: Fly me to the moon and back.
I promised a dream interpretation on Friday, but real life has kept me far from the computer these last few days, and I am still dealing with the consequences of my actions.
On Friday, I decided to go looking for apartments myself. Everyone spoke so highly of a certain community of complexes, that I went to see for myself. And I liked what I saw. Out of all the communities there, I found one that I liked in particular. And they were currently running a special on their rates. ($200 off per month and the first month free!!) I asked my dad if we could add that one to the viewing list on Saturday, and he said yes. I gave him all the paperwork for it on Friday night. He seemed to like it too.
On Saturday, we went out looking at a few of the places he had found. They certainly weren't spectacular. And one of them even had a lock that his special key couldn't open. So we didn't even get to view the property... which only made the fact that he accidentally dented his new car on the gate pole even worse.
Then I took them to the place I had found.
It was in a complex called, 'The Green.'
We got to walk through an example unit first. Turns out the one that I had been quoted was way too small. But they had a floorplan that was just a fraction bigger (all the fraction that mattered, I would say) for not too much more. It was still well within my budget. And it had so much of what I wanted and needed.
It was a second story unit, one bedroom, one bath, a nice kitchen with plenty of counter space, a separate dining area, a bar area, washer/dryer included, a fireplace, a nice-sized walk-in closet. It's even already wired for cable internet and TV. It has covered parking for an extra $20 a month (well worth it, and still within my budget.)
The complex is a gated community. It offers 24-hour repair service, courtesy patrols, exquisite landscaping, free access to the country club with all of its activities and parties. It's less than five minutes from my office, and not that much farther from my friends.
We walked through all the units, and my dad said it was a good deal. He liked the area. And so I did it. I took a deep breath and announced that I wanted to put a deposit down on the unit. That way, no one else could come snatch it from me. They gave me 48 hours to change my mind, and gave me all the paperwork to fill out.
My move in date is June 1. And since that's my free month, I'll have ample time to move everything in. It's not a rush job.
I was so happy, unbelievably happy. After years of waiting for this or striving for that, I was finally moving out. I'd found a place I thought that I could enjoy. It may not be perfect, but then again, it just might be!! It was the first day of the rest of my life!!
And now... like I said before, I am just trying to deal with the consequences of my actions.
My mom hasn't stopped letting me know how she feels about it, in small, subtle, but highly vitriolic and manipulative ways. She looks at me as though I have a scarlet letter, as though I've shamed the entire family or just committed the worst kind of treason. If dad feels the same way, at least he's kept it to himself.
Before, I felt like a prisoner. Now I just feel like a criminal.
It was always something - it's not the best time to move. The economy is down. Obama is in office. We haven't had a garage sale yet. You have a convention coming up. Wait until you finish that class at work. You need to fix your health problem first. You're too insecure. You're not ready. You're a spoiled brat for wanting to leave. It's NEVER going to be the right time, so what makes this less of a right time than all the other not-right times? Absolutely nothing.
She won't kiss me, hug me, or even say she loves me. I even asked her why she wouldn't, and she said she didn't love who I was or anything that I do. She's incredibly angry at my master for telling me to move. (Funny, I was the one telling him I wanted to move, and he was just agreeing with me the whole time.) And par usual, she is positive I can't handle any of this. And has refused to help me in any way. Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if she takes back anything she's given me in the past few years. I hope she doesn't... because that's the vast majority of my clothes...
As a person who's come to meet me at the door when I drive in and say goodnight to me every night, all she did was give me the cold shoulder, 'you wanted independence. That's life, start getting used to it.' When we were both in the kitchen making a snack with apples, I commented that her snack looked good, and she replied by saying, 'this isn't a snack. It's my breakfast and my lunch. I'm too upset to eat today.' in the most snide voice imaginable. She's chastised me, saying if I want to 'waste $10,000 a year, that's my fault.' And the remarks just keep coming... when she's not avoiding me completely, that is.
She's trying to guilt me into calling it off within the 48 hour period. And saying otherwise is a big fat lie. She's preying off my insecurity to get me to do what she wants. Well, I'm sick of always playing that game. I want to play the game by my own rules now. I want to live. I want to be happy. I want to move into my first place.
I have to start doing what's right for me. Or things aren't going to get better. If I continue to do nothing, then nothing changes. I have to live my life.
At least my dad did say one good thing to her...
'Honey. She's moving to an apartment across town, 20 minutes away. She's not leaving the country. She's not going to the moon!!'
No... I'm not going to the moon. I might as well have just committed suicide. Because I think I'm dead to her. And the only thing I can do to fix it... will kill what's left of me inside.
