: It's like chess, with pointy things.
I am still sore, but last night was one of the greatest tests I've ever participated in. The test was for my blue belt in Kendo.
My feelings about the night are strong. But it's actually kind of difficult to explain why the test itself was so great. Almost immediately after my last fight, the master criticized my defensive style, noting a fear of being hit. He'd rather see me be more aggressive, to not hold back. And all the while, I had been walking off the floor thinking I had actually done something RIGHT for once.
For the first time since I picked up my sword, I thought I actually fought well! For the first time, I felt like I was moving. I felt like I was finally relaxing. And I was counter-attacking. I was focusing on keeping my distance, staying out of striking range until my opponent broke in and gave me the opportunity to steal a hit.
Because I knew one thing for sure - I can't fight any of them on their terms. So I have to survive on mine.
I can't rely on my blocks. The strongest block I can make isn't strong enough to stop the sword from making contact. Every single person I've ever faced has been able to drive their weapon through mine. They've told me this several times. And the stronger I try to make each block and strike, the tighter my body becomes. That impedes speed. That impedes movement. And I have to move.
I also can't get frustrated. The more I've focused on trying to be the aggressor, to take the first strike, the less I seem to think. I leave myself open. The more openings I give, the harder I get pounded. And the more frustrated I become. It's a very destructive circle, and one that I cannot afford to get caught in again.
Where does that leave me? It leaves me with a veritable paradox of terms. I must be the aggressor without being the aggressor. I must make things happen by letting them happen. I must close the distance while maintaining it. I must strike and disappear and immediately strike again.
I must find a balance - between offense and defense. between power and speed. between survival and sacrifice. between everything that I can do and everything that can be used against me. Not just in swordplay. No. In life as well. And finding that balance, assuming for a moment that it's actually possible, will be the hardest challenge I will ever take on.
This is where I need to be. This is what I need to be doing. This is the best way for me to grow, as a fighter, as a martial artist, as a person. My master once said I had the ability to wipe the floor with anyone in there, if I just believed that I could. Maybe it's time I start proving him right.
Current Lips: white, turquoise and black gradient blend
I am still sore, but last night was one of the greatest tests I've ever participated in. The test was for my blue belt in Kendo.
My feelings about the night are strong. But it's actually kind of difficult to explain why the test itself was so great. Almost immediately after my last fight, the master criticized my defensive style, noting a fear of being hit. He'd rather see me be more aggressive, to not hold back. And all the while, I had been walking off the floor thinking I had actually done something RIGHT for once.
For the first time since I picked up my sword, I thought I actually fought well! For the first time, I felt like I was moving. I felt like I was finally relaxing. And I was counter-attacking. I was focusing on keeping my distance, staying out of striking range until my opponent broke in and gave me the opportunity to steal a hit.
Because I knew one thing for sure - I can't fight any of them on their terms. So I have to survive on mine.
I can't rely on my blocks. The strongest block I can make isn't strong enough to stop the sword from making contact. Every single person I've ever faced has been able to drive their weapon through mine. They've told me this several times. And the stronger I try to make each block and strike, the tighter my body becomes. That impedes speed. That impedes movement. And I have to move.
I also can't get frustrated. The more I've focused on trying to be the aggressor, to take the first strike, the less I seem to think. I leave myself open. The more openings I give, the harder I get pounded. And the more frustrated I become. It's a very destructive circle, and one that I cannot afford to get caught in again.
Where does that leave me? It leaves me with a veritable paradox of terms. I must be the aggressor without being the aggressor. I must make things happen by letting them happen. I must close the distance while maintaining it. I must strike and disappear and immediately strike again.
I must find a balance - between offense and defense. between power and speed. between survival and sacrifice. between everything that I can do and everything that can be used against me. Not just in swordplay. No. In life as well. And finding that balance, assuming for a moment that it's actually possible, will be the hardest challenge I will ever take on.
This is where I need to be. This is what I need to be doing. This is the best way for me to grow, as a fighter, as a martial artist, as a person. My master once said I had the ability to wipe the floor with anyone in there, if I just believed that I could. Maybe it's time I start proving him right.
Current Lips: white, turquoise and black gradient blend
Current Mood: 
restless
restless