| we laugh at danger and break all the rules |
[26 Jun 2003|02:22pm] |
|
the trip to chicago is a no go because my friends procrastinate like crazy. it's cool and all. i had good reasons to go and just as many to stay home, so i'm content. this just means more time to work on zines, organize renegade art shows, think about moving in a month or so, and watch movies.
the show last night was awesome. assault + dumpstered bread = happy ollie. i need to do more things like that while i have the time. this summer wants to make itself so hectic and crazy, but i refuse to let it. in the fall, many of my friends will be scattering themselves to the corners of this country and i don't want to rush our goodbye. i want to relax and enjoy the time we have left.
|
|
|
[24 Jun 2003|02:40pm] |
|
damn, it's hot outside. i saw ted at the grocery store earlier today, and it was really uncomfortable. he kept saying he was proud of me and i kept staring at the ground and saying "thank you... thank you". just like a little girl all over again. i might be going to chicago in a couple days to see a friend graduate from boot camp. it would be an awesome trip, except for the river of blood between my legs... that always puts a damper on long-ass car rides. but naturally, the details aren't ironed out yet. i'm not going to worry about it though. it's not as important to me as it is for the rest of the kids to see mike graduate because i'm not that close to him.
|
|
|
[18 Jun 2003|03:27pm] |
|
the last few days have been really good. on monday, mike and i hung out in town all freakin' day (and suprisingly didn't get sick of each other). we also started a hilarious top-secret public art project. i bought a couple shirts and a new typewriter on monday as well. yesterday i hung out at the d's. elyse, the d, and i cooked a FEAST, complete with blackberry cobbler. cooking and seeing a bunch of happy punks with full bellies is the most satisfying thing ever... as long as i don't have to do the dishes. tonight is movie night at dusty's and i'm really excited to see ringu (as well as a certain special someone). aslakskl!! movies and food and summer and crushes and typewriters. oh my.
|
|
|
[10 Jun 2003|03:20pm] |
|
i took my last final today. it still hasn't "sunken in" that i'm finished with high school. my mom and sister think it probably won't until my first day of college. i'm so glad to just be finished with everything right now. having time to go to parties and watch movies with my family without worrying about school is so beautiful. on top of all that, it's an amazing day outside. I WANT TO HUG EVERYONE.
|
|
|
[03 Jun 2003|11:54pm] |
|
i was really really hoping school would wind down for the last few days, but it doesn't look like that will happen. i'm so sick of my friends going "man, i wish i had something to do! these past few days have been sooo boring!". seriously, if i hear that one more time i am going to dump my huge list of assignments on them and say "here! have fun!". i might even have to stay past the required number of days for seniors to finish up things in my chemistry and math classes because of the whole graduating a year early crap. but... really, whats a few more days when i'll be out a year sooner than i should be? i guess i should try to see things in a more positive way.
this summer i want to paint, make movies, take pictures, finish a few zines, update my website, and get my fucking life together. but honestly, all i see myself doing is drinking, sleeping, and moving to another city. aslkalsk!!!
|
|
|
[30 May 2003|11:02pm] |
wow, i haven't written anything in awhile. here's a quick update:
prom is tomorrow. the only reason i'm going is because my best friend got elected to the court. my dress hasn't arrived yet, it's supposed to rain all day, rides and dinner plans are still up in the air... etc etc etc. i would be fine if i missed the whole thing, as long as i make it to the damn party afterwards.
graduation is in 23 days, but school ends in six. i'm still a little freaked out and overwhelmed, but shit will work itself out. it has a habit of doing that. obstacles include: final film project for english 12, presenting an act of "a raisin in the sun" for english 11, frida kahlo presentation for art, worksheet packet for chemistry, and various finals.
i'm moving to pittsburgh in about a month and a half. feel free to get in touch if you want to hang out/show me around.
my father called out of nowhere today to tell me that my college may be covered entirely by some veterans program and i may be able to get a little money to live on each month. i appreciate any money i can get, but i won't thank him for this shit. he owes me so much more than this. i still can't keep myself from suspecting he has some other motive, like using this as an excuse to find out when i graduate and the details of what i plan do to afterwards.
|
|
|
[18 Apr 2003|05:56pm] |
|
i feel pretty good because it is friday and tonight i am going to drink the week's problems away.
|
|
|
[16 Apr 2003|10:19pm] |
|
i'm so mad i can hardly speak. i feel like typing out the whole story would be a waste of what little energy i have. but let's just say that i hate drama. if you have something to say, then confront me. i won't pretend that A. i don't like you, and B. i didn't discuss your supposed pregnancy with a few people (though it was NEVER in a shit-talky manner). BUT, elyse and i are two of the most pro-sex, pro-slut people in that entire fucking school and for us to call you a SLUT and gossip about how you PROBABLY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO THE FATHER IS, is just plain BULLSHIT. the truth of the matter is, i don't give a shit how mad you are at me. i'm really furious about the fact that you think ANY bullshit you hear we said from blah blah blah must be true because we have a history of not getting along. give me a little fucking credit, because i actually do the same for you when you deserve it.
|
|
|
[31 Mar 2003|12:28am] |
|
so my graduation project is all wrapped up and i present it tomorrow. i still can't believe the panel of teachers i got stuck with. in some ways, i couldn't have been luckier to get a chemistry teacher who adores me, an art teacher who loves my work, and an english teacher who thinks i'm a "brilliant kid" (even if i am loud and opinionated). on the other hand, these people aren't fools. if they manage to slip me up in some way, i can't talk my way out of it like i could with a teacher who doesn't know me. i think i'll manage, though. the past week or so has been a blur of thrift shopping and the search for the perfect black 40's cocktail dress. occasionally, it's all i think about for hours at a time. i ordered one online, and in my excitement over the style and how the waist and hip sizes were PERFECT, i ignored the fact that the bust size was waaaay too small. now i have to part with this beautiful dress because there's no way i can stuff my boobs into it.
