| 3:34p |
Dr.s Appointment
Well I went today, in a few days I will find out the results, he wants to see me back in 3 weeks. I did talk to him about my mental state and the catch 22 I was in about my husband finding out. I told him I nolonger have control over myself and that I can't go talk to anyone because then my husband would find out and it would be an embarrassment to him. I can't get away for even just a moment with out him finding out where I am 24/7. I told him I don't cry anymore because my husband can't handle it and I told him I don't tell him how I truly feel, because he doesn't want to know, my husband doesn't believe that I could have these "medical condition" (as the doc told me). Needless to say I started to cry in his office and like I normally do, I didn't allow a tear to flow from my eyes, because I have gotten use to not be able to cry with out it causing a fight.
My doctor gave me a name of someone to go talk to, I will see if they take appointments during lunch, because maybe I could go and just tell my husband that I will be out to lunch with the ladies. My doctor gave a script for the depression, he mentioned that maybe I could mix the pill in with my zyrtec so that way my husband wouldn't even think twice about the pills. I guess I could try it. But that is the reason why I go back in 3 weeks, to see how the meds are taking to my system. I told the doctor today that I felt silly telling him about these things but I was looking for something, help maybe. He and I know that there is only so much he can do, if I don't let my husband in on it. But I told him that he doesn't think there is a problem and in the past I tried to tell him and he told me that I wasn't feeling what I was feeling. I guess I feel the way he wants me to feel.
I just want control back over my life and mind and if taking medicine will help, then I need too. I feel like I am being sneaky, but I guess I have too inorder to help myself. we will see, I am now going to look up the new med I will be taking for the next few weeks. I'll write soon. |