| 10:26a |
Feeling like a child
You know in the past few days I have come to realize how he makes me feel, and that is like a child. It's the way he talks down to me like I have something wrong, when he is far from perfect. Last night after the ball game, we had to stop by the corner store to get beer when he was in there the girls and I were talking about dinner, it was after 6pm, so, when he got back in, i told him that the girls wanted dinner from the place right in that shopping center, then he looks at me and says "so, is that where your telling me to go..." well not if you don't want to so we leave and head there, then a couple of the girls start saying they want other places and he stops the car and says to me, so what is it, it sounds like they want something else, what is it, so my response was , just go home, we can find something at home, and he says yah right and drives there. When we get there, the girls and I get out and he does too, but at we get ready to walk in the door, he decided he was going to stay outside and then later goes to the car and sits in it. I ordered him dinner and we get our food, get in the car start towards home and I tell him what I ordered him for dinner. He doesn't say thank you, he just gives me a stupid look like who gives a shit, and nothing else was said.
This morning, we are drinking coffee and he says to me, well being that you didn't say a word to me last night or this morning (as usual) why didn't you take the job, I respond because I didn't know what I was going to do with the girls. and that is all I said. I guess I wish that he would talk to me and not down at me, I don't think there is a day that goes by that he doesn't treat me like a child and even then, children shouldn't be talked down too, they need to be talked too. It sucks, As each day goes by I think more and more about opening this way of life, to his mother and to my father, then maybe I don't have to pretend that we have the perfect family, when we are from from it. I am tried of feeling like I always do something wrong. Soon I say, you mark my words, soon, he will either move out or move out of the bedroom.
I don't get it with him either he talks about our future, even years from now and he is so unhappy also, yet he is going to act like things are perfect. I can't think past this summer and what changes I am going to have to make and he looks beyond that as if there is, I don't know.
I ve got to go, I have to go to the store. Love you lots |