Joseph's Journal

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Sunday, April 4, 2004

11:30PM - wisdom?

there are times in our lives where the bad things seem to overshadow the good to the point where it becomes hard to see what lies ahead. its times like these that you start to question yourself, your life, and the relationships of everyone and everything around. it gets hard to pull through those dark days but as they say time heals all wounds. i have been hurt many times in my short life and as i look back on it i see how those times have shaped my life. to simply say that all i want is good days for the rest of my life is a hopeless fantasy. on top of that it is a fantasy that, although it seems like a good idea, is in reality a very bad idea. your probably thinking he's insane but let me explain. there are things in this world that require balance. you dont notice them usually in day to day life but they are all around you. night and day, cause and effect, good and evil, and of course possibly the two most important ones creation and destruction. as human beings we have the ability to recognize these and to possibly change or upset the balance. now on to my point and back to the good days fantasy: if there are no bad days how would you learn to appreciate the good days for being just that? would you truly be able to comprehend how well the day is going or would it be just another day? what im trying to say here is even though life may seem utterly hopeless or like everyone is out to get you, hang in there. be strong, but dont be afraid to reach out for those you love and trust. eventually everyone needs someone to lean on. they may not know how to help but in the end you will realize that just thier presence was enough of a factor to help. at my young age these are the times that change us from who we are to who we will become and everythign plays an important role so remember, cherish, love, cry, and most of just BE ALIVE. after all if were afraid to act human then whats the point?

Current mood:

contemplative

Current music: Show me - liquid gang

Thursday, April 1, 2004

11:55PM - Long time.

Hey everyone i know its been a long time since ive updated and there is a very good reason for that. I ussually update my journal during my 10 minute break. Lately we have been restricted at work from usign the internet during our breaks because some retards are abusing the priviledge and makign everyone suffer. now i know most of you are thinking well what about your lunch break? lunch is the only time we are allowed to surf the net but i live less than 5 mins away from work so i go home for my lunch and i eat. by the time im done eating, and relaxing its time to go back to work. so yeah thst why i havent been updating. in other news i still have not found out whether i got the full tiem position or not. its been 2 1/2 weeks and no word what so ever im getting really tired of waiting. well its almostmidnight and im getting sleepy plus i have work in the mornign so that wraps up another session of this old blurty. until next time. im joseph stachowicz.

Current mood:

lonely

Current music: Because you loved me - celine dion (NO ONE say a word!)

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

10:16AM - Another Loss in the Family

Exact three months to the day after my grandpa died, my cousin passed away. he was only 18 and had such a bright future ahead of him. apparently he got drunk at a party, passed out, threw up and choked on it. i wish i could goto the funeral especially since i missed my grandpas but i just cannot afford to fly to michigan with all of my bills. hopefully my grandma can hold on for a short while until i get my vacation time accrued because i want to go see her before she passes away which in her current health i think she still has a couple years. i havent seen her since i was three and i missed the last family reunion because of school so i know it will make her so happy. anyway yeah its a rough day so far for me.

Current mood:

gloomy

Current music: Flat on the Floor - Nickelback

Monday, March 22, 2004

10:23AM - Respect isnt just given.........

Does anyone else agree with me that respect is earned and not just given. even to your parents and family members. my aunt is acting like such a child and she started yelling at me at work today all because i said that she acted just liek her mother, my grandma. she ended her rant with you WILL learn to respect me and i couldnt take it anymore i blew up at her. Respect? RESPECT?!?!??! First of she has done nothing to earn my respect and every time she sees me its one put down after another. she may be 43 but she is still a child. when she finally decides to grow up and show me that she can be a mature adult. maybe then she will earn my respect. but not a moment before. Liz i feel so bad for what happened. please forgive me.

Current mood:

guilty

Current music: someday - nickelback

Friday, March 19, 2004

10:17AM - Friday

Well its friday again finally. My work load for this weekend is going to be next to nothing now that all we have to do is hookup the sink and wait for the trim grout to dry which should be done on sunday. Grandpa and i installed the toilet last night and it works like a charm. Naturally my grandmother bitched about how uncomforatable it was going to be. who cares i mean the only bathroom that she uses is the one in her room anyway its not like shes going to be using ours all the time. Anyway as far as plans go my weekend is empty. mike is working and aaron is going to his grandmothers so that leaves me home, and bored. ohh well it will give me a chance to catch up on some much deserved sleep. Ohh before i forget...have any of you ever woke up in the night and felt that complete and utter sense of lonelyness? it happened to me at about 2am. it sucked because i was awake and depressed for like an hour before i finally got back to sleep only to have to wake up at 6am to get ready for work. ill tell you growing up sucks and i would like to think that i dont have to justify my life by having a significant other but it still becomes hard to escape the feeling that your not wanted from time to time. ohh well maybe its for the best. well i gotta get back to work my break is over. catch everyone tomorrow.

