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farewell~ [02 Jan 2005|12:57pm] [ mood | nostalgic ] [ music | "boulevard of broken dreams" - green day ] okay, after contemplating it again, i've decided to really leave this journal. hmm, that didn't take very long, did it? i mean, just one journal entry ago, i was all confused whether to really leave this or not, and a couple of minutes later, my mind's set. *sigh* okay, so here's the farewell. for the past 2 years, this journal has seen... my growing infatuation with jun i remember when i first got into pierrot, late 2002. this journal saw it all. and then when i gradually fell madly in love with jun - man, the good memories. almost every single one of the entries in here mentions his name. i won't forget the ramblings, from about his hair, his outfit, his smile, the concert appearances and yes, who could forget the countless pictures of him that i've posted in here? this journal really records my lust for him, through all those years. that ex-neighbour of mine i think the very first entry about him was when i said in this journal how i just realised that he was living right next to my apartment building. yep, that must be the first entry. and ever since then, i couldn't stop mentioning about him (alongside with my non-stop rambling about jun). even when i found out he's got a girlfriend, i still couldn't bring myself to stop talking about him. that's bad, huh? but this journal saw all that. i remember those times when i would see him in the city/in my area and i would get all impatient to write all about the encounter right here. and then, the nicknames that i gave him that i recorded precisely in this journal: the armadale bishonen, the jun-look-a-like, etc. maybe with my leaving this journal, i could also finally leave my obsession with him? i'll keep you posted on that in my new journal. my glay days yes, who could forget the first-ever j-rock band that truly hooked me to the whole - erm - j-rock world? i suppose my obsession with them started in middle 2002, so i wouldn't exactly record my feelings about them here. but i think around early 2003, i was still quite into them and i wrote a few stuff about them here, and also posted a few delicious pictures of them. and then there was my infatuation with jiro. i think i posted a picture of him taken from his 30th birthday, where he was holding a star-wars lightsabre. *lol* anyway, this journal recorded all those glay-related things. me getting to know myself better? i think, while writing in this journal, i've grown up a bit. i've started to see the difficulties in life. those depressing days really didn't happen for nothing. i remember those horrible days in singapore when i first had a taste of being away from my comfort zone; the first gruelling weeks of uni and how i had to cope with the unfamiliar and new surroundings; the past couple of weeks of being lonely and how i miss the company of my close friends. i think with all those bad days, i got to know myself better - i got to know what i want and what i don't want. i think for the next few years, the days won't be easy, but what i've written in this journal about those hard times will clue me in on how to cope with the future challenges. bless. my non-stop fashion rambling not gonna say a lot on that, but i said a lot about clothes, shopping and all that in here. but i think after all that, i still don't know what my style is. -_- my friends the past journal entries have seen me meeting some of the greatest friends i've ever met. some turned out to be not so great, of course, but my encounters with those people really helped me learn a lot about things. and yes - this journal saw all that. everything. so thanks for the past 2 years of recording the wonderful and bitter memories. without you i'm nothing. no, that really is true. adios, and i'll see you in my new journal. thank you! ~sha~ post comment

new journal [02 Jan 2005|12:39pm] [ mood | confused ] [ music | none ] so i did the touch-up for my new journal last night. i really have got myself a new one. omg. but i'm still having cold feet to leave this one. i don't know - it's dumb, completely stupid - but i just can't bring myself to leave this. i've been with this journal for more than 2 years (and that's like a long-term relationship to me), so there have been so many memories inscribed in here. i don't know. -_- i think i'll ease myself into writing in the new journal, so i won't exactly leave this just as yet. i'm gonna update both - maybe - and then we'll just see. ~sha~ post comment

