Brandon's Journal

Wednesday, December 17,2003 ; 10:17 PM

This is your freedom in a life of fallacy,
with no last kiss & no regrets;
you don't deserve good bye.
This is your freedom in a life of fallacy,
with no last kiss & no good bye.

Here you stand seething with guilt.
Silence only justifies this act of cowardice.
With a short story, the one you add to daily, you are the tragic loss.
No story book ending for this fairy tale of you.
Just the one composed with blood taken from your pen that you hold in your lifeless hand.
Cry for you. Shed tears. Mourn. Wish the end.

Wednesday, December 17,2003 ; 8:15 PM

shit is sooooooooo fucking whack right now. who knows whats up. its cool though. im fuckin enjoying the HELL out of life right now. maybe it will change and this will all be a mistake, but maybe not. who knows. IM STARTING A FUCKING DEATH METAL BAND! rock. makes me want to fucking break something. sweet. fuckin goin to try to find a cooler job.

need a new bass, broke mine. GAAAAH i so want to fuckin play some metal right now. i need my bass. rock... i might go pick it up
i am fuckin fallin for this girl.... wont work though. what can you do. i still feel lonely, and i think my feeling of being incredibly happy with my life would be intensified 10000 times if i had a girl that i could just chill with, and not really be all committed, but be pleased with it. im rambling... peace.

thy horror cosmic,
brandon

Current mood: enraged

Current music: The Black Dahlia Murder // Funeral Thirst (METAAAAAALLLLLLL!!)

Sunday, December 14,2003 ; 8:26 PM

uhh... whats up. had a busy weekend. hung out at mikeys friday, then saturday went to a work meeting at 9 am, then came home and slept, then went to work, then went and hung out with ryan and dustman. came home this morning and slept, went to work, came back home...


thats it
love you all,
brando

"a life without fun is what i dont know.a life on the run is what i have to show.a day in the sun is what i wish for now,a day in your arms is what i long for how.you cant go back.no you cant go back in time"

Thursday, December 11,2003 ; 9:08 PM

entry has been edited as of now. good afternoon.

love, brandon

Current mood: okay

Current music: Verve Pipe // Photograph

Wednesday, December 10,2003 ; 10:15 PM

Rise Against
"Everchanging"

in the face of change
is when she turned to me and said,
"i'm not sure anymore..."


and there amidst the waves
and the cloudless skies
that blanket the year before
i watch my life wash ashore


have you ever been a part of something
that you thought would never end?
and then of course it did


have you ever felt the weight inside you
pulling away inside your skin?
and then something had to give


now the lines are drawn
is this feeling gone?
the best parts of this have come and gone
and now that is all this is


with the reasons clear
we'll spend another year
without direction, full of fear
but now things will be different


there's nothing simple when it comes to you and i
always something in this everchanging life
and it probably always will
now that time is getting harder to come by
the same arguments are always on our mind
we've killed this slowly fading light


now something has kept me here too long and you can't leave me if i'm already gone

make the same mistakes we're always hanging on
break the promises we're always leaning on
all this time spent waking up
now i keep this line open to get this call from you as you speak the words
that keep me coming back to you now this time it's all different


now something has kept me here too long and now i'm gone...

Current mood: lonely

Current music: Rise Against // Everchanging

Wednesday, December 10,2003 ; 9:44 PM

word, had an okay day. hung out with jessica and nicole.

jessica is a cool girl.

matthew asked me to stay after work for an hour and prep. i am too nice to say no.
goddammit.
to the windowww, to the wall. till the sweat drop down my balls. till all these bitches crawl.

what we have of our demo sounds pretty good. a sweet death.

i guess i'll write more later... i wish i was hanging out with someone right now, im all alone. loneliness rocks.

love
brando

Current mood: okay

Current music: Jay-Z // Hard Knock Life

Tuesday, December 9,2003 ; 5:50 PM

word, had an okay day... just fuckin doin the motions of life. the demo for the band is almoooooooooooooooost done, need to do vocals on 3 more tracks then mix it down and master it... word. peralta is going to give us a gig opening for drag the river and lucero. sweet. i.... dont know what to say. somedays i'm just blah, and today im kind of blah. even know your body cries for chemicals to blind your eyes, wonder can you stay this high, when the sails begin to fly forever......
crush it up crush it up
take it down take it down

people are discouraging me from starting a local chapter of the ARA (anti racist action) because in the springs everyone who has tried or been involved has had threats from skins... death threats, showing up at their door kind of thing. but i dont want that to discourage me, and i will still try.

talk to you later

(this might be) love,
brandon

Current mood: blah

Current music: useless ID // Too Bad You Don't... Yellowcard // Powder

Wednesday, December 3,2003 ; 8:45 PM

word....get to go snowboarding for the first time of the season tomorrow... im stoked. theres only like a 15 inch base and no new snow.... but whatever, its snowboarding. i have to get up early though, and im so sore. yes.

