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[08 Jul 2006|11:03pm] |
apparently, for years this was the place i suppose i wrote everything i could never say to you. so, here goes nothing. .
from the moment i laid eyes on you i knew you were special. threwout the years we have been so many things..friends, a couple, friends with benifits, dirty little secretss and anything you could imagine in between. now here i am.. three years later, graduated from high school and off to college. still, you dont seem to be able to completely let go..
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[19 Jun 2005|12:23pm] |
i ` l o v e e ` y o u
over one year later..
..and you still give me butterflys
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[25 Aug 2004|12:32am] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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music |
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unholy confessions--avenged sevenfold |
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this is so hard. everytime i decide i am over it and threw with your shit, you always make it harder on me. always. it's unexplainable , you just have a way with me. and i hate it. i wish i could just get over you, and i don't know why i can't. there is just something about you that stops me, idk what it is either. when you look at me and just smile i always wonder what you are thinking, if you miss me or still care.. there is just so much that was left unsaid. i just wish i knew if i'm really holding on to nothing ..
I swear I'll know your face in the crowd
And I'll hear your voice so loud
When you're whispering
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| best friends means friends foreverr |
[20 Aug 2004|12:01am] |
this is pretty kool..
Instructions: write to 12 different people that mean something to you but don't tell who each is for. not in any specific order. guess who everyone is .. enjoy = )
1- we were inseprable last summer and now we barely talk. you are one of the silliest and dumbest girls i know.. but i love u for it
2- idk what happened to us. we were best friends to 3 years and i could never ever be able to thank you enough for everything that have done. i miss you like crazi
3- you are my absolute best friend. you are the funniest person ever and i love you to death ! thanks for everythingx100 !
4- we talked everyday for about 7 months straight. we told e/o everything and had the best times and now everything is over. for now anyway. i love u to death sweetie. i miss you..
5- we never get to hangout and still manage to be best friends, now thats a true friendship. love you bunches. age doesnt matter with the lefty twinsss haha
6- we just got close this year cause of school but you are the koolest chick ever. you are 1 of my best friends and i love u for everything youve done for me.
7- you are like a brother to me, we fight all the time but it's okay cause we will always be there for e/o.
8- you are the cutest thing ever. i know you will be here for me forever.. i love you ! im so glad we hangout again
9- we aren't as close anymore but we still tell e/o everything. i hope we can still hangout sometime, love you kid
10-you are my most hyper friend ever !! i never see you but md was good timess
11- idk what happened to us. we were best friends and then stopped. n then started again and now we dont talk. guess thats just how shit went down though..
12- we had some funny times together. oh my bambalaaaa
i love u guys soooo much <333
xoxo *
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[16 Aug 2004|11:36pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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everything is messed up. i miss sean liek you wouldn't imagine. i wish i could take away all the memories and just forget about him. but i can't. i want him to be completely gone from my heart but at the same time i am dying with out talking to him. i miss his laugh, the way he looked at me, they way he held and kissed me the way that he always would smoke his ciggarette and blow the smoke in my face. i miss everything. i am still crazy about the kid. when i saw him today i just melted. its amazing how after all the hurt hes done to me he can still give me butterflies the second i hear a skateboard comming my way. i hate how he controls my emotions with out even knowin it. whenever i didn't talk to him for the day i would automatically think something was wrong , but now i would kill to just get a simple ' hey what u doin ? ' . i hate being this way with him. and i hate it that alexis has him and i don't. i want to be selfish and have him again. he was the best thing that happened to me since will. and will was my first love which means a lot. and now sean totally overpowered him and dominated any feelings that remained for will. they are all gone and now i'm just a lump of emptyness..
sigh i miss you so much you don't even know
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[14 Aug 2004|12:52am] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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music |
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on my own--the used |
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this is all too much for me. i can't handle it. everything was .p.e.r.f.e.c.t. with me and sean. and then alexis came back into the picture. and now it's over. evrything. they are back together and i am miserable. i still love him so much. it kills me to see him this happy with her. everyday i wake up and just feel empty. like something is missing, and i guess something is missing. him. i miss him so much. it's not the same anymore and it probly won't ever be again. ::sigh:: .. i hate this and i don't know what to do anymore ..
isly×/3
Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all of your life
You'd do just anything to look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you..
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[17 Jul 2004|02:22pm] |
happy one month sweetie
i still love u..
You said we were an accident..
With accidents you'll never know what could have been
So we were an accident
You'll a l w a y s be my favorite one
×/3
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[16 Jul 2004|06:56pm] |
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fuck this.. i can't take it anymore, idk how much longer i can hold on ..
