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Monday, September 8th, 2003
2:21 pm - I RE-NAMED MY JOURNAL SPECIAL, JUST FOR YOU BLURTY :o]
WHOA I'M A QUEER...WHAT'S NEW?

nothing much really, i talked to edward last night, online and on da phone. i think if nothing comes up this weekend we're gonna hang out. he gots to be home before 10pm now, so i guess that means that he has to leave katy around 9ish? but oh well, my folks don't really like me staying out hella late anyways, so it's all good.

OH MAN HOME VIDEOS ROCK MY SOCKS OFF. I TOTALLY LOVE THAT SHOW NOW. CARTOON NETWORK IS WHERE IT'S AT BABY.

hm..nothing really happened today...ashley dressed up today, alicia wore her new shirt, and i looked well...pretty in pink? haha i don't really like pink, but i gots this killer shirt from the salvation army for like 3 bucks, and it's black and pink stripped. i like it a whole lot. we all looked good today. i got a compliment from this one girl that i don't like...but i judged her too quick. just because she is vapid and shallow...and is on the drill team, doesn't mean she can't be cool...until the day she blows me off in the hall way in front of her stupid friends, she's cool with me.

HEB hasn't called me in to work, which is strange. oh well, i'm not pushing it. my faggot coop teacher said she was going into my work to...well, no one really knows what she does, but she goes and sees where you work. good luck bitch, i don't even know what it's like to work there really. psh whatever.

i hope mekeita is alright. i haven't heard any from her. i know she is gettin ready to move and she is workin and stuff. i wonder how work is with brent. i hope she's doing alright with that.

i haven't really heard anything from justine either. she posts occasionally, but she never replied to my email, so i am asuming she's doing fine.

damn i'm so bored. it feels like friday...i don't really care all too much for fridays, i like saturdays much more.

i often sit back and watch people pass me by. how can they be so clueless, don't they know that they are breathing death? they don't even care. i don't even care.

if i knew i was gonna die tomorrow, i would charge up everything on a credit card, get my palm read, and have sex...alot. and then end the day watching movies, listening to music, and smoking weed. go out in smoke...damn i wish i was dying tomorrow. ahahah

current mood: amused
current music: THE DOORS : "PEOPLE ARE STRANGE"

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Saturday, September 6th, 2003
5:01 pm - THIS IS NOTHING MORE THAN WHAT YOU'D EXPECT...
alone, i am.

alicia left alittle while ago. bug and i are sad.

there isn't anything to do. i wanted to go to OM and play some video games....but i don't wanna go woth my brother. i kinda wanted edward to call, cuz then we could have gone there. but i'm sure he's doing somthing else....like working or hanging out with some other people.....

damn it. i'm all sad. and i actually did some fun stuf today. alicia and i went to the salvation army. salvation army owns. i bought like 4 shirts and this old looking skirt. it's nice. then we went to best buy and i gots 3 cds. the portishead cd owns... uh we didn't do anything else really....so i'm just gonna stop.

i don't know why i feel this way. i'm so sad and alone. i hate this. maybe i should take some of my meds. nah, i'd much rather just be here staring at the screen. i wish i could do something......but i can't. renny asked if i could go with her to bread and water tonight, but i can't go! damn damn damn..this is bullshit. i hate this..i hate me...and i hate you.

current mood: alone
current music: portishead

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Friday, September 5th, 2003
11:26 pm - DIS MOTHA FUCKA'S RIGHT HERE...
no more face the jury bullshit. it's just so pointless so i erased it. i haven't really been home today. i'm in sugarland now. my brothers computer rocks my panties off. alicia is spending the night. i didn't talk to ANYONE today. i called Edward, but it was too late, so he said he'd call me tomorrow, why i am telling you this, i have no clue. i'm just kinda bored. there isn't anything really to do. alicia and i have plans on getting drunk when we get home. i don't know if we still will though, i'm kinda tired....eh what the hell? i don't have anything else to do. i might-as-well get drunk and pass out. yeah but hang overs are a bitch...oh well, you gotta earn the bullshit to have a good time...i guess.

i haven't talked to Renny in a while. i miss her lots. i don't think she is coming back. i think she is gettin an apt. with damien and they are gonna live together in LA. i'm happy for her...but i still hope i get to see her soon.

