| 3:21p |
Weekend of many EMOTIONS
Well, the question is Where to begin? I started off on Friday morning and it took 8 hours to get to my sisters house, the kids were good, we made lunch in the car so we only had to stop twice to use the bathroom. For me, the drive seemed long because I felt as though I was going to fall asleep but was so excited to finally get there. we got there at 2:45 pm and hung out and talked till 4:30 then we had to go to dads house for dinner. Before we left I called my husband to let him know what was going on and to say hello. Anyway, we get there and there is so much food, we talked I saw family that I hadn't seen in 3 years (at the last family reunion). The kids played so hard and so did I. It was nice to visit with them. My little sister wasn't there for very long, but it was her weekend. So the family ate dinner and around 8:45 we left there to go back to my sisters house to put her kids down for the night, they were tired and the weekend had just begun.
When we pulled into the drive way my husband called and had asked why I hadn't called sooner and I had told him that I didn't get reception at dads (which he knew, because his doesn't work there either) he tells me that I should have called him and I said that we all were outside playing and I was visiting with family, he respond with "you could have picked up the house phone I only wanted to talk to you". I said I was sorry, he starts to tell me all the things he did that evening and asked me what I would be doing, I told him that my sister and I would be going to starbuck to get a drink and then just talk for a while. The responce I got from him was "so what color was it? the color of the barn I was born in!" in other words that means he felt I was lying to him, which at that point I was but I wasn't, that were the intentions that had been mentioned. I told him if the plans changed I would call him and let him know. After a few more words were exchanged he hung up on me.
I let my sister know what had happened on the phone and at that point we were on the discussion of going dancing and I told her I wasn't going to be able to go, it wasn't a good idea and she pleaded with me not to let him make me feel guilty about wanting to have fun. so after another one of my sisters came over that was it, we were going to have a few drinks and dance that night. I called my husband before we left to tell him that plans had changed, but I never got to tell him, the conversation was about how mad he still was that I didn't call and how busy he was still working and then he said he may not fly up there to get the car we had bought off my dad. I was almost sick to my stomach with the amount of emotions that I had felt in 5 mintues. I was so upset at him for bashing me and telling me that he wasn't even sure if he was going to come and then my older sister yelled to come on and he heard her yelling and he said well I guess they want you to go now so he said see you later and hung up on me.
I got into the car and told my sister I can't go dancing, it just isn't right, I didn't get to tell him where I was going. It wasn't but a few minutes in the car and he calls back and tells me that he is trying to switch the flight to come out on Sunday instead that way it would be easier. He said some unkind things to me on the phone and even asked who was watching the kid, I told him my brother-in-law. He was so angry with me and I didn't even know what I had done. I tried to figure it out and the only thing I think that could have started it was that I didn't call him sooner. He hung up on me one more time. My sister and I started to talk and then he called me again and asked about the car that we bought, he asked if I had given the money to dad yet, I said no, he asked where it was, I said dads house he asked why I hadn't taken care of these things today, I told him that the car was full of cars for the party tomorrow and dad didn't want me to take it yet. He then continued on to tell me that "IF" he were to fly in tomorrow night, he would leave right after he got in and picked up the car and asked if I was capable of handling all the arrangements of if he needed to take care of that also. So in other words he wanted to know if I was compentant enough to handle the purchase and to make sure the car got over to my sisters house before he got there. I calmly told him I would take care of it and promised that the car was taken and would be at my sisters house waiting for him. He also had made a comment that he may or may not be at the house when I got home. That was a threat that he was thinging of leaving. I asked him quietly what was wrong and at that point he asked why I would say something like that infront of my sister, he knew I was in the car with them, but the 2 of them were talking and didn't hear what I had said. He was so angry still and then hung up on me again.
When I got off the phone we were at the club. I remember sitting there trying so hard not to cry, the tears were swelling up and I was holding back, I couldn't let my sister see me cry. I explained it wasn't right and didn't want to be there, but my twin was not going to let him ruin the night, if she only knew I was on the verge of tears just a minute ago.
We went in and you know what, it turned out to be so much fun, see one of my passions is dancing I love it so much and I never get to do it anymore, I don't even dance at home, because I can't infront of the kids or hubby, cause they would just call me siily. We had 4 drinks and my sister and I just danced. While there I made sure my phone was in full veiw just incase the hubby called and thankfully he didn't, I didn't want to start crying in there.
after a couple hours we left, and went home and went to bed only to make sure that everyone was up and ready to go by 9am to head to the mall. So that day I had gone through so many different emotions, tired, happy, crushed, disappointed, sad, angry, confused etc. I can't list them all. See the other thing I didn't tell you is my dad said that the best thing was not to go to the graduation ceremony it would just be easier that way. So that was disappointing.
I was glad that we didn't go to the ceremony that saturday morning, I had so much more fun shopping. I made sure one of the first things I bought was some football para. for my husband, he is a fan of the state we were in and that was the first thing I did buy. Let me jump back a moment, that morning right after I woke up I called my husband, and he was really short and when I told him that I would see him tonight, he jsut maybe or maybe not, he wasn't sure he would be done working and the conversation ended like that. So then we go to the mall, one the way I told him we were going shopping, I had to leave a message because he didn't answer his cell phone and that I would call him soon.
