no school today   
02:43pm 24/11/2003
 
mood: crappy
music: defiance - you got it all wrong
ashley's sick. im mobile, but this cough will kill me i'm sure. =) gram had to go to the doctor's today so i figured i'd go with her and see if the nurse would see me, she wouldn't cause she was backed up. but i got a doctors note for school for today and tomorrow. which is nice. i have to go to the mall in a few to go dress shopping.. i still don't know why. but its okay. i still don't even know when homecoming is, i'm sure i'll find out though. some people are lucky im nice to my friends. i think im gonna dye my whole head blue when the blue starts fading, because its easier and you can hardly see the roots, compared to the orange. it just makes more sense. i want to see spike, i got the urge yesterday and its not gone yet. i keep spacing out. i want food, restaurant food. so i can go throw it up, cause i have a feeling im gonna throw up sooner or later. fun feeling, eh? haha. oh so the show on saturday sucked, SURPRISE SURPRISE. nobody decided to show up, and who was there was not great. except for the hot chick <3. anyway, i think the string of shows has ended for now, theres only a couple coming up. which is still good but i prefer the every other day thing. haha. its already 230, how fuckabulous. *coughs brains out* i hope i find a halfway decent cheap ass dress so i can have fun with it. cause i always feel bad about having fun with expensive things i didnt pay for. haha, i need my license. so i can worrrk. im almost sick of being a bum, almost. im just afraid when i get a job ill get all the hours when i have shows to go to or something. i kinda dont want to miss tomorrow in school, cause its easy. i just loathe going to graphics. because of the fact im completely lost when it comes to the machines. =( im a fucking whiz on the computer part, obviously. but thats it. and the rest of my b day classes are fun/easy. *sneer* my foots falling asleep. i wish i couldof gotten some cough medicine or something from the nurse. my mom has this whole week off from work, because jacks father died and i guess she gets the holiday off. i couldnt figure out why they were concerned that he died, because i knew he like disowned jack when he was my age. but then my mom told me today he was like a millionare and they want to find out if jack was in the will. well if he disowned him, i highly doubt hed be in the fucking will. dumbasses. my mom has turned into such a greedy bastard since shes been with him. not to mention practically everything else about her has changed too. but we won't get into that. i dont understand how jack wants money when he gets so much for being a veteran, even though he didnt even get fucked up in battle. he got in a fight on base or fell or something like that and fucked up his back, so they give him lots of money. fair? no. and then the asshole goes and takes free food from the town, which is a program set up for people who cant afford food or anything. *shakes head* what a jerkoff. it was supposed to be warm today, wasn't it? it's definatly not warm. ive decided when i move into the house next door i want to paint my walls bright orange and paint at least the inside of the door checkered print. and i have a blue rug, id like to paint the window sill blue too, but i highly doubt theyll let me. they want a 'normal house' im like dude its my room.. what do you care, it wont reflect you guys. ohhhhh well, we'll see. im sure i'll get my way anyway. i'm a brat like that. now i'm gonna go downstairs and vegetate some more. later
 
     

(2 murderers | .kill me.)

