chocolate jones' Journal
20 most recent posts

Date:2003-08-28 22:03
Subject:to whom it may concern:
Security:Public
Mood: crushed
Music:janes addiction:everybody's friend-311:beyond the gray sky

written on the 19 of august.

well im back. unfortunatly. i feel almost the exact same way emma does. why should i have to come back to this shit?(concerning incident with mellisa, steve and lauren)I admit that i have not made all god desisions since i have been back from New Dominion but i also feel that i have done nothing but stick my neck out for people. I've done nothing less than everything i can. EVERYTIME ive been burnt. everytime. im tired of it. im tired of not getting back what i put into people. im tired of being stabbed in the back when i go out on a ledge for somebody. im tired of people fighting over pity stuff. im tired of people telling me they wish i was dead or will die when i say what i need to while hoping that somebody will get some peace of fucking mind from what i say.

im sick of it. it hurts. it hurts like fucking hell. its depressing and unhealthy as anything. im a sensative guy, i know that. i accept that. but i could cry myself to sleep almost every night with the slightest effort from the shit i put up with. sometimes i do, sometimes i dont. either way, nobody should feel that way at all, let alone feel that way because of "friends". i take responsibility for letting myself feel what i do, but if i could go back, i wouldnt change one thing. I dont know how much more i can take and i dont intend to find out. ive done what i can and nothing changed. nothing changed, so im withdrawing, im leaving. ill keep a few close friends, friends ive been burnt the least by, the ones i trust. pete, jer, steve to name a few although there arent many more. im sick of this life but its the only one ive got so ill make the best of it. you all should try it, it might actually do something for your lives, something good for a change. if you have any questions or comments, post them because ill be checking blurty for about 3 to 5 days. then im not going to use it any more.
peace out.
-Paul

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Date:2003-07-20 22:24
Subject:good bye, farewell and amen
Security:Public
Mood: loved
Music:jane's addiction:just because-rage:bullet in the head

weill, i leave tomorrow morning, im both excited and upset. i havent been down there in a long time and its really fun there too, and with juicy fruit jenkins (stevo) coming, well thats self explanatory. but im going to miss so many people, i want to make a list, so here's my list, read it. the people ill miss (hanging out with/talking online etc.), peter, jer, steve, julie, bill, eden, grace, lauren, mira (both of them), dillen, mollie, becky, jesus, loan, chris, mrs. ditto, mrs. harris, julian, desi, cassandra, mr. skidmore, caz...and thats it, im pretty sure. if i forgot you, my excuse is that im tired, haha, so there, you cant blame me. seriously though i am sorry if i did. all of you take care of yourselves, be friends to each other. i love you all :]

see you soon!!

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Date:2003-07-20 01:31
Subject:jesus
Security:Public
Mood: stressed
Music:311:i told myself

whew! holy shit.

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Date:2003-07-18 23:16
Subject:sick fucking movie
Security:Public
Mood: blah
Music:deftones:bloody cape-offspring:pay the man

well my dad and i just watched fargo. it was annoying, sick and fantastic all at the same time.ng that got me most was the minnasotan accents and the fact that every other word was "ya". i was at the point where i was ready to put my head through the television in the hopes it would hit the actor to keep them from saying the forbidden word again. me and jer played in his garage for a while and 2 girls walked by and said "play us a song" and jer and i quickly wrote a song titled "fuck you". unfortunatly they had walked away by the time we had it worked out but we played it as loud as we could for the hell of it. to bad too, they would have enjoyed it. i went to steves today too and we played some dynasty warriors and again zach was atemting to coach us on how to play and i finally fliped on him and told him that id been playing this way longer than he had, he said, and i quote "nuh uh, iv been playing for three months" at which point i loudly said "ive been playing it for 1 and a half fucking years!i dont need your advice!" and then steve tried to slap me because i said a naughty word...which both steve and i repeated several times throughout our stay. haha, oh well. then we took turns brutaly wiping him out in vs. mode which was fun.

