: How to get into your locked car in 104 easy steps.
Let me recount the following conversation with one of my friends...
Me: Guess where I am right now.
Usagi: I don't know. Where?
Me: Outside Hobby Lobby.
Usagi: Why are you outside Hobby Lobby?
Me: Because I can't get into my car...
Usagi: ... You locked yourself out of the car, didn't you.
Me: Yup...
1. After buying a container of white paint (it was on SALE!), discover that car keys are not in the back of your purse.
2. Check the front of the purse. No keys.
3. Check the side of the purse. No keys.
4. Check anything in between the purse. Still no keys.
5. Oh shit.
6. Walk to car.
7. Look in the window and see the keys sitting on the front seat, staring up at you.
8. if they could talk, they'd be taunting you right now.
9. Call someone in that city, (a.k.a. the person you were buying the paint for...) and say you've locked yourself out of the car.
10. Ask them to bring you a coat hanger.
11. Wait fifteen minutes for them to arrive.
12. In the meantime, empty purse, wondering if you have anything there that might help you play MacGuyver.
13. Other than what can normally be considered purse-contents, you have a hairpin, a DVD, too many receipts, a chibi Death Note and a USB drive.
14. You cannot break into a computer with a USB drive.
15. Try to put the hairpin in the lock.
16. Absolutely nothing happens.
17. Try to bend the hairpin.
18. It breaks.
19. Throw the hairpin on the ground and curse its very existence.
20. Contemplate writing your car keys in the Chibi Death Note.
21. Watch friend pull up.
22. Wait for them to bend coat hanger, hitting and possibly scratching the unsuspecting car next to you.
23. poke coat hanger in lock.
24. Realize that is about as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.
25. Friend suggests calling the police.
26. Doesn't want to dial 911.
27. Sends friend into Hobby Lobby to get a phone book, to look for the non-emergency police phone number.
28. when she leaves, call up someone who might as well be MacGuyver... with a black belt!
29. "Sir, how do I break into a car?"
30. "Kick out the window."
31. "Let me rephrase this. How do I break into MY car? I locked my keys in it."
32. Learn that you're supposed to put the coat hanger through the window, not the lock.
33. Learn that it only works on older cars. Most newer cars were fixed so thieves wouldn't use this surprisingly easy method to break into cars.
34. Start trying to find an opening at the window and door.
35. A passerby sees me attempting this, and helps out too.
36. Nobody in this story will be auditioning for the role of MacGuyver anytime soon.
37. Passerby gives up.
38. Fiddle with coat hanger.
39. Friend comes back, to reveal that the police will only come unlock a car door if there is a baby in the car or a pet in the car. Otherwise, they say to call a locksmith. This isn't their job.
40. But a locksmith might cost you $100 or more!
41. Decide on the most economically sound, yet emotionally troubling possibility - call parents.
42. "Mom... a funny thing happened... I locked my keys in the car..."
43. Instruct her that there's a spare set of keys, and describe the two places they are likely to be.
44. Those two places were the Nissan folder with my original car papers and the left dresser drawer where I keep my checks.
45. She can't find another keyless entry remote. But she does find another key.
46. Insist there's another keyless entry remote. And insist that the drivers' side door lock is BROKEN. You can't put a normal key in there.
47. She can't find another keyless entry remote, though. Looks like you're crawling through the trunk.
48. Insist that you KNOW it's there!
49. She gives the spare key to your father, and he asks where he's going.
50. Reveals that you're about 45 minutes away on the other side of town...
51. Hear cursing in background.
52. Try to reason that everyone has locked themselves out of a car at one time or another in their lives.
53. Dad's on his way.
54. Realize that he will probably take the Bush... which means he'll get there ten to fifteen minutes after when I'd get there by going Loop 12.
55. Call up other friends to get evidence, for when he arrives, possibly angry, that other people have locked themselves out of their car at one time or another.
56. Friend leaves to take her daughter to dance rehearsal.
57. Master comes by to assess the damage, and reveals that a coat hanger is useless.
58. Asks if you need a ride home.
59. Say that dad's coming with a spare key.
60. He heads on his merry way.
61. Wait.
62. Call friends and allow them to laugh at your circumstances.
63. Call best friend and discuss Star Trek movie.
64. After about forty-five minutes or so, dad arrives with key.
65. Put key in drivers side lock.
66. It doesn't even go in.
67. "Oh wait, that's the one that got broken when someone tried to break into your car. Well, if we pull the back seat down, you can probably crawl in through the trunk."