 
no school today   
02:43pm 24/11/2003
 
mood: crappy
music: defiance - you got it all wrong
ashley's sick. im mobile, but this cough will kill me i'm sure. =) gram had to go to the doctor's today so i figured i'd go with her and see if the nurse would see me, she wouldn't cause she was backed up. but i got a doctors note for school for today and tomorrow. which is nice. i have to go to the mall in a few to go dress shopping.. i still don't know why. but its okay. i still don't even know when homecoming is, i'm sure i'll find out though. some people are lucky im nice to my friends. i think im gonna dye my whole head blue when the blue starts fading, because its easier and you can hardly see the roots, compared to the orange. it just makes more sense. i want to see spike, i got the urge yesterday and its not gone yet. i keep spacing out. i want food, restaurant food. so i can go throw it up, cause i have a feeling im gonna throw up sooner or later. fun feeling, eh? haha. oh so the show on saturday sucked, SURPRISE SURPRISE. nobody decided to show up, and who was there was not great. except for the hot chick <3. anyway, i think the string of shows has ended for now, theres only a couple coming up. which is still good but i prefer the every other day thing. haha. its already 230, how fuckabulous. *coughs brains out* i hope i find a halfway decent cheap ass dress so i can have fun with it. cause i always feel bad about having fun with expensive things i didnt pay for. haha, i need my license. so i can worrrk. im almost sick of being a bum, almost. im just afraid when i get a job ill get all the hours when i have shows to go to or something. i kinda dont want to miss tomorrow in school, cause its easy. i just loathe going to graphics. because of the fact im completely lost when it comes to the machines. =( im a fucking whiz on the computer part, obviously. but thats it. and the rest of my b day classes are fun/easy. *sneer* my foots falling asleep. i wish i couldof gotten some cough medicine or something from the nurse. my mom has this whole week off from work, because jacks father died and i guess she gets the holiday off. i couldnt figure out why they were concerned that he died, because i knew he like disowned jack when he was my age. but then my mom told me today he was like a millionare and they want to find out if jack was in the will. well if he disowned him, i highly doubt hed be in the fucking will. dumbasses. my mom has turned into such a greedy bastard since shes been with him. not to mention practically everything else about her has changed too. but we won't get into that. i dont understand how jack wants money when he gets so much for being a veteran, even though he didnt even get fucked up in battle. he got in a fight on base or fell or something like that and fucked up his back, so they give him lots of money. fair? no. and then the asshole goes and takes free food from the town, which is a program set up for people who cant afford food or anything. *shakes head* what a jerkoff. it was supposed to be warm today, wasn't it? it's definatly not warm. ive decided when i move into the house next door i want to paint my walls bright orange and paint at least the inside of the door checkered print. and i have a blue rug, id like to paint the window sill blue too, but i highly doubt theyll let me. they want a 'normal house' im like dude its my room.. what do you care, it wont reflect you guys. ohhhhh well, we'll see. im sure i'll get my way anyway. i'm a brat like that. now i'm gonna go downstairs and vegetate some more. later
 
     

(.kill me.)

 
ok.. so i lied   
06:10pm 17/11/2003
 
mood: blank
music: oi polloi - minority authority
so tuesday sucked. we fucking go, stay there from 3 - 8.. (the show ended at 1130) but we had to leave. cause ya kno 8 is too late as it is. fucking people.. needless to say, we missed the suicide machines and the unseen. obviously: complete suckage. friday = casualties & dropkick show. it was sweet. jake is one sexy motherfucker. but anywho. i didnt even think i liked dropkick, but after that show. my mind has been changed. they were awesome. i was totally amazed. so now tomorrow, hopefully, if they let us in.. we're goin to the hawk's nest in west hartford to see arrogant sons of bitches and the lovely.. river city rebels. JOYOUS. i can't wait, then on saturday we got a local show which should be tons of fun. *dances* its in a fire department.. you know what that means.. and if you don't, you suck. but it means.. POLES!!!!!! *laughs* this week is a full week. im not used to this crap. plus its 3 b days, which is annoying. but thats alright. i got a guitar case, finally. so now tom won't have to get dusty and lean against my wall. =) that makes me happy. even though, i have it now. i have my shoes now. and i have my computer now. im not gettin a damn thing for xmas. probably just a stocking of dollar store crap, but something is better than nothing i suppose. haha my gram bought me a DO NOT ENTER poster today.. why? well, i don't know either.. i woke up at like 5 this morning, and then i went downstairs watched a toothbrush commercial and went to the bathroom.. then i came back upstairs and slept for another half hour. and i had a dream that there was a cobra in my kitchen and i was scared and my mom was like shut up and it was biting her. so then she left and i grabbed a big kitchen knife and sliced it in half, and it was just wriggling there on the kitchen floor. and then (in the dream) i came back upstairs and brushed my teeth with my snazzy new cybersonic toothbrush, which happened to be the commercial i was watching before i went back to sleep. haha, sometimes i'd like to know too.. i wish i dreamed more often. kate and dana always have the most interesting dreams. and i have NOTHING. cause i suck. damnit. so my music grade this marking period probably isnt goin to be that great. the fucking teacher is an asshole, he grades totally unfairly. if he doesnt like you, you fucking fail. if he does, you pass with flying colors. i didnt do the bottom half of a sheet and i got one wrong: i got a fifty. same with kate. but the fucking teachers pet, does the same thing we do.. and gets a fucking 90 explain that one to me. another paper, i get a 90 on. i got one question wrong, and didnt do the bottom half. kate got on wrong and did the bottom half, but wrong. she gets like a 75. i hate everyone. stupid shit like that just irks me, and im not even the one being fucked over. haha i hope we can see rcr tomorrow with no shit trying to get in or anything. man i need to take a shower. i dont feel like seperating my hair.. now i know to do one full color, unless its diff in the front, and its all easy and stuff. hahah. i think after i let it grow back completely, and most likely bleach it again, ill probably do bright green, all over. oh well.. im done now. im off to cleanse myself.. or just be naked with lots of water, and soap. whatever way you want to put it. LoL +later
 