I'm going on a date with ashley saturday... sweet.

i've been bugging her for so long. should rock.

i got my new jacket today, and the new backpatch. they are rad.

i'm tired of the same story, promises of change.

im off

love,
Brandon

Current mood: good

Current music: S.T.U.N. // We Want You

Monday, December 1,2003 ; 8:51 PM

riiiiiiiight. you know when you shouldn't read or listen to something from a certain someone, because it just brings you down and pisses you off so fucking bad, but you read it or listen to it every fucking chance you get even though you know exactly what its going to fucking do to you...i hate it. yet i find myself doing it. i get a 206.95 paycheck thursday, after taxes it will be less, but whatever. 37 hour week. i think i'm going to take ashley out somewhere this weekend, that should be cool, i've been trying to for a while. anyways, ill catch you all later

(something close to) Love,
Brandon

Current mood: angry

Current music: The Get Up Kids // Ten Minutes To Downtown...

Monday, December 1,2003 ; 1:01 AM

here's one i wrote a month or two ago, never posted it i dont think... can't sleep, so im doing random bullshit like this.

The Definition Of Lonely

When the pairs stand,
And the singles are lost,
When the heart breaks,
What will it cost?
I need to get feeling,
Back in my fingers,
I heard her say,
Let me tell you what lingers?

So deep inside a lonely heart,
So hidden within the eyes of eternity,
Are the secrets and lies of love,
And the void we call misery?

I can see them kiss,
While I am unknown?
I can see them kiss,
While I stand alone?.

When everyone has someone,
And they all feel so good,
They think it'll last forever,
Like I thought it would?
I need to get this thought,
Out of my stupid head,
In the most resentful voice,
I once heard it said?

So deep inside a lonely heart,
So hidden within the eyes of eternity,
Are the secrets and lies of love,
And the void we call misery?

Monday, December 1,2003 ; 12:33 AM

wow... i have to wake up in a few hours to goto school... don't feel like sleeping. wish someone was here right now. don't care who. thats not right, but it would make me feel better.


who wants to give me a hug?
uhhhhhhhh.... i don't even know what to say... i really just feel alone. and i dont like it. but i will get over it.


I confess it's all true.
I'm a mess, what a fool
Now what do I do

I need your help to get up from my knees
I can't seem to see the forest for the trees
As I wait in my silent misery
All I'm asking is please...forgive me

Now she knows me
She wants me to be
Someone I can't be
...and she wants me
...and she needs me
...and she wants me
Because she loves me

SHATTERED

Now you see inside
I no longer hide
Or fall between the cracks you left behind
Shattered, now you're out of time
You've come this far to be denied

What a shame, I'm to blame....

first one to tell me what band does that song will be my lifelong hero.

goodnight... i won't sleep, but i have nothing else to say..

love,
Brandon

Current mood: lonely

Current music: Bad Religion // Struck A Nerve

Sunday, November 30,2003 ; 12:23 AM

hmm... i've had kind of a shitty day... but thats okay.

i keep trying to convince myself i'm good. but i'm not. i think being single sucks. and i wish someone would randomly walk up to me, and qoute a descendants song "everythings gonna be okay, nothing more, nothing less."

because just okay today.... that would be a big improvement. i saw JJ Nobody and the regulars (thats right, JJ from THE NOBODY'S) closest thing we have to a rockstar in this town. love me destroyer fucking rocked. anamani was pretty good. i only stayed for 1 song by the regulars... i was just too down to even be doing anything. so i came home. I don't feel so bad right now, but i'm lonely. really lonely. and I don't know what to do about it.

I had this dream last night, about when i was at the show tonight, i met this girl. and she had just moved to monument... and she was of course, my dream girl. i really didn't want to wake up... and when i did, it was nothing but a let down.. real life blows. now i remember why i wasted most of my life on pointless computer games.

hopefully things will be getting better. i'm really not that upset about the whole stacey thing anymore. i mean, i wish it would have turned out differently, but it didn't... so i'm not about to waste my time sitting around feeling sorry for myself like i usually do. the demo will be done soon, then we can play at 32bleu .... it will rock. i talked to marc peralta tonight, he said he wants to get us playing some places, opening for some bigger bands.... so i'm definitly excited about that.

i don't know what i can really say right now besides.... i'm a hopeless romantic, your just hopeless.

goodnight... i hope you are all doing well.

love,
Brandon

Current mood: lonely

Current music: The Dwarves // Fuck em all

Saturday, November 29,2003 ; 12:02 AM

i wrote this one. i like it.

