Belle's Blurty
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Belle's Blurty:

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    Friday, December 9th, 2005
    5:18 pm
    MacMall, You SUCK ! An X-Box 360 Rant....
    Web order placed 10/09
    Phone confirmation that we are WILLING to stay on the Backorder list... 11/8
    Cancellation Via Web... Today.

    But what SUCKs the most is that.. They said I Cancelled it. I most certainly DID not, and I am LIVID that I cannot get reinstated in the "queue" because "They aren't Getting Any".

    Now, call me stupid. Call me by my given name, but know this, I can smell a pack of Lies from Cali to my beloved NY state, and They are telling them.

    Now, it's possible that they may Never get a one, because of that old Macintosh vs. Microshaft rivalry... But, As someone who has had my Trust burned by this company, I will check Everyday. Maybe Once or Twice a day, and the moment that they offer one up for sale, well, Let's just say I am working on my strategy..

    There are those who will read this and say.... "tough luck Lady"... Or "quit your whining."..etc.
    But, Here's how I've seen it.
    Over the Years, we've spent THOUSANDS of dollars at MacMall.
    We thought they were a Trustworthy company.. so when they came up as a seller on the FROOGLE search.. well, we just thought.. Let's stick with somebody we've Had a working relationship with.
    This is where the thinking was Obviously flawed here. MacMall felt no loyalty to me.... Though when pressed, I admit, they did have a Supervisor call to explain that "Oops.. Yes, You did recommit. on Nov 8, but we are sorry, we aren't Getting Any and... WE ARE LOSING MONEY TOO".
    Well, permit me to say. Too Bad.
    If you plan on Selling something.. you really should have ALL your ducks in a row.. and you Shouldn't pay to have your company Optimized on Froogle, etc., etc.
    AND>>> You really shouldn't show your loyal customers just how insignificant they are....

    Somehow.. the geeks there should have been able to Winnow out those of us who had actually Patronized the company before and let us down a LITTLE MORE GENTLY....

    I know, silly consumer. You really should have Pre-ordered them in 10 places like we all did.
    Now, this does make some sense, in retrospect.. But there are limits to HOW many places I want my financials on file...
    In fact. I'm a little perturbed that they had my financial records for this long, as well...
    Cuz, surely, in the 2 months they had my precious numbers... I am sure that they had at least one or two employees depart under less than ideal circumstances...
    Though Admittedly, having been the victim of credit card theft, and an actual bank deposit theft, I'm gun shy on this... But.. I'm loosing my train of thought here.

    So... They offer me nothing but an apology. They've violated my trust, treated me like a number in a line, and left my financial ass nekkid, and now I'm supposed to feel bad for THEM. ? Hello, MacMall, you screwed US. Why should I feel bad for You ?

    There truly is no such thing as CUSTOMER loyalty anymore.
    So, here's an IDEA for MacMall... Stop sending us your glitzy catalog. That'll save you a few dollars.. Take us off your customer list, cuz Obviously, that and $450 "promised" on a Visa card won't get you an Xbox...
    or even a Non-automated email.

    Ah.. they have the souls of computers. B@stards.
    I bet all THEIR larvae are getting them for the Holidays...

    *Shakes* fist.

    Well, this is tiring.

    In a World of Tsunamis, Hurricanes, Cancer, Drug Addiction and so many other horrible things, I felt the need to blog about this.

    Defeat. I hate it.
    Happy holidays to you all...

    Current Mood: cranky
    Saturday, June 18th, 2005
    8:43 pm
    I Saw A Woodchuck Today..
    This is from a totem site:
    Woodchuck/Marmot/Ground Hog's Wisdom Includes:

    Sense of family and community

    Connection to seasonal changes

    Understands the power of cycles

    Ability to hibernate (sleep) during hard times

    Protection from floods

    Ability to go underground when trouble arises

    Hmm. How appropriate !!
    Sunday, April 24th, 2005
    2:48 pm
    Maggie Gyllenhaal, Open Mouth, Insert Foot...

