| 12:25p |
WHY
I just don't understand why he does what he does. He calls me up and says he can get the gun for 1300.00 and he was waiting for me to tell he couldn't. I tell him he can't then he lays it in on then maybe I should just cancel the vacation, I ask why would he do that, just borrow a gun for the field trial. This all came on because his gun that is in for repair(because he did something real stupid) wont be done before we go. I told him not to treat his guns like that anymore and we won't run into this situation. So I tell him fine get it, but don't write a check for it because I need to pay the bills with what money is left, since he's not bringing any income in and these businesses are only going to drown us in debt. well to get right to it, he got the point and didn't buy the gun, he will either use another one he has or someone elses.
Hey sis, I was listening to a song this morning and realized that #8 of Carrie Underwoods cd is relavant to my situation. For some reason, I am not ready, I guess I want so badly for him to change or me to change so it doesn't bother me anymore. Last night we were in the spa and I had mentioned that I shouldn't have eaten the burger we had for dinner because my tummy was upset due to all the grease. He tells me that I am just fine and to get over it and that is why he is here to keep me from myself.
I guess I just don't like being told how I should feel and if I am feeling a certain way he tells me I'm not and or if I say something, he twists it and says I'm wrong. If I believe in something, if it doesn't go along with his way, then I must be wrong. I hate when he does that, he makes me feel so little as if I were a child. Then he gets upset with me if I don't make decisions, well why should I, all the outcome would be, was that I made the wrong one.
That brings me back to a week ago. I told him I was going to super wal-mart after work and even called him when I got off work to remind him, that way he wouldn't panic when I didn't show up at the usaul time. Well it wasn't 35-40 minutes later he calls me up and asks where I am, "i am still at wal-mart" he raises his voice what are you still doing there and then lets out a big sigh. I had to explain to him I was picking some grocery's up so I wouldn't have to come back for awhile. Shortly after that I hang up and go to the counter to pay. I wanted to tell him that it's not my fault he is losing his mind because he is not out there working and is struck with boredom, thats not my fault, this time. When I got home 25 minutes later, he and the girls weren't even in the house, they were out in the back pasture shooting clay disks, so I haul all the grocery's in, put them away and start cooking dinner, that way we can eat by 7 pm.
Although he isn't working I don't feel there is a trade in his duties at home. 95% of the time I still cook dinner after working all day, I still pick up after him when he lays shit everywhere, I am expected to create both web pages when I get home, and do any mommy duties on top of that, so why can't he grow up and at least help when he is home. I guess the only down time I get is when I am sick, and even then it's hard.
Just Venting |