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do you ever start thinking about things and realize how scary it actually is. you get so scared that you want to cry. thats how i feel when i think about certain things. i hate when i have bad dreams. i kept having dreams, not necessarily bad ones, that i would remember all every day. now i have dreams and forget the minute i get up. i hate when that happens. sometimes ill do something and for a split second, the dream comes back to me. but then i lose it again. it's so weird. dreams are weird. i go home for the summer tomorrow which is beyond exciting. my last final is tonight. i finished my honors project. my teacher handed out a study guide, but its kind of confusing and i hate when she makes us study historical things about theater. meh. as usual, i want so much out of this summer. i hope its not shitty like last summer. i have to remember to start reading that chuck guys books. the author of fight club. thats one of my goals. i need to make a new list. as much as i want to hang out with people, i can't help but want to be alone sometimes. sometimes ill be with people and its not that i dont like them or that im not having a good time, its just that i feel the need to leave and do something else. i don't know. it's weird. i get bored easily, i guess. not with people, just with the things im doing. i get antsy. i get anxious. ::shrugs:: i feel like going to a park. the castle one that anthony and i went to last summer. it was so nice there. and the drive was great. there are beautiful places here, you just have to find them. i love driving so much. on the way back here from the mall yesterday, i drove down 25 and stopped at a thrift store and a specialty shop that was for bras and accessories and stuff. there are so many random and cute little shops around there and on that road. i love it. i like the towns that are around there. they're beautiful and nice and different. i like specialty shops and general stores and lots of grass and trees and flowers. i like rivers and lakes. i want to drive all around. i want to know my way around and i want to know it well. whenever i see a route sign i always want to know where it goes to, but i always have some place i need to be when i pass them....and the price of gas doesn't help. but ill be starting my job monday and maybe ill have the money to waste on gas. it'll be worth it to go exploring. |
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curious.