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[01 Dec 2005|03:35pm] Alot has changed since my last post. Jason and I are no longer together...There was just too much going on in both of our lives. We are still great friends though, so no worries. I'm working alot as well, and my 2 closest friends are having alot of problems with addiction, so I've been helping them out as much as I possibly can. I'll be updating more though now, things are looking into the light. Thats all for now. Dream

[03 Sep 2005|01:17am] So, I splurged and bought Jason a nice looking watch for his birthday....I was hoping on finding something more like a gold necklace or ring, but was taken aback by the outrageous prices of such things these days. So the damage to my wallet wasn't so bad, $140, and for now I'm living off of my tips from work until Sunday, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I enjoy spending lots of money on the people that I truly care about. I hope I get to see or at least talk to him tomorrow for his birthday, but alas, I have to work until 2 in the morning. His mom is throwing him a party on Sunday, but of course I am working then too and no one will cover my shift for me, regardless of how many shifts I've taken for others. Oh well, what goes around comes around, I suppose. Tonight after I got home from work my parents had some friends of theirs over and they invited me to join them for a few drinks. It was nice to come home and unwind with a couple Screwdrivers. My father's 50th birthday is creeping up, as is the 20th wedding anniversary of my parents. My mom and I are having a party for my dad, and I've been slaving over WinMX for the last few days after work looking for all of his favourite oldies music as a thoughtful extra for his party. I've come to realize that I quite enjoy some 50's and 60's music as well. Well I guess I should be off to bed. Dream

[30 Aug 2005|10:31pm] [ mood | crazy ] Apologies for being a tard and not updating much; I've been waaaaay busy. School starts next Tuesday and I don't get another day off work until Monday, cuz the new girl quit and my best friend took a week off. So yeah. With that and trying to spend equal quality time with friends/boyfriend, there's not much time for anything else. On Saturday Jason turns 20, and I haven't the slightest clue on what to get him. I'm the most horrible at birthday shopping. SUGGESTIONS ARE VERY WELCOME. I'm desperate here. In the complaints department - I got over my strepped throat just in time for a cold. Man my immune system sucks royal testies. So tomorrow after I get off work I have to go to the school and find out where Holly put my locker and make an appointment with Guidance to get my fucked-over schedule not so fucked over. Then I gotta come home and wait for my dad to get home from work so he can take me to the mall so I can waste 3 or more hours arguing with myself about what to get Jason. I'm hoping I can find something nice for $130, cuz that's all I got until Sunday. Then when I get paid on Sunday, I need to buy a cell phone. So I'm going to be broke for the next couple weeks lol....Then I got Christmas to save up for. Every year my list of people to buy for gets bigger and bigger lol, but at least this time I have a job. Well that's my life for now. I'll try to get on more to fill all you people in on my ever so boring life. 1 Dream of flowers on razorwire Dream

[26 Aug 2005|12:35am] Jason's daughter was born last night at 10:45pm via c-section and weighing in at 8.9 pounds. She is absolutley beautiful; a splitting image of him. Tomorrow I am going to the hospital with him to see her since I only saw a few pictures. ♥ Happy Birthday, little angel. ♥ 3 Dream of flowers on razorwire Dream

[24 Aug 2005|03:15pm] [ mood | excited ] [ music | Fall Out Boy ] DURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR Friday can't come fast enough. Having a mad party for two of my best friends birthdays. Practically everybody we KNOW is coming. Going to be lots of drugs & alcohol...Probably lots of sex going on too lol. (Sorry, had to stick in that random fact) But, as it so happens...Yesterday I was ever-so rudely diagnosed with a severe case of strepped throat. So Mr.Doctor Dude gives me this liquid SHIT to take for it, because at that point I couldn't swallow pills cuz my throat was so swollen I would choke on them. So, (heh) I've been taking WAY more than the prescribed dosage and already I'm feeling better. Sickness will NOT slow me down. Today's useless info: My kitten really attacked the hell out of my arm today and now it looks like I'm all suicidal. On Sunday I got over-paid by $102...And I actually gave it back. How's that for being honest, bitches. 1 Dream of flowers on razorwire Dream