School sucks, i'm doing rasberry tea for eco fair now. oh joy...psh school can kiss my mother fucking ass. i hate that fucking place.

Work might actually call me into work this weekend! doubt it. i'll probably work sometime this coming week. my jobs always forget about me, but seem to leave my name on the pay roll.

mom is being weird, like al unusually depressed. finances are getting worse. we might have to give up lukes car to the repo man. i get to keep my van though :)

my dad is being strange too. he might be drinking again. i can't tell anymore. he's all...i dunno but now the family is walking on egg shells again. it's like no one can say anything with out him putting his god damn imput in on it. he needs to die...he's already dead anyways.

I want to move to Canada...it's so nice up there....

i wanna be sedated.

current mood: my boob hurts
current music: nufin

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Thursday, September 4th, 2003
1:40 pm - ...
nothing piled upon nothing. nothing to do. nothing to say. nothing to see. i know who i wanna be with though...


bored bored bo-FAMILY GUY

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Wednesday, September 3rd, 2003
10:19 am - OH DUR I ALMOST FORGOT...
OK SO THAT was not RENNY THAT TOLD ME ALL THAT BULLSHIT. THAT WAS HER CRAZY ASS EX BF. HE TOOK OVER ALL HER SN'S AND EMAIL ACCOUNT AND LIVE JOURNAL.

i was soo happy to hear from her. I KNEW THAT WASN'T HER, I JUST KNEW IT. THE ENGLISH WAS TOO DAMN GOOD, I TELL YOU! SO YEAH, SHE IS IN la STILL. I HOPE I GET TO SEE HER SOON SOMEHOW.

OH OH THE ADICTS ARE COMING IN TO TOWN ON THE 24TH. HOPEFULLY I CAN SNEAK OUT TO SEE THEM ,BUT PROB NOT :O/. IT SUCKS. OH WELL THAT'S ALL FOR NOW KIDDIES.

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Tuesday, September 2nd, 2003
6:02 pm - HUH?...
what's this?! no work today? oh nice. i go in tomorrow to fill out 'paper work', and fill out a new work schedual. then i come home....it really is just that easy. imposible. i'm just waiting for something to slip up.

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11:56 am - KILL THE MACHINE..ROB FROM THE POOR...
i just got home. i'm really procrastinating (ew sp?) now. i got home a few mns ago, i'm suppose to call HEB to see when they want me to come in. oh well. i'll call in a min.

i wish i had not taken that nyQuil last night. i passed out around 9...and then Edward called at like 10:30 i think. i didn't understand anything. i was so whipped out..but still i thought it was very sweet that he called at all. he would have called sooner, but his mom was on the net for a long ass time. oh well. we talked for maybe 5 mins. and he talked about this job that we both hate, but he's gonna do it anyways. he says his pay will be good, so that is great for him. and then i asked if he would call me after he gets off work or something. so yeah that's that.

i'm gonna grab some lunch and hen prob go into work. wish me luck (:

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Monday, September 1st, 2003
9:10 pm - JUST WASTIN TIME...
i think bug really misses me, cuz lately he's being all sweet to me, and i can tell he's trying really hard not to piss on the floor. i <3 bug....

i did my eco fair project, i think it's dumb. i might just say fuck this, and bring in some kool aid from the fridge. yea yea, i think i'll do that.

i'm so damn tired. i'm about to take some nyQil, and go to bed.

i went out with Edward again today. it was lovely. i often enjoy just looking at him, and i know he probaby thinks it's weird, but i don't really care. he makes me smile, and he makes me happy, that's all that matters. i couldn't really explain it. we were sitting in Dennys and i was just looking at him, and for some reason i couldn't stop smiling. i don't really EVER get like that, it was odd. i was just happy, and we weren't even talking at the moment. strange.

