Nameless Face

10:35am: Mother Nature...
Has a way of making you 20 times more grateful for everything even when youre already grateful. We survived the tornados sae ive got some stiches. I dont really feel like updating right now. My hand hurts and Im still a little shaken.

6:26pm: True...
h2>The Five Love LanguagesMy primary love language is probably
Physical Touch
with a secondary love language being
Quality Time.

Complete set of results

Physical Touch:		11
Quality Time:		9
Acts of Service:		6
Words of Affirmation:		3
Receiving Gifts:		1

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

8:11pm: Okay so I was a science nerd...


And I always loved Math, and technology, Im fascinated.

10:38am: Really Long Survey
What is your name?: Justin
Are you named after anyone?: No.
What's your screename?: Same one I've had for years. But do you really think I'm stupid enough to put it here? Think again.
Would you name a child of yours after you?: No. I perfer my childen to have their own individual names. Not living in the shadows of someone else's legacy. Personally I'm not flattered when people name a child after someone. I'm all for making your own legacy.
If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?: I have -no-idea. I imagine Loraine like mom once mentioned.
If you could switch names with a friend who would it be?: Why switch? I like my name.
Are there any mispronounciations/typos that ppl do w/ your name constantly?: Not really other than Jstn. Or JJ or J. All of the above irk me none too bad except the J or JJ. To me, my immediate thought is "Are you really too damned lazy to type out 'Jay' and be done with it?!". Who knows. Just an odd quirk.
Would you drop your last name if you became famous?: Nope!

Basics
Your gender: "We're men, Menly men! We're men in tights..." Oops! Sorry, Robin Hood: Men In Tights moment. Male.
Straight/Gay/Bi:Straight
Single?: Nope
If not, do you want to be?: -declines to answer-
Birthdate:: Jan 31
Your age:: 25
Age you act: Depends on the day. Som days I choose not to be an adult LOL.
Age you wish you were: Um. 25?
Your height:: 6'6"
Eye color: Blue
Happy with it?: Yes.
Hair color: Naturally? Brunette.
Happy with it?: I use to hate my hair because of the curliness factor, but I've grown to love it quite a lot.
Lefty/righty/ambidextrous:Multi-talented. Oh. Wait. That translates to ambidextrious.
Your living arrangement:Home Owner
Your family: Too bad you can't choose them like you can friends. In any case, what about them?
Have any pets?: A managerie. 3 cats. Snake, Chinchilla, Spider, 3 horses, 5 wolves (born on our property and we raised them and have a license to keep them). Oh. And we have a frog and lizzard. Kids. Oi. What -will- they drag in next?!
Whats your job?: Asshole
Piercings?: Yes. Tongue, and 4 in each ear. One per lobe, one per cartlidge.
Tattoos?: Yes. One between my shoulder blades, several on my legs, one on my arm and one low on my left hip.
Obsessions?: Cleanliness, Punctuality, Working out.
Addictions?: Does sex count?
Do you speak another language?: Some Spanish, french, german and chinese but none fluently.
Have a favorite quote?: Actually I have two. "For it was not into my ear you whispered but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed but my soul." - Judy Garland. And another. "Without transformation men become wolves on every slight occasion" - Lord Byron.
Do you have a webpage?: Yes but theres not much on it except some poetry and a few other things.

Deep Thoughts About Life and You in it
Do you live in the moment?: Definately. Is there another way to live?
Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?: Very. If I weren't, why are most of my friends gay.
Do you have any secrets?: Many.
Do you hate yourself?: At times.
Do you like your handwriting?: LOL. It's chicken scratch but it works lol.
Do you have any bad habits?: Not too many. I get jittery when bored and I tend to drive people crazy with my fidgetting but otherwise, not really.
What is the compliment you get from most people?: Usually gorgeous eyes or great smile.
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?: An Optimists Guide To The Hopelessly fucked: Living, Loving, dreaming and doing even when your life is constantly in Murphy Mode.
What's your biggest fear?: That I'll somehow end up like Paul.
Can you sing?: Hmm, debatable.
Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?: Hell no, if you dont like me as I am.. fuck off.
Are you a loner?: No. Im a social person. But at times I have to have my alone time and my personal space.
What are your #1 priorities in life?: To give my children a better life than I had
If you were another person, would you be friends with you? Absolutely! I'm friends with everyone so why the hell not lol.
Are you a daredevil?: Yup. To an extent. I like the adrenaline rush.
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?: I hate it when I get moody and end up breathing fire at the people who love me and when I close up. It's like Fort Knox. There's no getting in. And I don't even conciously on purpose do it.
Are you passive or agressive?: Both.
Do you have a journal?: Yes.
What is your greatest strength and weakness?: Strength: Never giving up. Tenacity. Weakness: Being either too cold or too soft. I can't seem to find a middle ground.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?: To be less rational and analytical.
Do you think you are emotionally strong?: Yes, I have to be.
Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?: Like my Grandfather once said "Regret is for those who do not wish to learn grow or change. Regret nothing. Learn from everything."
Do you think life has been good so far?: Well, now that Im adult and on my own, yes. When I lived at home? Does the 13th ring of hell tell you anything?
What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?: Patience.
What do you like the most about your body?: That it's mostly healthy. Otherwise, I like my stomach. I work hard to keep it.
And least?: The fact that I can't keep any body fat. Physically, I can't stand the freckles on my shoulders. The wife loves them. I can't stand it.
Do you think you are good looking?: I figure I'm average. I'm not a dog. I'm not god. Thou I've been told by many that I'm good looking.
Are you confident?: Yes -- to a degree
What is the fictional character you are most like?: I have no idea.
Are you perceived wrongly?: Sometimes yes but usually on purpose. I don't perfer everyone knowing my inside layers so easily so I put off a persona.