[22 Aug 2005|02:41pm] [ mood | annoyed ] [ music | Adema ] Everywhere I look on Blurty now, there is always some mention of people and their eating disorders and how fat they are and blah blah blah. I was sympathetic at first, but COME ON! In my opinion, bulimia is for lazy people, and anorexia is just STUPID. If you ignorant mother fuckers want to lose weight, do it the old fashioned way. Get off your lazy asses and excercise, eat your fruits and vegetables and TAKE your goddamn vitamins. Don't get me wrong here, I have a friend who was bulimic for a long time. He now resembles a rake-pole, and still thinks he's fat, but he REALIZED what an IDIOT he was being and took charge of his ED. You all need to take a good look inside yourselves and love yourselves for who you are, not what you fucking look like. Argh. 3 Dream of flowers on razorwire Dream

.::.Ish.::. [20 Aug 2005|11:46am] [ mood | Hungover. ] [ music | Atreyu - Lip Gloss And Black ] Went to an insane party last night. Haha, one of my friends passed out in this guy's front lawn at 3 in the morning, me and 2 of my friends had to help him home when we left. I spent the night at my best friends house, after we went to one of my other friend's houses and ordered a pizza. (This was around 4 in the morning lmao...Pizza Pizza probably hates us lol) Passed out after that pretty quick...I was way tired and way, way drunk. Had to get up early this morning bcuz my friend had to be at work for 11. She's off at 5, when I start. Then I work until 2 in the morning, and I'm running on maybe 4 hours of sleep lol. I'm one hurtin unit today. Oh well, that's what summer vacation is all about lol. 2 Dream of flowers on razorwire Dream

.::.Boredom.::. [16 Aug 2005|05:47pm] [ mood | creative ] [ music | The Used ] Small simple safe price Rise the wake and carry me with all of my regrets. This is not a small cut that scabs and dries and flakes and heals. And I am not afraid to die I'm not afraid to bleed and fuck and fight. I want the pain of payment. What's left, but a section of pigmy sized cuts Much like a slew of a thousand unwanted fucks. Would you be my little cut? Would you be my thousand fucks? And make mark leaving space for the guilt to be liquid To fill and spill over and under my thoughts My sad sorry selfish cry out to the cutter I'm cutting trying to picture your black broken heart. Love is not like anything Especially a fucking knife! This is merely a product of my boredom. Nikki ♥ ♥ ♥ You open a book to find the ink has run down the pages and formed sketches of what life has instore next for you. Closing the book, you approach the counter ready to check out your future. Heavy hearts hit the ocean bottoms only to see the unseen depths of mysterious beauty hidden from modern man. Yours tears fill to the brim of the glass only for you to swallow down your own sorrows once again. Fool the world, maybe you'll start believing yourself. Televised minds lead to over-dramtics; watch them struggle and kick as they dangle for their cable wires. You can't buy a smile. Tune in to find you're the last kid in town without a dosage. Prescribed words make you feel necessary don't they? Take once last inhilation of hate and hope that's enough. Because it's hard to hate the man behind the curtain. P.s - Wanting a new image to put inbetween my comment links...Having trouble deciding. Here are my options thus far: Personally I like the little wanna-be butterfly thing...But I also like the heart with the X in it. Not so fond of the other one, and I'm still looking around. As you can tell I'm always up for changing the look of things lol. And just for the hell of it, I'm going to post my collection of buttons & such. Go ahead and take some if you want, don't bother crediting because I stole them off someone who stole them off someone else anyways, and personally I think crediting is LAME. Durr. And my chillen lava lamp. Heh. Do you see what boredom does to people? It turns them into computer geeks. Well, Ciao! 2 Dream of flowers on razorwire Dream

