| 9:20a |
The biggest fight we have ever had
Being married for amost 7 years and I have never yelled at my husband until yesterday. I gues it probably wasn't the best way to handle it but in all honesty, it felt good. I guess I should tell you what started it all. First it started on friday, after her game, he was really pisst about the way she played, ball hog and out of control. We talked at the dinner table about it, then it just got stupid. After the girls left he tells me that he wasn't going to watch her do that anymore and that he wasn't going to go to her games. After he said that I checked how many beers he had drank, then let him be pisst about it. Then he talks to her seprately about this boy who was texting her and how he didn't approve of it and he asks her when the last time he had texted her and she lied about it. We knew he had texted her the night before because he saw it on her phone after she had fallen asleep when he checked on her that night because of her hitting her head. After that it took about 30 minutes to get the truth out of her. She lies and that is all I can say, she has a bad habbit to lie alot of the time.
So anyway he went and showered and stayed in the bedroom the rest of the night. That was a good thing, the girls and I watched a movie and then I went to bed. So saturday and sunday was like walking on pins and needles with him, and I was thankful that A1 and S went ot grandmas and Grandpas because it took the pressure off her. Well sunday when grandma brought them back we started talking about A2 and the dr.s appt she will soon have and I could tell that he was pisst, so after she left I asked what he was pisst about and that is where it started. HE said nothing is wrong with her and I have fallen into the bs that his parents have feed me. I told him, he could be right, notihng could be wrong and thatI was going to make sure of it by having her checked out, there was no harm in that. She was my girl and I want her to be ok, and if she is nothing but a daydreamer, then so be it. He continued on until, he finally said he was going to shower and left the room, he came back in the living room after about 5 minutes and said he was leaving and that he would be back tomorrow and would leave again. Thats when I started in on him about threating to leave all the time we got into a fight and I told him as I yelled how he was being an ass about all this, I can't tell you all that was said, there was alot of yelling and crying on my part, but I told him at that time, if that is what he wanted I would take the girls and leave, but I wasn't going to go to moms or his parents, I was taking them to your place. He said fine, there was enough money on the card left to buy tickets for all of us, and then I cried some more. We yelled for over an hour, and then finally the talking began. I told him everything that was on my mind at that time, how he doesn't make me feel special and how I feel weak to him and that was sad how he could let this go on. I even told him that I was on depression meds in the other state, I told him that I didn't tell him because I knew he wouldn't understand and by the look on his face, he didn't which I pointed out. I guess alot was resolved and we have alot to work out with time, but at least he knows now that if we don't work out where the girls and I will go. Yesterday I cried so hard like I haven't in years, last night my eyes were hurting so bad. I feel better about us because of this fight, I guess yelling was the only way to get it into the open and I told him because of it, I finally got his attention. While this was going on the girls were outside and didn't witness any of it.
I started watching the secret yesterday and I need to watch it again, it is very helpful. I need to look at my notes that I took months ago and do a few of the exercises. I created from it. Things are going to be ok, I can feel it. I won't be a doormat anymore and maybe now, he will respect me as I would like and I will do the same.
It looks like we will be moving this summer back to the other state. I think we have a possible house to rent or do owner finance, that way, we would file bankruptcy and live off what we do make. You know the school that A1 attended last year there, (jr. high) was #3 in the whole state. Then this past friday there was a shooting here of a 9th grader walking home from school (drive by) and he died. THere was no reason for it and a tenth grader was arrested for it. This was at a really nice school and was a shock for the city. I think it would be better for the girls to be in a smaller school. it would be safer for them. When we talked yesterday I told him the good thing for me was you guys being a drive away, that way if I wanted to visit, I could at anytime.
Mom and I don't see each other and that is ok with her. I can't go into the house, her house makes me sick, and that is no joke, it is so unhealthy and she wonders why I won't take the girls there. She will tell me at times to bring them down, but I won't do it. I think it is time to start going through things in all these boxes, because this time I will not take all this crap with us. I will keep you posted on what happens, but I think I will tell him, lets move. What's your thought on that if we did move back? let me know. I love you and hope your having a good day. talk to you soon. |