68. Contemplate why you were imagining this possibility on your drive into town, and swear you had a psychic premonition about it.
69. Mentally kick your ESP for not making it obvious enough to actually double check the placement of your keys when you got out of the car.
70. Put key in trunk lock.
71. It doesn't go in.
72. Fuck. It's an ignition only key.
73. Swear up and down on Jesus, Buddha, Krishna and Thor that you have another key, another keyless entry remote!!
74. "No, you don't! Your mother says it's NOT THERE! Just call the POLICE!"
75. "Already did that. Police don't do that kind of thing. Not in their job description anymore."
76. "They're supposed to protect and serve. They do a good job of protecting, but this sue as hell isn't SERVING."
77. He calls mom, and asks for the phone number of the locksmith he keeps in his briefcase, which he left at the house.
78. She reads through every business card aloud, before finally finding it.
79. She calls the locksmith, and they report they'll be able to have someone out in about 3-4 hours.
80. She calls us back, and tells us that information.
81. Dad loudly orders her to call a different locksmith.
82. Wait.
83. Ask Dad if he's interested in seeing the new Star Trek movie.
84. He's not.
85. "Just how long does it take to call a fucking locksmith?!"
86. As soon as he finishes his sentence, the phone rings.
87. "About that long."
88. Locksmith will arrive in about thirty minutes.
89. When they're about ten minutes away, the locksmith calls to make sure we're next to the car.
90. "It's a black Nissan Sentra. And we'll be the ones standing next to it looking like idiots."
91. It starts to rain.
92. We get wet.
93. Now we really do look like idiots.
94. About two minutes before the locksmith arrives, receive a phone call from mom.
95. "... It was in the RIGHT drawer of your dresser... not the left..."
96. Fuckity fucking fuck fuck mcfuckeston.
97. "Don't tell me, she found another key."
98. "I TOLD YOU I HAD ONE!!!!"
99. Locksmith finally arrives.
100. Fill out papers for them.
101. Car is unlocked before you even finish filling out papers.
102. Cut them a $50 check.
103. Swear to put the spare keyless entry remote in your purse the moment you get home.
104. Drive off.
Current Lips: green and black stripes
Let me recount the following conversation with one of my friends...
Me: Guess where I am right now.
Usagi: I don't know. Where?
Me: Outside Hobby Lobby.
Usagi: Why are you outside Hobby Lobby?
Me: Because I can't get into my car...
Usagi: ... You locked yourself out of the car, didn't you.
Me: Yup...
1. After buying a container of white paint (it was on SALE!), discover that car keys are not in the back of your purse.
2. Check the front of the purse. No keys.
3. Check the side of the purse. No keys.
4. Check anything in between the purse. Still no keys.
5. Oh shit.
6. Walk to car.
7. Look in the window and see the keys sitting on the front seat, staring up at you.
8. if they could talk, they'd be taunting you right now.
9. Call someone in that city, (a.k.a. the person you were buying the paint for...) and say you've locked yourself out of the car.
10. Ask them to bring you a coat hanger.
11. Wait fifteen minutes for them to arrive.
12. In the meantime, empty purse, wondering if you have anything there that might help you play MacGuyver.
13. Other than what can normally be considered purse-contents, you have a hairpin, a DVD, too many receipts, a chibi Death Note and a USB drive.
14. You cannot break into a computer with a USB drive.
15. Try to put the hairpin in the lock.
16. Absolutely nothing happens.
17. Try to bend the hairpin.
18. It breaks.
19. Throw the hairpin on the ground and curse its very existence.
20. Contemplate writing your car keys in the Chibi Death Note.
21. Watch friend pull up.
22. Wait for them to bend coat hanger, hitting and possibly scratching the unsuspecting car next to you.
23. poke coat hanger in lock.
24. Realize that is about as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.
25. Friend suggests calling the police.
26. Doesn't want to dial 911.
27. Sends friend into Hobby Lobby to get a phone book, to look for the non-emergency police phone number.
28. when she leaves, call up someone who might as well be MacGuyver... with a black belt!
29. "Sir, how do I break into a car?"
30. "Kick out the window."
31. "Let me rephrase this. How do I break into MY car? I locked my keys in it."
32. Learn that you're supposed to put the coat hanger through the window, not the lock.
33. Learn that it only works on older cars. Most newer cars were fixed so thieves wouldn't use this surprisingly easy method to break into cars.