the fridge is empty,
the speakers blown...
the boxes on the floor,
make you think no ones home...
and the couch my sanctuary tonight,
i'm so tired of closing all the doors ,
locking all the windows,
and the meaningless whores..

but where i to walk outside
the sunlight would burn my eyes,
and should i open my mouth,
all that would come out are lies..
so should i really go,
walking blind and mute,
trying to find a way,
i'll go ahead and shoot..

doesn't it get boring,
being so damn worthless,
and doesn't it get tiring,
walking around the house shirtless,
so i finally found my shoes,
and i remembered how to use a door,
i took that step outside,
and remembered so much more...

but when i walk outside
the sunlight burns my eyes,
and when i open up my mouth,
all that come out are lies..
so here we go now,
walking blind and mute,
trying to find a life,
that i can really suit...

i took a stroll down the street,
after emptying the mailbox,
and walked to a punk rock show,
oh, how i missed the hawks,
the leather jackets and army boots,
the dancing kids and smell of beer,
the shitty ass worthless bands,
and the happiness and cheer....
here we go

cuz when i walked outside
the sunlight burned my eyes,
and when i opened up my mouth,
all that came out were lies..
so there i went,
walking blind and mute,
trying to find a way,
and there it was.

Current mood: good

Current music: Blood Brothers // Doctor! Doctor!

Friday, November 28,2003 ; 11:40 PM

wow, i've surprisingly enough had a good day. last night after moping around and feeling sorry for myself, i realized for a while all i've been is a big pathetic jackass. so i was torn between laughing at myself, and being too worn out to laugh cuz i've dug myself into a shithole i now must climb out of. but everythings alright. i have to tell her if she makes up her mind a different way then she thought she would (not likely) she shouldn't tell me, because i don't want to work on everything and start to be okay again just to fall back into the same old shit. things are going to change somehow. i don't know how, but they have to, and i'm done sitting around waiting for them to change, im going to make them change. and i say thank you.

maybe things will be okay, maybe they wont, maybe ill hold you in my arms, maybe i wont....

even if things are going okay and i feel good, it would be nice to have someone here right now.

whatever, my life philosophy at the moment - "I'll Take Whats In The Box, Monty."

goodnight,

Love,
Brandon

Current mood: accomplished

Current music: Matchbook Romance // 14 Balloons

Thursday, November 27,2003 ; 8:36 PM

it's killing time
the t.v.'s on
with a bottle of shit
buried needle
the record player's
forgotten not to spin
so, you're feeling useless
well, the bidding starts
at $19.95
and while the survey says
'cheers and applause'
another hour dies
jacking off again
40 oz in the fridge
have these dreams put to sleep
so call me up
and tell me something
i'm dying to believe

i don't know
I don't care
i just sit and stare now
i don't think
i just listen to the drone of this old being

friday night
steppin' out
and talkin to the same
so, how's your family
how was school
conversation strain
force endurance
from this class
it's 11:45
two more hours
lumber past
and i feel like i tried
fucking off again
talking to this bitch
she hates me
i hate her
so shut me up
and take me somewhere
i'm dying to leave

i don't know
i don't care
i just sit and stare now
i don't think
i just listen to the drone of this machine

i just listen to the voice of this machine

Thursday, November 27,2003 ; 8:33 PM

Mors


?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

Current mood: scared

Current music: The Lawrence Arms // Hey, What Time Is "Pensacola: Wings Of Gold" On Anyways?

Thursday, November 27,2003 ; 8:19 PM

wow... funny me... thinking it might actually be a semi decent day.... happy fucking thanksgiving.

i truly believe that you are more than this... what you want is very simple, yet somehow so complexed again...

Thursday, November 27,2003 ; 11:07 AM

hmmm, i feel better, after a weekend full of a lot of shitty events and a good event. but rock on anyways, i feel alright, i hope danadoonan will let stacey come over today. buh.

Current mood: good

Current music: Fenix Tx// You're My Angel

Monday, November 24,2003 ; 10:33 PM

im fucking out of here... tomarow. i dont give a shit what they say i can or can't do. fucking bullshit. they get to make the choice this time.. but neither choice is good for them. too fucking bad.

this fuckin bullshit has been going on long enough.. im through. to whatever measures it takes, im through.