     

(.kill me.)

 
goodbye, im leaving tonight.   
02:48pm 09/11/2003
 
mood: ecstatic
music: sugarcult - first band on the MOON
hey guess what, sugarcult and story of the year tonight. should be fun, unfortunatly everyone and their brother is gonna be there. oh well, tuesday is gonna rock my fucking casbah. and i can't wait anymore. =D ok, i'm done. stay excellent, later
 
     

(.kill me.)

 
beep beep beeep   
11:45am 02/11/2003
 
mood: crazy
music: from first to last - my heart, your hands
ok, so i'm better now. thankfully. and my dear katherine (ha ha) has now talked to patti. great. theres a rebels show coming. which i needed. =D the spitalfield show was great. enjoyed immensely. tomorrow im going to see totf and other west haven bands at WHHS. FUN TIMES w/ the grrls. haha, acc to katie i'm not coming home either. =) hahah then on friday i get to go to NHS and see those bands. and then on sunday i see sugarcult and story of the year. and then on the tuesday after that its time for the suicide machines and then unseen and whoever else is playing. and sex. although mot doesnt like that. *laugs* stupid bum. and then the friday after that, casualties and dropkick. and fucking then on the tuesday after that, the rebels. =D and then the saturday after that. another show. and then i die. how fucking exciting is that?! oh man. life is good. HAH havnt said that in a long time. other than all the wonderful shows, school doesnt have a full week this whole month. yes. yes. yes. is all i can say to that. although im not in the mood for school tomorrow, its ok. i think i have a quiz in graphix, its one of those where you have to get up and show the teacher how to do something. i have no fuckin clue how to do it. its ok though, my other grades are good. i have to do a 'rhythm round' in my other music class too, thats crap. cause right now i suck at those. oh yeah and i need to write an essay tonight for tomorrow, even though it was due last week. haha what a slacker i am. no school tuesday. half day wednesday. righteous. yeah so thats about all i have to say. stay tuned, it only gets better from here.
 
     

(1 murderer | .kill me.)

 
what's wrong with me?   
06:48am 27/10/2003
 
mood: weird
music: tracy chapman - give me one good reason
i've been in the worst mood ever for the past full week.. that honestly never happens. the scary thing is, i really have no reason to feel like this. oh well, i'm just a fuck up. no surprise. i went over my dad's this weekend. that place is hell. its the most boring place ive ever been to in my fucking life. not to mention my dads an asshole. only in the aspect that hes addicted to those stupid fucking pills. whatever.. im waiting for him to come pick me up so i can go to school. woopdefuckingdo. school has just been getting on my nerves, once again for no reason. i dont think ive handed anything in in the past week either. i just need to have some fun, i was thinking yesterday.. i think the only thing that would make me feel better is another rebels show hahah. seriously though.. i dont know, november is full of shows. hopefully everything will improve eh. i got the spitalfield totf show on friday.. wowzas.. yeah, should be fun with dana. we'll see, its on halloween. your supposed to dress up, i think im just gonna be myself. im scary enough. haha.. my rooms a mess dude, remind me not to let anyone come over this week eh. i need my alone time. haha. paul said the doa show was on the 14.. i think we already have a show that day.. how that slipped my mind, i have no idea. but OH WELL that still amuses me *laughs some more* so today i get to see kate's "fabulous new haircut".. we'll see.. my hands are at your throat and i think i hate you so im looking forward to spending 160 minutes reading my snazzy new book. i wonder if im gonna get bitched at for not handing in an essay and not taking an algebra quiz. probably, too bad i dont give a fuck. ha ha. this time change thing is kinda nice in the morning, cause im more awake by the time im goin ta school. even though i slept an extra hour this morning anyway. HAULASS HYENA *dies laughing* i sure do adore this song. gee, how long have i been rambling on now? my hair is fading uglily. i'll have to have kate redye it sometime early novemba. *sigh* i have to go now =( later
 