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Date:2003-07-18 13:50
Subject:i get all numb when she sings its over such a stange numb and it could bring my knees to earth
Security:Public
Mood: giddy
Music:deftones:deathblow, minerva

i feel so much better now that grace and i have worked out the loose ends and whatnot. i wont share what was said but suphicet to say it was the final piece i needed. im going to see johnny english tomorrow withmy dad, the reviews said it was weak plot wise but it was pretty damn funny so im seeing it anywho. iv got to play some bass later today. im wired man. im going to go jump around a bit, only for and hour or so...right after this napppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp....

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Date:2003-07-18 11:46
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: angry
Music:korn:beg for me-kack johnson:middle man

it seems funny to me
how fucked the world can be
every time i get hit
i feel more dead

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Date:2003-07-17 23:41
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: blah
Music:korn:i did my time

I am punk music!!
Rock on, dude! You are Punk music!


What type of music are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

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Date:2003-07-17 22:55
Subject:my sniping skills
Security:Public
Mood: blah
Music:blackalicious:blazing arrow-green day:warning

my "talk" with steve:

slartiybartfast (11:29:09 PM): howday
slartiybartfast (11:30:15 PM): uhhhhhhh?
slartiybartfast (11:30:25 PM): herro?
slartiybartfast (11:31:31 PM): steveepoo?
slartiybartfast (11:37:45 PM): YO!
slartiybartfast (11:38:04 PM): stevereno!!!!!!!!!
slartiybartfast (11:41:57 PM): yankee doodle wen to town
slartiybartfast (11:43:01 PM): a ridin on a pony
slartiybartfast (11:44:51 PM): and when he reared his ugly head i shot em
slartiybartfast (11:44:58 PM): right through the head
slartiybartfast (11:49:58 PM): and i felt good about it
slartiybartfast (11:50:16 PM): real good
slartiybartfast (11:50:28 PM): euphoric
slartiybartfast (11:51:13 PM): there was blood everywhere
slartiybartfast (11:51:21 PM): and brain bits too
slartiybartfast (11:51:40 PM): and there was a little girl he had on his horse
slartiybartfast (11:51:58 PM): she's covered in bits of his scalp too
slartiybartfast (11:52:14 PM): she's probably scared for life
slartiybartfast (11:52:16 PM): haha
slartiybartfast (11:52:26 PM): double prize:-P
“hamsterkingIII” signed off at 11:52:26 PM.

as you can see im greatly cared for by my friends.

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Date:2003-07-16 23:49
Subject:blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah...
Security:Public
Mood: tired
Music:the roots:the seed(2.0)-blackalicious:chemical calisthenics

i got the albums today, they're sweet. i convinced julie, eden, grace, and steve that jer had turned into a wigger, it was great. then jer and i talked along time about lord of the rings and how cool arwen and her sword are, how we cant wait for the return of the king. and i jumped around cause i was really high strung and i also danced on cockroahes, i love the pop they make when you step on them really fast. it gives me pleasure. i might go to south street on suday with julie and grace, cory and some other's, i dont know if i will though. well i should sleep, i took a benadryl and they can knock you out at times. i need to get up to go to the y, yes to work out in case anybody has questions or reservations about that. confusion to your enemies.

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Date:2003-07-15 23:11
Subject:i dont have any beliefs but i believe im a walking contradiction and i aint got no right
Security:Public
Mood: pleased
Music:offspring:welcome-rage:fist full of steel

haha, i have the greatest nickname ever!!!!!from now one everybody has to refer to me as Chocolate Jones. inly on a rare occasion will i respond to the name "Paul". its so great, ah, im the shit, i mean what can i say, im just so great!!!although i admit some credit goes to sarah for bringing it up. today was ok, no one was around so i played a lot of bass ,learned some new songs, read, tv etc. jer finally got home around 10 and i went to his house and we played guitar,ps2, listened to music. tomorrow i go to the ymca to work out again, ive been so damn sore the last couple of days. oh well. im also going to get a new cd case and the roots new cd along with blazing arrow by blackalisious.