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[15 Jul 2004|03:39pm] |
I CAN'T TAKE IT .. I'M GOING INSANEEEEE.. ughh i can't stop thinking. i don't even want to go out today, he's at work and he is the only reason that i want to go out. so sad, i know. but i can't help it. blahhh this is the fuckin worst..i'm freaking out over here without you..
I NEED YOU.. WAY SO MUCH AND BADLY
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| -forever- is never to long to wait for something perfect×3 |
[15 Jul 2004|02:08pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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in keeping secrets of silent earth--coheed and cambria |
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i'm going crazi. literally crazi. last night i could not get to sleep. i kept remembering things and thinking about sean. i know that me and him are over and done with. there is no more 'us'. theres him. and theres me. but then at times, many times, it seems like there is an 'us'. just by the way we act, and i can feel it. i know theres feelings left. it's getting to the point where i feel like i need to see him or talk to him everyday. this isn't good.. i've been here before with some1 else, and that was -horrible- . i don't wanna let myself let some1 in my life this much, but i think it's already too late. i always think of how things could have been, and how we'd still be together if it wasn't for that fucked up day. yup so it would be one month this saturday. it feels like we just started going out yesterday. ::sigh:: this sucks, so bad. my god i hope this all works out..
So close your eyes and search deeper than just memories
I never stopped believing in -you and me-
Your leaving never changed things
I've been here for you too long
To just walk away
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[02 Jul 2004|01:56am] |
it's over already .. i know in my head it is, but then why doesn't it feel like it ? oh boy , i'm still so in love with u
- - S u R v E y - -
oo1. what's your name? Lauren Michelle
oo2. what are your parents names? Debbie and Greg
oo3. when were they married? October something or other
oo4. are they still together? yeah
oo5. any siblings? yupp
oo6. names and ages? scott--18
oo7. when is your birthday? June 5th
oo8. do you live in an apartment, house or duplex? house
oo9. have you ever moved? nope, never
o1o. where do you live now? hazlet, nj
m. u. s. i. c.
o11. what CD's are in your player right now? burned ones..
o12. what types of music do you listen to? punk,emo, rock.. all that amazing stuff
o13. what's your favorite song? way to many
o14. what radio stations do you listen to? 92.3, 89.5, 100.3.. ahh the list goes on and on..
o15. what CD do you want to buy as of now? i wanna burn the new atreyu cd !! = )
o16. what's the last CD you bought? soty
o17. what was the last concert you went to? matchbook romance, ::sighh:: amazing<33
o18. what do you think of kelly osborne? she's an oddball
o19. what's your favorite musical? no idea
o2o. christian rock? no thanks
d. e. s. c. r. i. b. e.
o21. your personality :: lately very moody, and sensitive. way to caring.. funny at times and quite outgoing but very much of a pushover and let people walk all over me... yeah that pretty much describes -me-
o22. your room :: new .. and blue and pretty and my favorite place in the house
o23. your mom :: hmm.. scitzofrenic, she def. has 2 personalities and they are waay different
o24. your dad :: is an dickwad
o25. your bed :: comfy
o26. your last dream :: ..don't wanna talk about it
o27. your last conversation :: well i'm having diff convos right now..but my best one was with anthony, thanks babes<33
o28. your outifit right now :: jeans and a pink ezekial shirt
o29. your morning routine :: wake up, go on comp, eat, shower, get dressed, hair, contacts, makeup
o3o. what you see right now :: ugh the comp screen.. ??
f. r. i. e. n. d. s.
o31. whose the friend you've known the longest? hannah and jeremy .. don't rly talk to either of them much anymore though
o32. loudest? kiley
o33. newest friend? i got so many new friends
o34. happiest? hmm.. not sure
o35. ditziest? ..i'd have to say me probly lol
o36. smartest? carrie
o37. shyest? kellie
o38. funniest? shit all my friends are fuckin hilarious..i love u guys so so so much, like whoa
o39. weirdest? carrie probly lol
o4o. nicest? all of them
o41. best advice giver? anthony and nikole
o42. most outgoing? every1
o43. goofiest? lol hm not sure, maybe mat ?
o44. best dancer? monique
o45. best singer? carrie bell
o46. best dressed? we all dress totally different
o47. best memory? ::sighh::
o49. favorite friend's house? idk ..
o5o. best friend? nikolina<3 i love u babe, nowhere w.o you
Favorite..
thing to do on a half day: sleep late and hangout with my friends
late-night activity: listen to music and talk to people on the phone/comp/text
sport: skating
city: hmm.. dunno
store: PacSun and Aeropostale and Joyce Leslie
When was the last time you..
cried: 2nite
played a sport: haha can't remember that either
laughed: bout 10 min ago
hugged someone: 2nite
kissed someone: about a week ago..
felt depressed: right now .. i miss youmysean
shared a secret with: anthony possibly ?
had a sleepover with: nikole
called: my house to pick me up
went to a movie with: my friends
saw: my friends
were angry with: sean
couldn't take your eyes off of: once again, sean..
