| 7:48a |
Confused
I am so confused right now, I have an hour or two to make up my mind on weither I am going to take that job. See we had the talk last night as I thought we would. it wasn't tears, maybe just a few but "he told me like it is" we have nothing anymore, we lost it years ago and he knew when we did "the honeymoon is over". I told him I would like to re-connect with him, I told him how he hurt me on numerious occassions when he would call me trailer. His answer was, "I call it like it is, I have no ambition to re-connect, go to counseling etc." So as of right now it is over, it is just where we go from here.
As for the job, he has left it up to me, but threw in there that maybe I need to take it so I can restart over, I would only take it for the money and insurance and he said that in a couple months that we will not need it, I don't know what to do. I don't want to take it because I don't know that I would be there that long, I have a feeling that this summer will be a big change, what he doesn't understand is the change will be made in another state. I guess it can't get any worse, see this company is one that we are getting alot of our business from right now, I don't want them to think I'm a flake and they fire our company from there properties and we lose money from that, I just don't know what to do.
I think I am going to call dad, if he is not home I will leave a message for him to call you, and if he does, you can tell him, but you must tell him not to call here, and promise not to talk to the hubby. The hubby doesn't know that I am seeking advice. If he were to call here I could not talk infront of the hubby freely. So make sure he doesn't call here, I will call him when I have another chance. If dad doesn't call you then that means I didn't call him and I will let you know when it will be ok to talk to him. Only talk to him if he calls and asks, I am so confused, I don't know what to do?
You know, this job is hard because I don't know what to do with the girls and how I would get them to school, who would watch them, I mentioned safe-key for before school, which is daycare at the school and he said no and that was final, he was not going to put them in that. What do I do?
He slept on the couch again last night, he said the dogs were keeping him up, at 11:15 last night I was already asleep and he speaks really loudly, saying my name then said, I can't stand it any longer, I am going into the living room, it's not like any one in this house cares anyway, and walks out of the room and I fell back to sleep, what was I going to do, I know he would have liked for me to get up and be unhappy with him, but I do enough of that during the day, I wait for him to call and I have to answer, when he gets home I have to hang out with him in what every room he is in, I wait to answer any question he may have... it is just the way it is... I don't know what to do I am scared.
I have to go now, I have to think about this job, I have to make that decision with in an hour and I haven't yet, if I decide not to take it, the hubby will have the excuse to tell them, if I do decide to take it, it will be coming up with the reason to tell the hubby, why I did take it. I love you and will talk to you soon. |