Do You...
Smoke?: No. And I gave up smoking pot too except to keep food down after chemotherapy. Or as an absolute need-to basis to wind down my ADHD.
Do drugs?: No.
Read the newspaper?: Sometimes.
Pray?: On occasion to whatever is out there.
Go to church?: No.
Talk to strangers who IM you?: Sure, when I'm online but that's pretty rarely.
Sleep with stuffed animals?: No.
Take walks in the rain?: Love it! I'm a water fiend.
Talk to people even though you hate them?: Hate is a very strong word. There's few I hate but many I dislike, or strongly dislike. And no, if I don't like someone I don't bother to interact with them.
Drive?: Yes!
Like to drive fast?: *Drops his head* Guilty.

Would or Have You Ever?
Liked your voice?: Sure!
Hurt yourself?: Yes..
Been out of the country?: Yes. Too many to name.
Eaten something that made other people sick?: Yup.
Been in love?: Yes...
Done drugs?: Actually, not really. Marijuana but nothing heavy.
Gone skinny dipping?: *Grins* YUP!
Had a medical emergency?: Yes.
Had surgery?: Yes.
Ran away from home?: Yes.
Played strip poker?: Yes.
Gotten beaten up?: I was abused as a child. Since I got old enough to fight back? No.
Beaten someone up?: Only if they hurt someone I loved in a manner of violence. Or they threw the first punch.
Been picked on?: All in good fun, yeah.
Been on stage?: Yes!
Slept outdoors?: Absolutely Love Camping!
Thought about suicide?: -declines answering-
Pulled an all nighter?: I lived for years on 2 hours of sleep a night if that some nights and catching 10 minute cat naps here and there so yes I've pulled more than one over nighter.
If yes, what is your record?: I have no idea I think close to a week then I just crashed.
Gone one day without food?: I've gone many days without food. 11 being the most consecutively.
Talked on the phone all night?: No.
Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?:Yes.
Slept all day?: When my body crashes or Im sick as a dog.
Killed someone?: What kind of idiot would answer this in an online survey most likely going to be put in a public journal. Anyone rather they have or not, who was wise, would decline to answer. So! No comment!
Made out with a stranger?: Yes.
Had sex with a stranger?: Yes. More than once but that was a very long time ago.
Thought you're going crazy?: Yes.
Kissed the same sex?: NO! Yuck!
Done anything sexual with the same sex?: Again, YUCK!
Been betrayed?:Oh hell yes. And it still hurts like a mother fucker even now.
Had a dream that came true?: Yes.
Broken the law?: Yes. I've had speeding tickets so yes.
Met a famous person?: Yes.
Have you ever killed an animal by accident?: Yes.
On purpose?: I hunt. And I fish.
Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?: Only if it was beneficial to the person. IE it would save their life or some heart ache.
Stolen anything?: When I was a kid.
Been on radio/tv?: Yes.
Been in a mosh-pit?: Yes.
Had a nervous breakdown?: Once.
Bungee jumped?: Yes.
Had a dream that kept coming back?: Yes

Beliefs
Belive in life on other planets?: Yes. It'd be arrogant to think we're the only life forms in the damned universe.
Miracles?: Yes.
Astrology?: To a degree...
Magic?: Define magic.
God?: I'm more spiritual than religious. So I believe in a higher power/powers. I'm not sure what to believe.
Satan?: I believe in some form of greater evil but I wont name it/them.
Santa?: In the -spirit- of Santa? And what Santa stands for? Yes. But Santa Claus? No. Technically Santa Claus is a derrivitive of a real life man they called St. Nick who's real name really was Kris Kringle.
Ghosts?:No. Spirits? Yes. Ghosts and spirits are not one in the same.
Luck?: A certin ammount of it.
Love at first sight?: No. Lust at first sight but not love. Love has to take time to grow and mature.
Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)?: Yeah I agree with that. In every bit of good there is some bad and in every bit of bad there is some good.
Witches?: Not as in the cackling turn you into a frog type witch. But Wiccans and Pagans are 'witches'. So what's to believe. It's a religious fact.
Easter bunny?: Um no.
Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?: Yes. Absolutely yes.
Believe theres a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?: Sure! Why not?
Do you wish on stars?: Yeah sometimes but I don't expect anything to come from it.

Deep Theological Questions
Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?: Not exactly.
Do you think God has a gender?: Im not sure what to believe honestly. Im kinda agnostic so who knows.
Do you believe in organized religion?: NO!
Where do you think we go when we die?: I think that when we die, our souls move on to help others.