Monday, November 24,2003 ; 12:13 PM

wow.... it's been a crazy past few days... but the hope i have for the situation, even though it seems that hope is not so likely to come true.... she doesn't seem to want it or feel the same... and it's understandable... but... i... i don't know what i'll do if this doesnt happen. there's nothing i really can do. but i don't know how i will keep up. but i don't want to think about it not happening, and i don't want to get my hopes up for it happening when it probably wont... i just wish there was something i could do to change the outcome... if that makes sense.... i don't know, im a clusterfuck right now. mindfucking shit to death. whatever. i have this feeling inside me... like... i could get back what i lost. and i cant even put into words what that means to me...
anyways, im off
love,
brandon

Current mood: hopeful

Current music: Abreaction // Coming Up For Air ; Lagwagon // Angry Days

Friday, November 21,2003 ; 9:14 PM

whats uppppppp...... im ?ber lonely tonight. i just want someone to lay down next to, and fall asleep with.. thats a feeling you grow to miss after a while. and it has been awhile. amyways... i have nothing to say really... just... it sucks being alone... and i'm afraid of being alone.
I'm so afraid of being alone, i don't let people get close to me... figure out how that one works... then let me know.

love,
brandon

Current mood: lonely

Current music: The Commies :) // Revolution of 2004

Thursday, November 20,2003 ; 7:43 PM

whats up.
i got payed today.. whole 128$. whew. came home sick, i feel like shit, i slept, got up, got my check, went to band practice, went to taco bell, came home. i want to see chelsa. like... now.
i wish i had a teleporter. it would rock.

Current mood: lonely

Current music: Common Rider // On Broadway

Wednesday, November 19,2003 ; 3:03 PM

wordness, anti flag show rocked, too crowded, bunch of dickfaces there. but whatever. i enjoy hanging out with chelsa, enjoy it to the extreme.
money changes everything.

who are you? you're gonna die tonight...

life has been quite a bit better recently. you know..... i've decided its because i've been listening to ska. how can you be an upset person when you listen to ska... you can't. thats how. don't get me wrong, everything is not perfect, and it's not even all alright, but i have just been able to let everything go, and realize its all bullshit, and in the long run, none of it will matter. what does matter is jesus. love jesus.


not really. i hate him.

look before you leap, take a good look at your so called friends yea.

Monday, November 17,2003 ; 9:54 PM

bdahah. death to you. anti flag tomarow... chocolately good.

who wants some smores... i do. lameness, i need to go camping so i can get some smores.

Current mood: okay

Current music: Death Cab For Cutie // Your Bruise

Sunday, November 16,2003 ; 11:32 AM

lately ive felt like this world is completely foriegn to me.. like i've never been here before, never had to put up with this bullshit before, and i would give just about anything to get out. im so sick of it, i'm supposed to look at the positive side, but i don't feel like it.

i'm going to goto sleep and try to escape from this world for a few hours before i have to goto work.. i hate this bullshit.

Current mood: discontent

Current music: Death Cab For Cutie // Wait (the secret stars)

Saturday, November 15,2003 ; 12:35 AM

first time youve seen that under mood in a while eh... i was hanging out with my sis and chelsa tonight. cool to see my sis again, i wish i wasn't dumb about girls. i want chelsa, but i can't deal with it. and i know i'll end up wanting it so bad i'll try to deal with it when i can't and fuck it all up. but whatever, right now im not going to think about that shit, im just going to enjoy the end to a good night. see you all later.

love,
brandon

Current mood: okay

Current music: The Get Up Kids // I'm A Loner Dottie, A Rebel

Wednesday, November 12,2003 ; 8:33 PM

wow. blah blah blah. nothing to say really. i like chelsa. blah blah blah. going to work... blah blah blah, want to drop out soon, blah blah blah.
choking V morning G LOC we never stop, and your death will be sweet if you wanna be a cop...

Current mood: numb

Current music: Hot Water Music // Trusty Chords

Sunday, November 9,2003 ; 11:07 PM

as a winding road,
through a shit town,
my mind goes along,
with no real destination..
and to realize your fault,
is to watch yourself die...
and to take a turn from the normal
is to take chance of hitting a dead end,
so when you hit the fork in the road,
theres only one choice to make,
habit or chance,
which one to take...

Current mood: contemplative

Current music: Justin Sane // Where has my country gone?

Sunday, November 9,2003 ; 9:39 PM

fuckkkkk..

i think i might go to an alternative school to finish high school
my parents made me uber pissed today. im still pissed. i have to go back to therapy or some shit. anyways, life sucks. chelsa is cool. excited to get our new demo done. excited to play more shows. everything else sucks.

rock.

love,
brandon

Thursday, November 6,2003 ; 8:58 PM

wow, i havent written anything in here in a looooong time.

heres the news
i feel like shit
im lonely
school sucks
im lonely

the only thing going good in my life is my band, and that is going good. just got done doing some recording tonight, gotta go do more saturday. work after school tomarow, then i might goto some homies party, i dont knowwwwwwwww whatever.

love
brandon

Current mood: lonely

Current music: Alkaline Trio // Take Lots With Alcohol

Tuesday, October 14,2003 ; 10:07 PM

a blanket of death around a child who hasn't lived
while the wrapping of apathy defeats us
and god cares?
the ground smashed beneath a weapon of death
and the infant looking at his fathers face of ice
and god cares?
in a crowd of faces giggling away
im climbing out of this canyon
god doesnt care...
the rocks slipping away
just out of reach
god doesnt care...
the black cover starts to fall
because my life is a day and night approaches
what a fucked up god.