    Wow.. that was stupid of her...
    Thursday, April 21st, 2005
    3:16 pm
    Nope.. today,
    A man walks around, exonerated of a crime of hatred and anger, in the Name of Justice.
    So, lets give big Props to Judge Lotto, Part D-55, Suffolk County Criminal Court, for letting this knuckledragger go free in the interest of "justice"....
    How can a 50 year old "man" who take a skinny kid out of his workplace after roaring up to a restricted area in a public park -- on the premise that his daughter, and the boy's longtime girlfriend has a psychiatric crisis-- and then pounds the tar out of the kid, threatens his family, INCLUDING his younger brother, and then kicks the kid out of a moving vehicle... Walk away from a "trial" scott free. Only to stalk his victim's Family THAT NIGHT> No that's not a crime.
    Well, let's just say, if you have JUDGE LOTTO, ADA KERR, ADA ZIMMERMAN and let's see, can't remember the names of the 3 other ADA's that churned this case... it isn't..
    Seems poor Peaches just lost his second wife.
    Funny, when Peaches violated the order of protection that we've now Lost... the day my MIL died, my Husband didn't pound the tar out of his ne'er do well daughter... Nope. Cuz some folks have class, and some folks are just big egos with lot's of money and whiny babies who care exclusively about Themselves. Not their families.
    What kind of father let's his wife drink so much that this "daughter" has fetal alcohol effect ?
    What kind of man beats his ex-wife so she had an order of protection.
    What kind of man engages in an elaborate conspiracy with the shady lady across the street ? Yeah, Bean, I'm talking bout you.. and your "investigative ways"... always eavesdropping. Now are you dating him like he want's everyone to think ? Or wait, what was his other story, oh yeah, old friends and he was doing work for you putting in that illegal apartment, right ? ;0
    Wow. If you ARE his girlfriend, he sure hopped right on that. Maggie hadn't been dead 6 months and he's up here TALKING TO his daughter while she is with the kid he has the OOP against. Clearly violating it.
    So how much did he love Maggie anyway ?
    Heck, I remember the first time I ever met Peaches and her... Maggie, no wonder you died, that SOB told you to shut up your whining about your health ... How could a woman of your spirit and resolve put up with that kind of disrespect ?
    I am still thinking about how he didn't go near your coffin at the wake, and how he WINKED at his drunken ex-wife as your casket rolled down the aisle... Boy, I hope you had a good ride with that "man", cuz he sure didn't respect you in the end... Yer yaya sisters should have outed him for his lack of respect.
    But, I am of the opinion that your end was "assisted".. that you chose to die that afternoon, cuz I mean, how much fun IS it living in a Hospital Hospice... It was so convenient. You died. He got away on his annual family reunion.. Shame he had to go all criminal first...
    If you are an angel Maggie, Forget him, he's about worthless, it's the daughter that needs your help now.
    She seems to have picked up the UNPLEASANT strains of both sides of the family. Substance abuse, out of control temper.. Love of money, luxury, narcissm.
    That's her gene pool talking.
    And the cutting, and bulemia and substance problems... and suicide threats... This is the voice of a young lady who wants help.
    but she ain't getting it here.
    Nope. I want no part of someone who wants Other people to do her work.
    She did live here with our blessing for a time, and then her drunken mother got her to get high so she could go into the deplorable South Oaks detox program.
    Yeah. That worked real well for her Mom's crackhead boyfriend...And all the other junkies who went there, went home and died.
    Kim, if you wanted my respect, you would have done it the proper way.. Living in the real world, doing the Huntington Drug and alcohol thing, trying to improve your life.
    You took the lazy way out. Just like your con-artist mom. She's like, so SOBER and stuff.
    So, anyhow..
    Our flank is wide open. Peaches is up here marking turf already. And from what I can see.. he will keep on doing it.
    People say call the cops. RIGHT. The one GOOD cop who violated this thing on the OOP, he was having Surgery during the trial.. hmm. How does That work ? The DA Drops a charge cuz a cop can't testify ?
    So, the SCPD 2nd Precinct is rotten to the core. The DA's office is full of spiteful ninnies.
    And Judge Lotto doesn't deserve a bench.
    Unless it's handcuffed to Peaches after he does this again.
    Cuz, I can tell you, a man like this, with this sense of Power... He'll be beating somebody up again real soon.
    If i didn't universally despise lawyers, I would contact the State Attorney General Elliot Spitzer and TELL HIM how bad it is for victims in Suffolk County.
    Imagine. Losing an Order of Protection and no one from the DA's office even CALLS the victim's family ?
    Shame on them.
    So, to recap...
    Judge Lotto, thumbs down.
    ADA Bob Kerr, who threatened THIS writer with the police... Big thumbs down.
    ADA Jessica Zimmerman, who went through the motions, but couldn't accept the request by the victim for an ACOD and 6 months more of an order of Protection... Thumbs down.
    Suffolk County Criminal Court ? Thumbs down.
    Cynthia of the Crime Victims Bureau ? Who appointed you ? Seems like you don't do jack for your check..
    Which comes from my taxes.
    A family of 4 now sits at risk, cuz the local bully And his ESTEEMED ATTORNEY.. STEPHEN KUNKEN... Faculty Touro College, who should have recused cuz his Legal Ethics are in the Grayest of areas due to him having a prior relationship with a younger member of the family.>>"WON"... Super thumbs down.