Friends
Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?: Yes
Who is your best friend?: Trace, and Sid
Who's the one person that knows most about you?: The two mentioned above.
What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?: The thing my grandfather said about regret.
Your favourite inside joke?: If I told you it wouldn't be an inside joke now would it. And it's likely no one will understand the following statement except the one ment to but "The Black Hole".
Thing you're picked on most about?: My constantly bouncing mind.
Who's your longest known friend?: Trace.
Newest?: Hm. Shannon?
Shyest?: Hmmmmmm.Trevor.
Funniest?: Trace.
Sweetest?: Sid.
Closest?: Trace and Sid.
Weirdest?: All my friends are weird LOL.
Smartest?: I'm not sure. That's debateable.
Ditziest?: Trevor.
Friends you miss being close to the most?: Melody. Not on a romatic level. Just a frienship level.
Last person you talked to online?:A friends fiance', Rob.
Who do you talk to most online?: Ermmm. No one really.
Who are you on the phone with most?: Ell.
Who do you trust most?: Trace and Sid.
Who listens to your problems?: The two above.
Who do you fight most with?: My mom.
Who's the nicest?:All of them!
Who's the most outgoing?: Trace.
Who's the best singer?:Hmm. Sid.
Who's on your shit-list?: None of my friends.
Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend?: I have before but not my closest friends, thats only happened once. Now Ell and I were friends when we started dating and we slept together but Im not sure that would qualify.
Who's your second family?: My best friends but I wouldn't consider them my 'second' family. They're more my family than anyone.
Do you always feel understood?: No.
Who's the loudest friend?:Gregg.
Do you trust others easily?:Hell no.
Who's house were you last at?: I can't remember actually.
Name one person who's arms you feel safe in: Kassandras -- but shes gone now.
Do your friends know you?: People who consider me their friend? Not usually. People who I consider -my- friends, Yes. I have many aquaintances and few friends. Friend is an earned term.
Friend that lives farthest away: I've got some in other countries so pick a country!

Love and All That
Do you consider love a mistake?: No way
What do you find romantic?: Quiet nights with the person I love just spending time together talking, doing something watching a movie, or nothing at all. Every day moments can be romantic if they're with the person you love.
Turn-on?: Curiosity, wits, intelligence, confidence. Open mindedness. There's a lot.
Turn-off?: Close mindedness, Arrogance, Egocentricism, Abusive people, theres a lot here too.
First kiss?: *Smiles* When I was like 10. Her name was Mindy.
If someone you had no interest in had interest in dating you how would you feel?: It's happened before. It makes me feel akward. But I make it known as tastefully as possible that I'm not interested in no uncertian terms.
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them? Yes but Im finished dating. I'm in a committed relationship.
Have u ever wished it was more socially acceptable for a girl to ask a guy out: Sure! Why the hell not? Boldness is sexy!
Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractiv: ....I'm not sure. Yes. I could be but if I didn't find them physically attractive to me, I wouldnt date them. There has to be some spark for a relationship to work and without some physical spark, it just wont work. But just because I dont find the personal physically attractive it doesn't mean that they are infact unattractive. It just means that I am not attracted to them. Attraction and attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder.
Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?: I've been told I am so I suppose so.
What is best about the opposite sex?: Depends on the woman. But I really like legs and I'm a butt man.
What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?: If there's a bad thing about the female body I haven't discovered it yet *grins*
What's the last present someone gave you?: A story written especially for me.
Are you in love?: -declines comment-
Do you consider your significant other hot?: Use to.

Who Was the Last Person...
That haunted you?: Kass.
You wanted to kill?: I plead the 5th.
That you laughed at?: Trace
That laughed at you?: Elethia
That turned you on?: -declines comment-
You went shopping with?: I don't remember.
That broke your heart?: I plead the 5th.
To disappoint you?: My mother.
To ask you out?: Maria, not only did she ask me out but she propositioned me in which she was firmly and in not so nice a manner, clearly, shot down.
To make you cry?: ... I decline to answer.
To brighten up your day?: Trace.
That you thought about?: My kids
You saw a movie with?: My fellow business partners.
You talked to on the phone?: Ell.
You talked to through IM/ICQ?: Rob.
You saw?:Dad
You lost?: Don't recall.

Right This Moment...
Are you going out?: Later, yes.
Will it be with your significant other?: Unfortunately no.
Or some random person?: My dad actually I'm planning on going to look at a house he likes with him.
What are you wearing right now?: There's these nifty things called clothing. I have them on. However at night I perfer to sleep in the color clear AKA nothing.
Body part you're touching right now:: I'm not?
What are you worried about right now?: Tonight with Nathan, Mitchell and Aaron to pay for getting to be ..'free' next week for a while.
What book are you reading?: None right now.
What's on your mousepad?: Actually it's a mouse pad and calculator in one. It's pretty neat.
Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling: Calm, Quiet, Contemplative, Stressed, Emotionally frazzled
Are you bored?: Not really.
Are you tired?: No I actually slept like a baby last night!
Are you talking to anyone online?: Rob.
Are you talking to anyone on the phone?:No.
Are you lonely or content?:Just here.
Are you listening to music?: When am I NOT listening to music.

2:54pm: Ye of Many Majors

You scored as Philosophy. You should be a Philosophy major! Like the Philosopher, you are contemplative and you enjoy thinking about the purpose for humanity's existence. Philosophy 100% Theater 100% Biology 100% Mathematics 100% Dance 100% Engineering 100% Sociology 100% Anthropology 100% Psychology 100% Chemistry 92% Art 58% Linguistics 42% English 42% Journalism 33% What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3) created with QuizFarm.com

7:19am: Sometimes love is a roller coaster
I hate fighting with her *Sighs* It always takes so much out of me. But it's over now and we're over it. Damn my snippiness. I think I'm just over tired. And crabby. And...I've had every virus being passed around imaginable lately. Bah. Sometimes ya just wanna scream "Fuck You" to the world but unfortnately right now I lack the capacity to gather enough energy to scream anything so I'll just think it, loudly. In other news I seen my ugly ex again a few days ago, and for some reason I felt guilty for being petty where she couldnt see it. Maybe I should be thankful for what I've got instead of that one moment of vanity. And besides it hurt someone else in the process who still doesnt understand I wasnt talking about her. *Sighs* Women. Anyway enough dwelling on it today I thikn I just need to go back to bed and try to rest.
~Me~

6:35pm: Artemis' kittens
MM kitties


-clears throat- Proud Uncle Syndrome has taken over -- obviously.