Tuesday, October 14,2003 ; 9:29 PM

It seems like another Friday night, but not for him.
He?s gonna make everything seem alright, for him.
I don?t have a plan that seems to work.
Nothing I do really makes her turn and look.

?Come and meet me later,? she says.
By then she?s already gone.
?Let?s talk about this now,? he says.
He?s always so impatient.

And she really thinks it?s done,
That they?ll never talk again.
But Saturday morning, he says,
?What the hell am I to do?
I never wanted you.?
And she holds it in forever.

Thursday morning, she gives him a call.
She hangs up and decides to ring his door.
She stays for five minutes and then she leaves.
She?s really angry but then she hears him a call,

?I never meant those things I said last week.
I?m overcome with guilt.?
?I?m sorry that you feel that way,? she says.
?I just came by to drop off your stuff.?

And he really thinks it?s done,
That they?ll never talk again.
But Saturday morning, she says,
?What the hell am I to do?
I always wanted you.?
And she writes it in a letter.

?I always felt the same for you,? he says.
?But I?ll have to overcome all my insecurities of you.
I hope that we?ll still be strong.?

?It will work,? she says.
We will work it out.
If we try, we will work it out.
If we try.

And they really think it?s done,
That they?ll never fight again.
But an August morning, he says,
?What the hell am I to do?
I found a substitute for you.?
And she leaves forever.

She leaves forever.

"forever" // Abreaction

i wish i could say its funny how a lot of different people go throught he same exact fucking thing.... but its not funny at all.

Thursday, October 9,2003 ; 9:34 PM

"Be The Change"

The secret police
With hands dripping red
If you dare to question
You're as good as dead
I didn't vote for death
And I sure didn't ask for lies
Its not a democracy
If they blindfold our eyes

So when a lonely Iraqi woman
Approaches me to say
Its Americas fault he's dead
Who the hell can I blame?
Because if I didn't do my best
To change everything I can,
Then how can I tell her
It's not my fault they took her man

They can't take one thing away,
No matter how they try.
Because I've got a conscience,
And I am not afraid to pry.
I'll pull the cover off,
Every pathetic secret,
No way they can stop me,
I won't let them keep it.

So when a lonely Iraqi woman
Approaches me to say
Its Americas fault he's dead
Who the hell can I blame?
Because if I didn't do my best
To change everything I can,
Then how can I tell her
It's not my fault they took her man

We Have To Be The Change
We Want In The World
We Have To Be The Change
We Want In The World
We Have To Be The Change
We Want In The World
We Have To Be The Change
Or the blood will be on our hands

Current mood: good

Current music: Unsung Zero's // Draft

Thursday, October 9,2003 ; 9:17 PM

a little something something i threw together last night, nother one later maybe if it turns out good.

* Waiting, with my fist clenched
For this world to change
Waiting, with my fist clenched
They're all so deranged

We forget about those with no house,
For a fake war on terror
When we don't even care.
We are the poster child for error,
We invade another country,
We try to fix what's wrong,
And forget oh so suddenly,
those who've gone hungry too long

Waiting, with my fist clenched
For this world to change
Waiting, with my fist clenched
They all seem so deranged

When a teen is pissed enough,
To shoot up a group of peers,
To take away their precious lives,
And make true all their worst fears,
When a mother works 3 jobs
Just to feed her own baby,
And when a crack addict robs,
Just to numb all of his pain (there's something wrong)

Waiting, with my fist clenched
For this world to change
Waiting, with my fist clenched
They all seem so deranged

So will I live to see it,
In a nuclear cloud to end it all
When everyone's fed up,
And the bombs start to fall,
And as we wipe the human race,
From the surface of this cruel planet
I'll look into your horrified face,
And tell you I'd planned on it.