we all need our escape routes.
|
|
|
[23 Mar 2003|01:20am] |
|
elyse, heidi, becca, and i stayed at laura's last night, and it was really relaxing. we ate chinese food, hung out with jona for awhile, played rummy with naked men playing cards, talked about sex, and watched laura's drunk mom embarrass her. i really needed to get away from all the work and stress i've been buried under, and last night was the perfect break. when i came home today, my sister and i went shopping, so this weekend is shaping up to be a damn good one. i added a few more pieces to my (already enormous) velvet unicorn poster collection, bought an awesome sweater (on sale!), and got elyse the origami kit she wanted. then i came home and bought this dress online. if you can't tell by the picture, it's brown and blue plaid, and the scarf is light blue. gorgeous! i feel pretty good right now, and i don't know if it's just because i'm too tired to think about all the bad shit in my life, or if things are finally starting to turn around.
|
|
|
[14 Mar 2003|11:28pm] |
|
elyse and i were talking about how much we miss playing team sports, but could never get into them at school because the other girls hate our guts. to solve all of this, we are trying to get a bunch of punk rock ladies together to play different sports, the first one up is basketball. i'm really excited.
|
|
|
[11 Mar 2003|11:31pm] |
|
my grad project essay is finished alsklakslljlj!!!!!!! i still have a bunch of other crap to do for it, but that portion isn't due for another two weeks. i'm just going to relax for five minutes, ok? ah, too late. i have another essay, a research project and a bunch of scholarship shit to do within the next three weeks. i'm trying to stay positive about all of this, but it's hard. i just keep telling myself that it could be a lot worse. i had the opportunity to work on an awesome & fulfilling grad project and the photography project i am doing for a scholarship is going to be a lot of fun. so, yeah. i'll surive. this research paper is going to be killer, though. i used to love doing research work, but school has sucked that love right out of me, like it has with almost everything else i am passionate about.
sigh. i'll get through this.
|
|
|
[09 Mar 2003|05:16pm] |
|
my grad project is sooo close to being done. finally. i've been waiting for this for four fucking years, it's about time. today was really beautiful, even though i didn't leave the house for more than 2 minutes. it was brisk, but not cold. the sun was so fucking bright that it looked like july (except for a few stubborn snow drifts still clinging to the curb). i usually hate spring, but i'm welcoming it this year, after this long winter.
|
|
|
[09 Mar 2003|01:05am] |
|
this lucky bastard gets to make a movie and i don't? and why can't it be something good, something i would be proud to see come from my town? why does it have to be about a stockbroker, his porsche, and a "hot blonde"? eh, i'll make my franklin movie someday.
|
|
|
[07 Mar 2003|05:03pm] |
|
my weekend plans suddenly got canceled just now, but i guess that's alright. i have a ton of homework and other shit to do anyway. this is my favorite part of the week, between 3:30 and 6 on friday evenings. these are the only times i am not thinking about school - what i have to do for it and how many hours until i have to go back. i wish every hour of my life was as beautiful as these ones.
|
|
|
[01 Mar 2003|04:53pm] |
|
it's so fucking bleak outside. i don't think anything can compare to the dreariness of western PA winters. i can't wait for summer. yesterday was pretty gorgeous, surprisingly. the sky was blue and all the snow is starting to melt. also, friday means fridaynightmoviecore, with mike and elyse. this week we watched kids (because they hadn't seen it before) and life or something like it (because elyse LOVES angelina jolie). kids made elyse sick and life or something like it made all three of us want to puke. it was a good night, though... because school is over for a few days and this town is finally starting to thaw out.
|
|
|
[23 Feb 2003|07:44pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
third eye blind's first album |
] |
all of this scholarship and college shit is driving me crazy! i wish i could just fast forward through the next six months and all the moving out-moving in-starting school-paying for shit-STRESS. i hate being overcome with inspiration and beautiful ideas all at once, espescially right now, when i don't have any time for of it. hah, wasn't i complaining about a lack of inspiration a few days ago? i guess i'll always find something to stress about...
|
|
|
[22 Feb 2003|12:33am] |
|
it's really hard to be supportive to my friends right now, in what they are going through, when i've got so much shit to deal with on my own. i think we all understand that, luckily, and there aren't too many hard feelings over the fact that we have to work through everything on our own. i'm also really tired of trying to support certain people who never seem to be there for me in return. i know that probably sounds selfish, as if i'm saying i only give to receive, but that's not it. it's just so exhausting to put everything you have into helping people out and then be deserted when you need a few caring words down the road.
eh, i have a hundred more pages of "in cold blood" to read tonight, so i better cut this short.
|
|
|
[20 Feb 2003|12:32am] |
|
i'm in control again, but it happened in the worst way. i posted my answers to the blurtyzinesters survery, but i got a "page not available" thing and lost all my answers. it was pretty long and i don't feel like retyping it now. i don't feel like doing much of anything, actually.
|
|
|
[18 Feb 2003|11:02pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
pinhead gunpowder's cover of "mahogany" |
] |
it's been such a long day. i managed to get some homework done, and study for a killer chemistry test, but i still feel like i wasted all of my time. those little acomplishments don't matter anymore. lately i've been totally drained of energy, money, and most importantly, inspiration. i want to write and draw and make stationary and send letters, but all i can do is sleep. will this end? and when? "why must we wait so long before we can see
how sad the answers to those questions can be?"
|
|