| 9:07a |
So, I guess it has been a couple of days, alot has happened since I last updated this past weekend. The hubby and I are trying to work this out, I guess I found out what he really means about the sex thing, I thought and thought about it until I hurt my brain trying to figure it out. Needless to say I did and for now things are good between us, I for some reason don't want to let go of him, for some reason I believe that he is the one for me. I know he has alot to work out to and with time, he will. I have spoke more openly with him these past months since we moved back and it has been the best and worst ever between us. I guess we still have so much to work on and I am hoping that we can. I can't explain why I go through this all the damn time, one way then the other, I know it is driving you crazy and with each passing moment you probably want to tell him off, trust me I sometimes feel the same way. We are trying, trying really hard to make it work. One of the things that he mentioned was that I needed to find myself and he is right about that, I have lost myself to all this and now I know it is time for me again.
I have started reading self matters by Dr. Phil, it is just the begining, but I take time each day to read and work on things. He is right so far about me I put on a show, and this time, I need to find me. I don't know if you have read that book, but it is making sense to me so far, so if it works maybe I will truly find myself.
We are talking about the move more and more. We just don't know if it will be the right thing for us. Here we can get back on our feet and be able to do more because we have control over our destiny, where as back there we would be in the hands of that county or the people that we are associated with. Yes the schools would be better, the open space etc. but we just don't know right now what to do, so we are playing it out and living right now for us here. I just don't know and the hubby doesn't either. It wouldn't break my heart if we stayed here becuase I know in time we could afford to go out there to see you when things are better and yet, living back there, we could drive up to see you also. I am just taking one day at a time to see where the path will lead me.
See another thing is and to be honest this is a completely selfish reason for staying here, and that would be, after I find out what I want for me, I will have the funds to do it, weither it be to go back to school, take dance classes even at my age, I have the freedom to do that here, I f I want ot go to work and start another career path for me, I can do that here. I am worried that we might be in such a financial disater back there, it does scare me. Wheither we file or don't, I know we can beat it here. It is such a hard call for all of us. Once we do make that decision, I know the girls will be ok with whatever we do decide, I guess it is truly how we handle it as a family. Not knowing sucks you know.
I miss you very much and love you because you are strong and my best friend, my sister. Well I hope you have a good day at work and school. I am so proud of what you are doing I am even envy of you. I love you and I will keep you posted on what's going on here, sorry I didn't do it sooner. Love you |