Waiting, with my fist clenched
For this world to change
Waiting, with my fist clenched
They all seem so deranged

Current mood: okay

Current music: tiger army // fog surrounds

Wednesday, September 24,2003 ; 8:51 PM

Who were you in a past life? by Kat007
Name:
Birthdate:
Favorite Color:
Country:
You were most probably:	Jim Morrison
If not then you were:	A cabin boy
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

Wednesday, September 24,2003 ; 8:48 PM

Happy Deathday!
Your name:	Mr. Jenks
You will die on:	Wednesday, August 9, 2023
You will die of:	Smote by God
Username:
Created by Quill

Wednesday, September 24,2003 ; 8:43 PM

I GOT MY CAR BACK! for going to school and back anyways, then a week from tomarow they are going to decide if i can have it all the way back.
anyways.
i have a busy week coming up

tomarow is band practice
saturday we play a house show in fountain
TUESDAY IS STRIKE ANYWHERE!!!! with bouncing souls and tsunami bomb
thursday we are playing at the Wasson High School Bonfire
Saturday another house show in fountain possibly

rock.
we need to get a fuckin show that ANYONE can come to, because the house show is a small function. wasson bonfire is for wasson students only, except for we can have a 4 person guest list.

anyways, rock on, see you all at a later date.

Current mood: good

Current music: Alkaline Trio // I'm Dying Tomorrow ||| Strike Anywhere // Sunset On 32nd

Tuesday, September 23,2003 ; 10:10 PM

rock. i love you all.

hope your lives are good. mines decent. ill write more later.

Current mood: good

Current music: Alkaline Trio // Bloodied Up

Sunday, September 21,2003 ; 5:40 PM

Kids wishing on,
Shooting stars,
One day these dreams,
Will be ours?

I wish that for once today
Someone would tell me I'm okay
And that they care for me
It's been too long you see

Kids wishing on,
Shooting stars,
One day these dreams,
Will be ours?

I wish I could just make her see
How much she really means to me
Because I've held it in so long
And I know they're all wrong

Kids wishing on,
Shooting stars
One day these dreams,
Will be ours?

I wish the future were more promising,
The uncertainty and deep longing
Are ripping me apart from inside
And I can't find anywhere else to hide...



So I am wishing to this falling star
To help me along, because I've barely made it this far?
And I'm asking anything, for any help I can,
I am pretty sure that this is my last chance? my last hope.

Current mood: good

Current music: Blood Brothers // USA Nails

Friday, September 19,2003 ; 4:19 PM

riiiiight... so i told stacey something along the lines of i dont know if im in love, or if im infatuated, because i have never had a serious relationship. she thought i was going to dump her. but i wasnt, i dont want to ruin something when im not sure what i feel. and i would rather work it out then just quit it. but whatever, she hasnt come to school for the past two days and i dont know whats going on or why i feel like i do or how i even feel in the first place. who cares.

Current mood: okay

Current music: Senses Fail // Handguns And Second Chances

Thursday, September 18,2003 ; 10:27 PM

i saw the moon in a way id never seen it before when i looked up in to the sky that night lookin for answers guess i havent asked right, im guessin most of you out there know exactly what thats like... its like a whirlwind of emotions that occur when mom and dads fight its like when a girl grins an emotion of hers that grabs your arm and holds tight when extreme temperature fluxuations and emotions have been known to crack pipes.

Current mood: depressed

Current music: sage francis // crack pipes

Thursday, September 18,2003 ; 10:11 PM

yea.

99% of this world could jump off a cliff, and i wouldnt care.

Current mood: pessimistic

Current music: Dillinger Escape Plan // Sugar Coated Sour

Wednesday, September 17,2003 ; 8:24 PM

whats up. long time since ive posted... but its not like its anything good..

i got my car taken away for having people spend the night while my parents were out of town.... not just people i suppose, girls.

i think staceys mad at me... but what can you do. doesnt feel the same anymore. dont get me wrong i love her.

londons falling kicks so much ass. goto mp3.com and get some. you and your white fascist so and so, what can i say... your getting some of your own medicine. and you'll see someday that this whole thing is a made up fantasy... then we'll be on our own ways.. so im alone, and i dont care.. the times we spent, the times we shared... so you and me, what do you see? well im not about changing...

i kind of need a hug... key tags and hugs not toe tags and drugs. or something. fuckit.

i always say hate sucks, but i hate alot of things.
1) white power pieces of shit
2) people who call things "gay" or "queer"
3) being alone
4) sporks
5) people who hate pop punk because its what all the "real punk rawkers" do
6) people who are intent on making other people unhappy

i could go on for a while, but i dont feel like it. i am not very happy. goodbye.

Current mood: discontent

Current music: Londons Falling // Something About The Way

Sunday, September 7,2003 ; 8:10 PM

the dudes from CV/LOC/morning G have an obsession with heroin.
rock on walt.

we're gonna be playing the wasson bonfire. word to that, i got to see my sister today, which was cool, i missed her. i filled out a shitload of applications, i need a job.
i bought the ALL - Live Plus One (with bonus Descendents live disc), and my Morning Glory CD got here. rock.

i get sick of peoples bullshit. and i get sick of homophobes, and people using fag and gay and queer as a derogatory remark. ignorant motherfuckers... we out number these motherfuckers 100 to 1, they think they cant get it cuz they got a badge and a gun??

no one agrees with what i want to do. by that i mean, graduating junior year, moving to cali, waiting a year and then going to community college. im cool with them not liking it, as long as they dont try to start telling me what to do. they can tell me what they think, and ill listen, but ill make my own choices.

word word, we tried out a drummer, i hope he never comes back.

later kids, take it easy.

