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sometimes i feel like a different person. not in a weird schizo way, just sometimes it's like i am looking at myself the way someone else would. sometimes my name doesn't feel like my name. it seems foreign and strange. last night was fun. i really enjoy my friends. i love watching anthony play bass. bass players are the best lovers.....lol. he was cute last night. it felt like it was senior year again. i really don't hang out with zak enough. he is so silly, but so intelligent and has a big heart...and i am not just saying that because he told me he reads this nonsense that i write. i am excited for all of us to have lunch. the black mambas for life. haha. i would like to visit amish country. i wonder what it would be like being amish. i think its something i would do for a day, then get bored of. i mean, really...life without all of this wonderful trash we call the internet? how would i ever feed my growing ebay addiction (it's actually subsided a bit lately) and my urge to check my e-mail 20 times a day? i could never be amish. nor could i ever be a vegetarian or vegan. crazy kids. knowing i don't have to go to class this week is almost orgasmic. i can only imagine what summer vacation will be like. of course, at the end ill feel like i could've done so many more awesome things than i did. i always want to do more. i want to work for cosmo girl so badly. i want to inform, inspire, save, motivate and change people. i want to change a crackwhore's mind. i don't know why a crackwhore would be reading cosmo girl, but whatever. i want to help people get better and prevent them from having to fight to get better. i want to let people know it's ok to be weak at times. that its ok if you have to destruct yourself to become stronger and realize who you are and to make yourself a better person in the end. i want to inspire and challenge someone to reevaluate themselves and their lives and see things from a completely different perspective and view. the drugatics, the cutters, the whores....i want to help and i want to do it with my writing. i want to change minds and save lives. i know that some people are unbreakable and will refuse to change. i want to break them...tap into them. i just want the world to be better. impossible.....but if i change one person's life...that would be enough. |
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tired.