4:30pm: KITTENS!!!!!!!!!!!
Soooo my sisters cat had her kittens and because well I love cats I took pictures!!!!!!! This is also known as proud uncle syndrome and is in fact contagious

http://photobucket.com/albums/v715/rubix_kube/Kittens/
Click above link to see more pictures of the kittens!

8:44pm: If you're wondering where I am.
Yay chemotherapy. I have 5 hours of chemo therapy. (The 3rd 4th and 5th). Every day, 5 hours a day and then I get 45 minutes of radiation a day on the 6th 7th 8th and 9th. Then the 10th - 12th, 5 hours chemo daily and 13th - 16th 45 minutes of radiation daily. Then Im off ten days from the regiment then back on again with the chemo. and then radiation in the same pattern for the next 3 months. So if I dont update it's because Im sick as a dog and unable to do so. Love you and miss you all.
~Jay~

6:19pm: Found in a Random Journal.
thirteen random things you like:
01) SEX
02) Thunderstorms
03) Surfing
04) Being a Father/ Bubby-Daddy
05) Public Displays Of Affection
06) Astrology
07) Excercise
08) Martial Arts
09) My cats
10) Music
11) Dancing
12) Full Body Massages
13) Sun Sets

twelve movies:
01) Ferris Bueller's Day Off
02) Twelve Monkeys
03) Fight Club
04) The Fast And The Furious
05) Too Fast Too Furious
06) Entrapment
07) The Butterfly Effect
08) Gothica
09) What Lies Beneath
10) Jay And Silent Bob Stike Back
11) Identity
12) Meet The Parents

eleven good bands/artists:
01) Iron Mic Coalition
02) Trapt
03) Usher
04) Three Doors Down
05) Lynyrd Skynyrd
06) Coldplay
07) Anthony Hamilton
08) Metallica
09) Tom Petty
10) Eric Clapton
11) N.E.R.D.

ten random things about you:
01) I tend to be overly analytical
02) I have zero tolorance for idiots
03) I can't stand dishonesty
04) Too much emotional crap drives me insane
05) I'm a perfectionist
06) I forget to eat
07) I'm afraid of dying via cancer
08) I want a large family.
09) I bottle things up.
10) I'm a workaholic

nine friends:
01) Elethia
02) Trace
03) Sid
04) Slick
05) My Dad
06) My Granny
07) Kass' Dad
08) Kass' Mom
09) Dirrty


eight favorite foods/drinks:
01) Gatorade
02) Water
03) Juice
04) Alfredo
05) Shrimp
06) Fresh Fruit
07) Spaghetti
08) Baby Carrots

seven things you wear daily:
01) Watch
02) Boxers
03) Socks
04) Shoes
05) Wife Beater
06) Tongue Ring
07) Belt

six things that annoy you:
01) Dishonesty
02) Disorganization
03) Disrespect
04) Carelessness
05) People W/ Bad Hygiene
06) Egomaniacs/Know It All's

five things/people you touch everyday:
01) Elethia
02) My kids
03) Trace
04) Sid
05) Cleopatra and Calypso (The cats)

four shows you watch:
01) Cold Case Files
02) CSI
03) Forensic Files
04) Unsolved Mysteries

three celebrities you have a crush on:
01) Hallie Barry - so fuckable.
02) Jennifer Lopes - or at least her ass
03) Jessica Alba - she's just hot

two places you want to go that you havn't been to:
01) Venice Rome - Never got to do more than plane change hardly.
02) Brazil - Again plane changes typically.

one person you could spend the rest of your life with
1) Myself and the voices in my head?

