| Blehh, I suck |
[21 Oct 2009|11:03pm] |
I binged today. I sorta purged, too, through exercise not vomit.
Food--
B: 1 egg, 3 egg whites, cheddar cheese, 1 slice ww
L: leftover pasta with broccoli
D: 1 challah roll, carrots and cucumbers, steamers
S: lots and lots of oreos with milk
Workout: 38 minutes on the elliptical, push ups to failure (25), stretching
I basically fit in as much as I could before the gym closed and then went back to my place and tried to reason with myself that it wasnt that bad. The good news is that I didnt vomit.
I think I didnt fuck up that badly, I just want to make sure I dont do that again. Tomorrow, I have to be at work really early. I will go to the gym after work, then do laundry and clean up. I have to have my apartment clean for when P gets here.
I think that is it. Blehh. I am trying not to be down right now.
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| Today is hard |
[20 Oct 2009|10:05pm] |
I am trying to resist a binge at the moment. I am watching Sons of Anarchy. I lit a candle. I am drinking water.
Food:
B: 3 eggs, cheddar cheese, 1 slice ww
S: 1 adora calcium
L: lamb chops, salad
S: v8, fruit snacks
Workout: 45 minutes elliptical, planks, stretching
D: pasta with broccoli and cheddar cheese
S: 1 adora calcium
I am dying for something sweet. Not sure why my sugar tooth has been acting up lately.
Work's been rough. The days seem slow.
Tomorrow is more elliptical and planks. Hopefully if my back has healed by Thursday, I will be able to lift weights.
Wow, writing really helped, I think I can make it through tonight.
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| Food |
[19 Oct 2009|05:30pm] |
So, I basically made the week and then I realized that I can't even get a massage tomorrow, or for a while, because I am getting my back tattoo removed.
Sunday:
B: french toast
L: yogurt
D: shrimp, lamb, salad and chicken soup (there were lots of things at my parents house)
Monday:
B: 2 slices ww, ricotta cheese
Workout: 10 minutes elliptical, 15 minutes abs
S: 2 packets oatmeal
L: salad with shrimp
S: 1 v8, popcorn, fruit snacks
I havent binged. I havent lost weight. I am not cool with the snack I just ate, but I am about to go for tattoo removal and I get anxious. I get it. I controlled it, though, by adding the v8 to curb the hungry feeling. I am just hoping it is not too painful and that I will be able to get to the gym by Wednesday the latest.
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| Foodsky 3! |
[15 Oct 2009|08:05pm] |
YAY again. I am starting to feel really good. It feels less like a struggle lately.
B: 2 eggs, 2 slices ww toast
S: 1 adora calcium
L: leftover chicken with string beans and onions
S: 2 packets instant oatmeal
Workout: 45 minutes core class
D: beef and sesame noodles (made at home, it's not the healthiest, but I can control what goes into the dish to make it less salty/fatty. AND IT WAS DELICIOUS)
I am starting to get used to cooking every night and making an effort to bring my lunch to work.
Tomorrow is expiration. Blehhhh.
I will bring the leftovers to work. I am going to try not to drink too much this weekend and make it to the gym. Tomorrow is yoga. I am pretty sore from working out, so I had to take it easy today. Saturday, I am going to do elliptical and weight training.
Ok, I think that is all. I am trying not to over think things and just do my thing, get shit done and not overeat. I might add a orange ice pop later.
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| Foodsky 2 |
[14 Oct 2009|05:33pm] |
YAY
B: oatmeal, skim milk
S: adora calcium
L: leftover steak, mushrooms and onions
S: extra packet of oatmeal for hunger
S: popcorn
Workout: 45 minutes elliptical, stretching
D: cajun chicken with onions and string beans
S: 1 cup of cranberry juice (130 calories)
I am going to have the rest of the chicken for lunch tomorrow. I used to not cook because I hate to cook for one. Now I just cook for two and have lunch. It is healthy and cheaper than buying my lunch every day. I am happy with this new routine. Plus, lunch feels like an actual meal. I really dont like eating sandwiches.
Two days down! I am feeling pretty good.
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| Foodsky |
[13 Oct 2009|10:02pm] |
Well, I basically binged like crazy yesterday, but managed to get back on track today, so my week to massage starts today.
B: 2 slices ww with peanut butter
L: leftover pasta with chicken, broccoli, onion and garlic
S: 1 adora calicum, oatmeal, 1 diet sunkist
Workout: 8 minutes light jog on treadmill for warm up, 45 minutes high intensity weight training class
D: steak with onions and mushrooms
S: ice pop
(EDIT: added a virgin bloody mary for dessert, made with v8, horseradish and a bit of worchestershire)
I am debating making a small amount of popcorn, although I am not that hungry and dont want to trigger anything.
