s.michelle's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]

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shhhh. [16 Dec 2009|11:01pm]
[ mood | cold ]
[ music | the frys - got you [where i want you] ]

are you ok? i hope you are. i'll just sit back, listen carefully, and love you from afar. the hole in my soul -- it never stops seeping.. my love for you keeps me up at night gently weeping.. your name spilling from my lips; but oh this love, this burning ember on my tongue.. how did it come to this? sigh.. kayy i'm done.

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empathetic? hah. [18 Nov 2009|02:20am]
i don't even know anymore it's like something has taken control of my mind and i can't think for myself.. or i'm scared to think because of the fear that somebody can hear my thoughts. perhaps it's time i take a breather or maybe i just need to sit down smoke a nice fat blunt and contemplate some things.

yeah my mind is seriously twisted.
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that's right [29 Oct 2009|01:05pm]
[ mood | melancholy ]

it's happening. everything i ever wanted is falling together perfectly in front of my face. my education, my technical traning, my ability to be someone better. now.. with all this happiness i have found relief but have not forgotten. money makes the world go around, bills seem to consume.... but all we can do is do the best that we can and to take it one day at a time. remember to smile.. there's plenty of time to frown later. laugh, enjoy, relish... most importantly.. B E L I E V E. xo.

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what is to come now? [14 Oct 2009|09:17pm]
[ mood | gloomy ]
[ music | enough ]


only time will tell. i have to fight for freedom from the fear that overwhelms me. but trust me... i only LOOK stable; my mind is elsewhere now.
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the things i do... [13 Oct 2009|12:34am]
[ mood | cold ]
[ music | intervention ]

i do because i love you. not because it's convenient, not because you want it, not because you need it even. i don't understand your doubts about me. i do everything out of pure, undying love for you. so is that hard to accept? why do you have to talk shit and run your mouth about me? dude, i'm standing right outside your door don't act like i don't hear you... i hear everything -- & i don't necessarily mean physically. and the wool you seem to think you have pulled over my eyes?... is more like saran wrap. i see right through it, i see right through you... people are sheets of glass. some thin, some thick.. some you have to punch a little harder to break.

i seem to have fallen weak to the inevitable facts of friendship and companionship. or maybe i just think it's funny as hell to let you think what you think about me.. gives me something to laugh about that only i understand. hell, even you don't understand why you have to run your dicksucker... you just do it to make yourself look and feel better. don't think i would ever try to fuck you over because i wouldn't even if i wanted to -- these are the words of a true karma believer. what goes around comes back around three fold. what i do of spite today will be regretted eventually. and i avoid that at all cost. && no.. i'm not perfect &&& no i don't make a lot of sense all the time... but i try to be the best person i possibly can be. for God, for you, and for props when i deserve it. in the meantime, just think about yourself and your abilities as a person.. to influence or to make them turn the other cheek.. or to make them realize that they NEVER want to turn out like you. i'm tired of the shitty end. these feelings make me want a beer... or 10.

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gettingsomewhere. [12 Oct 2009|02:03pm]
[ mood | creative ]
[ music | the tv ]

slowly but surely. completed the first of what could be many classes i need to take in order to get my GED and step up to the next level. i'm ready to get it over with, but i'm also ready to learn what i missed out on. being homeschooled, you're limited on the curriculum you're exposed to. it's time for me to step up to the plate and contribe to, not take away from, my family and friends and the ones i love. in the meantime, i can only keep my head up and tell myself not to look at the ground. things may be harder, and they might even get harder.. but all i can do is stick together with the people i care about and move forward. there's always another day to prosper when you have acknowledged what good can come out of the bad times. i'm not even sure why i started this journal, and i'm not positive it even has a theme or a purpose. but it's something i look forward too. with that being said, here's some pics of some things and people that withoutadoubt make me smile;


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aftermidnight. [12 Oct 2009|12:03am]
[ mood | apathetic ]

sleep doesn't come easy for me anymore, my mind is flipping on and off, around and upside down. my mind is as confused as my heart and i don't know which way to go now. i think there is something wrong with me, inside my mind there's an off switch but i can't find it.. so i just worry. about everything. as a matter of fact worrying is everything because; is has slowly consumed me and my life and it is all i ever do. no time for sleep. no time for rest even. only worries. when i have a true REASON to worry is when i start to feel the real pressure. my eyes dart from left to right and back.. my mind doing the same. i wonder, i think, what if? but maybe. i'm scared. i'm worthless. i'm tired. so tired. i don't think things could get any harder for us then they are now, but my mind tells me maybe now is the easiest it will ever be for us. i think it's evil, my mind that is. and i think it's the reason i'm always at loss. i don't know. i just don't know anymore. i just need to roll one up. i'll write more later when i think i can think more clearly. perhaps after class tomorrow, i'm sure my tank will be on e after that. swt drms.

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