When it was time for me to go home, we were turning the corner to get to my house, and guess who is standing outside? whoa my brother and my dad....i FREAKED..and was like "reverse". it was awful....that was really the only thing bad about today. he took me over to alicia's house and her mom drove me home. i felt like that ruined the day. i totally freaked, it was horrible. ugh...i don't want him to think it's him, like i don't want my parents to meet him. it's just, they wouldn't understand. they never do. and i don't want him to meet my parents maybe because..uh i don't know, theyre so fucking strict, and i'm not even allowed to date til i'm fucking 18?! but it's weird ive been dating since i was 14...so yeah....that's a rule that hasn't really been enforced. but i kept apologizing, and he was just like, it's ok and blah blah....i don't really know anything of what he was thinking for real though. but when he dropped me off at alicia's he did hug me, and we kissed. i really didn't want him to go, but we were both horribly tired, and stuff. i just reallly like kissing on him and i love the way his eyes look. it's just *sighs...i dunno. i'm gonna stop writing now, i'm very tired. this weekend/break was good, and bad. but it leans more on the good side because of Edward, and of course, the lovely ms alicia....



I

current mood: HAPPY AND TIRED
current music: smashing pumpkins:"love is suicide"

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9:30 am - *tear
i wish it could have been a mistake, but that really was renit who said all that. i got a nasty little reply from the email i sent. i don't understand why she is being like that. it really fucking hurts, cuz now it seems like she's nothing more than a fake. Chris told me to just relax about it, and that she's done it before to anthony, she's probably just going through something. uhhh...ok? so i guess that makes it ok for her to stomp on someones emotions when ever she wants. it's not fair. it's really messed up. i don't hate renit, i don't even wish she would die. i just wish she would take it back or something, but of course she probably never will. she probably meant every fucking word she said, and could care less about me. it's just really messed up is all.

current mood: FUCK OFF
current music: Portished

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Saturday, August 30th, 2003
10:47 am - LA LA LA...
i had the best date last night. Edward is so very awesome. i am so lucky. :) i think we're going to hang out again Sunday i think. It should be great. i don't really have alot to say. I've been pissing alicia off lately, and i need to stop doing that. It's just lately i haven't been thinking before speaking. I think edward has taken my mind away from me. hahaha ok. i'm gonna go before i say something else stupid.

current mood: happy
current music: walk on me, i'll walk all over you

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Thursday, August 28th, 2003
6:36 pm - 'WALK ON ME? I'LL WALK ALL OVER YOU!'
nothing is really going on. everything is fine and dandy with edward. i am meeting him tomorrow for an afternoon o' fun. it should be rad. i got an 85 on my economics test, and i didn't study or take notes. so i found that to be quite cool. we have to do something for eco fair. i think i'm eitehr gonna make hand bags or candy bottles. it seems like alot of fun though.

i got in an 'argument' with alicia this morning. we all cried and made up like little bitches. it was funny. we all cried with out knowing we cried. like we all went our seperate ways. haha and the argument was stupid...really. fighting is such a waste of time.

current mood: happy or sad who cares?
current music: HOLE "violet"

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Tuesday, August 26th, 2003
6:38 pm - <3 <3 <3 bahahha
Your Ellie Nash!
You are Ellie Nash. Your best friend and crush,
Marco, has just revealed he's gay but you'll
always stick by his side.


What Degrassi girl are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

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5:46 pm - YOU CAN DANCE IF YOU WANT TO, YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR FRIENDS BEHIND...
Yeah so today was eh, it was alright. i mean, 3rd period was a bit of a drag. Quinton was the only person in coop to get kicked out. i felt bad cuz i know he tried so fucking hard to get a job, but people just don't hand out interviews, you know? so, he sat there in class looking either really sad or really pissed. he's one of my only friends in that class, now he has to leave....it's sad. why can't that fucking teacher give him til the end of the week?! it's just not fair. and then on top of that, hoe bag made us work in partners doing some stupid project. she made Quinton do it, and he's technically not even in that class anymore. she's a dumb ass. so, i am working with that kid i knew from elementary school. and Quinton decided to work with Frank. i think he did that on purpose cuz he was kinda mad that i got a job at the last minute, and he didn't. i would probably be mad too. but then we ended up talking and i guess it made things better. still i feel like i'm loosing a friend and that sucks. really.