Current mood:

discontent

Current music: Skeleton song - Sevendust

Tuesday, March 9, 2004

10:10PM - Points of view. Read all or none

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness. We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less. These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete. Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent. Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all, mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
HOW TO STAY YOUNG:
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about them. That is why you pay him/her. 2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. 3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's. 4. Enjoy the simple things. 5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. 6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive. 7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, and hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge. 8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help. 9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is. 10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Current mood:

contemplative

Current music: Epiphany - Staind

8:19PM - Bored, bored, bored......

Man this sucks. I am so friggin bored. Aol is boring. yahoo is boring. my games are boring. hell even staring at the ceiling fan has gotten boring. I was supposed to go see britney before she left town for fresno and i was waiting for her to call back when she got over to kits but i guess thats not going to happen now. i should have known. she never has been one to give people calls back on a regular basis. so now im bored like i said. on the plus side one of my stitches fell out on its own yesterday. It was on the side where the tooth wasnt impacted. now if only the other two would hurry up and heal ill be ok. In work related news, the office move date has been pushed back to may 28th. this sucks too because over at the area that im at the sun shines through a door that we have blacked out and it gets liek 90 degrees by 9am. i had my fan on full blast while less than 200 feet away in the other section of accounts payable the women are sitting with thier coats pulled tight and complaining that its cold and thats because its abotu 40 degrees cooler over by them. it also doesnt help that i have a vent over my head. I swear i have found a new diet that works better and you dont even have to change your eating habits in fact you can eat all of the junk food you want. how you ask? simply come sit at my desk and you will sweat away those pounds. in fact the muscles and stuff will just melt straight off your bones lol. talk about thin. anyway i need to go take a vicadin for my tooth. i guess i might as well change because even if brit called right now its to late for me to go over. hmm....ohh yeah we finally got the stupid pipe the right length in the shower so we were able to put the spout on and were waiting for the silicone to dry. tomorrow we paint.

Current mood:

bored

Current music: Shine - Collective Soul

Monday, March 8, 2004

3:07PM - Back to Work!!!!

Well im back at work and all i can say is I wish that i hadnt taken the time off to recover from my wisdom teeth. i spent the first 3 hours fixing all of the stuff that people messed up. I was hoping that i could use that time to try and catch up on some of purged boxes because i knew that the rest of the day i would not have a chance. Unfortunatly no luck for me. Just as i was finishing up fixing things the first of the mail started coming my way. It is the beginning of the month and for about a week straight i get so much mail it takes me 8 hours a day to open, unfold, stamp, sort, and pass out.....it sucks. The only good news is that we had a new person starting today over in the disposition section of a/p. Last week is when most of the dispositions and adjustments were done so that left her free to work with me. now i would have her help with mail seeing as how i want to rip out what little hair i have at this time of month but our move date is coming up and coming up fast so i need all the help i get to file away old paperwork. so yeah that was my day in a nutshell.....when i get home i have work in the bathroom to look forward to which isnt all that bad because it will at least make the time fly by plus the more work i do in that bathroom the sooner it will get finished and i can have a normal morning routine again. Liz finally went to the doctor today because she has an ear infection and cant hear. i know she doesnt like doctors but it becomes a problem when youve been sick constantly for more than a month. in her case i think she said since 8th grade. hopeful;ly he will be able to help her and she will start feeling better otherwise im going to be driving down this weekend and taking care of her. Anyway back to the mail.

Current mood:

aggravated

Current music: Wonderful - Everclear

Sunday, March 7, 2004

2:29PM - Graduation

Well today i have graduated back to semi chewy foods. i had the first truly solid thing to eat this morning after 3 days of semi liquid crap. Man i never thought a grilled cheese could taste so good. in other news i foudn out why i feels like im chewing my face whenever i try to eat on my left side. i was exploring aroudn with my tongue (which your not supposed to do) and i realized that my saliva gland on the left side of my face was all puffy adn swollen so today im going to be periodically gargling with salt water to try adn reduce that swelling as well as cleanign out my mouth at the same time. Now on to the bathroom update. the medicine cabinet that we bought my grandma wants sunken into the wall. now this is an easy thing considering all that you have to do is cut out a hole in the wall and move any support means that are in the way. this tasks becomes slightly more complicated when electrical wires get into the way. now our wires are loose enough that we can just push the cabinet in and they wil have enough slack to go around it. it becomes hell when the support beams have drywall nailed into it on both sides. At this point we are tryign to figure out a way to remove sections of support beams without ruining the wallpaper on the other side. so far no luck. maybe my uncle ken will know a solution when he comes down on tuesday to lay our floor tile. anyway i have to go take my grandpa out to home depot because we have to buy a new nipple for the bathroom spout and then the shower will finally be complete. so yeah. more tomorrow!