     

(2 murderers | .kill me.)

 
i look fucking retarded   
04:39pm 05/10/2003
 
mood: pissed off
music: tom tom club - genius of love
i hate myself. haha i should of just bleached my hair in a neat and orderly fashion.. but i didn't, and now i look like an ass. =) thats my fucked little update.
 
     

(1 murderer | .kill me.)

 
   
05:38am 03/10/2003
 
mood: horny
music: me, making funny noises
patti has black hair
*drool*


what a lovely thing to read about at 530 in the morning. =D i can't wait for the fucking rebels show. i can't fucking wait.. =D
<3 ashley
 
     

(.kill me.)

 
no school today   
02:14pm 29/09/2003
 
mood: bouncy
music: defiance - i hate everything
well, i woke up for school. got ready. called dad, no answer. called back ten minutes later, tina answered and said he went to the store and he'd call me back. never called back. so i figured, well he must of forgot about me and i'm not going to school. he randomly shows up at 7. so i'm like.. oookay.. we drive to school and he's like so when am i picking you up, i said like 11 and hes like well what the fuck is the sense, just stay home. and he starts driving home. haha, so that is how i stayed home. i got to his house and just went to sleep til like 1030. i had a really weird dream.. hahah i told him when i woke up and hes like wow your weird. like i didnt know, dad.. it was about like our class, the juniors, and there was something going on like a picnic or something. but it was being held in front of Griffin? i dont know. and people were just acting retarded and like sliding across the pavement and stuff.. and me and laura were like running around talking to people and she went to sit with a group of people on the stairs. which included mike and some others. haha and i didnt know anyone so i went to this picnic table in the middle of the parking lot thing and read magazines. haha and then everybody just like left, except mike. and he just came over and read magazines with me? *laughs* but he was like reading out loud to himself. and then i just went and sat with him. and then i woke up. it was interesting, no less. then i went and drove my car around the block a few times. the brakes need tightening. you have to like press the pedal to the floor before the brakes kick in. so dad's gonna fix that up for me. we had to go get gas, and this cop like stared us down and then we thought he was turning around cause he turned down the street. but luckily he never came back =) i have to go jacket shopping with gram later? haha, i'm gonna be paranoid in the car with gram driving again. its been quite awhile. i hope she doesnt kill us all, i have a show to go to on the 12th. =D i guess i'm getting my haircut tomorrow. because i didn't go today and mother said today or tomorrow. if she doesnt bring me tomorrow i'm just gonna have to do it myself or something LoL everybodys getting home from school now *points at buddy list* well anyway, i'm done rambling. ciao
 
     

(1 murderer | .kill me.)

 
oh man..   
10:54am 28/09/2003
 
mood: hateful
music: sublime - santeria
i seriously hate everyone. hahah and it doesn't bother me at all. oh well.. my little cousin is downstairs, so i'm locked in my room. cause i dont feel like playing with little kids. then im off to take a shower, because mother wants me to go help her unload her camping stuff at her place of employment. and then she wants to go bowling, woot. and then we'll probably just find somewhere else to go. my grandmother is such a miserable fuck. oh man. she even said today "you all think im a bitch but im gonna get twice as bad" and it took two words to get everyone in the house laughing, i said "thats impossible" haha. im gonna go continue to attempt to play sublime now.. x.o hahah
 
     

(.kill me.)

 
school sucks   
03:29pm 25/09/2003
 
mood: annoyed
music: zack talking/singing hahah
.. i don't have anything to write. i just felt like updating. i'm not going to ellis island. *thinks* and i want to kill myself. and i still wanna know wtf cope's problem is now... ummm i get to see the casualties and dropkick. excitement! but of course the rebels show is at the top of my list. *sigh* i love dem dere. ok i'm done.
 
