Sun Flower's Blurty
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Wednesday, May 17th, 2006
| Time |
Event |
| 12:01p |
Black and Blue
Those are the colors I am wearing to work today and those are the colors of my heart today. I have a very heavy heart today and I'm not sure it will get any better. See, my husband informed last night that we really don't have a relationship anymore. It is as though I am the sister he never had and for me he is the brother I never had. See it all stemmed for this past weekends trip and the letter he wrote me.
You know I didn't think my relationship could get any worse then it already was, but I was sooo wrong, it now turned even futher down hill. The letter was about how our relationship had been when we first got together, how in Love we were, how I looked like his dream woman, and how I was concerned about how I looked for him, always wanted to make sure that he like how I did my hair or dressed.
Well these last couple nights going to bed has been tuff. He told me that I have stopped caring about making sure he was happy about how I looked. The point, I don't live for him anymore, only myself, and nothing will ever change, he said. I told him he doesn't understand how everything I do is for him, I plan everything around him and he doesn't see it. I don't wear make-up because he doesn't want me too, I do as I am told, anything that he wants I do.
I guess I am hurting right now and I feel as though I'm going to cry. I have to go to lunch now, I will write more after lunch. | | 4:11p |
Working late tonight
He just called said he will be working late tonight, and the twisted thing about it is I am kinda glad, at least I won't have to see him and the pain he holds inside and maybe mine won't show through. I didn't get to finish, but these last few days he really hasn't even looked at me. Last night we went to our daughters graduation and although we sat next to each other, we were so far away. I can tell he doesn't want much to do with me, it just feels different, you can tell, we lay in bed and one thing that he had mentioned was that we don't don't have sex as often as we should, maybe 2-3 times a month, if it were his choice it would be no less then 3 times a week. I;m sorry I just don't have that in me. Maybe I should write him a letter, but to be honest I don't think it would matter.
I still feel sick about this whole thing, I have thought maybe I should start talking to a professional about my problems, at least I would be able to cry and have a reason and someone wouldn't tell me to stop. I don't know, I think I will have to think about it.
I'll talk again tomorrow, have a good night... |
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