Current mood: good

Current music: leftover crack // heroin or suicide | morning glory // gimme heroin

Wednesday, August 27,2003 ; 9:55 PM

whats up kiddos.

i guess we might play the wasson high school bonfire. word to that. maybe try out a new drummer get brian back on geetar.

on to more important things.
stacey rocks. shes really confident about who she is and everything, but shes insecure about the way she looks which in my oppinion is absurd, because shes beautiful. she says its just a girl thing... and maybe so, but ... she still shouldnt be.

but its okay, as long as shes happy.

i hope i can afford tix to the strike anywhere concert. vendetta red is extremely badass. even if it is emo, i dont care. stephen pisses me off. if i was a violent person i would have injured him already.

i miss my baby now. goodnight.

Current mood: okay

Current music: The Briggs // 3rd World War Death On Wednesday // Winter

Monday, August 25,2003 ; 10:01 PM

word. word. word. me and stacey were talking about how we hang out almost every day, and all we do is lay on her bed and talk... the whole time. i like it. people who are sitting in her living room probably think we are being naughty, but most of the time we arent. i enjoy sitting around with her, its my favorite pass time. int he backseat, of your fathers new ford, you believe in the ballot, believe in reform.

cuz baby, im an anarchist, your a spineless liberal, we marched together, for the 8 hour day, and held hands in the streets of seattle but when it came to throw bricks through that starbucks window you left me all alone... all alone.

fucking redneck shit... i hate that douche, he let the air out of my tires... im going to make a brick launcher. word to your mother.

just give me a scene, where the music is free, and the beer, is not, the life of the party, and theres no need to shit talk or impress.

Current mood: good

Current music: Against Me! // Reinventing Axl Rose

Monday, August 11,2003 ; 1:19 AM

word. ive been listening to cracker and finch all night.. i dont know why. ender by finch is a sad song.. yes you can all make fun of me for listening to finch now.... bashing commence.

i love stacey. all ive thought about for the last week has been stacey, and our past and our present and our future, and what if and when and all that happy stuff.

so we are gonna play this festival thing at acacia witht he rightaways and nads and synthetic elements and action shot and SAVE WINONA and whatnot, should be rockin.

just thought id bore you guys..

cuz what the world needs now, is another, folk singer, like i need a hole in my head! cuz what the world needs now, is another, frank sinatra, so i can get you in bed!!

Current mood: peaceful

Current music: Ramones // Gabba Gabba Hey!

Sunday, August 10,2003 ; 3:45 PM

word. horse night tonight. ;);).. i am not going to explain it, you can just keep wondering. i think we FINALLY got the FINAL copy of our demo done.... after 3 bootleg copies. goto thecommies.iuma.com or mp3.com/thecommies you know how it goes. thecommies.cjb.net is our website.

now im done with shameless promotion. i have to go clean up so people can come over tonight. my birthday is in two days. tomarow is the big country/asian empire buffet bash. woooord.

Current mood: good

Current music: The Misfits // Helena

Sunday, August 3,2003 ; 4:07 PM

i ripped these last two off from joey


Reminds you of an ex-lover: Bowling For Soup // The Bitch Song

Reminds you of an ex-friend: Leftover Crack // Gay Rude Boys Unite

Makes you cry: Incubus // I Miss You (acoustic)

Makes you laugh: Nuclear Rabbit // Supermarket

Makes you wanna dance: Strike Anywhere // Three On A Match

Makes you wanna sing: Strike Anywhere // Sunset On 32nd

Reminds you of the one you wanted: Rancid // Who Would've Thought

Reminds you of the one you love: Rancid // Who Would've Thought

You wish you wrote: Barry Maguire // Eve Of Destruction

You never want to hear again: anything that came from NOFX

You want to get married to: The Cure // Lullaby

Sums up your teenage years: Against Me! // Baby, Im An Anarchist

You like to wake up to: TSOL // Code Blue

You like out of your parents record collection: Van Halen vinyls

You love that you wouldn't know about if it wasn't for a friend: Everything that Strike Anywhere has done

You love the video more than the tune: Misfits // American Psycho

You love from a band you don't really like: Mest // Fuct Up Kid

Makes you wanna take a road trip: Ill Mitch // Rap To World and Green Day's Dookie album

Reminds you of your first crush: probly some retarded rap song... yes, i was a wigger.