my new year's resolution... [31 Dec 2004|03:57pm] [ mood | lethargic ] [ music | none ] ...is to love jun even more. god bless him. anyway, this is one of my favourite shots of him - complete with aiji in the background there, hello aiji-kun - and coincidentally, this picture is taken from the uv issue that i so desperately wanted a couple of months ago. anyway. my new year's resolution isn't just that. i've got a whole bunch of other things, so let me list them out here: (1) to be a bit smarter - and i don't necessarily mean academically intelligent. but i just wish that in this coming year, i get to use more of my common sense, because - goddamnit! - i haven't used it very wisely for the past years. (2) to be a little bit more disciplined - i guess this one is related to the first, so i won't explain (3) to be a little bit more responsible in my actions - and that means telling no lies, unless they are absolutely necessary. (4) and finally, to have more fun! i told my best friend that i would go to all the good clubbing events in 2005 - since my age permits so now - and just to worry a little less now. :-) happy new year 2005. ~sha~ post comment

compilation of thoughts on pierrot [30 Dec 2004|04:03pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | "paranoia" - pierrot ] since i just don't get enough of talking about the band, i'm gonna compile all my ideas/thoughts/perception about them in one, big, fat journal entry. kirito i was watching the "dna" pv again, and then afterwards the "neogrotesque" pv, and i saw clearly the difference in his cheekbones. okay, his weight. he looked relatively healthier in "dna"; he was plumpier and just generally looked okay. but in "neogrotesque"...whoa, mate - i could just use his cheekbones as a weapon. they were so sharp and more defined than ever! but anyway. yeah, i do think that could be his worst days, during "id attack". he looked so sick and unhealthy, and i'm more glad than ever to know that he took a well-deserved break before "freeze" came out and now he looks well recovered! *pats kirito on the back* the band's music i do think apart from having catchy verses and less memorable chorus, their other trademark is having songs that don't immediately register well in the ears. i remember clearly when i first heard of "icaross" and "dna", i didn't like them. i thought then, "okay, these aren't bad, but glay's stuff are way catchier than this!" okay, so that was my pro-glay days. but then, when i listened to more and more pierrot and came across "dna" and "icaross" again and again, i realised i was hooked. now, i simply headbang to "dna" whenever i hear it, and i sing along really loudly to "icaross" when it's in my cd player. pierrot's music is that hypnotic and different - it very slowly lures you into the magic of their tune; drowns you in the bright synth guitar (courtesy of jun); overwhelms you with aiji's powerful guitar; deafens you with takeo's complex drumwork; takes your breath away with kohta's expertise on the tearing basslines; and finally, hypnotise you with kirito's intelligent and philosophical lyrics. and then you're eventually hooked. it's like a slow and sensual love, but you definitely enjoy it a lot more! jun's crotch shots in "hill~" pv okay, i know i should well and truly be over this, but i can't help it! i saw the pv again this afternoon, and i simply can't get over the fact that the cameraman seemed to love going under jun and - well, you know - take a full view from there! i realise there's not just one, but three crotch shots. *big fat sigh* i mean, i guess that was done for the sake of fangirls' delight (and yes, that includes me), but i thought you wouldn't go that far. anyway... the fans i do believe that everyone who considers themselves a pierrot fan will have the tendency to want to steal the bandmembers' attention. and thus, we all have the equal chance of being that girl who once wrote to kirito's magazine column and told him that she'd rather cut her wrists than not be noticed by him and others around her. i mean, you're obsessed - you think what you're doing is justified. so i say, no matter how hard those pierrot fans abuse and try to set themselves apart from those "stupid, attention-seeking fangirls", all pierrot fans have the tendency to be like that. i'm no hypocrite and i'll admit now that i could have done something like sending a letter to kirito's magazine column and tell him i want to cut myself if i don't score his attention. but now that kirito says he hates such fangirls, i'll try to not do that. because as a fan, you don't want to get on your idol's bad side, ne? ~sha~ post comment