Current mood:

weird

Current music: Stand and Deliver - Sugar Ray

Saturday, March 6, 2004

5:37PM - Full of Piss and Vinager

Well its about 530 and i am t totally tired. My day was spent Trying out the new cabinets in the bathroom. we made a discovery upon opening the boxes. the front of the cabinet was all messed up and the counter top that we bought was chipped. i had to drive my grandparents all the way back out to elk grove so that we could replace it. While in lowes we also decided to buy a new toilet since ours has been acting funny for awhile now. So tomorrow we paint, put in the new cabinet and toilet, and then hook back up the water so we can at least have our bathroom back. once that is done we have to make a whole in the wall so that we can recess the medicine cabinet thats replacing the mirror and we have to lay down the tile that we bought about 2 weeks ago. needless to say i will be so happy once that bathroom is finished. Even though im tired i need to get out of this house or i am going to go crazy so i think ill go hang out with Thalia for awhile since i havent seen her in a couple months. Princess i hope that you have had a good weekend and i hope to talk to you on sunday night. adios everyone.

Current mood:

exhausted

Current music: Payday - The Revolution Smile

Friday, March 5, 2004

5:09PM - And I feel fine....

Well today went alot better than i had thought it would. My mouth hasnt bothered me at all and i was able to get up and work in the bathroom without any problem. i even stopped by my work and talked to my boss......the position that i am working in as a temp has just opened up for a full time employee to take over so on monday i am going to go talk to jamie and see if i can get the job. I have a really good chance at getting it considering that i have been doing it for the last three months, but i still have to go through all of the official channels if i want to get the job which means an interview and filling out the application....all that fun stuff. so yeah today i ripped out our counter in the bathroom. it was a pain in the butt unconnecting all of the pipes to the sink but once i got that done is was just a problem with trying to get the cabinets out the door. at the moment we have stripped out all of the linoleum but the stupid adhesive is still there. it is soaking in the adhesive remover that smells really strongly and it was making me sick so i had to take a break. but yeah the toilet has been taken out all of the linoleum, and the cabinets with the sink. tomorrow i think that we are going to put the new stuff in.....its going to be smaller so that we will have some more room plus the mirror instead of being a huge slab of glass on the wall will open uo so we can store stuff in it. look at me im rambling. i guess ill write more tomorrow depending on how my day goes. ohh i almos forgot. my grandparents and i have talked it over and before my 21st birthday i am going to go see and ent doctor (eyes, nose, throat). if they confirm that i have a deviated septum then we are going to set up a date for surgery and once i am healed i will finally be able to breath like everyone else and i wont snore anymore (hopefully). ill be normal finally!! heres hoping.

Current mood:

excited

Current music: Time of Your Life - Greenday

Thursday, March 4, 2004

9:33PM - Post Operative Recovery

Well its about 922 in the pm and my vicadin has finally kicked in......i feel so friggin good right now but im soooo hungry and a little lightheaded. i think that has something to do with the general anestsia that they gave me...it was so wierd the last thing i remember was breathing in the laughing gas and i heard the nurse start talking about camping so i was like i wanna go camping i she asked me where i ussually went and they told me they had never been around bodega dunes. and then everything went black. the next thing i new i was sitting in a comfy recliner with this solf fleese blanket covering me up......how i got there i have no idea. lol i have to telly ou how i felt before the surgery. i was sitting in the room waiting for the doctor to come over and i could hear him in the next room finishing up with another patient. when your under they have a heart monitor on your finger so i kept hearing the steady heartbeat of the person next to me.....you know the regular beep beep beep. so anyway im sitting there and i hear the doctor and the nurse goign wake up nicole....wake up honey and thier saying that for like 5 minutes and then all of a sudden the beep went to that long tone that you always hear in hospital shows when someones heart stopped. i swear i about pissed my pants but then i realized that they had just taken the heart monitor off before they turned off the machine. on the way home my sis stopped at taco bell and i was soo hungry so she bought me some beans that are all soft and stuff then when i got home i fell asleep. when i woke up my sister had eaten them...i was so mad. anyway i took my pills and my jaw was hurting like crazy so i went back to bed and when i woke up there was no pain. and that was at about 8. ive been sleeping all day so i am wide awake for a short while. its time to eat and i made my sis go and get my beans. lol. anyway so that was my day......tomorrow i hope to be able to stop stuffing gauze in my mouth so i can swallow normally. give me a few days and ill be back up to speed and finally able to brush my teeth again. cant wait.