Yeah and then today in 3rd period i was looking at brandon, and he seemed really sad. i dunno why though. that kid makes $400 bucks a week, drives a kick ass truck, has descent good looks, most people seem to like him, and ugh i just don't know. if i was a guy, i'd want to be him. he gave me a hug today, and it was like i could feel his sadness. stupid i know, but still, i just put my chin on his shoulder and said,'youre so sweet', and i hope that made his day better. probably not...but oh well. it kinda made my day better. he even asked about my job at HEB. and i was beginnning to hate him again. he kept giving me shit about my hair and stuff. i guess that's just brandon. I feel bad for him. his family is like split up, and i don't know the whole story, but i know it's sad. and he's really fond of his mom and his little sister. i remember when he said he was gonna move last year, i got really upset, and i didn't know why, i still don't really. but i like him cuz he can be a good person. when he went out with ______, she said that he was too controlling or whatever, but i dunno, i would kinda like that. cuz the only thing she complained about was he kept asking why she didn't call everyday or something. i would call him, poor kid.

current mood: eh whatever
current music: smashing pumpkins "mayonaise"

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Monday, August 25th, 2003
9:03 pm - HMM....
i like edward :o]

current music: poison the well

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Sunday, August 24th, 2003
8:11 pm - DIFFERENT....
So, alicia, mekeita, and i went to fitz last night to see A Global Threat. It was...much to be desired? i thought that show was gonna be killer, but it seemed like the mood of the place was just down, or maybe the bands didn't give it their all? who knows...but yeah i was aliittllleee drunk...not really drunk...as Randy would say, i was 'faded'.so, i don't remember everything that happened. i remember just standing alot, and not really going into the pit because well, there kinda wasn't one. there was but it consisted of like 7 or 8 people 4 of which were skanking, and maybe 4 or which were just swaying around and punching people. it was just kinda weak. BUT the good thing was that we got to hang out with mekeita, and slep over at her house. it was fun :o]. we went through the old year book and laughed at everyone. it was fun funny. i went home early. i didn't get to go by johnny rockets or mekeita's to drop off cds, because i didn't have the car today :o/

i talked to some people last night. Renny told me goodbye. she is supposidly going to California...it's sad. i really don't want her to go. like i want her to be happy and stuff, but...just not without me...yeah i know it's kinda selfish...ok it's really selfish, but still i don't fucking care. she told me last night, and maybe that's why i didn't have such a good time.i hugged her and kept telling her, don't leave, but hmm who knows she might go, she might not.we'll see tomorrow...i don't really want to think about her leaving right now, cuz if i keep thinking about it in my mind, i'll cry and i don't wanna.

when we first got there randy was sitting upstairs and pointed me out and was like "hey you!" and i waved for him to come down where i was, but he told me to come upstairs, so of course i did. hahaha he met me at the top of the stairs and he's all like, "guess what i discovered i really like?" and we both went, "DRINKIN" HAHAHAH it was funny. so we talked alittle about that. and i swear to fuck there was like a few times when i thought if we got any closer we were gonna kiss...but i dunno...i asked about his new gf, and he said something about suedo dating, and that they weren't offical, and that they don't 'fuck' other people. and so i asked, "so u could make out with someone or kiss someone and she wouldn't get pissed" and he was like, "i wouldn't tell her"...and then i really really really wanted to like kiss him, but i know if he really wanted to kiss me he would have done it, and i don't know if i would wanna kiss him. it's just all stupid. and you know what? if he's not telling her things, then she is definantly not telling him things. i bet she fucks around on him. hm..it's sad to think about. yeah so then we talked and hung out alittle i guess, and i wanted to get drunk with him in the parking lot, but he don't like vodka, and to tell you the truth i'm not sure if i do either hahah, it burns oh so much. hah yeah

yeah and then i met this really fuckin cool girl that is on my favs on ftj. rebecca is so pretty and cool. i hear she is going off to college from D. i hope she has fun :o]. she's so purdy and stuff.

hm..who else did i talk to...some guy from the ARMY...eh whatever. he was kinda cool, he was from n. cali. cool.