dvd/vhs combo, the asian tsunami and doc marts [29 Dec 2004|08:06pm] [ mood | okay ] [ music | none ] so my dad bought a dvd/vhs combo today - and the dvd player is also all-region. that means i should be able to watch all my pierrot and glay dvds there. oh my god. do you know what that means? i'll be able to see jun on the much-bigger television screen, rather than on this teeny-weeny laptop screen. ureshii na~ anyhoo. went out to the city briefly today, just to borrow more manga. man, i think my life these days revolves around reading manga, surfing the net and and moping around the house. i don't contact any of my friends who are actually here, just because i can't be bothered. what's going on with me? nye plan is still not going anywhere. i just spoke to my friend on monday and apparently she's already got a plan for nye. i'll try to call up a few people tonight - if i have the energy to. my god, i'm so lazy. -_- i've been dreaming of jun these days. yeah, what's new? but seriously. this morning i woke up and i realised i want to see more new things about him. i want to see his new pictures, new footage or something like that. i realise i really, really long to be someone who actually knows him in person. my fandom has gone totally over the borderline. yep yep - this junner is completely insane. i'm still getting over that news about the asian tsunami disaster. it's just so shocking. almost 60,000 are dead. i've been moved so close to tears everytime i come across the reports - it's just so horrible. i do hope the aftermath will not be as bad - my sister will actually be flying back to jakarta in a week, and my friends are all there, if not somewhere in indonesia. i hope everything will be okay. *cross fingers* anyway, let's move on to fashion talk: i'm so pissed that i saw someone wearing a pair of doc mart boots today! mih - i was already so happy that no one else would be wearing them these days except me, but i saw a girl prancing around in them just a few hours ago in the city. so not on. >.< and oh yes, i went to box hill and saw a pair of pointy flats for $19! it sounds cheap, but when you really think about it, it's almost $20. and in jakarta's markets, you can find ones for $5 or so. i just gotta look carefully. if i ever go there. yes. i'm thinking twice about my trip to jakarta now, after that tsunami disaster. i know i'm just being overly paranoid, but anything is possible these days. terrorist attacks, 8.9-richter earthquake, people eating babies - you name it, they've happened. god. what's the world turning into? ~sha~ post comment

blackie [28 Dec 2004|04:02pm] [ mood | creative ] [ music | "unmask" - pierrot ] what shit weather we've been having for the past 24 hours. yesterday was raining and hailing, complete with killer wind. today is no different, with grey sky all the way. i'm planning tomorrow to go to the two bead shops on high street, and then go to the one in melbourne central and the one on the corner of lonsdale and swanston streets - to find the damn black beads. i went to lincraft yesterday, found the perfect black beads but with the worst price tag - $8 for a friggin' small pack. what the fuck is that? so tomorrow i'm going to all the shops i mentioned above. i'm really, really determined to make the long black beaded necklace. >.< by the way. i've just finished re-writing the review of pierrot's "freeze". it was pretty difficult with my limited vocab. but anyway, at least i've finished the articles i owe for that web magazine i'm working on. X-D ~sha~ post comment

yeah yeah~ [27 Dec 2004|11:09am] [ mood | blank ] [ music | "yeah" - usher ] so i'm going out today to brunswick street, and then afterwards i might go out with my cousin. there's the answer to today's plan. -_- ~sha~ post comment

my head is heavy [26 Dec 2004|05:55pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | "breathe" - the prodigy ] just finished watching "down with love". it's not bad - though it's done in a weird sixties-style. it's a bit "maksa", the way indonesians would say it. but nevertheless, ewan mcgregor is too cute there. i've always been his fan - i think he's a spunk. and he's married! >.< anyway. i'm trying to decide what to do tomorrow. i called up my best friend this afternoon, and she asked me if i'd like to meet her up in the city tomorrow. but then, i heard from my mum that my cousin would like to take me and my sister out. but. i've had that plan with my good friend to go to brunswick street. so what should i do? i'll let you know when i've got the answer. -_- ~sha~ post comment

