot too... haha. My favorite character in the entire books dies. Well, I have two favorite characters. I won't say anymore cause I don't want to ruin it for all yall. There isn't much else to say about my life I guess. My parents are trying to finished the edits on my dad's book which was the whole point of the sebatical. The book is called "cattle lead us to our enemies" its about the Turkana people (tribe of kenya) and their warfare and all this other stuff. my dad is now pissed at me for not taking Clark out to play RIGHT THE SECOND. He always does this to me and it is really starting to annoy me. I do a lot with Clark and he always says its not enough. Like I should devote my life to Clark...like he is. I think he plays with him just to show me up. So he can say "I have so much work to do but I play with Clark because i know you won't" now the phone is ringing and I am not answering. GOD... I have a dentist appointment soon i have to go. to quote Green Day "the world owes me so fuck you"

Current mood: pessimistic
Current music: my speakers are broken again
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Monday, June 30, 2003

1:16PM - minions sub-minions and pdiggies

good day to you indeed. I am currently relaxing in my bed room with the windows closed....actually they are open now. There is a crab spider on the screen aI can hear the hummingbirds outside. The sun is shining...unfortunately enough seems as though my prayers for rain are in vain. PAH. Anyway, I think today will be a good day, boring yes, but good. I still haven't finished Harry Potter and I am quite enjoying not rushing through it like some petty competition.Yesterday I spent time with the infamous and saintly Meredith. She is an amazing creature if ever there was a human created out of pure light but still human in every way she would be it. I miss everyone a lot. And I got to know Corey better last night. Over the past couple of days I have analyzed the world, thought about it with sentiment and accepted the way things are. I cry because life is beautiful, not because humans are ugly. I can accept the flaws and still make them better.I agree with Shawn 100% on most ideals and thought processes. Acording to a book writen on personalities I am a type 6:loyal skeptic. I value trust and intelligence I question but the answers don't inhibit progress. I like to make connection between two things that appear very unrelated (ex. matrix and a tale of two cities). I care very strongly about everything and do not chain emotion but let it romp around with logic and seriosness is thrown to the wind. There are better things in the world. One must open their eyes to find them eh? In the mean time we must take the SONY CEOs hostage and force the tach support unit to bow to our will and buy us subway sandwiches. Tanning is such a dull sport. GAH and the spectators must nearly die of boredom. I hate it. I tell ya! The price of being glamorous! I am sure shawn faces similar trials *wink wink*. Erm... alright that will be all minions, sub-minions, and pdiggies. FAREWELL

- The Lich Queen (who travels with the reeper and will harvest your soul)

Current mood: peaceful
Current music: me hitting my belly with my hands... very nice percussion
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Thursday, June 26, 2003

11:59AM - just keeping it up...

Hello all, I haven't seen shawn in ages... or talked to him at that. lee ann is at space camp without me... damn her... and keith's and my computers are fucking up constantly. It's like a damn plague. Anyway, i got the new Harry Potter: and the Order of the Pheonix but I haven't gotten really far into it yet. I love a good book though... books do something that movies could never do... as you literally fall into the book. I believe that video games can do something like this but only because you are controlling your situation instead of merely watching it be played out in front of you. The day is young and the weather glorious. I am inspired to sip tea and walk in the garden. dipping my toes in a cool pond as I ponder (hehe pun) the world and all its conflict which, to me, would seem quite distant at that moment. I would think of the shire, of jihads, of paintball, of Metal Gear Solid... or rather ALL THE BEAUTY OF THE WORLD. I would dream of friends... nonexistent lovers, and my book. I want a palemino horse to ride over hillocks and through valleys.feeling the wind in my face will remind me of keith's daily slaps... ALAS how I miss those days of old. Where elvish was a common tongue and life seemed so dull. I feel like ATVing. I feel like LIVING. what a great day to learn to fly... alas. Only angels have wings, and birds, and insects, but um... oo bats too. but I am none of these things and since I haven't been released from the Matrix as of yet I cannot pull a Neo or anything. Perhaps I can do like the people in the Animatrix and free myself. Free my MIND. I don't think its the mind that needs freeing. It is the heart. Frodo in his heart is still in love with the shire as bilbo says. And I am still in love with false life... with the smells, the sounds, the PEOPLE... the culture, the death, the birth, the POETRY. all life is poetry... those with malice are blind to it though. But that doesn't mean all life isn't beautiful. It is times like these where my heart is full and so are my eyes... full of tears... tears of amazery. and If only's.... if only magic was real if only I could be free! If only the night and the day merged and the sun and the moon joined If only I could see my friends again. If only I could repay them for their friendship! Now I know this is a little much for those not in a sentimental mood but I feel like writing! I feel like expression so piss off! hehe. There are so many things about the world that are not right... but there are so many things about the world that are not WRONG. I think humanity tends to look past its strengths... forget its past... and view beauty as an accessory to life! But ALAS, can't you hear the people singing? Les Mireables demonstrates the strength and fragility of the human spirit. WE HAVE CREATED THIS WORLD WE CAN DESTROY IT. we are controlling ourselves... but we are not in control. we must gain control. we must not destroy. we must CREATE because destruction is the final chapter and life is too beautiful to perish. What if we never meet another creature from a distant planet? what if we fail to outlive our ancestors... is that where it ends? In failure. Or maybe success is overrrated... or undetectable. Life has not failed.... will humans?And so I rest my case. In each human's life comes a darkest hour... to see the beauty of it, to know the rules of the universe to accept ones so called fate to grasp the consept of that one life... is this to success or aquiesce. Give in without a fight... give up? No, I don't believe in fate, BUT I BELIEVE with all my heart. That we live in a world created by us and governed by us. Why is peace so unattainable? A wise human once said Peace is not the absense of war but the presence of justice. Now can beauty and justice walk hand in hand? Can man be one with nature? Can man be one with himself? Is there such thing as right and wrong? are both equally attainable? Are both equally beautiful? Or is beauty irrelevant...

Current mood: contemplative
Current music: do I need to answer this question?
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