When the truth walks away
Everybody stays
Cause the truth about the world is that crime does pay

So if you walk away
Who is gonna stay
Cause I'd like to think the world is a better place

When the truth walks away
Everybody stays
Cause the truth about the world is that crime does pay

So if you walk away
Who is gonna stay
Cause I'd like to make the world be a better place

When the truth walks away
Everybody stays
Cause the truth about the world is that crime does pay

So if you walk away
Who is gonna stay
Cause I'd like to think the world is a better place
I'd like to leave the world as a better place
I'd like to think the world

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Date:2003-07-14 23:26
Subject::: with legs crossed, hands folded and in best gay accent ::well, hereths what happened, right?
Security:Public
Mood: horny
Music:Leave You Far Behind:Lunatic Calm-offspring:TheKidsArntalrit

shit falls from the sky, usually when you throw it up there..well steve and i fixed things and things are better. im looking forward to going to texas. it ought to be barrels full of fun and furry little animals...(that i will later burn alive)i went to julians last night and we played music and threw an old jet and batman toy off a two story balcony, ran over them on his bike and threw them against the wall, it was very fun. i found out hes dating a 21 year old and i almost slapped him, his best excuse was that hes almost 18 and it wasnt his fault that they got together. his "friend" hooked him him up. he said he first met her on the fourth, they were on a beach (he said all this with that dreamy look) and there were fire works :: very quietly :: and alcohol...i said so you made out with a 21 year old on the beach after you'd been drinking, he says...yeah!pretty much!he doesnt an under age, obsessed drinker in case any of you were wondering, i know julian and if he was doing that, id've killed his sorry ass. any who, then i played enter the matrix which is a sweet fucking game. then i left, and that was it. i saw t-3 today with my dad and we did some father-son bonding. the movie was alright, it couldve been better but it want horrible, the ending was full of neatness, among other things. i need to find a way to be able to either bring my bass down with me to texas, or find out if someone down there has one, preferably with an acoustic one. theres no way im going to survive 2 weeks without it, i hope they at least have a guitar. i also got a free cd from julian, americana from the offspring, i know it wasnt their best album but hey, its a free cd, and its a cd of a good band, why not man. can ban fan an dan han jan kan pan ran van...

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Date:2003-07-11 22:04
Subject:oh, look, theres paint on the wall...
Security:Public
Mood:horrible, depressed, enraged
Music:deftones:my own summer(shove it)+roots+7 words

jesus fucking christ!!!!im goin to kill steve. im not joking around. he is being such a ass spelonker. im going to beat him to a bloddy pulp!theres no way in hell im going to texas with him if hes going to a dick. ill fucking stay behind, i dont care if the tickets are purchased or not, it wont happen. god damn im tired of chasing after my friends because of shit they pulled. i want a vacation away from eveybody, just me all alone.noone else. that would be so nice. maybe ill try get myself back into new dominion for a nother year and a half while people here get their lives together. holy shit. im like at the end of my rope. im so fucking worn out. i just want to leave everyone behind. i think i could cry a river. crap thats a lot of water, salty too. sometimes i dont know why i even try...

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Date:2003-07-05 12:14
Subject:YOUR MOM AND I ALONE IN HER ROOM WITH THE LIGHTS DIMMED PLAYING A GAME OF CHESS!!HAHAMOTHERFUCKER!!!
Security:Public
Mood: giddy
Music:gorillaz:the sounder-rage:know your enemy