You love which is from your favorite movie: Fear // I Love Livin In The City

Makes you think of the moon:Tiger Army (?) // Power Of Moonlight

Makes you think of stars: word to that... i hate stars.

Makes you think of the sun: Hepcat // Hooligans (dont ask why, i dont know)

Makes you think of the night: "61C Days Turned To Night" Justin Sane

Makes you think of being hurt: Dead Milkmen // If You Love Somebody Set Them On Fire

Makes you think of sex: Strung Out's Live In A Dive album


Makes you think of being alone: Bigwig // My So Called Friend

Makes you stop and think about the words for awhile: Strike Anywhere // Notes On Pulling The Sky Down

Makes you think of death: "Suicide" Choking Victim

Sunday, August 3,2003 ; 3:37 PM

You.
1. Name: Brandon

2. Age: 15... 9 days till my birthday :)

3. Location: Monument, CO

4. Brithday: August 12

5. Weight/Height: 5'10 or so, 135

6. Sex/Sexual Perferance: Male, i dig em both.

7. Eyes: Ugly greenish

8. Hair: blonde

9. AIM: words of riot

10. Email: Punkx78x@lycos.com

Them.
1. Best Female Friend: stacey

2. Best Male Friend: Tim, Dusty, Josh

3. Boy/Girl Friend: Stace

4. Name 1 Friend for each of these letters|A,D,G,J,K,M,S,N,R,Z: alecia... dug.. --... joey... karen.. monica... i would say steven but fuck you steven... nancy, ronald mcdonald... zugart. okay i made up zugart..

5. Best Looking Friends: Stacey by far..

6. Funniest Friends: Timmy.

7. Last arguement with: Dusty

8. Last hung out with: stacey & timmy

9. Last online talk with: Joey

10. Last laugh from friend: stacey... dinosaur... rawr.

School.
1. Grade: 10

2. School: Lewis Palmer. WORD.

3. Ever skiped/failed: yes.

4. Ever went to Summer school: Nope.

5. Best Class: Civics.

6. Worst Class: Math.

7. Last time in trouble/why: couple days ago, leaving..

8. Last time cheated: 7th grade

9. Who do you speak with @ school: everyone

10. Do you want to graduate: word to graduation

Random.
1. What'd you eat for dinner last night: taco bell... wut.

2. What have you been thinking about lately: my old "crew".

3. Do you have any plans, for soon coming: what? i dont understand...

4. Do you have any money right now: Yea.. loaded like a mother trucker.

5. What do you wish you were doing right now: chillin with my stacey.

6. What was your dream last night: that josh was leaving, and adam was smoking weed and he threw a rock at me.

7. When was your last alchohal/drug exprience: almost 19 months

8. What/Who do you love: stacey, tim, dusty, josh

9. Do you do the same things everyday: usually

10. How are you: sad.


Opinions, likes.
1. whats your favorite color?: red.

2. whats your sign?: leo

3. how about your chinese zodiac?rabbit... word to the fuzzies.

4. is pop punk an oxymoron?: not really. buit its not pop punk, its just pop.

5. christian punk?: it exists, but it shouldn't..

6. girl punk?: girls play punk better than dudes...they fuckin rock

7. whats your favorite month?: August

8. favorite season?: Summer.

9. favorite songs?: Strike Anywhere // Sunset on 32nd, Strike Anywhere // Chalkline, Pulley // destiny 30 seconds..

10. favorite bands?: Strike Anywhere, Pulley, Ten Foot Pole, Aus Rotten.

11. favorite shoes?: my all black chucks

12. favorite shirt?: safari - exotic liqueur

13. favorite pants?: the ones i got at kmart

14. favorite....thing?: Being with stacey, going to shows, having friends who have my back

15. favorite instrument?: BASS

THE PRESENT.
1. Current Music: Strike Anywhere // Chorus Of One

2. Current CD in player: Strike Anywhere // change is a sound, Strike Anywhere // Chorus Of One

3. Current conversations: stace.

4. Current time: 3:34 pm

5. Current clothes: Safari Exotic Liqueur shirt and gray shorts

6. Current hair:shaved

7. Current taste: Pall Mall Cigarettes

8. Current mood: you already asked, but im sad..

9. Current smell: Pall Mall Cigarettes.

10. Current thing you should be doing: seeing stacey.

11. Current desktop picture: When You Ride Alone, You Ride With Hitler, Join a car pooling club today.

12. Current favorite group: Strike Anywhere..

13. Current book: Derailing Democracy : The America The Media Don't Want You To See - David Mcgowan

14. Current refreshment: gatorade

15. Current worry: josh.

16. Current crush: bruce willis

Current mood: sad

Current music: strike anywhere // three on a match