12:41pm: zzzzzzzzzzzz
I am so tired LOL But I'm LOVING it. Elethia and I spent the weekend wrapped up in eachother totally We basically spend every day like that. Well, aside from when Im working and the kids are there. Then we're still totally all about eachother and our kids. The kids weren't here this weekend. We got some very much needed ALONE time. AHAHAHA. Let's just say the living room couch, the piano, the indoor pool, the hammock outside, the pool outside, all got reinducted. As well as many other things >:) Oh and the banister upstairs on the deck, in the rain. It was awesome. Anyone who knows me, knows Im a total water fiend. Sex in water in the rain anything including water is perfect with me! As usual we spent the weekend pampering eachother. But then again we do that every day I spend my day thinking of things and ways to bring a smile to her face and make her day a little easier, and she does mine. She finally went to therapy with me and is gonna work on the issues causing the problems. Like I told her I wouldn't be nearly as weighed down if I had help carrying everyone sometimes cause I've got issues myself that need attended to. Things that are just recently comming about that I'm excited for and scared to death all at the same time. Basically end of contract. I havent been free since I was 14. I'm 24 now. On my birthday I'll be 25. Im so ready for freedom that it isnt funny but so afraid of ti that it's almost paralyzing. Afraid...well because I mean, what if I go buck wild and go crazy for a while and completely drop all responsibilities. I can't do that. I have kids and a family. And a wife. Or maybe I'm just fretting for nothing. Who knows. We'll see in a few months. But that aside, Im not as weighed down now that she's adressing her issues and dealing with them and its making her happier and more free, of herself. Which is an awesome thing. It's great to see her smiling laughing and playing and being herself again. OMG Jasmine will be 4 later this month. My baby is growing up NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Well not my baby but ya know, my first born. Shouldn't that be illegal or something? I think it should but thats probably, okay, is definately the daddy in me speaking. And in September? Jonathan will be FOURTEEN. Jesus.Hard to believe I've been raising him since he was 10. He's growing into such a fine young man. And Jaqsien.. He'll be 7 in October! Nooo. *Makes them all stop growing up somehow or something* Part of me is so sad cause well, Jonathan, like myself, is already his own person and stakes out his own life and well, sometimes I wonder if he still needs me. But at the same time I know that I have to let him let him test his wings, and let him fall and pick himself back up it's all a part of growing up. He's very much the master of himself. Strong willed, opinionated, extroverted, and has an incredible drive. And Jax and Jazzie, are just like him! They're all their own little people with very definate minds of their own. And so intelligent. I'm so proud of them all. Jasper and Jyda I just never want to let go of! They're already independent and not the cling-to-momand dad type kids. They wanna do their own thing. Ell says that they're turned just like their Daddy. *Blushes* And I guess I am like that. To hell with having someone clinging on me all the time I wanna go do my own thing! I resent being tied down . I like to just go with myself. If I wanna be tied down I'll tie the ropes myself. Like the ropes to Elethia and my children. Those I want. What can I say I've got a lot floating in my head right now. life is busy but Im happy with busy. It has its peaks and valleys but thats life. Anyway right now my mind is flying too much for me to keep typing cause everythings just gonna be really jumbled and incoherent LOL
~Jay~

5:02pm: Just something to amuse me
Joe Cartoon - "Donkey Bong"
Hello darkness my old friend...
It sucks to be with you again
Donkey colon just ain't where it's at
Nor is the rectum of a siamese cat
All this ass...
Is making me feel super ill
It aint no thrill...
I've got more to say...
So stay tuned....

You know I fucked your mother twice
And everyone knows that ain't nice
But it's cause I was feeling bad
You should be thankful I didn't fuck your dad
And if this keeps up
Then you know that I will..
I will kill...
Everything in sight.

I know that that was wrong of me
To sing a song that’s so filthy
But you should try on my shoes
I swear to God that you’d be drinking booze
‘Cause good lord knows that there ain’t enough weed
To fill that need
So fuck off
You hamster fuckers


This is because this song has been stuck in my head and because it's fucking hilarious. I needed something to make me laugh. Things are stresful. I'm just glad it'll be done the 20th. There's an end in sight and thank the...whatevers up there for that.
~Jay~

7:34pm: Been a long time since I updated.
And this is my update.
Life is good.
I love my girl.
I love my kids.
I love my family (Trace, Sid, Dad..few others)
Trace has a twin we just found out about a few months ago.
Jaqsien is 6.
Jonathan is 13.
Um. That's all.

11:54am: *Coils up*
*Sighs* I'm so depressed. All I can seem to think about today is Kass. I find myself trailing off in my mind quietly all the while on the outside I try to paint this happy go lucky bouncy persona. Inside. I'm just not holding true to that today. I catch myself lost in the wanderings of my mind, and silent tortured tears creeping down my cheeks. Tears that weren't suppose to escape me because I'm strong. Because I can do this all on my own. Because I'm 10 ft. tall and bullet proof. But I'm really not at all. I feel invisible, and as for bullet proof... How can I be bullet proof if I feel like I'm dying inside and I know I'm bleeding. I just want to coil up inside myself and hide til some of this pain lessens. This time of year is always so hard.

Boyz II Men - "Girl In The Life Magazine"
I fell in love with the girl in the picture
That I use to keep
Carried her 'round in the back of my pocket
She was always with me
I imagined that I was a man of importance
And she had fancy for me
And I use to dream she would call
Crying her eyes out
She had an obsession with me
I was the love of her life
She was all mine
Girl in the life magazine

The first time we met
In an aisle
At the market
She was staring at me
I knew even then we would share something special
It was like chemistry
I fell in love from the moment I saw her
I took her straight home with me
Thats where I'd dream she would crawl
Right out of that picture
And spend a whole evening with me
And oh how she hated to go
Back to her picture
Girl in the life magazine

All of my friends use to laugh
Said I was certifiably mad
Til the day that she came and she blew them away
And asked me if I'd be her man
it seems that she went and fell
In love with my letters
She said she'd been looking for me
And so the story ends well
We end up together
Girl in the life magazine