[15 Aug 2005|11:55pm] Starting to get back into routine today, went to work at 4:30...Managed to get everything done by 10 and was allowed to leave. Jason got off work at 10 as well, so he came and picked me up and we kicked back in my basement for a bit. Still no word on baby. I finally grew the balls to tell my mom, she took it better than I expected. She said she wasn't too impressed, and that kids shouldn't be having sex and blah blah blah. (But mom! Sex is GREAT stuff!) Well, for me the worst part is over. I'm feeling much much better today - Yesterday was just one of those days. School is creeping up fast. Durr. I've fucked up my school situation pretty bad. I've been the biggest druggie since mid 7th grade, but I've slowed down alot these past few months. But, too little too late I'm afraid. I skipped so many classes, I'm behind in 5 credits I believe. Well actually, I'm supposed to be finished high school but I was held back a grade in elementary school because I was suspended so much. I'll finish all of my grade 12 compulsory credits this year, but I can't see myself staying in school after that. Not meant for it. I need to concentrate on quitting everything that's unhealthy for me...Lately it's been smoking I'm trying to stop. Not going over too well, considering I've been doing it for 8 years. Man. I look back on my life sometimes and wonder how the fuck I managed to become such a bad kid. Well...As I get older I realize how I've fucked my life up and I've set my heart to a change. In the next few years I want to settle down and start a family of my own, and I need to be a good example, for myself, and my children. Wow - I didn't realize how much I was rambling. But then again, that's why I'm here right? Dream

[15 Aug 2005|12:10am] [ mood | crushed ] Jason's daughter was due today. Well, yesterday if you want to get technical. So apparently Zoey is going to be late. Jason is so stressed, it really upsets me to see him like this. It really hit me today that there will now be a child in our lives, and as ridiculous as it sounds I am jealous, that it's not mine. I have wanted kids since I was 14..(young, I know)..And now the love of my life is having one - without me. I'm not exactly in a pleasant mood today...Stressed because Jason is stressed, and stressed because I know this will have a huge impact on our relationship, not knowing yet whether it will be positive or negative. Some guilty part of me leans towards the possiblility of death to the mother, and it makes me feel absolutley horrible to know I'm capable of thinking such things. I've never felt so selfish in my life, and It freaks me out. I'm a mess of mixed emotions, not knowing whether to laugh insanley at life or to cry silently...Crying has been sufficient, more or less. I don't know what to do with myself...Sleeping seems like an impossibility. 5 Dream of flowers on razorwire Dream

.::.There's no place like home.::. [13 Aug 2005|12:25am] [ mood | grateful ] [ music | Guns N Roses ] ♥ ♥ ♥ Wow, does it ever feel good to be home. You really learn to appreciate your shitty small town when you spend a week in a true bum fuck idaho. My trip was mad boring. Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad. 14 hours trekkin up, 15 hours trekkin back. Durr. I would explain the boringness of it all, but I'm too lazy. All I gotta say is, Thank GOD I'm home. 5 Dream of flowers on razorwire Dream

[03 Aug 2005|02:27pm] [ mood | frustrated ] [ music | Radio - Rock 95 ] So this may be my last post for the next week or so. Unless I feel like rambling later today. Tomorrow morning we are leaving for Newbrunswick. *bawls* I would much rather prefer to throw myself down a flight of stairs, and spend the next 10-ish days in the hospital suffering from broken bones. Yes; I hate it down there. Jason - You, being the apple of my eye, are the reason I mostly don't want to leave. It was bad enough when you went to Pensylvannia for a week, but now I must leave to somewhere foreign too. Maybe by the time I get back your daughter will be born. I swear to you with every ounce of blood in my body that I will treat her just like my own. I will be here to support you always. I love you. ♥ ♥ So, farewell everyone. I hope to be back before you noticed I've gone. 1 Dream of flowers on razorwire Dream