While we were at the mall again my phone didn't work, I couldn't get a signal, so while I was there we all had lots of fun, spent money I didn't have my sister spoiled my kids and everyone had a good time. We left after a couple hours, went back to the house to get ready to go back over to my dads for my little sisters party. I called the hubby as soon as I got a signal and had to leave another message (no answer on his side, imagine that). I was hoping by the time he did answer that he would be in a better mood, I guess I just wanted things to be OK again.
Well we went to the party and you know, I learned alot from my dad and little sister that day. What I learned, was that us 4 sisters that were born from my mother and not my step-mom are not of any importance in there life. see, my little sister is my 1/2 sister, she was born after my dad remarried and he (my father) was not all that pleased with what we (us 4 girls) have done with our lives. Let me explain why.
My 1/2 sister, whom I have always called my sister, had this brag book of all her likes, dislikes, accompishments, wants, friends and family. She had her mom, my dad, her aunts and neices, nephews and he grandmother from her mothers side, but not even one of her 4 sisters. I thought that was so sad, it is amazing how much we are not thought of, and even my father is to blame for that. Not one picture of her sisters. I 'm not sure what I felt about that, I thought that maybe, we would be mentioned as family, but we weren't. My twin sister said that alot of people don't even know we exsist in that state, at other gatherings or when she had gone to my dad's church, nobody knew she was even related to my dad or sister. What do you say too that. I guess I am speechless, with how I feel. I guess maybe in there eyes, we are of relations but maybe they (dad, step-mom and little sister) don't want people to know that, or we just aren't important enough to mention. I don't know.
So anyway, we had a great time at the party and again the kids had fun, and we left around 5-5:30 to take the kids home to get them ready for the dinner that we all were meeting my dad for at 7:30pm. before that I had made sure that I tried to contact my husband a few times that wasy he couldn't say I didn't call, everytime he didn't answer, I left a message, that way there was proof, don't even think twice, I left the time I called also. I did talk to him on his way to the airport and he was still stubborn and pissed about something.
Into the night we had a great dinner and ate so much. Durning dinner I had the phone on knowing that at some point in time he would call because he had a lay over and I told him to call me, he did while I was getting the kids some shrimp to eat. My twin answered the phone and she had told me that they got disconnected. so I went outside and called him back and he asked me if I had answered the phone, I told him no, I was getting the girls some shrimp, he then says, "well who the F--k answered it" I then told him my twin, and his temper changed to "oh, it didn't sound like her". anyway, I thought I got threw to him about sleeping for a little while then getting up to drive verses leaving as soon as he got here and he had agreed to it. When I got back to the table, my twin knew that he had hung up on her and I told her he did. The night proceeded as normal and we wnt home and I packed the car inorder to drive home the next day and to pass sometime before we went to pick up my husband from the airport.
Well went went to the airport and picked him up and I think this is funny, he acted as though nothing was wrong. He always does that infront of people and I have to play along, that way people don't know that he had pulled out my heart, squeezed it, and threw it on the ground only to finish it off with his boot smashing to the ground we walk on. It's a pretty good show that we put on and even got better, because my dad wanted to see him after he got in, because my dad and step mom like him better then me, so over to dads house we went. Keep in mind it is now about 11:45pm. we visit for a little while and leave only to get a little sleep before 6am rolled around.
We get back to my sisters house, my brother-in-law goes to bed, he had to work in the morning and the 2 of us go to the basement to our room to get some sleep. When we get in the room my daughters and snoring, they played so hard the were exhausted as much as I was. He said that he can't sleep with them snoring and I offered to move them into the other room and put them on the coach, he said to let them be, well as I started to doze off (I put a pillow over my head so I wouldn't here them) which only took 15 minutes, he gets up and says he's leaving, I begged him to stay and get sleep, I told him he needed to rest his comment to me was that I needed the sleep he didn't. I told him I would move the kids and then the comment that shot through what was left of my heart he said, "If you wanted to move them, you would have done it 30 minutes ago" WOW what a blow. So he did what he wanted and left after huffing and puffing because I couldn't tell him how to get to the highway so he said he would find his way out and be just fine. The last thing I remember him saying was "F--K" as he slammed the door shut to the new car we just bought. and off he went.
I watched him drive away and then closed the door, went back down stairs to my room layed inbed for a minute and thoughtI better go back upstairs and get my cell phone just incase he wanted to thrash on me somemore so upsairs I went got the phone and went downstair back to the bedroom. laid on the bed and cried, I was so hurt. it was about 2am he called and told me where he was and that he had safely made it out of town and I vagely remember but I think that he apoligized to me, I can't remember. after I said ok, he got off the phone and I went back to sleep.
6am came really quickly. My sister woke up and asked if he had left and I said yes, I think she was shocked, I wasn't, if you only knew him like I know him. I think this weekend my sister saw or heard about the shit that I can go threw with him. You know the funny thing about it is that after 2am that morning, it was like nothing had ever happened, it was as if everything that had happened was in my mind. Because everytime I talked to him after that he was caring, concerned and eager to see me, it was if a light went on and he wasn't hurtful anymore. He does that and whats even funnier, is I play along, like it never happened. |