OH MAN, I CAN'T BELIVIE I WAS GONNA LEAVE THIS OUT!
yeha so i talked to SAM (from the strap onz) angain <3 <3 <3!!!!!!! oh man...that made my night!!! whoa yeah he is so...oh man...whoa hot. so yeah this is waht was said..which makes this entry longer but who cares?
ME:youre awesome dude
SAM:huh?
ME:oh i said you rock
SAM: well, thank you very much :o)
ME: hey sam do u remember me from last time?
SAM: YES your face looks familiar, did i take pics with you or your friend?
ME:...no...
SAM: then you must be the one i kissed
ME:YES haha wanna buy me a beer baby?
SAM:i'm sorry sweetie, i just bought this one with my last beer ticket
ME: oh yeah right that's what all the boys say
SAM: no no hahha no no seriously, i would ha
ME: ------can't remember----
SAM:-----can't remember----
balh blah blah
ME: ok well i'll let you go watch the show now :o)
HIM: alright baby

and then we shook hands and then we hugged and kissed each other on the cheek :) <3!!!!
oh so dreamy :)

hm..i was really drunk and pissed so i decided to pick on brent...so i punched him, but he let me so whatever. um i can't really remember exactly why i did it, i was alittle drunk...but then i ended up apologizing so whatever.

hmm....oh! haha we tried to go to this after party out in kingwood....hahah i think we were going the wrong way hahah we drove like 35mins and didn't see anything..it was funny. i was scared hahha.

i can't really think of anything else....oh yeah before the show, i called D and talked to him for alittle bit. i asked if he was gonna go and he said he wasn't amking any promises, cuz he didn't have $10 and he was working that night and got off at 11ish i think. so yeah i woulda felt bad if he came. i still really wanna see him again though. hm..oh well. i finished that stupid essay for coop. i also called HEB and am going to make an appointment tomorrow with KIM so she will hire me oh man please please please hire me!!!!!please.

current mood: happycuzithinknofSAM
current music: poison the well....?

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7:34 pm - ThIS IS FROM HEATHER :o] ..............
--> B A S I C S <--
.1.] What does your name mean: According to my mother, my name means happy.
.2.] How old are you: 17
.3.] How old are you mentally (as in are you mature?):857373758837473892094 years old.
.4.] Describe yourself in 5 words: WHY MUST I DO THIS?
.5.] What are your worst qualities: i judge people before i know them,i don't think before i do things,i trust in people.

.6.] What are your best qualities:i have none. no one is real anymore.
.7.] How long does it take you get get ready in the morning:15 mins.

--> S L E E P <--
.8.] Do you dream at night: yeah
.9.] Do you remember your dreams: yes
.10.] Describe one: i always remember the one where that kid had the blue mullet.
.11.] What time do you go to bed usually: weekends:nothing passed 2am (usually), Weekdays: 10:30pm?
.12.] What time do you wake up normally: weekdays:5:35am
.13.] What time do you wake on weekends: 10ish
.14.] Do you find waking late, nice or annoying: waking up late is always good, unless i have school/work.
.15.] Do you sleep with one pillow or two: five.

--> S C H O O L <--
.16.]Do you like school: NO
.17.] Why/why not:school is nothing but a social club that tries to prepare you for life, but does the exact opposite.
.18.] Whats ur fave subject: ENGLISH, STREET LAW, and ECONOMICS (Mr.Pham is da bomb)
.19.] Most hated subject:...all math (leave the math up to D).
.20.] Do you have a fave teacher: mrs. henderson, and mr. pham
.21.] Ever had a crush on a teacher: mrs, henderson
.22.] Are you a maths/science person or an english/drama person:english/drama.

--> F R I E N D S <--
.23.] Do you have heaps of friends:nope nope no.
.24.] Do you have a best friend: ALICIA
.25.] Do you have more guy friends or more girl friends: more girl friends...but they might be even.
.26.] Do you ever get annoyed at any friend: YES
.27.] Have you ever lied to a friend: i try not to.
.28.] Have you ever stolen a friends boyfriend/girlfriend: I'M TO UGLY TO STEAL PEOPLE'S BF/GF'S...THEY DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT.

--> F A M I L Y <--
.29.] Do you like your parents: i like my mom.
.30.] Ever run away from home: HAVEN'T WE ALL?
.31.] Ever thought about it: durrr....
.32.] Do you have any siblings: 4 other brothers and sisters.
.33.] If so, do you like or get annoyed with them: ugh theyre all pretty stupid.
.34.] If not, do you mind being an only child:....i wish i was an only child.
.35.] How old are they: 21, 31?, 33,38.
.36.] Do you feel your parents spoil you: my parents don't do shit.
.37.] Do you not get along with any of your family: uh...huh?
.38.] Do you have big family get togethers ever:no. i have no 'family' per-say.