I managed to clean my kitchen and do laundry, also. I wanted to clean the rest of the apartment, but I've been on my feet all day. This really feels like the first time I've gotten to sit down since the morning.
I cant decide if I want to go to the gym in the morning or the afternoon tomorrow. My goal is to drop 8-10 pounds by Christmas. I dont think that is so absurd. I just need to cut out all the bingeing and overeating. I want to try to cook a lot more and really manage what I eat. Plus, I need to stop eating when I am bored. I somehow got into the habit of doing that at work and it needs to stop. Other things on my list to stop doing is: watching TV before I go to sleep, hitting the snooze button and eating in front of the TV. I think I can manage.
8-10 pounds by Christmas. 15-20 by next summer.
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| Weekend Success! |
[11 Oct 2009|10:08pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 good |
] |
Saturday food:
B: french toast 1 3/4 slices, 2 pieces bacon
(Woke up late then went to P's friend's place)
S: 1 cup cider
D: (P's grandma's 80th birthday party) a couple of cashews, some lox and crackers, 2 lamb chops, salad, a little bit of rice. 1 whiskey on ice, 1 glass red wine
Sunday food:
B: woke up late had a small portion of tortellini for breakfast and a mimosa
S: popcorn
D: steak, salad, very little french fries. Split the fries with P and split a small portion of ice cream with P
S: 1 packet instant oatmeal
I think I did well. I feel pretty good, too! Now I just have to make it to thursday for 1 week!
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| 2 days! |
[09 Oct 2009|04:57pm] |
So, yesterday was a success!! My friend and I ate dinner together and she brought dessert. Honestly, I wasn't tempted to eat more than a few bites, even though it tasted really good, so that is progress.
I worked out really early this morning and didn't pack appropriate food or snacks, so I ended up spending a lot of money today. I suppose it is not a big deal considering that I normally spend 2-5 bucks a day on lunch.
Food -
B: oatmeal with skim milk
Workout: 20 minutes warm up on the elliptical. 35 minutes of full body weight training in intervals, including one intense set of abs.
B2: 2 eggs, other half of oatmeal
Snack: yogurt and vitamin water
Lunch: 1 cup soup, 1 roll
Snack: 1 reeses cup, 1 low sodium v8
Minus the reeses and the vitamin water, it was a fairly healthy day. I like to add sugar to my diet on the days that I do intense workouts because otherwise I get headaches.
I realized today, when I got my lease in the mail to resign, that its been a whole year and I've done very little besides bitch about my weight. I am very serious about it this time. I really want to stop eating uncontrollably. Hopefully that will eventually lead to an easier time with weight loss. I am also concerned with my skin. When I eat poorly, my skin starts to look patchy, especially if I purge. So, I am going to make an effort to eat right and get fish oil into my diet. What is the point of being thin if I am not eating right and my skin looks bad?
Anyways, I will not be updating this weekend, I will be with the boy.
Workouts and posts to resume Monday
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| I havent updated... |
[08 Oct 2009|06:55pm] |
...because I was embarrassed about all the food I was consuming.
Anyways. I made myself a deal. If I go a week without bingeing, I will get myself a professional 80 minute massage. And I will do that every week for 3 weeks that I make progress. I think that if I can get a good month of eating under my belt, it will feel like a routine and I will be able to start doing it easily again.
I feel immensely fat. I am trying not to focus on it.
Food:
B: 2 slices ww toast, ricotta cheese
L: amy's burrito, coffee
S: apple and a cup of soup
Exercise: 35 minutes elliptical, 10 minutes stretching, abs and push ups
D: pasta with shrimp and broccoli, a little bit of cheese, oregano and light cream for taste
I am going to have an adora calcium later and that will be it. I am also curbing my alcohol intake to 1-2 drinks on occasions. I have been out of control drinking at things. It is unbecoming and full of calories.
I will update more often. That is the goal. And not to binge. And to all around feel better about myself. I think that is a good goal.
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| Quick Update before Gym |
[24 Sep 2009|05:30pm] |
Blah. I am in a terrible mood. I managed to eat well, though.
B: raisin bran, skim milk
S: 1 green apple and a yogurt
S: 1 adora calcium
L: turkey sandwich on ww bread
S: popcorn and cranberry juice mixed with seltzer
Not sure what I want to eat for dinner yet. I might just heat up an Amy's burrito, just to avoid cooking tonight. I've cooked every single night this week. I am not complaining, I make good food. I am just really freaking lazy.
I couldnt do the kettle ball class at the gym last night. My back, from tattoo removal, is still in a bad place. I dont think I am going to make it to the weight training class tonight either. After this, I am just going to do the elliptical for an hour and try to keep myself entertained, somehow.
Tomorrow, I am going to see P. Exciting.
Work is killing me.
I think I need a relaxing arts and crafts project. I guess I can do some fall cleaning. That would at least be productive, as opposed to gluing noodles to a piece of cardboard.