    Hope you all GOOGLE yourselves and read this.
    Just me exercising my First Amendment rights...
    Trying to feel a little better about the lack of justice in Suffolk County.

    Read it folks.
    These are the facts.
    Good luck.
    And if you ever go before Judge Lotto, bring him a print out of this... ;0
    Maybe you'll get that Interest of Justice thing too.

    Current Mood: annoyed
    Sunday, April 10th, 2005
    9:09 pm
    Hmm, If It Looks Like... A Totem Thought...
    Well, I am pretty certain this is the one..
    Dog: noble, loyal, teaching

    Dog was the servant/soldier that guarded the tribe's dwellings and protected them from surprise attacks. Dog helped during the hunting?s and provided warmth in winter. It is a symbol of loyalty, unconditional love, protection and service. Its Medicine incorporates the loving kindness of the best friend and the protective energy of the guardian. If your Power Animal is Dog, your devotion towards your family and friends is infinite. You get great satisfaction from rendering service to others, offering your hand to a friend in need. A kind word, a caress, an act of kindness mean much more to you than material things. However, there is a risk of coming too close to the other side: allowing people to take advantage of you because of your gentle nature. Dog reminds you that your loyalty should always be to yourself, to your own truth. He reminds you that by respecting and valuing yourself you can truly render a service to those who honor what you can give them.

    Now WHO would be taking advantage of me ?

    hmm, I wonder...
    Monday, March 28th, 2005
    9:32 pm
    Once Again.. It Has Been Awhile
    I hardly ever post here anymore. But what the heck. If folks want to leave me messages or dialog with me.. then what the heck. I'm open.
    Friday, September 10th, 2004
    7:40 am
    Another Anniversary...
    Tommorrow, 3 years.
    43% of the survivors of those murdered at the WTC have NO remains.
    Tomorrow is the last time they can go to the bedrock, and touch their loved one's resting place... :(

    This is a virtual site trying to help people deal with this.

    I am still trying to cope. I am still working on my internet addiction.
    Saturday, August 14th, 2004
    4:18 pm
    A Random Reading ....
    Blessed one. Even when you have forgotten, your heart has not forgotten. Even when you have stopped believing, your soul has never lost the connection. Your role will grow now, it will unfold as you are now willing to remember your grace and fullness. You will find many answers that have eluded you, you will understand the guidance that has seemed so long in coming. Your time of working without support is over. You have achieved the transformation of your spirit, you have set the pattern for others. You must live by your own words now. By your own teachings. These promptings have come from your higher spirit. They are real and useful. Implement them more careful in the next days. Others will be listening. And remember, you are deeply loved.

    hmm, I could have done without the suffering...
    12:13 pm
    Drugs Kill...
    Narcotics took another one in our "circle" last night...
    11:01 am
    A Good Apology...
    1. Take responsibility for the damage your caused.
    2. Make your apology personal.
    3. Make your apology specific..
    4. Make your apology "deep".. cough it All up.. all the bad stuff
    5. Make your apology heartfelt..
    6. Make it clean.. no Buts.. or caveats.. Qualified apologies backfire...
    7. Apologize repeatedly .. Make time for the apology...don't wait for the right time...

    we all do need to do this sometimes...
    10:24 am
    The Road To Acceptance...
    More from that book that is Way overdue..
    1. Honor the full sweep of your emotions.
    2. Give up you need for revenge but continue to seek a just resolution
    "The goal of revenge is to crucify the offender. The goal of Acceptance is to resurrect your best self. Revenge is other-directed" Acceptance is inner directed.
    When you contain your obsessions, the offender becomes less important to you than you are to you.. but acceptance does Not means you relinquish your need for justice or just punishment..
    3. You stop obsessing about the injury and reengage in life... some ways:
    Challenging your negative thoughts.
    Questioning your habitual response to injury.
    Thought Stopping (recycling stuff in your mind isn't Helpful...)
    Social Support (hmm but if your social support is Recycling.. bad...)
    Normalizing your response
    Relaxation, visualization, Meditation...
    Stimulus Control (obsess for a set amount o f time, then ask yourself.. where did that get me ?)
    Self-care (taking control of Some part of your life...)