i spent yesterday with jer at carmen's house, it was really sweet. we swam mostly, there was a shit load of food, i read a lot, and also dominated in halo. especially with the sniper rifle. boo-ya.no fire works though which was pretty odd if you know carl, he and his friends are the kind of people who but 10 lbs. of fire works in february. anywho, jer is supposed to be getting his guitar today. i hope he does, his dad has beeb saying he'd get "soon" for like 4 months. south park the movie was on lst night but i was to tired to watch it, so, doing what people do whn they're tired, i went to sleep! exciting isnt it?you get a cookie. carl and hgis friends were so drunk yesterday, they all got in a fight over a tobogann (spelling?) that got stuck in the basement on some pipes and they were yelling at each other for 10 minutes. it was hilarious but depressing and demeaning to the word "mankind" along with "civilized" at the same time. i might get another rage album this weekend. uhhhhh! they are so sexy! just listening to them is orgasmic!! oh shit, i need a tissue..did i tell you about my operation? well even if i did ill tell you all about it again. i have had a problem with ingrown toenails for years so i decided i waanted to stop dealing with them all together. i had a very small opertion in which they numbed the shit out of my toe, and cut back into it about a half inch where the nail is grown, the root. so they cut that all out and then put a cream on it to kill the root and stop it from growing back. when i pulled the gaws out 2 days later i could see a half inch back into my toe. it was SO cool, it was all tissuey and slimy and everything that makes you feel like your going to puke but you want to keep looking at it anyway. oh! and you should have seen the bandage, that was an experience all by itself. my dad said "the best thing about those gaws pads is that after your done using them, they make excellent tee bags." i died laughing and when i told my mom what he said she tried not to laugh and gave me "that look". it was great.

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Date:2003-06-30 18:50
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: pissed off
Music:rage against the machine:in the name of

well im getting pretty fed up with grace. i realize it was pretty cold for me not to talk to her after we broke up and im sorry about that. i really am. it was wrong of me to do that and i see that. in other news i got a third of toe-nail cut out today and now its wraped up in a one inch thick bandage. it feels funny and it was numb for about an hour. its kinda hard to walk with a numb toe but it wasnt the first time. nothing much else to tell. i cant be walking for a couple of days so ill be inside watching movies, on the computer, reading etc. fun, eh?

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Date:2003-06-28 12:12
Subject:your mom and i, upstairs, alone, in her room, with the lights out... (almost "there", hehe)
Security:Public
Mood: enthralled
Music:rage against the machine:freedom crystal method:high roller

yesterday was neato. jer and i, along with my mom went out to best buy and georges music. i wanted to get a new strap for my bass but they didnt have the one i wanted nad all the other ones that i wanted were about 30$ and there's no way im paying for a 30$ strap. so i got a rage cd and a crystal meth cd. they're both prodigious. i love rage so much. anywho. me and jer talked a lot last night after i got back. it really bugs me how when i got back (from nd) everybody i knew were all great friends and now every bodies split up and hating each other. that makes me sad. it was so much better when we were all together. im going to try and talk to steve today about this thing with jer. hopefuly they'll both stop being so petty and at least tollerate each other.

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Date:2003-06-27 14:06
Subject:the cow
Security:Public
Mood: anxious
Music:same as before mofo, its been about 5 minutes, sheesh..

go here now and please apologize to the cow. if we get 1,000,000 signatures, the apologies will be read to a cow. we need you help. get all your friends to sign too. SAVE THE COWS!!!!!!!!!!

http://sorrycow.com/

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Date:2003-06-27 13:22
Subject:your mom and i,upstairs, in her room... (i can tell the suspence is killing you)
Security:Public
Mood: blah
Music:godsmack:i stand alone Black hawk down:hunger,gortoz a ran

well i jumped up and down and smacked a cow in the ass. it was fun. anyway i had a very interesting few days. well actually they werent very interesting at all but different. after surviving aq horrible winter in the woods im happpy with the extreme heat, i like the heat, heat is good, not humidity though, humididty sucks. today im gong out to get a new bass strap and a rage cd. jer will probobly come because he hasnt been hanging around recently. i need to tell steve that too, jer hasnt been hanging around with because of steve and everybody making fun of him. hes finally gotten really fucking tired of it and im glad. i just wish he would say it more to them. i tired of it too, thats what i need to talk to steve about. i really couldnt give a shit if steve doesnt care wether or not it hurts jer. if hes going to be an ass-hole, i dont want to be around that. i guess it is steve that i have my main problem with, but other people dont seem to have a problem chiming in or laughing when steve starts up. ok, i feel alittle better. in other news i counted 208 green cars the other day, ive been spending some time looking at academies (military, air force, etc..). im considering joining one. we've been super cleaning the house the last couple of days. yesterday, we cleaned the bookshelfs in the living room and behind them. dear god it was hidious back there. there was enough hair and other disguisting things you would probobly kill yourself if you found it any where near yoy food back ther to give a great dane a new coat of fur. it was almost incomprehendable.