It is funny. With just one day of eating well, I dropped 2 pounds of bloat. It was enough to make me feel really good about my progress. I had a shit day today, but I dont want to eat to make myself feel better. That excites me.
Ok, I think that is all. I wish I wasn't in such a shit mood.
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| Oatmeal is the shit. |
[06 Aug 2009|09:06pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 accomplished |
] |
B: oatmeal with skim milk! SO FILLING, I was cool for the day
L: Soup and 1/2 sandwich
S: afternoon coffee
Workout: 17 minutes walking on an incline, 35 minute core/abs class
D: 2 glasses of wine, raw clams, salmon with spinach and 1 dinner roll
S: 1 adora calcium
I think I did pretty well! I deserve a star!
Tomorrow morning I am going to work out, probably will do some light cardio mixed in with weights. I've really been feeling the interval training lately. Then I'm going to see P. Very excited and will not exercise all weekend. But if I make it to the gym tomorrow morning, I will have gotten in 5 workouts, so yay.
3 days down.
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| I feel immensely fat today. |
[05 Aug 2009|04:47pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 blah |
] |
Blah. Havent overeaten, though
B: 2 slices ww toast, ricotta cheese
S: 1 adora calcium, 1 cup raisin brain
L: big salad with grilled chicken, sundried tomato, artichoke, graded cheese, chick peas, oil and vinegar
S: 1 special k bar
I'm going out to dinner again tonight to yet another sushi restaurant, haha. I'm planning on getting sashimi.
Work is stressing me out and I am wondering if I can drop this water weight by the weekend. I really dont want to feel fat when I have to go hang with P's family. Its not like his cousins are thin and I feel gross or anything, I just want to look my best. Plus, on Saturdays we always end up on the boat in bathing suits and its been a real drag on my self-esteem. Blah. I just need to lose like 10 pounds. I think it's doable, I just need to stop eating like an asshole and keep up my workouts.
Thats all I really have to say, I have a monster headache and really need to get to the gym so that I can make it to dinner on time. I'm super sore from all the weight lifting, so I am going to do some light cardio and abs.
2 days without bingeing! I'm doing the stars on my calendar thing again, hope it helps!
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| I forgot how awesome it is to post. |
[04 Aug 2009|10:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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accomplished |
] |
Really. I think I can do this. I've gone one whole day without overeating. Next stop: 2 days.
B: 2 slices ww toast with part skim ricotta cheese
S: 1 special K bar
L: (SUPER ANNOYING, the MP of my firm was supposed to order in Italian for us, in which case I was going to get grilled salmon but at the last minute he decided to have a pizza party instead. I was pissed because I purposely didnt pack my lunch because he has told us this yesterday)
1 slice of sausage pizza, since there was no plain pie, and I was actually enjoying the sausage part the best anyways.
Workout: originally going to do yoga, but thought that it would be better to meet my sister for dinner so I walked for 20 minutes on the treadmill at 3.5 mph at a 7.5% incline and then took a 45 minute cardio/weight training class
D: mixed sushi (not too much), hijiki
S: 1 lowfat yogurt with rainbow sprinkles
I've already brushed my teeth and gotten into bed, so I am hoping that it fixes my food and makes me not want to eat tonight. I guess that is all. I am taking all the steps I can to try to make it through this entire week, even if it means that I get home at 10pm every single night.
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| Food, exercise |
[03 Aug 2009|11:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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annoyed |
] |
B: 2 slices ww toast, cream cheese
S: 1 cup raisin bran
L: soup with chicken and a dinner roll
S: 1 special K bar
S: 1 bowl oatmeal
Workout: 75 minutes high intensity cardio/weights
D: onions and mushroom salad with noodles and tuna, 1 glass white wine
S: 1 more special K bar and LOTS of grapes. I feel pretty much like a failure now, and rather disgusting. Why can't I eat like a normal person!? Blah.
I need to get back on track. No more bingeing.
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| Wow, I need to start legitimately posting again. |
[14 Jul 2009|04:41pm] |
My food's been insane. My exercise shitty. I have to get back on track.
Food:
Breakfast: special K, skim milk, 1 tbs peanut butter
Lunch: salad, string beans, tomatoes, chicken, onion, oil and vinegar, 1 dinner roll
Snack: 1 adora calcium, 2 packets oatmeal (200 cals), skim milk
Dinner is probably going to be salmon. I dont think I legitimately packed on this weight, I think it has to do with all the salt I've been eating and the lack of exercise due to tattoo removal. I am putting my stomach tattoo removal on hold until after the summer, since it swells awfully, and its hard to disguise in warmer weather. The one on my back bled like hell yesterday, but it seems to be coming off nicely. I'm hoping I'll only have to go 2-3 more times.