    4. You protect yourself from Further abuse..
    ok.. well do not forgive Too easily.. but also do not fall into the trap of Refusing to forgive..

    5. You frame the offender's behavior in terms of his own personal struggles..
    ok.. this person did something To you, but it wasn't About you.. it more likely was about him... But, your attempt to understand in NO Way frees him from what he did. Acceptance is a gift to Ourself, not to the person who hurt you. This whole part of the exercise may free you from the devestation and more solidly in control of your life..

    6. Look Honestly at your contribution to the injury.....
    You may be more than just a victim and the only person you may need to forgive is yourself.. ask yourself...
    "What was going on in my world at the time of the injury that may have affected me emotionally, making me feel more vulnerable less in control.. so I reacted inappropriately ? (not always the case mind you..) You need to ask.. "Did these life events througw me off balance andlead me to act in ways that were callous or otherwise offensive? How did my personality affect my reaction. Was I silent.. Where you coming from a place damaged when you were young ? These fixed ideas often pre-date the offese.. they are "channels of psychological vulnerability"...
    then there is How you Incite Others to Mistreat You.. were you intimidating ? "fronting" harsh ?
    then you need to Own up to your share of the Problem.. (have you pushed the person away ?... )
    and then you need to "Challenge Your OFFICIAL STORY"... (well I need to photocopy This one for sure...)

    #7. You challenge your Falso assumptions about what happened...
    that black or white thinking.. that all or nothing thinking.. you are Not a mind reader.. you shouldn't overgeneralize.personalize or jump to conclusions..get rid of the "should' statements Convert a demand into a wish..

    8. You look at the offender apart from his offense, weighing the good against the bad...

    9. You carefully decide what kind of relationship you want with the offender... remembering, some relationships are more important to preserve than others..

    10. You forgive yourself for your failings...

    phew.. well, normally I take self help books with a grain of salt.. but this one Is helpful
    10:14 am
    More About Not Forgiving...
    ack.. well I almost lost the last post.. so I shall do this More slowly I guess..
    Not Forgiving may make you feel less empty, but it poisons you physically and cuts you off fromlife.

    You are "psychically" sterile -- detached from life, blind to those who deserve your gratitude, cut off from tenderness joy and beauty. Wyo may seek the solace of solitary pleasures (ahem.. messageboards ?).. but rage is likely the onl fealling that resonates inside you. OBsessed wth getting even, you fulfill your basic need be leave no time to gratify your higher needs (you may even stop dreaming, my note...) It can make you sick..
    and.. Refusing to Forgive may isolate you not just from the person who hurt you, but from those who do you no harm. Mistrust is like blood seeping from a wound, staining everything it touches.. Morbidly absorbed in the injury, you push everyone away. There is a difference between nursing your wounds and binding them, a difference between detructive rage and constructive anger.
    Giving up the brute arrogance of Not Forgiving is hard work. You need to dismantle your pride, learn humility and stop blaming others for your problems.
    If you don't try to heal, then you do not release.. . Not forgiving is a way of Not being engaged in life...
    10:04 am
    How Can I Forgive You ?
    Some excerpts from a book I read by Janis Abrahms Spring..

    People Who Refuse to Forgive..
    The Narcissist , is someone who "fells they are "entitled to special rights and privielges, whether earned or not. They are demanding and selfish. They expect special favors without assuming reciprical responsibilities..."
    The Narcisist is incapable of of tolerating the the discomfort of self scrutiny or criticism. He seeks admiration, not self knowledge..he attaches to those that flatter him and discards those that do not...