--> S E X <--
.39.] Ever had sex: hahhahaha yes...
.40.] believe that a person shouldnt have sex before marriage: that's a joke...right?
.41.] Believe in casual sex: no.
.42.] When do you plan/when did you lose your virginity: shut up.
.43.] Did you regret it: eh not really, i don't really care anymore.

--> R E L I G I O N <--
.44.] Do you have a religion: i'm an athiest.
.45.] Do you practice it i.e go to church: i can do what i want.
.46.] Do you believe in God: nope.
.47.] Jesus; no.
.48.] Satan; no.
.49.] Heaven; no.
.50.] Hell; no.
.51.] If you died tomorrow what do you beleive will happen to you: i beleive in re encarnation.
.52.] Does death scare you: no. life isn't that important.

--> M O R A L S <--
.53.] Have you ever been drunk: YES
.54.]taken drugs; yes
.55.] stolen; yes
.56.] shoplifted; yes
.57.] tried to commit suicide: ew yes.
.58.] Lied to a boyfriend or girlfriend; no
.59.] gotten into a fight; haha yes
.60.] are you more innocent or guilty; no one is innocent.
.61.] Would you date a drug addict; i have before, it's no fun.
.62.] have you ever had to look after someone who was a drug addict: my dad.
.63.] Are you racist: no
.64.] Are you discriminatory to anyone: assholes, and people who have horrible taste in music.
.65.] Have you been a hypocrite in the past: is that a trick question?
.66.] Do you have an open or closed mind to other peoples beliefs and feelings: i think people are stupid and everyone should think and act the same as i. when they don't, i get sad. haha what do you think?

--> M E D I A <--
.67.] Do you watch tons of tv: no
.68.] How many times have you been to the movies in the past 6 months: 98746354687 million times.
.69.] Do you listen to the radio often: ew no, unless it's the rap/hip hop stations.
.70.] Do you read the newspaper: no, but i watch the news every now and then.
.71.] Do you read magazines; YES...it's addicting
.72.] Are you a couch potato; no
.73.] Do you use the internet too much; yes. -.-

--> M U S I C <--
.74.] Whats your fave style of music: anything that sounds good to me.
.75.] Do you play an instrument; saxophone, bass, paino, and something else..i can't remember.
.76.] Do you sing; yeha
.77.] Whats your fave band: the cure, le tigre, blatz, blitz.....
.78.] Why: s-t-u-p-i-d
.79.] Have you met them before; sure i have
.80.] Name 3 cds that youve bought in that last year; static age, this op ivy cd, dead kennedys, but i perfer vinyl.
.81.] Why did you buy them: CUZ I HAVE MONEY, STUPID ASS

--> S P O R T S <--
.82.] Whats your fave sport: rugby, and soccer.
.83.] Whats your fave sport to watch: rugby
.84.] Do you have a fave team of any sort; knicks
.85.] Do you play a lot of sport; not really anymore.
.86.] ever won anything for sport: yes

--> P E R S O N A L I T Y <--
.87.] Are you funny or serious; funny haha or funny queer? be specific damn it!
.88.] Creative or not: i try not to be.
.89.] Logical thinker or lateral thinker: i dunno...
.90.] Are you outgoing or shy; both
.91.] Are you lazy or active; can be active
.92.] Have you ever been hyperactive; yes.
.93.] Are you a naturally hyperactive person; no

--> L O O K S <--
.94.] Are you happy with the way you look; no
.95.] What would you change; my body and then my personality...and then whatever is left over.
.96.] Do you wear makeup regularly; yes
.97.] Do you have a large wardrobe; no

--> M O N E Y <--
.98.] Do you have a job; SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU MOTHER FUCK
.99.] Do you like it; SHUT UP!
.100.] Are you a saver or a spender; saver
.101.] Do you work hard or slack off; work hard
.102.] Have you ever been fired;.............
.103.] In trouble at work; yes.
.104.] Made a major mistake; yes
.105.] Ever had money stolen from you; yes
.106.] Are you always broke; yep

--> E M B A R A S S I N G M O M E N T S <--
.107.] Your all time most embarassing moment; i don't remember it was a while ago.
.108.] Ever snorted drink out your nose; ..no.
.109.] Ever giggled like an idiot; always
.110.] Ever embarassed yourself and pretedned nothing happened; yes
.111.] Ever tripped in front of someone you liked; yes
.112.] Ever said something really stupid; yes
.113.] Ever snorted while laughing; once i think.
.114.] Ever fallen off a bed; yes. ;-;
.115.] Ever sleepwalked; yes
.116.] Ever sleeptalked; and yes.