Current mood:

giggly

Current music: Kiss from a Rose - Seal

Wednesday, March 3, 2004

3:16PM - Pain.....lots and lots of pain!

Well tomorrow is the big day. I get my wisdom teeth taken out and even though its minor surgery im scared.....there are alot more risks than i expected there to be...did you know there is a possibility that they can cut the nerve to my jaw and my jaw would be numb for a couple of years....yeah it sucks...also with the anestsia that they give you it can be possibly fatal. so yeah reason to be nervous? i think so. Any way on the work front purging is finished as i mentioned before and i have been spedning the day telliung people how to file and what to file. i have 2 tables behind me that have boxes on them. in these boxes are the check runs that we were unable to file because the filing cabinets were full. in the past i would only be able to file part of a box and when i would file enough away to be able to consolidate a few of the boxes abnd clear some room another check run would come along and take the room i just freed up. so finally now that we can file all the way through the alphabet im able to clear space and actually do my job the way it is supposed to be done....hmm lets see what else what else. ohh liz should get my letter today. i drew soemthing for her to hang on her wall i hope she likes it. other than that there is really nothing else to talk about, so i guess i will get back to work.

Current mood:

blank

Current music: Dont You Wanna Dance - Whitney Houston

Tuesday, March 2, 2004

10:09AM - Mission Successful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Purging is finally done!!!!!!!!!!! its about time...now i have just under a month to get all the files shifted and filed away before the big move and then i will finally be caught up with all of the work that my predecessors left me. i couldnt have done it without the help of the ap specialists though so to them i thank you. So last night i was talking online with liz and one of her nieghbors alarms started going off which i guess is wierd because that never happens out there and then her dog started barking up a storm so she thought someone was out in the orchard. it was about midnight at that point and we parted so that way in case she needed it she could use the phone. i told her to call me immediatly if anything happened and she was able but i never got a call so hopefully all she had was a scare. i wont find out for sure until i talk to her again tonight. if i dont hear from her by tomorrow night then screw the dentist appointment ill be heading down to modesto. as i said last night things are just starting to go our way and it would be so unfair if i lost her because i cant replace her. i know that sounds a bit selfish but i dont care, i feel i have at least a little bit of a right to be. and i would encourage her to feel the same way if she wanted. anyway my break is about over so i gotta get back to work........i have been waiting for this day for almost 3 months woot! although there is a day coming up in a couple of months that i have been waiting for since way back in september......liz knows what im talking about hehe. im such a dork. adios all.

Current mood:

accomplished

Current music: Sunday - Low Pro

Monday, March 1, 2004

10:09AM - Days go by

Well It is now monday. I had an amazing weekend. On saturday i didnt do much other than wash my truck but sunday was the day that i was waiting for anyway. i went down to modesto to see liz. she invited me to go see the passion of christ with her and a whole bunch of her friends from church. I am not ashamed to admit that the movie made me cry. it was a very moving movie and it was excellent. although i think they should have ended it right after he was taken down off the cross instead of going for the feel good ending of showing him all ressurected and perfectly unscarred except for his hands. Anyway after we saw the movie we walked around modesto for awhile and then took a trip over to the local mall.... it reminded me almost exactly like the one that was down in the bay area when i lived down there. But so yeah anyway every minute with liz was so great. its been a long time since i have truly allowed myself to feel for someone, and im glad that i chose the right person. whoa hey look at the time. i gotta get back to work. more later?!?!

p.s. wish i could go back this weekend but gotta get my wisdom teeth taken out so im countiung the days until next weekend. i cant wait.

Current mood:

giddy

Current music: Echo - Trapt

Friday, February 27, 2004

5:29PM - At the tone pacific standard time will be........

Well its 530 pm. my boss let me off an hour early. woot. my sisters new boyfriend just offered me a job at the compnay that he works for. I would be pouring concrete. it pays 12 bucks an hour, has full benefits, 40+ hour work week, saturday and sunday are time and a half....and soem other stuff that i cant remember. he said that during the summer he ussually ends up working about 60-70 hours and bringing home about 4000 a month...man that would be nice but i dont know about the stability of the job. seems to me during winter it would be kinda dead. whereas my present job even though i hate sitting in one spot is a steady thing......i dont know what i should do. exciting and fun or boring and stable. anybody have any suggestions? on the other side of things its supposed to be sunny this weekend so im going to clean my truck tomorrow. man the inside needs to be vacuumed and aired out so bad.. the carpets gettign wet from all the rain and then drying dont make to pleasant of a smell. plus ive got programming books taking up half of my backseat. well im going to go watch tv or soemthing since no one is on. adios.

Current mood:

horny

Current music: A.d.i.d.a.s. - Korn