| 11:57a |
to continue
So now I will continue what I was saying in the first place. It seems as though something I have done is bugging him, or maybe it is something I haven't done. WHo knows I can't seem to figure it out. He just brought the other dog home, trying to get rid of dogs is hard, she was gone for a couple months and then today out of the blue he calls up and says we need to take her back. Oh I am so tired of this. so I moved another into our room and put her outside. Back to him. after he dropped her off and was getting to ready to leave I could tell he has an attitude towards me, now keep in mind, knowing that a blow out is soon to come from our past I have been as pleasant as I can be, and he keeps telling me that there is something wrong with me, that I have been mean and rude this past couple of days, but I haven't seen it, I have been stressed because payday is tomorrow and I am not sure we will even get enough to cover the mortage. so stressed yes, and the visitors should up this weekend and I go to sleep worrying about bills and wake up thinking about them, so am I under alot of pressure sure, but nothing out of the ordinary that I can think of.
I know what will happen, with him being this way to me he will tell me that marriage sucks and that I have changed and he will go off like it is all my fault for not feeling the same way about him as I did when we married and in the end it will be my fault and have nothing to do with him causing any of this. What he is thinking I don't know but to be honest I am scared with what will come out, wiether it be today tomorrow, friday or this weekend, I know by monday I will find out what he has been thinking these past few days. This house is like walking on pins and needles, that is how I feel right now.
The hubbys truck got broken into monday night, nothing was taken thankful. It wasn't just our truck all the houses in our culdesac got hit in one way or another. Others had stuff stolen, others had the car sifted threw, but the hubbys wallet was taken, but he doesn't keep money or crads in it so I found it behind our house. We didn't make a police report they wouldn't do anything anyway, so life returned to the crappyness that it is.
LAst friday I asked the hubby if we could go out to dinner with the kids, we had received gift cards from his parents to the outback for christmas and I thought we all could go out. instead he says that we will go out and gamble, it is his way to let loose, he says. I dread it and have for so long now. See this needs to stay between you and I , he applied for credit cards without me knowing and he got approved and took a cash advance out on it and then came home and said we were going out, I told him we have nothing in the account and that is when he told me about the advance he took. Well I then had no choice and when the money ran out I told him it was time to go and then he gets upset and we get in the car and then he always starts in about how rude or un-fun I am, how trailer I can be(refering to trailer trash) and this goes on for the whole ride home and so by the time we get there I just want out of the car, then I walk on egg shells until bed and put his butt to bed and have a little talk about my behavior in the morning. For months now it is always like this, I can't remember it ever being a good feeling to go out with him on a date. See, i am always the designated driver, that sucks but I can't count on him to not drink.
anyway I will stop rambling, i just wanted to say that there will be a fight by monday and it is scary to me, it will be only verbal, but it will be a oldertwin32 bashing of how unworthy I am. I love you sis and will talk to you soon. |