--> M E M O R I E S <--
.117.] Whats your best memory; um...most of the convos i use to have with randall.
.118.] Worst; when he told me he didnt want to talk to me anymore. :o/
.119.] Whats the wierdest memory you have: probably last night...
.120.] Do you have a good memory; plenty
.121.] Whats the coolest holiday you remember having; holidays suck ass

current mood: whatever
current music: marilyn manson <3 <3 <3

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Friday, August 22nd, 2003
12:54 pm - YEAH...UM...OK..SO PLEASE DON'T GET MAD AT ME...
alright so here is the deal. i am babysitting tonight, so i can't chill with everyone until tomorrow at fitz. but then everyone starts saying how they aren't even sure if any of them are even gonna go. justine has to work, and i couldn't get a hold of mekeita. so i assumed that we all probably weren't going. i really really wanted to go, so today when renny asked me if i was going i said, "yeah if i can get a ride", and then she asked cullen if he was going and if we could get a ride with him. i really didn't have anything to do with it. i just need a ride. so yeah, i'm paying cullen 5 bucks to take me there. everyone has to pay 5 bucks. i'm probably gonna crash at renny's house, psh i can't go home. man i have to ask renny if me and alicia can crash at her place. damn, i forgot to ask. damn it. so yeah....cullen is taking all of us, and we're paying him. so it's not like i'm a hypocrit..right? ugh...why can't i just be friends with everyone and not have to choose sides? come to find out, he's not even that bad of a guy, i don't think. i'm learning that all these people i hated, aren't so bad. man that sucks.

so, i'm getting outta coop. i signed up to talk with my councilour about it. i hate that class, but i like leaving early.uh wait i have no job, so it's not like i have a choice.

yeah so today in coop, we had to work in pairs. i got stuck working alone.

aaron and brent were working together, and aaron sat next to me cuz i guess he wanted to talk with me about going shopping for stuff. yeah so brent and aaron were sitting there, and everything was going alright i guess, until brent opened his mouth and asked about my journal. eepp. it's weird cuz i never really think anyone reads this stuff. so then i was like...uh why did u ask me that? and he's like oh jorge tells me stuff you write, or i read it...uh something along the lines of that. and then i got kinda mad at jorge. but it's my own fault for keeping my link in my info, and for using peoples names. but still...i thought he stopped reading my journal...i bet he's reading this right now! shocking. yeah so then i spent the rest of the period feeling awkward, and stupid. and yes guilty. i think ive said some shit about brent in here. but i can't be sure cuz i'm too lazy to search through my words and stuff. but it's like this...when you know a guy like brent has screwed over one of your close friends, you can't help but not like him. it's like a rule. i don't really know brent, but i know i don't like what he's done to my friend. once again i am forced to choose sides. i'm sorry if i offended brent, i write/say alot of things i don't mean. but i'm not sorry that i have to hold certain things against him. he brought that on yourself.but then again it's not really any of my bees wax, so i should just stay out of everything. ah psh who gives a shit? i'll be outta that class pretty soon, and i wont have to worry about anyones feelings getting hurt.

man, this is bullshit.

current mood: frustrated
current music: dead kennedys

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Thursday, August 21st, 2003
3:39 pm - I DON'T CARE IF YOU EVEN THE SCORE...
hm..no job. since i haven't gotten a job yet. i'm thinking of 3 classes that'll replace co-op. definantly office assistant, cuz i think that's a PE credit, and i need half of one to graduate...maybe i'll take astronomy again! can i do that?probably not. maybe i can get early release...but i have to have a good excuse. maybe to keep searching for a new job? hm..yeah that'll work. psh yeah right. then i was thinking of taking fashion design..yeah maybe, i know renny has that class next semester, so yea. hm...what's another class i can take. i don't wanna take journalism, or photography or year book. ugh i just don't know! oh the humanity. lord have mercy on my forgotten soul.