*wipes tears* I remember seeing Kass dancing to that song. She didn't know I was watching. The electric was out from a storm. The lightening was crashing and the thunder was roaring outside. The tress were thrashing wildly and the rain was pouding in fury. And there she stood in the kitchen with this popped in her CD player (Ran by batteries) in the dark, dancing slowly and unaware she was being watched, to this song. I remember the flashes of lightening catching the breath taking movements of her body. She looked so at peace. And so... whole. As if she was completely into her own element. Dancing for..the gods. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever witnessed. I remember being so captivated by her I just stood there and watched the entire time and didn't say a word. I didn't even want to breathe loud because I was afraid it might alert her. I did finally sneak in and began dancing with her when the song went on repeat the second time and we made long slow love together there on the kitchen floor. *Curls up* She was so gorgeous. I remember thinking in that moment while we danced together that I could not have been more honored than to have been blessed by the gods in that moment to have gotten to see her in rare form. And to witness such ..god. There's no words. To witness such breath taking beauty. To be able to secretly admire something so...pure. And to think now, that the light she brought to this world is gone, kills me. And frankly. I miss her. And right now. I just want to hide inside myself. *Slips out holding back tearrs*
Jaay

2:30pm: ..Story.
The day had finally come. February 11th. It was his girls 41st birthday. Smiling to himself as he lay stretched nude across crumpled snow white silk sheets, he pulled his arms up above his head, body rising softly in the stretch. Glancing at the clock he lifted a brow. 6AM. Did he always have to wake up so early?! Mentally grumbling to himself, he pulled himself out of bed, immediately followed by a wince, then a devilish grin, remembering two nights prior to this day. Standing by the bed he turned to look at her sleeping figure and a soft smile filled with love soon filled his features. There she was. His lady. Peacefully dreaming away. Purring contentedly to himself he sat one knee then the other on the bed, kneeling on it. Allowing his gaze to take in every feature of her body, he paused a minute to watch the diamond rock on her left ring finger shimmer in the morning’s dawn, that was creeping through the light window drapery. Heavy drappings always made everything so dark… and depressing. Beaming brightly he watched it shine and watched as the light caused it to shower the bedroom walls with a cascade of miniature rainbows. The more he watched the wider and more intense his smile grew. That ring meant she had promised to be his, and only his, forever. That ring meant that they had the rest of their lives to build, to love, to grow, to be as they had already become, one. Taken away to a far away place in his mind in that moment he remembered the first time he saw her. The first time they touched. The first time it wasn’t a ‘game’ anymore. The first time they had kissed, and they had been so close so many times. His mind trailed momentarily to the taste of her lips and the way her body curved and arched against his frame, and the way she whimpered and moaned softly in her delight when their lips were locked together in nothing more than a simplistic kiss. And last but not least his mind did not fail to recall the way she withered in his arms or the way her fingers seemed to always find their way to his chest, either curling up against the bare flesh or gently clinging to the fabric of his shirt. Snapping out of it he pulled himself back to his train of thought and leaned down kissing the ring. Smirking a bit to himself about a random thought of sex, he laid his body back down on the bed against her, softly stroking her face and hair as she slept. Taking a minute to simply caress her face and body while she was off in the land of dreams, he leaned down and kissed her lips lightly, then gently traced the silken flesh rose petals with his finger, afterward purring softly and getting up.
A few hours had passed now and it was rolling around on noon. She never got up this late, but she had gotten in, in the wee morning hours last eve from clubbing with her girlfriends. She wasn’t a late sleeper, neither was he. They were early birds. By this time he had done his morning work out routine, showered, and has fixed breakfast, or at least was finishing fixing it. And there he stood in the kitchen with a white chef’s apron on that said “Kiss the cook”. Humming quietly about his way he went on flipping the sausage patties. Whistling softly he soon was pulling bagels out of the oven, lightly toasted and smearing them with a light amount of butter. Going about the routine of setting up breakfast he smiled to himself as soon he was settling a plate under a silver dish. A plate filled with two toasted bagels, with sausage and cheese on them. A side helping of grapes and a wine glass of orange juice. The Tropicana, no pulp, of course. It’s the only kind she would drink and he knew it. He preferred the Tropicana with lots and lots of pulp but hey, today was -her- day. Settling the silver top over the silver tray that held her plate, he soon sauntered outside and picked enough wild peonies’ to go around the perimeter of the trays top. Thank god for green houses! She loved peonies. They were her favorite flower next to hydrangers. Stripping down to his boxers he smiled to himself, getting prepared to awaken his beauty. Looking over himself he decided to add something to his ensemble. His boxers where black with the words “Butler” across the top, and he knew just the thing to really set off the outfit. Sneaking as silently as a cat into their bedroom he soon retrieved a bowtie.
Tying the bowtie properly on his neck, and getting the tray, he was now prepared to wake her. Tip toeing quietly into their bedroom he paused to hit the play button on the CD player, having already prepared it earlier to play Edwin McCain’s – “I’ll Be”, on repeat. Smiling he looked at her in the mid-day light, her face turned away from the suns beams, an arm laid over her eyes. Laughing to himself he shook his head. Ah his sleeping queen. Moving onward he soon was settling the tray on a bedside table. Leaning down he began softly nipping and pecking at her lips, allowing his hands to roam over her body and play with her. It didn’t take long until he was eliciting quite pleasured moans from her mainly sleeping form, and getting an idea he paused. Going across the room he retrieved the blind fold and leather covered hand cuffs. A set for her hands, and a set for her feet.