     

(1 murderer | .kill me.)

 
i saw a hot air balloon partially catch on fiyah.   
11:05am 21/09/2003
 
mood: apathetic
music: briefs - rotten love
this morning.. i had a dream. here it is: katie was driving me around in some unknown town. and all of a sudden we see zack driving a little red car, and we start harrassing him. carwise: beeping, tailgating. stuff like dat. then i look to the left and see a big high school type thing, and i freak out and im like oh my you have to go there. so katie pulls into a long driveway leading to the school and im like hey look its prom. and theres like 2982384 punk couples. and there were two guys with studded leathers and they had big harley davidson patches on the back, and one had a hawk and the other like ft high spikes, and it was hot. and then the misjudged's drummer just randomly runs in front of everyone.. so we laugh, and then we just magically aren't there anymore. and we're driving on some random street, looks to be in waterbury. ghetto, etc. and kate pulls over in front of some old stupid apartment and then we walk in and its where kate lives? it was nighttime, so i went to kates room and sat on the bed. and her dad is there and hes like where are you sleeping and im like ehhh kate.. cause i didnt know anybody was there, and then her mom sits up. and jens in the other room dancing or something.. so kate starts laughing hysterically and i go sit out in front of the apartment, on the street. and then.. well, then i woke up. and that is the end of my dream. sometimes i wonder where the fuck this crap comes from. but hey, its amusement. yesterday i went to that fall festival thing for like 5 seconds with mom. hoping i could see the band at least for five seconds.. haha, no. not my luck. there was some cracked out girl screaming on a microphone leading a bunch of kids to the twist and making everyones parents go dance. for like disney or something.. idk and then me and mom were watchin them fill up the hot air balloon. and the guy was testing it or somethin.. and he wasnt watching what he was doing, and the wind started to take it away.. so he kept blowing the flame thingy to make it go up, and it caught the edge of the balloon and started to catch on fire. but then the wind blew it out. and it started to "crash" it hit some backhoe thing, and then the ground. but nothing too dramatic. but it was pretty funny. mom was gonna go ask the guy if that was his first time flyin one, but we couldnt figure out who was in the bucket. haha. i want my hair cut. now. and i want it bleached. and dyed. stupid supercuts. they should burn. =D
 
     

(1 murderer | .kill me.)

 
nerf   
04:51pm 20/09/2003
 
mood: weird
music: air conditioner - buzzing
ok, i'm ready to die now.

no, seriously, i've had enough nothingness for one lifetime.
 
     

(.kill me.)

 
   
06:20pm 19/09/2003
 
mood: bored


which pleasure are you?




what color are you?




what kind of junkie are you?


jenny mccarthy
Your Inner Blonde is Jenny McCarthy
Sure you're hot, but the only guys you seem to attract are twelve year old nose pickers.
Maybe you'll make a comeback, but you've got to lay off the bodily functions.
Who's Your Inner Dumb Blonde?


Take the test



Cynical Virgin
You are a CYNICAL VIRGIN.
What Kind of Virgin Are You?


The only boy band that a majority of the population enjoys. Be proud of your overwhelming popularity, few will reach your status.



You are Oriental Noodles!
You are Oriental Ramen! You are the more exotic and
uncommon type of person, often isolated or
crowded upon because you are so much different
from everyone else. Sometimes you see yourself
as a social outcast, though you're really not.
You are quite good at many things, though they
might not be especially useful in life, but at
least they're amusing and fun. You are quite
the interesting person to have around.
What Flavor of Ramen Noodles are you?