*yawn* [26 Dec 2004|09:54am] [ mood | crazy ] [ music | none ] just woke up. and it's boxing day~ man, i feel refreshed. yesterday i felt like i achieved so much so when i woke up just before, i felt like i had the deepest slumber i could imagine. ^_^ yeah. i'm going to brunswick street tomorrow, with my friend. he's been dying to go, so i'm just gonna go to accompany him. besides, i need some alternative therapy there - the last time i went there, i came across a fab accessory store and they sold jewelleries at such cheap prices. so i'm gonna go there again tomorrow, as well as going to "kinki gerlinki", "shag" and the clearance store for "alannah hill" and "dangerfield". ^_^ but you think i'm going shopping, don't you? hmph - not a chance. i'm going window shopping. i'm saving all my shopping for jakarta. why? because i love my hometown! X-D ~sha~ post comment

the day's summary [25 Dec 2004|09:43pm] [ mood | sleepy ] [ music | "the prayer" - anthony callea ] two good things happened today: (1) i got my semester 2 results, and from now on, i can proudly call myself a second-year uni student. yeah, baby, yeah - haha, okay, i'll shut up now. (2) i started learning to drive - complete with my dad constantly on my back on when i should brake, when i should pick up speed, and blah blah blah. but other than that, yeah, it feels quite different to be sitting behind the wheel and actually control where the friggin' heck the car is heading. i wanna do that again! my target is - before this holiday ends - is to do at least 20 hours of driving. that way, i would've done one-sixth of the required total driving hours. i gotta do it thoroughly - i want to drive, drive, drive! anyway. i need to fix my shopping list: (1) doc martens boots (2) belts (3) 3 pairs of shoes (excluding the doc marts) (4) 2 bags - 1 leather handbag and 1 shoulder bag (5) brown flat knee-high boots (6) scarves (7) 5 tops (8) denim jacket (9) jewelleries (10) shirt (11) SKIRTS! yes, and lots of them! i need to find the floaty below-the-knee style, as well as the mini ones - perhaps two floaty skirts and one mini skirt. my god. i'm even more impatient to start my shopping now! ^_^ ~sha~ post comment

xmas 2004 [25 Dec 2004|10:40am] [ mood | creative ] [ music | none ] merry christmas!!! hum, just felt like saying that. my sister's out to church at the moment, and after she comes back, we're going to have a family christmas lunch at home. i suppose that's not bad. :-P i'm feeling a bit uneasy at the moment. i think it's because - yep, you guessed it - i want to go shopping! >.< i'm disappointed with my wardrobe - lately, i've been having a rather difficult time deciding what to wear when i wanted to go out. it's so blah. i need to go shopping - i don't want it, but i need it! anyway. i was just continuing this fic last night - the one about the girl with the vintage style. i've been having difficulty starting the story, but last night, i was finally happy with the start. so yeah, i'm continuing on with that at the moment. ~sha~ post comment

shopping shopping shopping [24 Dec 2004|10:47pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | none ] my jakarta shopping list: (1) doc martens boots (2) belts (3) shoes - 3 pairs will be great (4) bags - 1 leather handbag and 1 shoulder bag (5) brown flat knee-high boots (6) scarves - but i doubt i'll find any since indonesia is a friggin' tropical country (7) funky tops - i won't be happy till i find at least five of them (8) denim jacket - the classic style (9) jewelleries - more earrings, more necklaces, more bracelets and more rings! (10) funky shirt i think that's about it. i do hope i can find all of them. *cross fingers* anyway. it's been a pretty boring day for me. i got up at 12 pm today, and then i decided to see "charlie's angels: full throttle" on video while having brunch. and then, at about 5, i went to my friend's house to pick up my jacket and my manga, because when i saw him last on wednesday, i'd left them in his bag and i forgot about them at the end of the day. and then after i went to his house today, i went home with breadtop. i'm really stressing about new year's eve right now. i've told my friend about the plan to have a dinner party at his place, and he'd agreed, but now the problem is to get people to come. i'm probably going to start calling people on the monday, just so the whole christmas thing is over and done with. haiyah - this is sad. i'm possibly not going to have anything to do on nye, and if that's the case, it's going to be the second year running, since last year's nye in singapore was shit as hell. >.< so yeah - i hope i'll have something to do on the 31st. *cross fingers again* ~sha~ post comment