Gently moving her limbs and restraining them, he placed the blindfold over her eyes, having placed her legs spread eagle. Sliding his body up between her legs he looked at her pussy. She had such a pretty pussy. Nicely shaped lower lips, plumped and feminine like they should be, hood well rounded overtop the clit and to boot, neatly trimmed. Licking his lips to himself he moved up settling his hips against hers, gently rocking them. Drawing his mouth to kiss down her throat and play over the skin he worked his way to her ear, suckling on the lobe mildly, and hands on her breast massaging and squeezing the soft mounds. He loved her breasts. They weren’t too big. And weren’t too small. They were perfect. Besides he didn’t like big boobs anyway. He loved her small boobs. They were just right. A handful. Feeling himself getting aroused against her skin he pushed his cock against her clit through the fabric and he groaned softly shivering and enjoying it. Obviously, in her sleep, she knew he was playing with her body for every now and then a moan would escape her or her body would push up gently on his. Kissing every inch of her throat and nibbling over her collar bone he delved his tongue into the little dip in the skin, slowly making his way to her nipples. Mm her nipples. He loved them too. Especially the way they got so hard. Sucking on one then the other, he tugged the nubs with his teeth back and forth playing and rolling them in his mouth one at a time, alternating between the two. He grinned when they became hard and her half sleeping moaning, became more insistent and also came more often. Smirking he moved a finger down between her lips. She was getting wet. Rubbing her clit and scratching his fingernail up the backside of it her moans grew louder, she was starting to wake up more and more. Scratching gently down her ribs and then kissing over them he worked his way down to her hips dragging his tongue along each one slowly, biting them a little roughly. The bite having been hard enough to awaken her she moaned in delight and went to move her hands to touch him, but soon discovered she couldn’t, the second thing she took note of, besides the obvious restrain of her limbs, was the song in the background. It was one he sung to her often. One she loved to hear him sing. It was one of his songs, to her. She smiled first, knowing he had put it on, especially for her. Then, husky words dropped from her lips “Justin, what are you doing?” she had asked. Not stopping what he was doing he just ran his hand down along her leg and straddled it letting her feel his hand sliding inside his boxers, soon after for her skin to be grazed by the head of his throbbing drooling cock. While he was leaning further down to kiss along her inner thighs and lick down the inside crease of her leg, she asked again with a tone of devilish laughter in her voice “Justin, what are you doing?” Grinning this time he responded, his voice deep and raspy, having a growl in it as he spoke. “ Happy birthday my love, And I’m going to eat your pussy out and make you scream while I jack off on your leg, then I’m going to slide up, take the blind fold off, let your legs free and put them on my shoulders, fuck you until the head of my cock is slamming on your back walls, then, I’m going to turn you over doggy style, and nail you from the back, and listen to my hips slam against your ass, while you’re screaming my name and I’m pulling your hair”. She gasped at his bluntness, but it soaked her immediately. He didn’t talk dirty to her very often; frankly he felt he wasn’t very good at it. Besides sometimes it was hard to talk to the woman you love like she was a whore. But he had decided, today was her birthday and he was going to try it. Moving his face down between her legs he paused a moment, whispering up to her softly. “I love you, Mel.”. Smiling behind blind folded eyes, and without a seconds hesitance she answered him back, a tone of happiness in her voice “I love you too Justin. And what’s that smell?”. He laughed softly. “Breakfast but it can wait.” Continuing what he was doing his tongue dipped between her lips searching out her clit and licking it. Enjoying the taste he groaned stroking himself against her leg, making sure his hand was close enough where she could feel it, as her body arched in excitement at that first touch. Pushing his face into her, she moved her legs until her feet were on the bed flat, he’d left her enough room for that. Pressing her thighs against his head to hold him there he slid his hand along himself faster and sucked on her clit pushing and rubbing his chin against her dripping entrance. He loved it when her pussy juices got all over his face. Sliding the nub between his teeth rapidly she pushed and bucked her hips into his face, smooth thighs encountering his freshly shaven face, nothing left but the neatly trimmed jaw line beard. Her moans grew louder as she panted “Oh god yes, Justin. Eat me. Tongue fuck me” And he was. Pounding his tongue as far back as it would reach he slid his hand faster on himself moaning inside her making the walls vibrate. Tapping the tongue ring inside her wildly in this direction and that he moved his free hand up to scratch down her ribs, hard enough to leave small red lines. Her body arched and she moaned even louder, panting rapidly for breath she pushed her hips eagerly onto his face, grinding insistently into his chin. He knew she was getting closer, and his hand moving along her leg told her what he was doing, and so he tilted his hips a little bit so the wet head would touch her leg, leaving precum there. He was getting close too. Groaning louder he pinched her nipples softly and tugged them, rolling his face into her, hungrily moving up and sucking on her clit pulling and tugging on the little nub greedily with his teeth he growled around it. He wanted to cum all over her and wanted her to cum all over his face and in his mouth, so he could taste her and drink her. Panting harder himself his breath was labored and his free hand clawed at her almost demandingly. Pushing his tongue back in her he sucked at the entrance scraping his teeth at the sweet honey soaked hole, and then suddenly without warning he slammed his tongue against her g-spot and she screamed loudly in ecstasy as he came on her leg at the same time. Rubbing on her as he came he groaned inside her while swallowing her orgasm, and getting squirted in the face. Loving it he just couldn’t seem to stop cumming and licked at her for more, and more he got until they were both screaming. Her screaming his name loudly, followed by words of passionate encouragement, and him screaming inside her. Panting as their orgasms slowed to an end he licked her clean slowly, still panting against her. His face glistening with her juices he licked at it and sat up taking the blind fold off of her, his chest moving up and down rapidly in attempt to catch his breath. And much to her surprise there he sat wearing a bowtie and butler boxers, his face glistening with her juice and breathing hard. Grinning at her the grin was returned and he eyed her leg and then her. He smirked at her playfully, his voice so low it was almost like a growled whisper, “Now you definitely smell like me, and like a large amount of sex.” Turning around, he released her legs, only to slide directly up her body all the while she arched against him excitedly, her legs gliding onto his shoulders with ease.