[02 Aug 2005|03:12pm] [ mood | creative ] [ music | Chevelle - The Red ] New layout. Rawr. 8 Dream of flowers on razorwire Dream

[02 Aug 2005|12:37am] Blech...Leaving for Newbrunswick very soon. Too soon, actually. I want to stay home and be a Blurty/Livejournal whore. I don't want to drive for 13 hours and then be stuck in the middle of nowhere, and sleep in a damp musty basement in an old house that was brilliantly placed right beside a graveyard & hang out with old folks all day. I want to go shopping and spend all the money I for the moment have. I want to spend everyday all day with Jason & my friends. I want to go to the movies, drive around aimlessly and eat take-out for dinner. I want to lay under the stars with ♥ him ♥ and make plans for our future. But hey....I guess you can't get it your way all the time. >. 2 Dream of flowers on razorwire Dream

[28 Jul 2005|11:22pm] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | Crossfade ] Here is something I won't talk about in my other journal. My boyfriend. <3 <3 I love him SO much, it's crazy. But all my friends hate him. His name is Jason, and he is the most compassionate person I have ever met. I went out with him when I was in the 9th grade, for barely a day....Because I was young and stupid. I wanted the bad boys, the ones using drugs and getting in trouble with the cops, shit like that, and Jason is the complete opposite. Well, 3 and a half years later, and having gone through more then enough 'bad boys', getting my heart broken every time has finally taught me a lesson. And now I can't help but feel like I don't deserve him, because he treats me like a princess and he is such a gentleman, and I'm not used to it. He won't let me pay for anything when we're out, not even a coffee and I really can't stand it. I'm the most independant 18 year old ever, and I like paying for EVERYTHING I want, lol. He just got back from his vacation in Pensylvannia yesterday, and he brought me back 4 awsome shirts, a gold necklace with a pure diamond heart, and a gold ankle bracelet with hearts on it as well. I felt so bad lol. I'm going to New Brunswick next Wednesday, and I'm going to try my damdest to show him up lol. But anyways, we rarely even talked much after we broke up, but as it happens, we were both in the same first period science class last semester, and we became awsome friends again, doing every project together and the whole McDeal lol. Then we started hanging out after class, then after school...Then summer came and we hung out ALOT, going swimming and to the movies and stuff. (Mind you, no guy had ever taken me out anywhere before this, so it was an experience for me) And then the time came when he asked me out, and of course I had to because I had fallen for him - hard. But there is one rather large catch to this heaven - He has a daughter on the way with his ex-girlfriend Courtney. Not that I mind at all, I love kids. But hence the reason why my friends hate him, and I'm terrified to tell my parents, but I'm running out of time. She's due on the 14th of August, and gut feelings tell me they are going to be mortified. He's only 19, and they will slam him right into their bad book as soon as they hear it. They won't care whether I love him or not. And I'm not about to have the best thing thats ever happened to me get ripped right away from me again. I'll move out if I have to, I don't care. 4 Dream of flowers on razorwire Dream

.::starting fresh::. [28 Jul 2005|12:05pm] [ mood | blah ] [ music | AFI ] This is my private journal, the one that's been deleted 9326542 times. I will scan my birth certificate if I must, just to prove to you Blurty people that I am in fact 18. Everyone I know including myself use Livejournal, and I need a place where I can pour out my heart and not have to worry about someone I know reading it and spreading the drama. Cuz I hate that with a burning passion. So for all the strangers that might become my blurty friend or are just looking to read someone else's life script, be warned that this journal will be filled with raw emotion and un-tamed attitude. I might as well start off rambling now. Lose the fucking drama and just be straight up with me. Realize how fucking childish your being. I never thought my year and a half on you would make any difference in maturity, but I was way wrong. Open your fucking eyes and see me, I'm not as stupid as your thinking. Stop scheming and going behind my back because I figured you both out a long time ago. If there's something that needs to be said, just fucking say it. Whatever happened to true friendship. 1 Dream of flowers on razorwire Dream

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