I promised a dream interpretation on Friday, but real life has kept me far from the computer these last few days, and I am still dealing with the consequences of my actions.
On Friday, I decided to go looking for apartments myself. Everyone spoke so highly of a certain community of complexes, that I went to see for myself. And I liked what I saw. Out of all the communities there, I found one that I liked in particular. And they were currently running a special on their rates. ($200 off per month and the first month free!!) I asked my dad if we could add that one to the viewing list on Saturday, and he said yes. I gave him all the paperwork for it on Friday night. He seemed to like it too.
On Saturday, we went out looking at a few of the places he had found. They certainly weren't spectacular. And one of them even had a lock that his special key couldn't open. So we didn't even get to view the property... which only made the fact that he accidentally dented his new car on the gate pole even worse.
Then I took them to the place I had found.
It was in a complex called, 'The Green.'
We got to walk through an example unit first. Turns out the one that I had been quoted was way too small. But they had a floorplan that was just a fraction bigger (all the fraction that mattered, I would say) for not too much more. It was still well within my budget. And it had so much of what I wanted and needed.
It was a second story unit, one bedroom, one bath, a nice kitchen with plenty of counter space, a separate dining area, a bar area, washer/dryer included, a fireplace, a nice-sized walk-in closet. It's even already wired for cable internet and TV. It has covered parking for an extra $20 a month (well worth it, and still within my budget.)
The complex is a gated community. It offers 24-hour repair service, courtesy patrols, exquisite landscaping, free access to the country club with all of its activities and parties. It's less than five minutes from my office, and not that much farther from my friends.
We walked through all the units, and my dad said it was a good deal. He liked the area. And so I did it. I took a deep breath and announced that I wanted to put a deposit down on the unit. That way, no one else could come snatch it from me. They gave me 48 hours to change my mind, and gave me all the paperwork to fill out.
My move in date is June 1. And since that's my free month, I'll have ample time to move everything in. It's not a rush job.
I was so happy, unbelievably happy. After years of waiting for this or striving for that, I was finally moving out. I'd found a place I thought that I could enjoy. It may not be perfect, but then again, it just might be!! It was the first day of the rest of my life!!
And now... like I said before, I am just trying to deal with the consequences of my actions.
My mom hasn't stopped letting me know how she feels about it, in small, subtle, but highly vitriolic and manipulative ways. She looks at me as though I have a scarlet letter, as though I've shamed the entire family or just committed the worst kind of treason. If dad feels the same way, at least he's kept it to himself.
Before, I felt like a prisoner. Now I just feel like a criminal.
It was always something - it's not the best time to move. The economy is down. Obama is in office. We haven't had a garage sale yet. You have a convention coming up. Wait until you finish that class at work. You need to fix your health problem first. You're too insecure. You're not ready. You're a spoiled brat for wanting to leave. It's NEVER going to be the right time, so what makes this less of a right time than all the other not-right times? Absolutely nothing.
She won't kiss me, hug me, or even say she loves me. I even asked her why she wouldn't, and she said she didn't love who I was or anything that I do. She's incredibly angry at my master for telling me to move. (Funny, I was the one telling him I wanted to move, and he was just agreeing with me the whole time.) And par usual, she is positive I can't handle any of this. And has refused to help me in any way. Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if she takes back anything she's given me in the past few years. I hope she doesn't... because that's the vast majority of my clothes...
As a person who's come to meet me at the door when I drive in and say goodnight to me every night, all she did was give me the cold shoulder, 'you wanted independence. That's life, start getting used to it.' When we were both in the kitchen making a snack with apples, I commented that her snack looked good, and she replied by saying, 'this isn't a snack. It's my breakfast and my lunch. I'm too upset to eat today.' in the most snide voice imaginable. She's chastised me, saying if I want to 'waste $10,000 a year, that's my fault.' And the remarks just keep coming... when she's not avoiding me completely, that is.
She's trying to guilt me into calling it off within the 48 hour period. And saying otherwise is a big fat lie. She's preying off my insecurity to get me to do what she wants. Well, I'm sick of always playing that game. I want to play the game by my own rules now. I want to live. I want to be happy. I want to move into my first place.
I have to start doing what's right for me. Or things aren't going to get better. If I continue to do nothing, then nothing changes. I have to live my life.
At least my dad did say one good thing to her...
'Honey. She's moving to an apartment across town, 20 minutes away. She's not leaving the country. She's not going to the moon!!'
No... I'm not going to the moon. I might as well have just committed suicide. Because I think I'm dead to her. And the only thing I can do to fix it... will kill what's left of me inside.
Current Mood: 
crushed
crushed