Omega19x

1:19pm: consider me blessed... I think.
Circle last night was filled with many blessings and many songs. And it left me with just one question. Why must Wiccan blessings involve kissing?

Granted, I know the logic - the blessings are usually given male to female and female to male. They are representations of the union between goddess and god. Thus sparks life, and so spins the wheel. But I was in the first group that went to the altar, and even though I didn't know what to expect, I knew I didn't want to be standing in front of the high priest. He kisses everyone, blessing or not. And I find that downright creepy.

So I stood in front of the high priestess, nose to nose, for what felt like an eternity before she realized that I wasn't about to offer her my lips.

I think that really confused her. But eventually she kissed my forehead instead, the same thing I saw her do to the children who came to her for their blessing.

It certainly felt strange.

But I'd wanted a blessing. And if I was going to have a blessing from one of the elders of the coven, I wanted it to be her. She is one of the few people I've met that can command such a spiritual energy with music. And right now, I feel like I could use all the blessings I could get.

I'm praying it's not just a matter of time before symptoms come back. This past week has been good. Today has been, at best, inconclusive.

Current Lips: black with an off-center white stripe

8:47pm: Know thyself. Later, you can swear you've never met.
And what better way to know thyself than to read fanfiction involving Seto Kaiba... I mean... do a meme. Yes. A meme. I haven't been wasting precious hours of my lazy Sunday searching fanfiction.net for Seto Kaiba fanfiction... No. Not at all.

010 THINGS I WISH I COULD SAY TO TEN DIFFERENT PEOPLE RIGHT NOW.

001 Did you ever tell the truth, even once, during the time I called you my friend?
002 I miss you, and I don't know for sure whether to be happy or sad that you're bored stiff. Oh, and that Metallica concert is sold out. Just so you know...
003 Thank you for taking the high road. Neutrality, even at the expense of pain, is not easy. But it is honorable. And I respect it.
004 I am not a dancer. I have three left feet. Just wait, soon you'll be tripping over that third one too. And no, I can't sing and get out of a chair at the same time.
005 Take me with you! I can kind of fit in a suitcase.
006 I miss the illogical, geeky humor that made my coworkers wonder what was on the other line. You always make me laugh when I need it most.
007 You are, and always have been, an energy vampire. I refuse to let you feed on me and make me feel bad about myself. Fuck you.
008 Is there really whiskey in that coke bottle?
009 Even though our lives have drifted so far apart, you are still my very best friend. And if you ever need anything, I will do my best to make it happen.
010 I care about you both more than you know. I always will.

009 THINGS ABOUT MYSELF.

001 I want to be in remission. Not just for a week. But forever.
002 A long time ago, I saw being a master as the ultimate goal. Now I see that I learn more as a master, than I ever did as simply a student.
003 The more I work in corporate America, the more I feel like Seto Kaiba. Good thing I already have the costume.
004 I don't think I know how to not work. I usually take vacation in terms of hours, not days.
005 I would suffer tremendously for those I consider worthy of the title 'friend.' Unfortunately, that is probably my own undoing.
006 I am a shy person. I deal with my shyness by doing things to get myself noticed. And I relish every moment of it.
007 I don't like to lose.
008 I have a tendency to be obsessive about things I like. And I will ride that obsession until the next one comes along.
009 I have found more comfort in one year of Wicca than I ever did in 16 years of Christianity.

008 WAYS TO WIN MY HEART.

001 Never forget that I'm a shy person.
002 Be honest.
003 Take your time. I need to warm up to things. Love is included in that.
004 Be driven. Don't expect to be carried along or let life pass you by.
005 Don't be an idiot. And don't try to control me or overpower me.
006 Join me in a costume that goes with one of my favorite characters.
007 Add scars, blood and/or bandages to that costume.
008 Tell me that even if I exploded, you'd still sweep all my discarded proteins into a jar, and take that on a date with you. (Seriously, that was the best pickup line anyone's ever used.)

007 THINGS THAT CROSS MY MIND A LOT.

001 Am I normal inside? If I look down, will there be blood?
002 How safe is my job? How safe is my industry? How safe am I?
003 Are massive solar storms really going to be the cause of major power outages at a specified time three years from now, and if so, is it going to lead to the complete collapse of civilization before I've had a chance to enjoy my life?
004 What's going on in my fantasies right now?
005 What can I do this week so I don't get hit as many times with that sword? How can I get better?
006 Why can't people do things better, faster, and with a little more consideration for other people's time?
007 What could I be doing right now to be more productive than I currently am?

006 THINGS I DO BEFORE I FALL ASLEEP.

001 consume live bacteria. Usually in orange juice.
002 Floss.
003 Brush.
004 Use the potty.
005 Pick out my clothes for the next day and try to remember if I'm supposed to wear something important.
006 Set my alarm.

005 PEOPLE WHO MEAN A LOT.

001 I
002 never
003 name
004 names.
005 but those who mean a lot to me... mean a lot to me.

004 THINGS I'M WEARING RIGHT NOW.

001 pants
002 a wife-beater shirt
003 undies
004 If I can't count glasses, then I'm really only wearing three things right now.

003 SONGS I LISTEN TO OFTEN.

001 Cold - When Angels Fly Away
002 Maximum the Hormone - Zetsubou Billy
003 The Night Before Christmas - Even a Miracle Needs a Hand

002 THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE.

001 Get my masters degree, and maybe even a PhD.
002 Write my own bible.

001 CONFESSION.

001 No matter what I say, I do get scared.