I hate myself every time I go for tattoo removal. It only reminds me of all the bad decisions I made in college. At least I'm fixing it. At least it is fixable.
I'm hoping P comes to NY next weekend, but I'm thinking he wont and I dont want to be disappointed, so I havent asked. I know he wont give me a straight answer until Wednesday, so I'm not even going to bother asking until tomorrow. We had a really nice weekend together last weekend. I stayed until Monday morning. Somehow, it was a bad idea, since we both had to wake up at 5:45 to get me to the train on time, but it was nice to have that extra night with him. I hate long distance, but I think I can do this.
So, I'm thinking heavy duty cardio tonight, then cardio tomorrow morning and weight training tomorrow afternoon. Then, cardio and weights on Thursday and Yoga Friday. They canceled like all the fucking yoga classes at my gym for the summer. I'm really fucking annoyed.
I'd like to get 6 workouts in by Sunday. We'll see if I can do it. If P comes for the weekend, I will forgo the Saturday workout. Honestly, as fat as I feel, I'd rather him come than me get obsessed with the gym.
Um, I think thats about it. I've been doing well at work, hopefully it continues. Earning season is starting, I think I can kill it.
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| I have an overexercising problem... |
[29 Jun 2009|08:38pm] |
What is wrong with me?
I did 8 workouts last week. 8. And today I feel like a bad person because I only went to the gym once for 30 minutes. What the hell is wrong with me?
Anyways food:
B: raisin bran with skim milk
S: carrots and peanut butter
L: 6 pieces spicy tuna sushi
S: 1 adora calcium
D: salmon and salad
S: 1 more adora calcium
Im not particularly hungry. Im really effing tired. I packed for CT. Looking forward to seeing P.
Um, fucked up at work today, so I guess my streak is over. So now I can relax like a normal person and stop looking at 2 bedroom apartments with pools online. What do they say about not counting your chickens before they hatch?
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| Food: |
[24 Jun 2009|04:48pm] |
Breakfast: 2 slices homemade french toast
Snack: 1 cup raisin bran
Lunch: egg, turkey, 2 slices whole wheat
Snack: 1 bowl oatmeal
I did 25 minutes of cardio this morning and I'm gonna go back to the gym to lift once fast money is over.
I have to go to this burger place tonight for someones birthday. There are literally no other choices than burgers. Im kinda annoyed. I feel so fat right now, its absurd. And Ive been hungry and trying to eat healthy. And I just feel like a fat piece of crap, instead.
Blah.
I checked weather.com, and apparently its supposed to be gross out this weekend, so that means P might come! Haha. Is it awful that I hope a summer weekend gets ruined by the rain so that he will come here and hang out with me instead of going to a 30th birthday beach party? Probably. Eh, whatever, I miss him.
Works been going decently. 2 more days till the weekend. I seriously need to work out my abs.
This has been successfully incoherent.
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| Food and crap. |
[23 Jun 2009|05:37pm] |
I've gained like 5 pounds. What the fuck.
Food:
B: cereal with milk
S: yogurt
L: turkey sandwich on whole wheat, yogurt
S: oatmeal
Dinner is going to be french toast. I've been craving it all day.
Why am I getting so fat? Period around the corner? Shitty diet? I ate reasonably yesterday and today. I overate Sunday, but ate reasonably on Saturday. Blah. I hate gaining weight.
P (the boy) may or may not come this weekend. If the weather is shitty, he will come here. If not, I will be there on Tuesday night for my self created 5 day weekend! I'm really excited because I havent legitimately taken days off since Christmas.
Id like to be thinner for that. I'm not concerned about gaining weight with him, we generally eat pretty healthily together. I would just like to feel a little thinner when he gets here. I dont think he'll notice. But I just feel blah.
I'm going to yoga at 6:30, and then I think I'm meeting someone for drinks, although I wont be drinking.
Think thats it!
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| Annoying day. |
[22 Jun 2009|05:21pm] |
Food:
B: 1 yogurt
S: 250 cals of almonds
L: chicken and rice soup
S: oatmeal
I'm gonna go to yoga at 7:30.
I really need to go grocery shopping and also go to the tailor. I'm feeling SO lazy today.
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| Food: |
[18 Jun 2009|05:45pm] |
B: 2 slices ww, 1 egg, minor amounts of syrup
S: 1 light yogurt
S: handful of cashews
S: leftover indian food
I'm going to yoga at 7:15. Then I'll be watching baseball with a friend eating vietnamese food. I'm planning on getting a soup.
The boy is in Montana for a wedding. I'm sad that we're not going to get to see each other this weekend. Apparently, he is more sad than I am. Last night he was nonstop complaining about not seeing me this weekend and having to be in Montana for a wedding that he couldnt get out of... Things are going well.
I'm hoping that I drop some weight.
I need to clean my apartment.
OH and I finally got DVR. Yay.
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