long black beaded necklace [23 Dec 2004|09:35pm] [ mood | excited ] [ music | none ] i was going out of my way to find this long black beaded necklace in the shops yesterday. i've been seeing a few people wearing it, and i love the way it instantly makes an outfit look funky and alternative. so i looked for it yesterday in the city. i went to "toxic", "diva", "myer", "david jones" and "dangerfield" but none of them had it (except "toxic", but they sold them at the ridiculous price of $28). and then today, i was thinking that perhaps i should go to brunswick street and find it there. and then i was just talking to my sister about it, and she gave me the idea to make it myself. and i was like, "duh! why didn't i think of it earlier?" so yes. the conclusion is that i'll make it myself. ~sha~ post comment

jiro vs jun [21 Dec 2004|08:45pm] [ mood | giggly ] [ music | none ] i'm currently wearing my jiro t-shirt but i've been having 2 jun dreams for the past week. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha~ i had another jun dream last night. we were lying in bed, talking and all. i'm pretty sure we were just friends in the dream but he was still jun and i was still his fan. but we were friends. anyway, he was telling me some stuff about aiji (i think he was bitching about him, i can't quite remember, but it was quite cute). and then afterwards, we were going to sleep. i gave him a quick hug, and then turned around to lie on my side and so he faced my back. and then, i remember wishing that he would hug me from behind. and he eventually did, and i felt so happy. right there and then, me in the dream knew that things have changed between us - as in, i like him and he likes me back and we were together. man, i still get all these butterflies right now when i think back to the dream. *big fat sigh* ~sha~ post comment

it's not far [21 Dec 2004|06:54pm] [ mood | sore ] [ music | "boulevard of broken dreams" - green day ] i was just looking up the map, and it turns out i'm not so far out from the beach. i mean, i just gotta turn a few turns and i'll eventually get to acland street, the street to go to when i go to st kilda. and that's where i'm dying to go, before i leave for jakarta in january. my goodness. it's 4 more days until christmas. and then a week after that, it's the new year. my goodness - how time flies. i had a thought before that perhaps for new year, my friend and i could gather a few people at his place and we can have like a dinner party. i'm not sure if people are up for it, though. i'll just see and discuss it with my friend tomorrow - after all, it's his place and he's the one who's gonna do most of the cooking. :-P if not, my other option for the new year would be to spend it with my best friend. see if she has plans. maybe using her connection with the radio station that she works at, she can get us tickets to a decent nye event. argh, i'm confused. and i'm in total pain...X-( ~sha~ post comment

boredom to the max [20 Dec 2004|09:01pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | none ] i'm seriously bored. i've been trying to start up a novel about this girl who lives in melbourne, but it's been anything but progressive. i just want a light-hearted fic, where the girl is only going to have fun times in melbourne and she won't face any difficulty. so why is it so damn hard to do that? >.< and then there's this other idea for a novel that i told you about - the one that i've titled "twisted". yeah, that one is still going, but i don't know if it's gonna go anywhere. and just this afternoon, i was browsing through my old folder of unfinished novels and i came across this one called "shitto". i realised (as much as i don't want to gloat) that it was going pretty well - i mean, i wrote it the way i've always wanted to write a fic, so i'm actually pumped now to continue it again one of these days. i'll just have to wait till the inspiration comes. god. is my future going to be a writer who never finishes her books? i hope not. ~sha~ post comment