Rubbing the head of his cock along her soaked cunt he grinned teasing her clit with the head. Taunting her until she was moaning loudly and begging him, he slammed inside her, fingers wrapping around her shoulders to brace himself. Keeping her firmly on the bed with his hands as she screamed louder and louder he fucked her wildly, slamming inside her pussy as deep as he could. Growling helplessly he cried out in pleasure as his balls bounced on her rounded ass cheeks. Forcing himself harder inside her he watched her, giving her a blatant command. “Tighten your muscles up until I can’t get in without forcing it”. He loved the fact that she could make her muscles squeeze and tighten and flutter at will. It was always such a turn on to him. And always a major plus. She was one of the few women he’d ever been with that could do that, and he took full advantage of it at every chance he could. Gasping as he forced himself inside her over and over again pounding the back walls his body trembled on hers as she screamed, his mind lost in the sound of her cries of ecstasy, the feel of her body, the sound of their breathing and just the love that was being made. Rough yes. But it was love making none the less. Pounding on her mercilessly and making it hurt enough where she half screamed in pain and the other half in pleasure it wasn’t long ‘till he was biting down her throat growling and panting getting closer by the minute while she thrashed below him uncontrollably. Closer and closer they came both getting louder and louder, harder and faster. Pushing her body to the breaking point and his own he roared loudly when they both began cumming together, him filling her, and her flooding over him.
Panting heavily after their explosion he laid gentle appreciative kisses along her neck and face breath hot against her sticky skin, it glistening from perspiration of the mornings activities. Smiling at her, he stroked fingertips over her face watching as she kissed their tips softly. Stretching up along her soon he uncuffed her hands, her hands immediately finding their way to his back to rub and caress it gently. Releasing her legs from his shoulders she collapsed them to encompass his waist, holding him there. Petting her face softly he gazed into her pools of emerald, getting lost there, just looking at her. Mumbling softly he smiled, the true look of sincerity on his face as he spoke “Melody you’re one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen.” She beamed brightly. She could tell that he meant very word that he had spoke, and this time did not bother protesting. Besides what was the point in protesting? He’d win anyway. He kind of had a way of winning arguments like that. A knack for it one could say. And a damned good one. Sometimes it drove her crazy but then again it was also one of the things she loved about him, because that trait, on her bad days, came in nifty because she could never win no matter how down she was feeling.
Smiling back at her softly, his face holding that freshly fucked flush, eyes dark sapphire blue ‘till they were nearly black and his lips plump from the activity, slowly he brought his lips down to meet hers. Sucking and nibbling on her bottom lip one hand fell without a thought on the side of her face, the other tilted her chin to bring the kiss in deeper, afterward sliding into her hair. Kissing her slowly and lovingly his thumb brushed over her cheek as her hands cupped his face. Lying there together intertwined as one, he let his tongue explore her mouth rediscovering every inch as if he did not already know them by heart. Moans drifted up into the surrounding musky scented air as their tongues danced with each other, their eyes closed. Purring as he slowly pulled away from the kiss his eyes flashing with desire he licked his lips growling gently at her.
Giving her a loving peck on the lips he grinned and whispered to her. “Well. I’ve fulfilled my first two promises… now the third” He trailed off smirking at her as he watched the grin fill her face. Turning her over so her ass was in the air and her breasts on the bed, her back curved beautifully down he smirked rubbing against her. Taking a second to admire her form it wasn’t long ‘till he plowed inside her. Jerking her hair and scratching her back he slammed deeper harder and faster. Smacking against her he groaned loudly and bit her shoulder until it bled slapping her ass roughly as his balls tapped her clit constantly while he rammed her. Ravaging her body like an animal his hands scraped down her back leaving little trails of blood, and welts on her hips. Panting as their sounds became louder and louder he slammed her tight pussy harder and faster. The more she screamed the harder and faster he gave it to her. Growling as he pounded her he pushed as deep as he could while she screamed his name into the air “God yes Justin. Don’t stop. Yes fuck me!” Growling loudly he bit the back of her neck. Both of them cumming explosively they screamed together. Labored breaths over took them as they lay in puddles, him on top of her.
After a few minutes had passed and they had recovered some, he allowed her to get up. Watching as she excused herself to the bathroom he hurriedly ran to the kitchen and grabbed himself a glass of water. Downing it he zipped back in the room just as she was getting back in bed. Flashing her a smile he soon sat the silver tray on a little bedside roll table that swung over the bed incase one did want to eat in bed, and uncovered it. Purring he watched the steam roll off the food. The cover had kept it hot, while they kept the room hot.
“I made breakfast”, he said with a laugh. She nodded and smiled “Looks good, but I can’t eat that much, even with being hungry after this morning’s sexcapade” Laughing at her he nodded and smirked “I’ll help you out” he paused with a devilish grin flickering his tongue at her. “In more ways than one”. Picking up one of the bagel sandwiches he settled beside her eating breakfast with her, cuddling and purring toward her.
And that was just the start of her birthday. More was definitely to cum… I mean, come. He was definitely the luckiest man alive.