Find your inner fast food!


discover what candy you are @ quiz me


The Completely Pointless Personality Quiz
The Completely Pointless Personality Quiz
 
     

(.kill me.)

 
scumbag   
03:00pm 18/09/2003
 
mood: aggravated
music: distillers - hall of mirrors
jack is such an asshole. i was on the phone with my dad, and he walks in. and he was asking me to sign something for him from ups. yeah, fine. whatever. so then hes like 'who ya talkin to, your mother?' i said no my dad and he goes "figures.. your dad" im like yeah.. and then he goes yeah i keep my personal feelings to myself. so i said good. and then he fucking says 'scumbag' under his breath. that fucking pissed me off.. so i got off the phone with dad and he asked for the phone so i threw it at him and then when i was walking upstairs i made a point to say scumbag so he could hear me. i don't get him. he's so nice one day, and then he's a dick every other fucking day. i hope he has a fucking seizure combined with a heart attack and drops dead on my feet. so i can kick him in the head, and open the stupid fucking scar on his head from shooting himself. asshole.. anyway, today sucked. i wasn't in a bad mood. but everyone else was. poor dana vomited in the bathroom. and idk what was wrong with dear katie. we hardly spoke at all today.. but as usual "nothings wrong" haha. im listening to 3 songs off of coral fang -the distillers-. theres a cool media player thing. one of the songs "the hunger" isn't really hittin the spot. but i still love my wife, nonetheless. =) saw seth tday, he smiled. word. everything is going as planned. muahahah. saw mike too. its so weird how everytime i see him he just looks at me. he can be like looking at the floor and then magically he'll put his head up and look directly at me.. its weird. i like it. =P hahah.. yeah but my study last period sucks, cause i never have homework by then. and dana's in there, but hathaway wants us to be quiet. oh well i guess. i have graphix tomorrow. good times. we have to do this comprehensive layout, but its gonna be stupid because we have to find the right fonts to use. like the paper gives us descriptions.. and we have to go find the right fonts, theres like 6 of em. i hope he lets us work on that, and that stupid design principles thing. since i didnt start it cause i suck *laughs*

horoscope for today:
A group objective could be hard to agree on now. You clear the air by starting all over again and letting everyone have their say. Info you get tonight from a relative, neighbor or the Web perks you up.

i wonder what info that will be. interesting. my horoscope says tomorrow is supposed to be a good day, well.. i guess we'll see. i'm such an astrology junkie. ok. now that i've rambled on about nothing forever.. i'll stop.
 
     

(2 murderers | .kill me.)

 
i need a life   
06:40pm 14/09/2003
 
mood: blah
music: nirvana on the radio
man, i'm so fucking sick of sitting at home not doing a god damned thing. it's depressing knowing that nobody talks to me either. i'm boring. and i suck. and i need to die. ..but anyway.. i have to say so far so good for mah blurty. whatchya think? i wish i could eat your cancer. so let's see.. this weekend.. sucked. what a surprise. we went to the mall on friday, i was hoping to see spike.. but no. i didnt get to see him. katie and friends did though. haha.. but whatever, cause he doesnt like me anyway.. or so it fuckin seems. i love my link 80 hoodie. its the hottest thing ive ever owned. and i dont even have to alter it. i don't wanna go to school tomorrow.. i have that stupid ass graphics class. i dont know what the fuck i'm doing in there. and i have no friends. whoa.. thats a new one.. heh, i burned a virus cd today. its hot. i still need one link 80 song, and then i can say ive heard everything from when nick was in the band. *sniffle* i have $60. im trying to decide whether i should buy some band shirts with it. and then make mom buy me more.. or just keep it. for nothing? haha. i still have that stupid $30 hot topic card. which i will buy another bottle of blue dye with.. someday. just in case. i'm so excited about bleaching my hair. its the only thing making me happy. but, with the luck i don't have, itll probably be too expensive or mom will change her mind or something. then ill just have to do it myself.. oh well and then of course the rebels show on the 12 should be fun.. but i wonder if theyll fucking cancel that one too. haha, so i bet spike isnt gonna go to that one. but i still hope so. and mot will be there. and the rebels, of course. and it will just be hot. nerf, i don't have anything else to ramble about. so i'm just gonna continue to sit here and look at the screen not move. cause, well, that is my non.existant life.
 
     

(1 murderer | .kill me.)

 
feeling around blurty. 0:)   
02:52pm 14/09/2003
 
mood: dorky
music: seether! ..they're on the radio. *laughs*
.. i have no idea what the fuck i'm doing on blurty. so, as of right now.. this is a very highly experimental journal. and is quite possible to self destruct at any moment. watch yourself. now.. i have to go be dorky. =D
 
     

(.kill me.)