so christmas and new year are nearing... [20 Dec 2004|11:11am] [ mood | calm ] [ music | none ] ...but i'm in no festive mood whatsoever. everyone else is getting ready for christmas trips, going christmas shopping, planning up a storm for the nye and what-not. but here i am, sitting in front of the computer and doing abso-freakin-lutely nothing. except dreading the fact that i have to work tomorrow and the next day. by the way, my best friend has already left. and that just adds to my depression. nice one. anyway. i have a mixed reaction towards my trip back to jakarta. of course i'm excited to see my friends and family again there, but the thing is, my parents won't be there. yeah, call me sad, but i'm afraid i'm gonna be homesick again just like last time. i hope not, though, cos i'll only be going for a month. i guess i'll just have to compensate my sadness with lots and lots of shopping. ooh, that's another reason to go. oh yes, i went to that 21st i told you about on saturday night. it wasn't bad, but once again, i had the same problem as when i went clubbing on the friday night where i wished i knew a lot more people. it would've been a lot more fun. >.< oh well. but hey, i hope my 21st will be great. i have nothing else to write. adios. ~sha~ post comment

more disbandment [18 Dec 2004|12:07pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | none ] first, wyse. now baroque. they're all disbanding. haiyah. what's with all this? i'm so disappointed. i first found out about baroque's disbandment from my friend, and just before, i went to their fansite and the disbanding notice was up there. i'm so sad to hear about it. they're really good. -_- it's terrible to think that it would end so soon for such good bands. of course they all have good reasons (they must be, or else they wouldn't even think of such stupid ideas!), but nevertheless, they still disappoint. *big fat sigh* oh well. i do hope nothing like that will ever happen to pierrot. *touch wood!* they're like my blood now - if they ever disband, the blood will just run dry and i'll stop living... okay, that's such a dark thought. i better stop there. ~sha~ post comment

jun again [18 Dec 2004|11:49am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | none ] forgot to mention two things about jun: (1) yesterday night, i dreamt about him being a teacher (o_O!) and i was in his class (naturally). and yeah, he was being an all-round sekushi bloke. but the weird thing was (as all dreams are), he was wearing his "neogrotesque" outfit! X-D i'm serious! complete with the braid-thing behind his head, the red top with black criss-cross thingo across his chest. it was weird. (2) my friend told me, while we were out, that when she saw pierrot live, jun was the last to leave the stage at the very end of the show. and while everyone was screaming and cheering, he went, "sshhh..." and then the whole place went quiet. then all of a sudden, he shouted at the top of his lungs, "aishiteruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!" and the crowd went wild again before he went off stage. oh my fucking god - how cute is that? he is just too adorable. *big fat sigh* anyway. i went out clubbing last night, at this place down in docklands called "lavish". i must say the place wasn't bad at all, but i wasn't enjoying it much. i mean, i managed to get in the mood to dance a couple of times, but i felt there should be more people there i know to make the whole thing rocked. oh well - i'll make sure i go there next year with my best friend and a couple of other good buddies. so tonight will be my friend's 21st. i still haven't got her anything yet. and i think i'm gonna be attending the first part of the party alone, because both my sister and my best friend have other events to go to beforehand. hmph. but no - i'm gonna be in a swinging party mood! X-D ~sha~ post comment

the summary [17 Dec 2004|01:49pm] [ mood | dorky ] [ music | "shinkei ga wareta samui yoru" - pierrot ] so yesterday i went out with that friend of mine from the yuuyami forum. and boy, we were talking. it was awesome - we just couldn't stop babbling about our favourite subjects: jun and pierrot. while we were chatting, i thought to myself many times, "okay, i think i better stop talking about jun's belt right here..." but then, she'd start talking about aiji's pink obsession and off we'd go again. it's so great to know someone's not sick of my pierrot rambling, yeah~ anyway. tonight, after work, i'm gonna go clubbing with my best friend and my sister, and a bunch of other people. it should be fun, even though not as much as when i go with my two other good friends, but it'll do. and then tomorrow, another late night, cos it's my friend's 21st. oh shit - i haven't got anything yet for her... ~sha~ post comment