Have you ever..
danced in the rain: haha yeah !
kissed someone: of course
done drugs: yup
drank alcohol: yes
slept around: no
partied 'til the sun came up: no
had a movie marathon: yup
gone too far on a dare: haha somewhat
spun until you were immensely dizzy: no i dont like spinning
taken a survey quite like this before: oh many times b4
...............................................................
------------ME--------------
* Today's Date: 7-2-04
* Name On Birth Certificate: Lauren Michelle Dellosso
* Age: 15
* Birthday: 6-5-88
* E-mail: xoshortlilqtox@netscape.net
* Eyes: brown
* Hair: brown
* Height: 4'11 and 1/2
* Shoe Size: 6 or 6 1/2
* Who lives with you: mom dad and brother
* Do you have any siblings? scott--18
---------------HAVE YOU EVER--------------
* Flown on a plane: yeah
* Ever been so drunk you blacked out: nope
* Missed school because it was raining: no
* Told a guy/girl that you liked them?: yeah
* Had a crush on a friend's girlfriend/boyfriend: nah
* Been hurt emotionally: yes
* Kept a secret from everyone: yeah
* Had an imaginary friend: haha yeah he was awsome !!
* Wanted to hook up with a friend: yeah
* Cried during a Movie?: of course
* Ever thought an animated character was hot?: lol can't say i have
* Been on stage: yeah
* Cut your hair: not myself
* Had a crush on a teacher?: fuck no.. that's gross
-----------------FAVORITES------------------
* Shampoo: dunno
* Fav Color: black and pink
* Day/Night: night
* Summer/Winter: summer !! 3
* Lace or Satin: don't care
* Fave Cartoon Character: piglet
* Fave Food: mac and cheese
* Fave Cereal: this stuff my mom used to buy in like 6th grade, it was so good.. haha
* Fave Song: i like too many
* Fave Advertisement: ugh idk
* Fave Movies: there are a lot
* Fave Drink: water
* Fave Ice Cream: swirl
* Fave sport: idk, gymnastics is fun but skating is awsome
-----------------RIGHT NOW------------------
* Wearing: pink ezikiel shirt and jeans
* Eating: nothing
* Drinking: niente
* Thinkin bout: him
* Listening to: burn-usher
* Talking to someone Online: yeah
-------------IN THE LAST 24 HRS------------
* Cried: yeah
* Worn jeans: yea
* Met someone New online: actually..yeh
* Done laundry: no, never do
* Driven a car: yeah
* Talked on the phone ?: yea
-----------DO YOU BELIEVE IN--------------
* Yourself: no
* Your friends: yeah
* Santa Claus: i miss that old fat jolly dude !! haha
* Tooth Fairy: nope
*Destiny/ fate: eh, somewhat
*Angels: at times
*Saints: idk
* UFO's: no
-----------FRIENDS AND LIFE---------------
* Do you ever wish you had another name? sometimes
* Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend? nope..
* Do you like anyone? yes..
* Which one of your friends acts the most like you: nikole
* Who have you known the longest of your friends: hannah, but we don't rly talk anymore so idk if that counts
* Who's the loudest: all of us are insane 2gether
* WHOS THE MOST ANNOYING?!?? : ryan b ! lol
* Who's the shyest: kellie
* Whos the quietest: kellie
* Are you close to any family members? not rly
* Who's the Funniest: jon !!
