| 8:20a |
Well where to start, after I had updated, I went outside and found him digging holes in the yard, I guess he didn't leave after all. So finally we started talking and he poligized for whatever pissed me off I know he was saying it to smooth things over and that was it. I then told him how I felt and how I told him we can stay up and he can drink over at J&D's but when it was my turn it wasn't ok, then he tells me that he can't apoligize for being tried. after he said that, I didn't say another word, what was the point of it he wasn't going to take blame for being an ass and that was that. Later that afternoon, he said that he was ok if we went to the party for the girls, being that was the only reason I even wanted to go was for the girls because it gave them time to be with their cousins, we ended up going.
Now let me tell you how that went. He parents showed up and the girls played with them in the pool and had a good time and it wasn't until the party was almost over when his mother came up to me and said, " I am surprised you are even talking to me" I thought she was talking about being at the party, I told her that she was by the pool all night and I was out here, and thats when she said no about not coming to see the girls, she said that she told the girls that she had been wrong for not seeing them and pretty much she was a bitch for doing that. At this point I didn't care what she had to say and I told her that we were busy anyway with the twins still in school etc. I talked about when A1 starts high school we will be busy with her activities so we would have much time anyway. You knowI honestly can say I gave her a very cold shoulder and she felt it. Yes she is in the wrong and I have nothing to say to her. The conversation lasted maybe 7 minutes then I switched chairs and she left, she got the hint, I am not happy with her and she screwed up.
When we were getting ready to leave she started her bullshit with the twins about, when S comes over to spend the night how about I come and get one of you guys to stay with her, as soon as I heard that I walked away and made the hubby deal with her, it just kind of pissed me off, so he did. See she won't admit to the fact that it has nothing to do with my girls, never has, never will and I won't do that to them ever again. So I guess when she calls I will have A1 answer my phone and tell her I am taking a nap, or let it go to voice mail. I have nothing nice to say to her and it is best that I don't say anything. We saw S last night for the first time in months and the poor child has put on at least 10 pounds if not more, she doesn't have a fighting chance. But the good thing is I am out of it and want nothing to do with it anymore, I just don't care anymore.
As for the mustang with A1, well her daddy keeps telling her that will be her car and I keep telling her she will not get one. It is his idea not mine, I don't want her to have one, never have and I keep telling the both of them that she doesn't need a new car and shouldn't have one and if and when she gets a car it will be a basic car, I am totally against this and they both know it but as like everything in this house it doesn't matter what I think or say, it just doesn't matter. The thing about it, I know for a fact that she won't get it because neither one of us have good credit anymore and couldn't finance a green bean right now. I have collections against me, I am 80,000 in debt he is at least 20 and that isn't including the cars (both truck and suv) and the house, so I know for a fact she aint getting shit and for all I know we won't have the money to get her a car. Why he does it I don't know he just won't leave shit alone.
I have been mad and sad lately I guess it is the predictable life I have, I am not as happy as I should be, I get up in the morning, feed the dogs, start the dog run, get that done then go get teh kids ready for school, take them to the bus, after they get on I run my mile, come home water the front yard which takes about an hours, then shower, do another dog run, run my errands, come home do another dog run, water the front yard again, wait for the girls to get feed the dogs again, do another dog run, start dinner, do another dog run and finally sit on the couch for a little while and watch some TV, then when it is close to bed time I start another dog run then go to bed. These dogs of his are mostly my responsibility because he works all the time and when he getts home he's tired and hot and therefore doesn't do much. I guess I am just tired and unhappy and don't know what to do.
I had another weird dream again last night I was back on the air force base that we grew up on, do you remember the long strect of road where the air strip was well I was tryng to get home to our house andwas trying to get all these dogs to follow me. There was another weird dream before that one, but I can't remember what it was about.
Well enough of the saga of poor me, I have to start another dog run and go water the f-cking plants outside, I love and miss you very much and please let you hubby know that our talks in the journals is the only sainity I have in my life and if it weren't for this, I probably would have broke down by now. Let him know that my huuby doesn't even know and will never know because he would never understand and would make me stop. At least he is understanding of this and isn't left in the dark being you talk to him and I can't talk to my hubby. Tell him I am sorry for the secret, it was meant to hurt him. I love you very much, got to go. |