34. Start trying to find an opening at the window and door.
35. A passerby sees me attempting this, and helps out too.
36. Nobody in this story will be auditioning for the role of MacGuyver anytime soon.
37. Passerby gives up.
38. Fiddle with coat hanger.
39. Friend comes back, to reveal that the police will only come unlock a car door if there is a baby in the car or a pet in the car. Otherwise, they say to call a locksmith. This isn't their job.
40. But a locksmith might cost you $100 or more!
41. Decide on the most economically sound, yet emotionally troubling possibility - call parents.
42. "Mom... a funny thing happened... I locked my keys in the car..."
43. Instruct her that there's a spare set of keys, and describe the two places they are likely to be.
44. Those two places were the Nissan folder with my original car papers and the left dresser drawer where I keep my checks.
45. She can't find another keyless entry remote. But she does find another key.
46. Insist there's another keyless entry remote. And insist that the drivers' side door lock is BROKEN. You can't put a normal key in there.
47. She can't find another keyless entry remote, though. Looks like you're crawling through the trunk.
48. Insist that you KNOW it's there!
49. She gives the spare key to your father, and he asks where he's going.
50. Reveals that you're about 45 minutes away on the other side of town...
51. Hear cursing in background.
52. Try to reason that everyone has locked themselves out of a car at one time or another in their lives.
53. Dad's on his way.
54. Realize that he will probably take the Bush... which means he'll get there ten to fifteen minutes after when I'd get there by going Loop 12.
55. Call up other friends to get evidence, for when he arrives, possibly angry, that other people have locked themselves out of their car at one time or another.
56. Friend leaves to take her daughter to dance rehearsal.
57. Master comes by to assess the damage, and reveals that a coat hanger is useless.
58. Asks if you need a ride home.
59. Say that dad's coming with a spare key.
60. He heads on his merry way.
61. Wait.
62. Call friends and allow them to laugh at your circumstances.
63. Call best friend and discuss Star Trek movie.
64. After about forty-five minutes or so, dad arrives with key.
65. Put key in drivers side lock.
66. It doesn't even go in.
67. "Oh wait, that's the one that got broken when someone tried to break into your car. Well, if we pull the back seat down, you can probably crawl in through the trunk."
68. Contemplate why you were imagining this possibility on your drive into town, and swear you had a psychic premonition about it.
69. Mentally kick your ESP for not making it obvious enough to actually double check the placement of your keys when you got out of the car.
70. Put key in trunk lock.
71. It doesn't go in.
72. Fuck. It's an ignition only key.
73. Swear up and down on Jesus, Buddha, Krishna and Thor that you have another key, another keyless entry remote!!
74. "No, you don't! Your mother says it's NOT THERE! Just call the POLICE!"
75. "Already did that. Police don't do that kind of thing. Not in their job description anymore."
76. "They're supposed to protect and serve. They do a good job of protecting, but this sue as hell isn't SERVING."
77. He calls mom, and asks for the phone number of the locksmith he keeps in his briefcase, which he left at the house.
78. She reads through every business card aloud, before finally finding it.
79. She calls the locksmith, and they report they'll be able to have someone out in about 3-4 hours.
80. She calls us back, and tells us that information.
81. Dad loudly orders her to call a different locksmith.
82. Wait.
83. Ask Dad if he's interested in seeing the new Star Trek movie.
84. He's not.
85. "Just how long does it take to call a fucking locksmith?!"
86. As soon as he finishes his sentence, the phone rings.
87. "About that long."
88. Locksmith will arrive in about thirty minutes.
89. When they're about ten minutes away, the locksmith calls to make sure we're next to the car.
90. "It's a black Nissan Sentra. And we'll be the ones standing next to it looking like idiots."
91. It starts to rain.
92. We get wet.
93. Now we really do look like idiots.
94. About two minutes before the locksmith arrives, receive a phone call from mom.
95. "... It was in the RIGHT drawer of your dresser... not the left..."
96. Fuckity fucking fuck fuck mcfuckeston.
97. "Don't tell me, she found another key."
98. "I TOLD YOU I HAD ONE!!!!"
99. Locksmith finally arrives.
100. Fill out papers for them.
101. Car is unlocked before you even finish filling out papers.
102. Cut them a $50 check.
103. Swear to put the spare keyless entry remote in your purse the moment you get home.
104. Drive off.
Current Lips: green and black stripes
Current Mood: 
drained
drained