    Not Forgiving
    Lets you blame others for your failures
    and transfers to them whatver it is you curse (and eventually need to confront and forgive) in yourself. It helps you ward off shame.. You made me do this, You made me fail...etc. Living in a "grudge state" you insist that you are innocent and the person who hurt you deserves Every imaginable punishment . While blaming him, naturally, you do not have to work on you...
    Monday, July 12th, 2004
    8:24 am
    "Maggie, of Huntington, on July 10, 2004, in her 47th year. Loving wife of Salvatore. Devoted mother of Kimberly, Matthew and James. Beloved daughter of Mary Kurtz. Dear sister of Robert, Rosemary, John, Joan, Dorothy, Kathleen and Christine. Reposing Nolan & Taylor-Howe Funeral Home, 5 Laurel Ave., Northport, Tuesday 2-5 and 7-9pm. Services Wednesday 11am, Centerport United Methodist Church, 97 Little Neck Rd., Centerport, private cremation to follow. You traveled the world and sprinkled your zest for life everywhere you visited. No paradise could match the colorful, peaceful, and forever welcoming nest you and Sal created at Knollwood Beach. Everyone around you was touched by your insightful humor, subtle grace and comforting charm. Everyone fortunate to walk in your path became lifelong friends. The gift of being part of your life will be with us forever. In lieu of flowers, donations may be sent to Don Monti Oncology Unit Cancer Support Group"

    Friday, July 9th, 2004
    10:20 am
    So, Do You Believe In Signs or Omens ?
    I do. Right before, or actually, during that whole messageboard conumdrum that ended it for me... I went completely numb on my right side. Couldn't feel my leg, tripped when I got up and twisted my ankle.
    So... That was enough of a sign for me.
    What signs do you pay attention to ?
    Monday, July 5th, 2004
    2:00 pm
    Thoughts on Holiday Weekends...
    Highly overated. Expensive. Bring out the worst in people. Especially if your neighbors are the Music Wardens..
    But.. lol, it's ok for them to shoot Roman Candles off thier porch into other folks yards. This one can't be over fast enough for me. And the hornets. Well, I think they are finally gone.
    As for "memorials", and pomp and circumstance, I agree with this guy about Ground Zero:
    Wednesday, June 30th, 2004
    1:06 pm
    Man, This Place Always Loads So Slowly...
    Well, I am Really trying to limit my internet time.. as per a discussion with the Mr. about our varying "addictions".. so I will make this fast.
    More thoughts on messageboards...
    They serve their purpose, they are a good social outlet, and you can get good support in them... BUT, when they become the Priority in your life. That is when something is wrong. And that's what I needed to realize.
    I have kids who's are living thier lives in real time, while I am online. Dogs who go to greater and greater lengths to get attention.. a house that is in shambles, and a yard. Well, If you have ever seen the film "Gray Gardens".. that is what it begins to resemble.
    How does this happen ? I don't know. I suppose you find a place where you feel comfortable and a routine that is predictable and then you stay with it. Even if it is a detriment to your other relationships. Even if your husband is Screaming in words and actions, the Computer or ME....
    And then there is "responsibilty". Am I really responsible for someone who lives in another nation, or state, because we go to the same online place. How ? What are the expectations. Some of these folks felt they were responsible for me. How did I give this impression ? I thought I just did a lot of thinking outloud and yet, I fear I alarmed people.
    At any rate. I have chosen to do things differently for now. I may never have that old opportunity back, and I may hurt some folks.
    But I need to be in the present. To be fully here for my family. I need to Live. Not write about living, and doing.
    I needed to have a dream... and to put the past in the past.. instead of dredging it up. That is quicksand.
    I want a beach I think. A real one. With the water lapping at my feet.
    And somewhere in the last week, I realized.. I live Near a beach. I have the raw materials for that kind of happiness. And while I may lose a friend or two, I think that they may eventually also feel like a weight has been lifted off their shoulders. Didn't they start to resent some things ?
    I think so.
    Sunday, June 27th, 2004
    10:21 pm
    So, I Hate This Season Of Six Feet...
    Yep. Just don't like it.
    I hope it improves.. My short attention span is getting really, really tested.
    I dislike George, and now they have gone a gotten rid of Arthur... Hmm..
    Well... Next week is a three hour marathon. You all enjoy it !!
    Saturday, June 26th, 2004
    6:32 pm
    Home Again...
    I'm a bit of a pingpong ball.. Away, home. It will probably be a Summer of caretaking and traveling out to help the older family members..
    So, I am thinking that I will respectfully decline any offers to return or join any messageboards...
    I am kind of liking the "liberty" of it... My time -- when I have it -- will be My time. That's a refreshing idea.
    Friday, June 25th, 2004
    11:59 am
    It is amazing what folks will say on the Internet. The half-truths, the important *facts* they forget. Well, today the only thing I have to tell anyone, is go to Hades and have a good life. Pish, time spent was time wasted...
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