* Who do you go to for stuff?: nikole linds kaytee anthony..and sometimes sean, unles it's about him haha
* Who do you hang around the most?: every1 at the pipe.. waaay to many ppl to type<3 love you guys
* Who did you go to when you cried the most: depends on the reason i'm crying
* What's the best feeling in the world: being loved
* Worst Feeling: being alone and feeling useless.. ::sigh::
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[20 Jun 2004|06:52pm] |
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mood |
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hey .. haven't updated in a bit .. anyway me and sean are going out now and i'm so, so, SO happy and love him way much<33 like whoa. oh man, he's so p e r f e c t ×3
a few questions...about "him"
1. first few things you saw that attracted you to him: skateboard,guitar, eyes<3
2. conversation that led you to wanting to get to kno him: just talking about random stuff
3. place you met him: dev. by the plaza with ppl
4. after you met him, did you talk to him the at all the rest of the day? not that day,but we woundup hanging out everyday after that, still do
5. how long have you been together? not long, but it feels so much longer because we have liked e/o for a while and have been hookinup on and off since spring break
6. do you say i love you to eachother? no, but we don't need to say it, we just know we love e/o
7. if so do you mean it? .. my feelings are so strong i can't even begin to explain it
ilu babe
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| do you miss me where you are ? |
[09 Jun 2004|10:05pm] |
ha yup, just updated yest. but already much has changed.. sean imed me and we talked everything out and now we're all good. not sure if that's a good thing, i mean i love talking to him, but he's probly just guna do this all over. uhm , ben wants monique !! yay =) so happy for that. yeah he likes 19 hours away but when they come up i can't wait !! i miss nathan so much too. like wow. and kyle. ahh i love them way to much, obsessive amount, haha lol anyway i guess i'm guna go .. laterr
NatHaN bEn KyLe<33-- i miss and love ya'll way soo much !!
I was over it before
But you brought me back to where I began
And I'm starting out again
And I'll remain here until the end
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| she sits alone and slowly fades into nothingness.. |
[06 Jun 2004|04:51pm] |
so much is changed.. i am pretty much over sean, so much shit happened with that , i'd rather not get into it. but hey it's cool, w.e. i recently got back from maryland with the om team. it was the best time ever. we met 3 guys from arkansas<33 so cute. yup so -stuff- happened =) ::sigh:: i miss them so much. we spent 5 days with them nonstop and now i feel incomplete. well my birthday was yesterday, that was fun too.. thanks guys<3. for all the people who actually cared and didn't make xcuses, i love ya'll to death. anyway, that's about all so i'm guna end it here xo *
love alwayss--
[x.] Lauren [.x]
get out l e a v e right now
its the end of you and me
its too late now
and i cant wait for you to be gone
cuz i know about her
and i w o n d e r why
how i bought all the lies
you said that you would treat me right
but it was just a -w a s t e o f t i m e -
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| ' why can't I do what's right for me? ' |
[11 Apr 2004|11:25pm] |
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mood |
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over it..rufio |
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hey, well right now i feel rly crappy. idk what made it come out, but i just feel lonely and useless. it's like i'm empty and i can't find a meaning for myself, other then to be used and give advice, ohh what a life. but hey w.e i mean if thats what i'm here for, then that sucks but i gotta deal with it. i hate this though , it's so hard to explain your emotions when you aren't even sure what you are feeling, and even if you do know, it's hard to put them down without sounding bitchy and whiney. ugh w.e fuck it
So what makes you play this game
With results always the same and nothing but bad reputations to gain
It speaks to me like all is fine
When i could cry from all the bends and breaks
That i took this time
When happiness is based on lies
It's so hard its too hard to tell the truth
What do you see when you look at me ?
Do you take me for a fool ?
..This fool is through <--
-tsl
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| 'every star I see is brighter then the last*' |
[10 Apr 2004|10:02pm] |
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mood |
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loved |
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yesterday was amazing.. thank you babe<33
And this walk that we shared together
The streets were wet and the gate was locked
So I jumped it, and let you in
And you stood at your door with your hands on my waist
And you kissed me like you meant it
And I knew that you meant it
That you meant it, that you meant it
And I knew that you meant it, that you meant it.
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[08 Apr 2004|02:35pm] |
i'M SO iN LOVE WiTH YOU BOi
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| "When did I become so weak ?" |
[04 Apr 2004|11:02pm] |
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hey.. well things are very different and i'm not rly sure what i'm feeling.. i just know my feelings for sean are fading, still strong, but slowly fading.. and i miss being best friends with anthony .. 2day is his birthday and i'm miderable. idk what happened or how it did, but it sucks horribly. i miss nikole ant will monique jeremy and kellie so much. it's horrible. but i love my new friends, they're awsome and i wouldn't be able to live w.o them. but ughh w.e don't feel like talking.. x0x
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[31 Mar 2004|08:40pm] |
without you here.. i would have died ..
* t h a n k y o u *
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| 'So Kiss Me Now Cause This Will Be The Lastime That I Let You' |
[27 Mar 2004|12:21pm] |
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mood |
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stressed |
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drowning-dc |
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my horoscope for today .. scarry.. it's so true..
Even the best-laid plans can go awry, so it's time to stop planning and start doing. The only thing holding you back is your own insecurity -- the situation is as ripe as it's going to get. Ask and prepare to receive.
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