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Date:2003-06-22 12:05
Subject:your mom and i, alone, in her house, upstairs..
Security:Public
Mood: pleased
Music:311:wake your mind up, hostile apostile

ive been talking to my parents a lot about my situation and i feel better, not completely, but better. im going over to julian's today and ill be there untill about 4. pete is coming home too, and he'll be here till tuesday so thats good. im learning how take apart laptops and put them back together, its really fun and i can get my own soon enough. last night i took apart a 540c powerbook. the tools are still lying all over the dinning room table but im going to put it back together tonight. i kicked andariel's ass last night in diablo II and now im in act II. its really cool, my necromancer has a big ass scythe and bone armor. he shas a giant skull with a horn as a shoulder pad. he sooooo sexy. i want to hum his leg but he'd probobly sic his golem on me. thats ok though. ive been playing a lot of bass too. day before yesterday i learned a new chili peppers song and like 4 or 5 nirvana songs. i need more. later anyway. im going to go now. right after i finish this sentence. yep. almost done. but then again, i suppose if i sit around waiting for me to leave so i can write about it, ill never really have left. but then if i leave and my ora stays here, it can write about my bodies departure, but then ill have to come back and retrieve my ora, so ill probobly end up mentioning that too. i suppose i could just sit here all day and share with you my viewes on life. so then id never have to write about leaving because i wouldnt be leaving. unles i wrote a program that could continue to write things for me while i was away, but then id have to tell you about how i wrote it and how it works and id end up staying anyway, unless..

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Date:2003-06-19 15:39
Subject:your mom and i, alone, in her house..
Security:Public
Mood: cynical
Music:live:heaven deftones:needles and pins

well im sick of this. im ending it. if anybody else wants to keep this war going and continuing all the nagging and shit, be my guest, im not going to reply to you. if your going to stay that way, as far as im concerned, you dont exist, im not going to let you bother me. and since there are so many of you that demand an explination of why i "keep emma away from my friends" as you all so elequently put it. here you go. all my life emma has followed me, doing exactly what i do, going where i go, getting into the things im into. people can say "oh, shes just looking up to you, your a role model for her". there was a time when i bought that. now it just drives me nuts and i feel like she uses it to get what she wants. i dont feel like anything i do is me anymore. i cant do my own thing. she was on my last nerve and i felt the only thing i had left, not only "for me" if you will, but they were also the only way i could get away from her, and now thats been takin too. yes, its my fault for not conveying this to her in recent times. i have a hard time doing this now, every time iv done it in the past, every time we've reached an "agreement", she's gone back on it. she broke my trust for her. i took this out on her in many ways i should not have and ive known that this whole time. i acknowledge and accept that responsibilty. i lashed in her in completely wrong ways and im sorry. i admit i dont feel overly bad about some of the things i did but that doesnt mean i dont know they're wrong. ive yet to tell her this, and im not sure what good it will do, if it will work or she'll just stab me in the back again and the cycle will continue. i guess ill find out.

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Date:2003-06-18 21:24
Subject:your mom and i, alone..
Security:Public
Mood: crushed
Music:deftones, chevelle, godsmack, korn, anything loud, and angry

fucking christ. im so sick of all this bullshit with emma and all her "friends". i just want to get away. i was afraid of this. i just feel like fucking flipping out on her and anyone who fucking gets in my way. i want to beat the life out of her. you cant imagine me angry grace, well wake the fuck up. you should see me now, no thanks to you. i could kill someone. you happy now? you've got it real good right now, emma's your friend and you get back at me! great deal isnt it? shit, i should calm down. i dont know what else to say. by saying all this i know im not helping. i'll figure something out. in the mean time, i believe you can all go fuck your selves, or your pets, or your parents, or siblings. whatever flips your pickle

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