| 8:22a |
Reply to your blurty
Well, the answer to that is she doesn't get out of school until around the 9th, so, it wouldn't be possible. you know I need to tell you a couple things.
First, I have done none stop thinking about all this and each day it goes through and through my head every waking moment. Everytime I see him, talk to him, I think about it even more, for days now he keeps asking if I am alright and all I can say if fine, if only he really knew how unhappy I really am. I can't seem to tell him, and I don't know how to tell him that I do want change, I don't think it would ever cross his mind that I would move out of state, and I at this point don't know how to do it. I know packing up would be the easy part but it is the telling him about it. I almost think I should get him to drinking when it is the 2 of us and that way I can say I am leaving, but when he is sober I can't tell him, I don't even talk to him really. I thought about talking to his mother, but decided against that due to her being so far up "S" ass it isn't even funny. I just don't know what to do! I guess you can call me weak, but I guess I am waiting for him to start the conversation, and he normally threatens to leave when he is so far gone on beer, I can't stand to be around him. I know I am scared of him.
You know yesterday we started talking about sex again, he asked if we could have it last night, and that is because it was last thursday and he wants more, fine I said, then he asks if I was going to show up or if I was going to only be there physcially. I told him that I am always there mentally and emotionally, which I am, not as much as I was before and thats when he said I wasn't. I don't try to work him over anymore. I was hurt again for the fact that I don't want to have sex be begin with but I do for him. I could go weeks, with the way I have been feeling lately. I guess I see it as, first, if your happy then you want it, there is no romance in my life at all. He doesn't make me feel good about myself, I know he teels me how beautiful I am, but he makes me feel otherwise by how he talks to me, I don't feel like a woman, I feel like a child. I just don't know what to do...
Well I have to go run errands, so I have to shower. I love you sis and I am hoping that one day I will be able to tell him, but I am scared of what he will say. I know he knows that this marriage is over, but I know he is clueless on the fact that I wouldn't live here in this town and I don't know how he would take that. |