oh i spiked my hair cuz i was bored. it looks like shit. i gotta go take a shower and try and wash most of this bees wax outta my ahir. man i totally forgot that we have to take pics tomorrow for our street law passes. damn it! things always work out this way, why am i surprised?

current mood: meah
current music: THE CARS

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Wednesday, August 20th, 2003
9:10 pm - A MILLION WAYS TO GO....
damn it i'm bored, and i have gobs of bullshit home work. life is such a drag. alicia cut my hair today. you can kinda see it in my new icon....isn't it artistic like? ha not. not much going on today. i talked to this boy whom i went to elemetary school with. he is really cute, although he perfers polo instead of the salvation army, his voice is like so damn deep. man, he is nice to look at. he also deals hydro, which is a major plus (not that i'm a pot head or anything, really). he likes shoes. he is nice. yeah i wont say his name though, cuz i'm not suppose to. not like it matters, psh he's just some guy.

this morning i went upstairs to my 'alone' spot where i look out from the balcony onto all the little people downstairs who run to get to their classes when the 10 min bell rings. and when i was coming up to my spot, there was Curtis. we talked and had a good convo going until i remembered something and had to run downstairs. i was still late! i miss talking to him. we're alot alike, i guess. i mean i couldn't really say. no one really knows anyone. hm..reminds me of old days. i miss him alot...:o/ he is a nice boy, even though he can be a major asshole when it comes to certain things. i would date him if he asked me to. but i wouldn't go for him all on my own, because i'm gutless. i wish he would call me. i wish anyone would call me. makes me feel worthless. i know i'm not. if i had a job it would remind me that i'm not. but sadly, i have had no luck there. i figure i could just lie maybe...but no way my teacher would catch me, and then..psh i would die, i guess. dear lord jesus! please find me a job so i wont be useless! jesus answers players...:D

I MISS YOU.

current mood: WHATEVER
current music: CATS STEVENS

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Tuesday, August 19th, 2003
6:20 pm - BIG K MART...R.I.P.
YEP YEP YEP YEP YEP YEP YUP....SO REMEMBER WHEN I SAID I WOULDN'T POST ABOUT d UNTIL SOMETHING HAPPENED?! YEAH WELL NOW I CAN ACTUALLY POST SOMETHING AND NOT FEEL FUCKIN GUILTY.

Yep so he called me today, finally, i thought he died. yeah but i wasn't home to recieve the phone call. i called him back but i think he went to work or something, so whatever.

man hold up everything is weird. i heard randy got drunk with renny and josh. the boy had one 40! one fucking 40 and he was drunk...weak. it's just weird cuz he was like so fucking straight edge. what about that tattoo? what's he gonna say now? i found it dumb that he would go out and get a straight edge tattoo when he's never even tried drugs or gotten that drunk before. you can't knock it til you try it. there is nothing wrong with gettin a little drunk or stonned once in a while. i hate people that do that every night though. it's just gross.

yeah so alicia, mekeita, justin, and me are gonna go to fitz on Saturday to see A global threat and F minus. it should be a swell show. Randy will probably be there...fucking weird, he's just always been this really straight edge guy and now...psh i don't know and i don't really care. i just think it's weird thats all.

I'm trying to get a hold of D to see if he can get Saturday night off. i NEED to se him again haha. yeah it would be fun though. him and me...me and him...at fitz...just chillin out...probably drunk....kissing? hahhaha stupid.

School was a drag, i have this essay thing for college i have to type up. STUPID. but other than that, school is still stupid. i like my eco and street law class though. i kinda have a crush on my street law teacher. she's just so damn cool. i STILL haven't found a job yet. i called HEB and they said that they haven't goten the background checks things back yet. still i'm gonna keep calling. my record is clean...sorta.

another thing...i saw renny alot today at school. it's weird too. cuz i always thought that out of us both that i was the one who was always depressed and shit. but nope, we're kinda equal...it's weird, and kinda sad. why are we always sad? the children are dying, i tell you theyre dead!

current mood: sorta happy
current music: at the gates

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