| 6:26a |
I'm sorry I couldn't update sooner, but the hubbby actually took the weekend off for a change. So talking to you on saturday, you brought tears to my eyes, you know that. As for your dream, I know how you feel, I would be devastated to find out news like that. I am being completely honest when I say I am in good health. If I'm not, I don't know about it. I feel healthy and to me that is important too. I am alittle over weight, and out of shape but that is always the case. Like I told you on saturday I was looking into quiting smoking earlier in the week, think I am going to before A1 gets out of school, I will use the nicorette gum to help because I can't afford to have bad mood swings and I really need to quit anyway, for my health. I am very afaird to gain weight and for that I would have to exercise regularly and get out of the house to exercise to not have that locked up feeling when you are always couped up in a house. I will look into it more by this weekend, because next week will be the test to see if I can do it. But keep in mind, I would tell you if anything were wrong, you would be the only one I would tell.
So saturday night we went over to the hubby's friend house and since then I have been thinking how could I be so stupid all I did was frickin talk and listen and talk. This poor woman now knows about my life story, I guess I felt like mom always talking about her. She told me also about her up bringing and it was similar to ours, I guess what it is with mine is I feel ashamed when I tell mine, I had a child when I was 19, I never went to college, have been married more then once, I guess I have not said out loud to someone about it and I am almost embarrassed about it. I have no pride with my past, the only thing I do have from it is my children came from my past and I live for them. I have to stop thinking about it because it is driving me crazy, I guess I am hoping that I didn't give up to much information to ruin his relationship with his friend and I hope that his wife doesn't think I am really stupid. You see I don't get to talk to adults anymore, I have no adult relationships being stuck in this house, I talk to children and dogs, how lucky am I. there are times when you need another woman to talk to to tell you secrets, to be honest with yourself and I only have you and most of the time it is through blurty.
Today the girls and I are going to clean the house, they don't know this yet but trust me when I say they will do it if they want to play the Wii. Yes we went out and bought a Wii after talking to you and let me tell you there are muscles in my body that I have not used in a while and they know it. The girls are having a blast and I like it too. The girls got upset yesterday because I beat them all at the games we played, and they didn't like that.
I never wanted the girls to be embarrassed of me, but they arem they give me the same looks that we gave mom when we were younger. They can't stand it when I dance around the house they will lok away, what they don't know is I really am an OK dancer, better then they are right now, but soon, they will be better then me.
I was reading an article in the ladies journal yesterday about being happy and it really made sence. It said you should have a purpose for what you do, I need to find that purpose.
Well I am going to go now, I have to continue the dog run and get a work out in before we start cleaning. The girls are still sleeping but after they wake up, it will be time to get r done. I love you and I am sorry you had that dream, but again I promise to my knowledge there is nothing wrong with me and if and when there is you will be the first to know. If I don't talk to you before your camping trip I want to tell you to have fun and go fishing for at least a half an hour. :) |